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Thread: Lonely

  1. #1
    Featured Member Ifyouseekamy's Avatar
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    Default Lonely

    How do you deal with being lonely? I've chosen not date while dancing. I've tried casual sex, but I'm not built for that. If I'm having sex with a guy I need to feel like his only girl in the world. (forgive the cheesy reference to the song) I think once school starts I'll feel better, but I still have my days when I want to be held and told I'm loved. I have some co-dependent bullshit I need to get over before I can date anyways. Any good books you ladies know of that talk about this? I'm tired of accepting mediocre relationships because I'm dancer and that somehow means I'm not girlfriend material. Good quotes, books, advice, and empathy appreciated. Thanks ladies. I know I deserve the best but the best has yet to come, but I'm still sad.

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    God/dess Kisca's Avatar
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    Default Re: Lonely

    I decided not to date after my 2 year relationship ended. Due to goals (school, work, money). What do you want in your life now? What would truely make you happy now? I do feel lonely from time to time, and get sad when I see couples and think 'I wish that was me" but then I get back into reality and think of my goal; to finish school and earn money as number 1. Until I wont finish these 2 goals to my full extend or happiness, I wont be looking for a relationship. So what I am trying to ask you... What is your goal right now in life? Is it school, is it work, is it to have a relationship, is it have a family etc?

    My best advice to give you.. which works for me is to keep yourself busy always. Work, work work, school, school school, gym, hobbies, restaurant, movies, etc. If you get lonely again, do what makes you happy whether its something small to going to a spa, or something big to go on a trip. If that still doesnt emotionally forfill your need, do try friends with benfits again. You can have a mono FWBs as long you dicuss it with them. We all deal with this from time to time.

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    Default Re: Lonely

    I feel you.

    I'm getting out a 4years relationship. Im going to start dancing soon. Im exactly like you...I'm not meant for casual sex...and I'm not good at making friends either. Due to my long term relationship, I only had 2 friends left. So I'm going to be super lonely once I start dancing.... If you find a good book, let me know too.. I need one as well.

    Kisca, I like your advice..imma try that...keep myself real busy.

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    God/dess princessjas's Avatar
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    Default Re: Lonely

    What is making you so lonely? Not having a man in your life does not automatically equal loneliness. Do you have good friendships and a good relationship with your family? I know it's not the same, but it definitely takes a lot of the bite out of the lack of cuddling....which yeah, I feel ya, I always haaated cuddling, but now I miss it more than I can express (but it's been more than a decade, so diff sit.)
    "I hear you calling and it's needles and pins. I wanna hurt you just to hear you screaming my name...You're poision. but I don't wanna break these chains.... I wanna love you but I'd better not touch."

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    Moderator unbeleavable's Avatar
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    Default Re: Lonely

    I feel the same way...don't want to settle. I have a physical relationship that I have to get my animistic needs from but that isn't fulfilling. I'm number 1 sales person in my company & feel that part of my life is doing well but feel something missing. I think I am a relationship guy, where I feel better sharing my life with one person & can't find her & i do what has been said..stay busy with the gym & work. Your not alone..

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    God/dess carmen_b's Avatar
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    Default Re: Lonely

    Just get out and do things . Volunteer. Go to coffee houses. Go do things based on your interests. I don't know why you'd want to rule out dating while dancing though. Some men are fine with dancing. My two boyfriends from 2010 were both fine with it ( one was a baby about full nude and one was fine with whatever ).

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    Default Re: Lonely

    Its hard to date while dancing bc almost every guy u meet even the "good" ones tend to look down on a girl for dancing..And if u choose to stay w someone who although they r a dedicated partner continues to make rude comments about the job it makes life hard. Being alone is hard for me too and I have huge co-dependency issues. Also my family relationship isnt that good and the girls I know dont respect the job and the ones who r dancers r ultimately not good people to get close to either..Just learned that lesson again after I made friends w a girl who used me for my knowledge. And then ran my name through the dirt. She was just out for herself. So yea when theres nota warm inviting family and no good friends that rnt male, one tends to want to stay in long term relationships.

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    Default Re: Lonely

    Wish I had an easy solution for this one too bc meaningless sex sucks. i got to have love with sex.

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    God/dess carmen_b's Avatar
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    Default Re: Lonely

    It is a challenge to find a guy who is totally ok with it. I'm thankful that C and J didn't make rude comments about dancing ever. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't kind of anxious / scared about telling a new person . I haven't met a new person yet but I'm already feeling it !

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    Featured Member LilSweetVixen's Avatar
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    Default Re: Lonely

    Are you interested in making new friends? If so, have you tried meetup dot com?

    "You have demonic genius" -Naomi Wolf
    "I very much resent it when people - maybe with good intentions or from a progressive point of view - keep telling me, 'It's their culture' ... It's like saying the culture of Massachusetts is burning witches." -Azar Nafisi


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    Default Re: Lonely

    I will just add this...there are guys that are cool with the right woman being a entertainer. I was married for 10 years to one & never had a problem. If you show you are a quality woman the right guy will be ok with it.

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    Featured Member Ifyouseekamy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Lonely

    Thanks guys, yeah I could use more relationship with friends, I tend to be a loner. I love the comment about work, work, work, goals, goals, goals. Thank you Kisca. I will try that and see if more hobbies and focusing on work will help. Thanks. I guess the biggest bummer is when I found a guy who says that it okay, they change their mind a couple months later and then I have to pick up the pieces. Thanks again for everyone's thoughts.

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    Default Re: Lonely

    I understand this completely. There were times while dancing where I went from serious relationships, to casual sex and everything in between. I got tired of being a guy's playtoy while he pursued women for serious relationships so several years ago I made the decision to abstain from sexual intercourse until I find the one. I also quit dating a few years ago for awhile, then restarted it a few years ago casually (meeting guys online but it not going anywhere). Then last year I reconnected with a guyfriend who I was always in love with and who used to be in love with me, but he broke my heart. So now I go from days where I think he'll come back, to days I just want to marry any guy I can find, to days where I just want to screw over another guy. Yeah this is affecting my harder than it should but I knew it was going to hurt worse if he did this.

    Unfortunately too many men think you are a whore or are easy because of being a stripper. I stopped telling guys this because too many think I am perfect fwb material but not wife/girlfriend material.

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