I'm pretty sure most of u have noticed I am not usually one on SW who has the most optimistic attitude. I tend to be harsh, and more of a realist. Prolly bc Ive been hardened by the overwhelming amount of bs in life and dancing. Either way I have lost alot of my motivation in life. Hence y I titled this thread as I did.Anways, Ive kinda been sinking into a depression lately. A pretty bad one that is affecting my entire life. My relationship is failing, I hate dancing currently, and I am overall not happy with myself.
Looking back I took from 06 til the middle of 08 off from dancing. I barely worked at all those two years. It was a good and a bad thing. Once I returned though I was refreshed and eager to work. I did well for a little while and then going into my second year back things slowed down. The middle to the end of last year was really bad and I was really stressed out. Things went really sour for me at my clubs as I got more and more burnt out. So I have recently been canceling more and more of my work bc frankly several reasons #1 sometimes Im booked w girls I dont want to be around and #2 I dont have the energy to deal with people period.
Alot has changed in my main clubs and Im simply not as desirable there anymore even though Ihave the largest breasts there. Right now Im sick of dancing. There has been something else I had in mind to do but it doesnt involve the degree I have been struggling to finish. I only have 5 to 7 difficult classes left to go.
So I have been caught between finishing this degree which haas been a real bitch w me not passing all attempted classes, my troubled relationship, my troubled self image, my burn out and overall tired of dealing w people mentality, and the prospect of the time and attention that I would need to try this new thing I want to possibly try--workwise.
Heres the thing--I need motivation, I need some damn strength. I lost over 20 pounds between dec 08 and mid 09. I had the discipline to slowly achieve that. But now I just feel like shit. I know that it was only when the scale was reaching 153 (when I was formerly an unhealthy--starving 115) that I finally said enough was enough and decided Ihad to do something about it(lost a little over 20 pounds total). I need to give myself a swift kick n the ass bc if I stay down and depressed much longer Im just going to end up wasting even more time in which I could be doing something about it instead of wallowing in bs depression. Im almost upset that Im depressed and feel its a waste of time.This sucks. Anyone else feel the same out there?



Anways, Ive kinda been sinking into a depression lately. A pretty bad one that is affecting my entire life. My relationship is failing, I hate dancing currently, and I am overall not happy with myself.
This sucks. Anyone else feel the same out there?
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