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Thread: I need a swift kick in the [email protected]#!

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    Default I need a swift kick in the [email protected]#!

    I'm pretty sure most of u have noticed I am not usually one on SW who has the most optimistic attitude. I tend to be harsh, and more of a realist. Prolly bc Ive been hardened by the overwhelming amount of bs in life and dancing. Either way I have lost alot of my motivation in life. Hence y I titled this thread as I did. Anways, Ive kinda been sinking into a depression lately. A pretty bad one that is affecting my entire life. My relationship is failing, I hate dancing currently, and I am overall not happy with myself.

    Looking back I took from 06 til the middle of 08 off from dancing. I barely worked at all those two years. It was a good and a bad thing. Once I returned though I was refreshed and eager to work. I did well for a little while and then going into my second year back things slowed down. The middle to the end of last year was really bad and I was really stressed out. Things went really sour for me at my clubs as I got more and more burnt out. So I have recently been canceling more and more of my work bc frankly several reasons #1 sometimes Im booked w girls I dont want to be around and #2 I dont have the energy to deal with people period.

    Alot has changed in my main clubs and Im simply not as desirable there anymore even though Ihave the largest breasts there. Right now Im sick of dancing. There has been something else I had in mind to do but it doesnt involve the degree I have been struggling to finish. I only have 5 to 7 difficult classes left to go.

    So I have been caught between finishing this degree which haas been a real bitch w me not passing all attempted classes, my troubled relationship, my troubled self image, my burn out and overall tired of dealing w people mentality, and the prospect of the time and attention that I would need to try this new thing I want to possibly try--workwise.


    Heres the thing--I need motivation, I need some damn strength. I lost over 20 pounds between dec 08 and mid 09. I had the discipline to slowly achieve that. But now I just feel like shit. I know that it was only when the scale was reaching 153 (when I was formerly an unhealthy--starving 115) that I finally said enough was enough and decided Ihad to do something about it(lost a little over 20 pounds total). I need to give myself a swift kick n the ass bc if I stay down and depressed much longer Im just going to end up wasting even more time in which I could be doing something about it instead of wallowing in bs depression. Im almost upset that Im depressed and feel its a waste of time. This sucks. Anyone else feel the same out there?

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    Default Re: I need a swift kick in the [email protected]#!

    Quote Originally Posted by shift_6x View Post
    So I have been caught between finishing this degree which haas been a real bitch w me not passing all attempted classes, my troubled relationship, my troubled self image, my burn out and overall tired of dealing w people mentality, and the prospect of the time and attention that I would need to try this new thing I want to possibly try--workwise.


    Heres the thing--I need motivation, I need some damn strength. I lost over 20 pounds between dec 08 and mid 09. I had the discipline to slowly achieve that. But now I just feel like shit. I know that it was only when the scale was reaching 153 (when I was formerly an unhealthy--starving 115) that I finally said enough was enough and decided Ihad to do something about it(lost a little over 20 pounds total). I need to give myself a swift kick n the ass bc if I stay down and depressed much longer Im just going to end up wasting even more time in which I could be doing something about it instead of wallowing in bs depression. Im almost upset that Im depressed and feel its a waste of time. This sucks. Anyone else feel the same out there?
    I suffered from anxiety and depression at one time as you do now. Through a combination of counselling, talking, googling, and reading certain books that resonated with me, I gained the ability to reduce my suffering. The greatest tool I learned was to notice the connection between my thoughts, and the resultant feelings and reactions I would have from those thoughts.

    Our emotions are our body's physiological reaction to our thoughts. If we are dwelling constantly on fearful or regretful (future and past) things, we feel anxious and uneasy, and it saps our energy and makes us weak. We can't "deal" with things/challenges as they arise. When our minds are clear, and our feelings are at least neutral, if not optimistic, we can easily handle challenges, and find the energy to do things we like to do.

    When you feel bad, try and notice the chain of thought you were dwelling on just prior to noticing your feelings. Make the connection. Now decide if you want to continue thinking about these things, knowing that you will continue to feel bad...or decide to distract yourself with another activity. Even if you continue thinking the same way, if you practice this "noticing", you will gradually build up a sort of inner bank account of resistance to the thoughts returning so quickly. This is how it worked for me. I suppose, as I noticed the connection more and more, it was no longer possible for me to think of the suffering state as something that was merely happening to me. I knew I was allowing it to happen through my habit of just ruminating on scary or regretful thoughts.

    If you can master this one thing, it will help you whatever you do, and wherever you go, and whatever happens in the future. This has been my experience.
    Good luck.

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    Default Re: I need a swift kick in the [email protected]#!

    Have you considered medications? I (think) I get depressed from time to time, and meds helped me get out there.. I love going out... work, school.. waking up and knowing I had something to do. I stopped taking them and see myself on/off back where I was, but try to focus on a postive level. What HB^ mentioned is another way to help with depression and anxiety, depending what you prefer.

    This seems like an on-going thing.. not just a week, or a day, but over the years.
    Do you still want to dance?
    Have you considered switching clubs?
    Have you thought of another job?
    What path will make you happier now?

    If you still want to dance, go in with a postive behaviour.. I know its hard to keep that up, but start a timetable.. with days you are going to work and how many hours. Having a timetable could make your thoughts of stress overcome knowing you'll have to go in. Overall, I think you need seek self-medications whether with medications, therapy, or book etc. This doesnt just seem to seem about your job, but you, your relationships and other factors you mentioned. We all go through this time to time, take time to find yourself, to know what path will make you happier, what will get the negative emotions out. Good luck, I hope you get better soon.

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    Default Re: I need a swift kick in the [email protected]#!

    Reflecting back like I had mentioned earlier when I came back to dancing after a two year break I did very well. Work wise I think Im just over everybodys shit talking and certain politics that rnt working out in my favor like they were before. Im sick of it. Tired of it but I have no instant solution right now. Also w the bf situation being w someone who is few years younger can be a real problem. And it has been. I was about to make a decision concerning the relationship today bc I was at my end but then he got upset. SO then I did nothing about that. Ive been in this situation before just a little different version. When things get really bad all aspects of ones life can go downhill. I just hate how everything about this job is looks based..Although Ive lost alot of weight it still doesnt put me in the skinny range that coupled w my older age is getting to me. I think all of this is happening for a reason...Its getting this bad bc its forcing me to change...Kinda like when I got fat and one day I said ok--this is getting out of hand and I slowly lost alot of weight.

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    Default Re: I need a swift kick in the [email protected]#!

    Yes I have another job in mind. Yet I want to feel better about myself and be in a little better shape so I can make a good impression on the future employer. Yes I still want to dance but I am not sure for how much longer. Meds yea been on them before--tried several they always did more harm than good. Either sedated the life out of me or made me feel wired. My childhood was especially shitty so Ive been on and off meds since I was 14-15. Seen several therapists too ...I dont think standard meds like amblify prozac etc r my solution. Ive been diagnosed w several diff disorders..Gone that route..

    The path that will make me happier now is in the process of being laid out.

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    Default Re: I need a swift kick in the [email protected]#!

    wow..no one had anything to say

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    Default Re: I need a swift kick in the [email protected]#!

    Sounds like you are all over the place - and everything is just getting you down at once - that sucks, but at least you are aware that you want to make a change, and the fact that you have achieved goals before should help.

    First off - if you are clear that you do not want medication (fair enough - I've said in previous posts that I do not medicate) then have you looked at your diet, sleep patterns and exercising? These affect your body and brain chemistry in many of the same ways medications aim to. If nothing else, eating a good, healthy diet (note - healthy diet, not a "diet" to lose weight), getting 6-8 hrs sleep a night (and not more - too much sleep can leave you lethargic) and doing regular, gentle exercise should help you feel more energetic.

    Beyond that - I'm glad to hear that you are finding a path to your goals! Its really important to clarify this - figure out the job that you want, the weight you want, the hours you want to be working, etc etc - if you have a clear goal in sight, then it is a lot more encouraging working toward it. If something in your life does not bring you benefit, then stop doing it. If it does bring you benefit, but sucks in the short term (hard work springs to mind...lol) then remembering your end game should help motivate you further.

    And finally - nothing can do it except you! It sounds trite, but if you tell yourself that you are miserable, and you hate the job, and its going to suck, it will. If you actively try to stay positive, it will help...

    Hope this helps!
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    Default Re: I need a swift kick in the [email protected]#!

    Quote Originally Posted by ManyRoses View Post
    Sounds like you are all over the place - and everything is just getting you down at once - that sucks, but at least you are aware that you want to make a change, and the fact that you have achieved goals before should help.

    First off - if you are clear that you do not want medication (fair enough - I've said in previous posts that I do not medicate) then have you looked at your diet, sleep patterns and exercising? These affect your body and brain chemistry in many of the same ways medications aim to. If nothing else, eating a good, healthy diet (note - healthy diet, not a "diet" to lose weight), getting 6-8 hrs sleep a night (and not more - too much sleep can leave you lethargic) and doing regular, gentle exercise should help you feel more energetic.

    Beyond that - I'm glad to hear that you are finding a path to your goals! Its really important to clarify this - figure out the job that you want, the weight you want, the hours you want to be working, etc etc - if you have a clear goal in sight, then it is a lot more encouraging working toward it. If something in your life does not bring you benefit, then stop doing it. If it does bring you benefit, but sucks in the short term (hard work springs to mind...lol) then remembering your end game should help motivate you further.

    And finally - nothing can do it except you! It sounds trite, but if you tell yourself that you are miserable, and you hate the job, and its going to suck, it will. If you actively try to stay positive, it will help...

    Hope this helps!
    Yes it helps alot thank u! I have started working out again..Just a little at a time and not overdoing it. I really dont want medications and some of them really rnt safe anyway. As for work I know I talk about how over it I am but even my own regular says I try to smile even when I dont feel it. Idk if hes just biased bc he cares about me or what..But in comparison I worked fri nite and I know I did better than most of the other girls I worked with..I had a regular but I kept trying to smile even though I was frustrated and I went over and thanked new people who I didnt know who had tipped me..Sometimes Im bad at initiating conversation but I eventually made small talk w an old guy sitting at the bar and he ended up tipping me a little and buying me a drink...So when I go in I def have been trying to be nice despite the problems Im having at home w bf. Alot of times that brings me down and makes it hard for me to feel confident. One thing Im trying to do is become more resilient which is very hard for me bc Im way too sensitive. Id like to be able to do a good job at work no matter whats happening in my personal life...Im working on my goals right now...Its a slow work in progress..But thats to be expected.

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    Default Re: I need a swift kick in the [email protected]#!

    I can completely relate because I've been severely depressed myself due to life. I think the only thing I can tell you is something someone told me and that is to not take what people say on the internet seriously. Some people have noting better to do than attack people, such as lifestyle, personal life, career life, etc. Also, when I am stressed I do something like yoga or read. Keeps my mind off my problems.

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    Default Re: I need a swift kick in the [email protected]#!

    I havent been told anything bad by anyone on the internet. If u look to the new thread I started...They r kinda related.

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    Default Re: I need a swift kick in the [email protected]#!

    We're all "sensitive" some more than others, some for different reasons, some masquarading as bravado and others ... I like your goal of resiliency it is a word I haven't thought of in awhile

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    Default Re: I need a swift kick in the [email protected]#!

    We're all "sensitive" some more than others, some for different reasons, some masquarading as bravado and others ... I like your goal of resiliency it is a word I haven't thought of in awhile

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    Default Re: I need a swift kick in the [email protected]#!

    Its great to hear that you are still keeping on keeping on (so to speak!) and that you are trying to smile and stay positive at work (and that its paying off!) I hope this just keeps getting better for you!
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    Default Re: I need a swift kick in the [email protected]#!

    Thank u all so much Im not going to bs u all by saying that things have miraculousy changes..But I have been trying harder to mingle w the custoomers and keep them in the bars instead of watching them get turned off and leave..which sometimes happens....Yes resiliency thast something Im attempting to work on. My coping skills sadly rnt the best even though I know better..Getting the heart and mind to cooperate is a battle.

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    Default Re: I need a swift kick in the [email protected]#!

    I shouldve proofread that post....eh poor job.

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    Default Re: I need a swift kick in the [email protected]#!

    I'm going to second the opinions of talking to the doctor about an anti-depressant. Just because one medication doesn't help you doesn't mean a different won't - maybe look into paxil. You shouldn't think it's going to solve everything, but the point is to calm down your emotions while you try to work through things to improve your life. Before you go on the meds, sit down with some people who know you well or a counselor set goals of things to do while you are on the medications. You are REALLY close to finishing your degree, so just get it done, even if that means slowing down & only taking the minimum of classes per semester/quarter. Make another to resolve any relationship problems, possibly over a period of time (3-6 months), & commit to the idea of potentially ending the relationship in that time if the problems can't be resolved. Create a schedule to do things which help you feel better about YOU, such as saving for surgery, purchasing a new wardrobe, getting a personal trainer etc. When you set goals & start seeing that you are meeting them, it will drastically improve how you view your life, & when you are ready you will be able to come off the medications.
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    Default Re: I need a swift kick in the [email protected]#!

    I have tried 7-15 different medications--I have tried paxil--put me to sleep..I dont want meds. I am taking 7 credits this semester luckily I am able to go this semester..I am on my way forward.

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    Default Re: I need a swift kick in the [email protected]#!

    A couple of suggestions:

    (1) Write a gameplan for your life that prioritizes the most important things and people. Your plan should include, not only education and work objectives, but also things like hobbies, art, culture, recreational sports, personal and spiritual growth - which could include dedicating some time reading sacred or spiritual texts, meditation, yoga, performing "good deeds", etc. Then, keep a journal that tracks you goals and your progress. Little thing will bother you less, if you keep focused on the "big" picture.

    (2) Find an artistic medium to express your frustration, depression and pain. You could write music or poetry, or paint, sculpt or shoot pictures.

    (3) If you have any free time, consider volunteering to help people in crisis situations - like battered women, abused children, the homeless, etc. You will feel better about yourself because of the "good deeds" you do for people in worst shape then you. One organization you can look into (helping abused children) is:
    http://www.casaforchildren.org/site/....BE9A/Home.htm
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    Default Re: I need a swift kick in the [email protected]#!

    Quote Originally Posted by jack0177057 View Post
    A couple of suggestions:

    (1) Write a gameplan for your life that prioritizes the most important things and people. Your plan should include, not only education and work objectives, but also things like hobbies, art, culture, recreational sports, personal and spiritual growth - which could include dedicating some time reading sacred or spiritual texts, meditation, yoga, performing "good deeds", etc. Then, keep a journal that tracks you goals and your progress. Little thing will bother you less, if you keep focused on the "big" picture.

    (2) Find an artistic medium to express your frustration, depression and pain. You could write music or poetry, or paint, sculpt or shoot pictures.

    (3) If you have any free time, consider volunteering to help people in crisis situations - like battered women, abused children, the homeless, etc. You will feel better about yourself because of the "good deeds" you do for people in worst shape then you. One organization you can look into (helping abused children) is:

    Great suggestions. I make sure I go out of my way at least once a month to goout of town and explore art or the outdoors. Ive recently checked out some of my favorite artists at a museum and saw some animals at our aquarium. Lots of sharks...Hell I was 5 inches away from like a 13 ft crocodile! Anyways I make sure I stay in touch w the outdoors, animals and art. Volunteer work is something I had to do a few years ago..SInce then I tired to go back but the place I went to never called me back and I put my services out there. Its kinda bad though bc Im not good w kids eh...But it wasnt a primarily kid-oriented place. As for the goal plan--thats something I need to do. And the artistic medium--I pain and write..Ive done that alot lately. Im also constantly introspective and I make alot of time to just relax alone.

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