I love my dad and it's nothing against him. But I don't want him walking me down the aisle or "giving me away." I don't agree with this tradition for many reasons. It offends me as an independent woman and I don't want it to have a place at my wedding. . . . Though I'm not a feminist by any means.
It just makes me anxious because I know he really wants to do it. And I have a hard time saying no to my dad-- he's a salesman. He's a fast talker and knows how to manipulate people--including me--into doing what he wants. I'll call him in the phone and a half hour of him talking will go by and he'll say he has to go, and I have to yell that I haven't told him what I called him about-- loudly, so he'll hear me.
He also hasn't been a big part of my life since I was 7 or 8. I moved across the country with my mom after they got divorced and at some point (maybe when I was around 14) he just stopped calling me. A year or so passed when I was 15 when I didn't know his address or his phone number. The kicker? Last year, he told me he was travelling 3,000 miles to see me on my birthday--told me he was going to be able to spend a week in San Diego with me because he'd just landed a good business deal and got a $100,000 commission, and was taking a vacation. I cleared a week from my work schedule, cleaned the whole apartment, everything. He shows up 3 days before my birthday with my brother and their friend and they just take me and my fiancee out to lunch. That's it. Not 4 hours had passed beofre my dad gave me $2,000 and took off to Aspen with my brother and the friend. Apparently, he was on his "bucket list" trip. Too bad spending time with me wasn't on the list. I would've traded the money for one fucking day with him.
I just don't see how a man who has been absent in raising me or giving me any sort of emotional support can "give me away," even if I was comfortable implying that I was property to be transfered from one man to another. We're Catholic, too! Catholicism has been trying to get rid of this tradition for 2,000 years because it implies that the bride is not entering into the marriage consentually. Asking "who gives this woman" in a Catholic ceremony apparently makes the marriage invalid.
I just have to idea how to break it to him. I'd still like him to make a toast, do you think that will help?


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