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Thread: Help - I'm a douchebag. :( warning - lengthy

  1. #1
    Senior Member LunaCera Fenella's Avatar
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    Default Help - I'm a douchebag. :( warning - lengthy

    Okay so... I need to revamp my entire personality.

    I'm a nice person. I really am. But I'm one of those that will bend over backwards for nearly ANYONE and I have trouble picking out who's taking advantage. Even mere acquaintances can say "man... I wish I had this/knew this/was in this situation.." I will automatically start cataloging all my resources to see if I can help. I've identified why I do this. It's because I want people to like me. To me, there's nothing wrong with this in moderation, but I do it in excess because I feel I have to make up for my biggest character flaw:

    I BITCH ABOUT EVERYTHING.

    I can't help it. It's like a compulsion. Negativity just flows from me in waves when I start confiding with someone.

    I feel at this time I should state that I'm:

    currently back in school after years of not going,

    I'm making mostly B's with a couple of A's,

    I get enough in grants and loans that I probably won't have to work until I earn my degree,

    I live rent free, have all utilities and food provided,

    I now have access to free (albeit very basic) health care, gym membership,

    I got a free IPOD because it got rained on and the person just bought another to replace it. Took it apart, cleaned the corroded area, and it was good as new

    I just bought myself a new (to me) car that is the newest and best I've ever had, and I also paid over $4000 LESS for it than I should have,

    I sold my previous car for more than I should have been able to (I was completely honest with the guy about it's issues too!),

    and my boyfriend is respectful, intelligent, and loyal, and I'm sure there's more but that's all I can think off the top of my head.

    But when I talk to someone, all I do is bitch that

    my boyfriend won't get a job (he's a student working on his 2nd degree),

    he won't pay a lot of attn to me, he plays games, he's lazy and forgetful, etc etc -insert other needy girl complaints here-,

    I bitch that the speakers in my car are blown, but can't bring myself to spend absurd amounts of money to replace them,

    I don't have spending cash,

    I ALWAYS sick. always always always.

    3 people in the house smoke and it bothers me,

    the electrical devices in the house grate on my nerves because I can usually hear two tvs, a radio, game system, washer, dryer, central heat unit, dishwasher, 3 computers and endless phone ringing... it just makes me crazy. There's sooo much more but again I don't really think about it I just start talking and it's all bitching.

    I do bitch when I'm around people that I don't live with, but I'm rarely in that situation. Most days I'm piled up in bed and don't have a whole lot of motivation to start the day.

    I've been to a counselor and she referred me to the school's psych services and also assessed me for ADHD. She suggested I have a cornucopia of issues including ADHD, bi-polar, and depression. I will be able to get into psych services later this month when the semester starts again. I think these issues explain a lot, but I guess what I'm asking is:

    Do you guys have any suggestions as to how to stop this? I really do think to myself "Say something positive. Talk about school. Talk about the other person. Don't be selfish, don't dominate the convo." And then 5 seconds later I'm like "OMG my boyfriend did this and this wrong yesterday/I don't feel good/ I'm sooo broke etc etc."

    To me, it's just like biting my nails or playing with my hair. It's like a compulsion or nervous tick. And I get on my own nerves when I do it!! I can't stand this person I've turned into and my lack of social graces.

    I've tried changing the way I think and repeating the above mantra in my head without success. I'd like to try some self help or motivational things. Anything I can listen to in my car or on my mp3 player would be great. I have a strong feeling that I will probably be put on antidepressants, and GREAT! if it works, but I'd like to do what I can before classes start, because I get sooo much worse when I'm stressed.

    So, so sorry for how long this is, and to make matters worse, there's more, but I think this may help give you a pretty good idea of my problem.

  2. #2
    Senior Member LunaCera Fenella's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help - I'm a douchebag. :( warning - lengthy

    ...wow.

    I guess I really don't have anything worthwhile to contribute. Sorry guys. I feel like such a waste of space.

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    God/dess hockeybobby's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help - I'm a douchebag. :( warning - lengthy

    You've contributed lots. Just knock off the bitching and you'll be fine.
    I'd recommend reading something by Eckhart Tolle, Byron Katie, Wayne Dyer, or the Dalai Lama.
    Good luck with school.

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    Default Re: Help - I'm a douchebag. :( warning - lengthy

    More recommended reading: Alan Watts. Read Pride and Prejudice because it just makes you feel good. Then get high and read "Pronoia" by Rob Brezny

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    Senior Member LunaCera Fenella's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help - I'm a douchebag. :( warning - lengthy

    Thanks for the suggestions.

    HB, that's what I'm really, really trying to do. I promise. That's why I'm asking for reading/listening things. My first few tries didn't work, so I'm taking a new approach.

    Contessa- I've actually never been high, had a drink, smoked or anything like that. lol.

    I will check out everything you guys recommended.

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    Default Re: Help - I'm a douchebag. :( warning - lengthy

    Thoughts are with you, honey.

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    Veteran Member BuffyLovR's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help - I'm a douchebag. :( warning - lengthy

    I'm a lot like that in a way, just a lot less bitching. I'm a pretty positive person, but I'm constantly worried about what people think of me, and some times think in my head while I'm talking to someone what I can say that will impress them/make them like me more/think that it was a smart thing to say. I think it's actually a form of anxiety. I also notice myself rambling on and on, whether it's important or not, just because it feels like a guilty pleasure to just talk and talk and talk. I do the same thing as you, try to tell myself while I'm doing it to 'stop talking so much, stop dominating the conversation, stop interrupting, let them get something in' but it's just a habit to not do it. I try SO hard too. I'm also constantly thinking 'does this sound too mean? is this person mad at me? do they not like me?'. I worry so much that it causes me to get stressed out really easily. I wish I could just shut up for one day and just have a "listening day", where I just sit back and relax, and to not care what people are thinking about me and to stop ranting/raving so much. I see carefree, quiet people and I'm so envious. So far it hasn't affected me THAT bad to where I feel like my health, happiness, or any of my friendships/relationships are in jeopardy, so I don't think I'll be doing anything to seek help. I will, however, keep up with reminding myself to relax and not get so overwhelmed all the time.

    Best of luck!!

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    God/dess Kisca's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help - I'm a douchebag. :( warning - lengthy

    Honestly.. You sound like a normal person! I do think you do get paranoia based on some of the things you posted. You are seeing a psych which will probably help you and clear things up for you! Also dont be scared or freaked out to be on anti-deps.. either they'll give you an improvement or they wont.

    Keep a postive outlook, something little as smiling you change your mood. Soft smiling seems to relax the eyes and temples.. which could stop the possible bitching behaviour. Yoga and breathing and excerises helped me outlook the idea in general. Try sitting in a room with music you enjoy (something calm) and just take long breaths in and out... That helped me when I used to over-think things.

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    Default Re: Help - I'm a douchebag. :( warning - lengthy

    The talking too much thing is an "ADHD" tendency ... like, it's in the cluster of habits that professionals use to diagnose you.
    I do it too. I think it's just a bad habit.
    OP - eat better, exercise more, and get enough good sleep. That is the answer for you because your life sounds pretty functional thats good.

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    Senior Member LunaCera Fenella's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help - I'm a douchebag. :( warning - lengthy

    Quote Originally Posted by hinter View Post
    The talking too much thing is an "ADHD" tendency ... like, it's in the cluster of habits that professionals use to diagnose you.
    I do it too. I think it's just a bad habit.
    OP - eat better, exercise more, and get enough good sleep. That is the answer for you because your life sounds pretty functional thats good.

    Yep, that's what I'm talking about. If I step away and look at my life, I have a LOT going for me that I didn't have growing up. Life is actually not too bad right now. Which is why I don't understand why I'm so damn negative/annoying. (I'm definitely not ungrateful though)

    The ADHD thing could really be the root of everything. I stress and get depressed when I get overwhelmed, which is all the time because I constantly think about everything that HAS TO BE DONE RIGHT THIS SECOND and all that could go wrong etc etc. When I was on Adderall in high school I could tackle one solid thought at a time and it reduced my anxiety so much that I felt like I was functioning "normally". Psych services opens up on the 18th and you bet I'll be in there that very morning. Plus, they only charge $35 for the assessment. I have no insurance and anywhere else would charge so much I wouldn't be able to afford it. Another lucky break for me which I am very thankful for. (this is me trying to be positive! lol)

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    Senior Member LunaCera Fenella's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help - I'm a douchebag. :( warning - lengthy

    Forgot to add...

    As far as diet, I do have room for improvement, but as a general rule of thumb I try to avoid anything fried, frozen, fast food-ish, or individually wrapped.

    It's probably not the best or most organized diet, but for me, it's a start. I will be improving gradually once school starts again. Unless I have class I don't go to town because it's a 30 minute trip to civilization. Lol.

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