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Thread: My spending is too much of her income

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    God/dess rickdugan's Avatar
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    Default My spending is too much of her income

    As some around here know, for the past several months I have developed a local fav who I have enjoyed hanging out with. However, I am starting to get a little fatigued and am thinking about other options. Now in an ideal world I would explore other options in this club, which btw is very convenient for me. However, trying to change favs in this case would be messy, particularly as my spending has become significant in relation to her total income.

    As my first deep dive into the local fav world, I find that it stinks in many respects, especially compared to the simplicity of road clubbing. On the road, I visit each club much less frequently and, in many instances, a girl I spent time with during a previous visit is gone by the time I return to a particular club. Also, even when I am doing repeat business with a girl, it is not as problematic due to the infrequent nature of my visits.

    Fortunately my road travels are picking back up, so the problem will partially fix itself, but it would be nice to be able to enjoy this particular club again. I could also do without some of the texts she sends me when I am out of town, trying to gauge when I will be coming back and no doubt wanting me to keep her in mind.

    I am burned at this local club now as I do not see her sitting idly back while another girl takes what has been meaningful money to her. I think this may be a lesson learned for future local adventures.
    Last edited by rickdugan; 01-13-2011 at 03:14 PM.

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    Default Re: My spending is too much of her income

    Quote Originally Posted by rickdugan View Post
    This problem is compounded by the fact that my spending has become significant in relation to her total income.
    Is she telling you this or are you making the assumption based on how busy she appears to be at the club? Either way it's not really your problem. Any dancer worth a damn knows that one guy's money is not going to make or break her.
    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine View Post
    yoda, I want you so bad it aches in the swimsuit area.
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    God/dess rickdugan's Avatar
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    Default Re: My spending is too much of her income

    I'm not really assuming anything yoda. I try never to do that.

    She has told me, and given what I have seen at the club and how she has been behaving I believe her.

    And of course it is not my problem in the sense that I am under no obligation here, but it is my problem to the extent that I wish to continue to enjoy this club.

    Notwithstanding your opinion about what "any dancer worth a damn" should know, or even whether she qualifies as such in your particular belief system, I doubt that she will sit stoicly by while I start paying another dancer in the same club. Nor, for that matter, would many other dancers.

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    Default Re: My spending is too much of her income

    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us View Post
    Any dancer worth a damn knows that one guy's money is not going to make or break her.
    And that same dancer would also be very much aware that all regulars have a shelf life. Her representations to you might very well mean she sees the end coming and is merely trying to hang on as long as possible by making you think (apparently successfully) that she's up a creek if you drop her.
    "never trust a big butt and a smile"-- Bell Biv DeVoe

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    God/dess rickdugan's Avatar
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    Default Re: My spending is too much of her income

    Quote Originally Posted by bem401 View Post
    And that same dancer would also be very much aware that all regulars have a shelf life. Her representations to you might very well mean she sees the end coming and is merely trying to hang on as long as possible by making you think (apparently successfully) that she's up a creek if you drop her.
    Her reps have been going on for some time, and though I tend to be skepitcal about these types of claims, I have no doubt that it will sting her when I move on. The club has been slow for several months and I've been giving her a lot of money between ITC and OTC activities.

    However, guilt has not been staying my hand, but rather what happened the last time I tried to explore other options at the club (well chronicled elsewhere on here). Though the other parties involved are now gone, I don't doubt for a second that other problems would erupt if I tried to make a switch.

    She even receives live reports when I go into the club on her off nights and has texted me moments after I entered the club. She plays it off as casual and funny of course, but the real point of it is fairly obvious. And the next time I see her she asks - jokingly of course - whether I enjoyed my time with [insert name here] during my last visit.

    I know what I need to do to end this, which is move on to another club, but I am not happy about it.

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    Default Re: My spending is too much of her income

    Quote Originally Posted by rickdugan View Post
    I know what I need to do to end this, which is move on to another club, but I am not happy about it.
    That certainly is one option but why do you need to move to a different club? I would advocate being straightforward and telling her you want to pull the plug on dances if being at that club is very important to you. I've never been in a situation like yours where I wanted to drop a dancer to move to another but I've pulled the plug on dances with particular girls and had particular girls pull the plug on doing dances with me, generally because we were tired of the dancer/customer thing. Perhaps I'm wrong but honesty generally seemed to be the best policy. If that backfires, the option of switching clubs comes into play.
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    Featured Member Chili Palmer's Avatar
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    Default Re: My spending is too much of her income

    Quote Originally Posted by rickdugan View Post
    I'm not really assuming anything yoda. I try never to do that.

    She has told me, and given what I have seen at the club and how she has been behaving I believe her.

    And of course it is not my problem in the sense that I am under no obligation here, but it is my problem to the extent that I wish to continue to enjoy this club.

    Notwithstanding your opinion about what "any dancer worth a damn" should know, or even whether she qualifies as such in your particular belief system, I doubt that she will sit stoicly by while I start paying another dancer in the same club. Nor, for that matter, would many other dancers.
    I think I have a good understanding of where you're coming from, Rick. The crux of the issue is the avoidance of confrontation in the club with Dancer A, or any dancer for that matter, as that has a tendency, at least for me, to really put the kibosh on the rest of the evening, as strip clubs are places meant for relaxation and, at least in our experience, target practice.

    The problem, IMO, is that you have apparently let the dancer dictate the terms of the engagement, in the sense that she was tacitly "allowed" by you to feel a sense of ownership of your time & money in the club vis-a-vis the other dancers. For me, I make it clear early on that neither of us owns the other: she is not required to drop everything and visit me when I come into a club, and neither am I expected to only see, lap and spend money on her. Typically, at the three local clubs I frequent most often, I'll have 10-15+ dancers in a regular rotation, all of whom know about the others, so none of them can claim any patents on my person.

    Once again, as a fellow human being with feelings and yes, even a conscience, you feel bad about the negative impact to her income stream that is forthcoming, but at this point, unless you're into pity/mercy OTC encounters, it's best to end it now. Yeah, you're probably burned at this club for awhile, and I do not know the other clubs in your area insofar as a potential replacement, so it looks like you're going to have to satisfy your yearnings for OTC poon exclusively on the road. I'd give it six months before venturing back; she'll either be gone by then or at least the turnover will be such that you can establish new relationships without having had her poison the well.

    CP

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    God/dess rickdugan's Avatar
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    Default Re: My spending is too much of her income

    ^Overall an excellent post CP.

    I would only contend that confrontation is not my concern - I've had the "nobody owns me" chat and backed it up a couple of times during the Young Lithe Hottie debacle by pulling my money. Now I may be feeling a twinge of guilt, but that really isn't a primary concern either.

    But you are right on the money with the well poisoning and it is nearly impossible to control. It pisses me off that I now need to avoid the club. While there is an abundance of alternatives in close proximity, this one has some unique location advantages for me, particularly as I tend to enjoy cocktails with my titties.

    I will admit that I have not done a great job in managing the terms of engagement and I think that the OTC element is a big factor. This is an issue in my road games as well, though in some cases turnover handles this for me. Something in the dynamic changes once OTC enters the mix and IME dancers become much more possessive after the first naked roll around under the hotel sheets. I will also sheepishly admit that I find it fairly difficult to tell a dancer that I would rather take someone else to my hotel when I have already had sex with her before.

    Again, excellent post overall. I live and learn.

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    Moderator yoda57us's Avatar
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    Default Re: My spending is too much of her income

    Quote Originally Posted by rickdugan View Post

    And of course it is not my problem in the sense that I am under no obligation here, but it is my problem to the extent that I wish to continue to enjoy this club.
    Sorry rick but, depending on her level of acceptance, that may not be possible for you to achieve without a certain level of discomfort. Still, it's your money and only you have any rightful claim on who it goes to. She knows that.

    I can't think of a single club I go to where there are not dancers that I used to spend money on but don't anymore. Those girls may not like it too much when they see me spending money on someone else and not them but they are mature enough to simply move on and concentrate on getting someone else's money.
    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine View Post
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    Double team! 2 latinas with big tits!!

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    Default Re: My spending is too much of her income

    Quote Originally Posted by rickdugan View Post
    Notwithstanding your opinion about what "any dancer worth a damn" should know, or even whether she qualifies as such in your particular belief system, I doubt that she will sit stoicly by while I start paying another dancer in the same club. Nor, for that matter, would many other dancers.
    Rick, chill dude. I'm not trying to judge the women you buy dances from. I don't expect any dancer to be overjoyed at the prospect of losing a regular but, yes, a mature individual will handle it stoically and move on. It happens to all of them all the time.
    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine View Post
    yoda, I want you so bad it aches in the swimsuit area.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sophia_Starina View Post
    Sophia_Starina is a sensible stripper...Naked all the way.....
    Quote Originally Posted by tempest666 View Post
    Double team! 2 latinas with big tits!!

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    God/dess rickdugan's Avatar
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    Default Re: My spending is too much of her income

    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us View Post
    I can't think of a single club I go to where there are not dancers that I used to spend money on but don't anymore. Those girls may not like it too much when they see me spending money on someone else and not them but they are mature enough to simply move on and concentrate on getting someone else's money.
    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us View Post
    Rick, chill dude. I'm not trying to judge the women you buy dances from. I don't expect any dancer to be overjoyed at the prospect of losing a regular but, yes, a mature individual will handle it stoically and move on. It happens to all of them all the time.
    Did I say that that you were?

    Though obviously whether she is "worth a damn" is in the eye of the beholder. I think that our difference in perspective here is a by-product of what we each look for and the types of dancers that we deal with in order to meet those needs.

    I spent over 80 nights in 50+ clubs in 2010 and I can count on two hands the number of times I bought lapdances. I bought a smattering of VIPs, but only in a few select places where the ROI was high. I do tip for time if I am being entertained, but that is not really my focus either. The girls that made serious money from me last year did so OTC.

    OTC changes the dynamic a lot IME, the reasons for which probably include the more personal nature of it and the amount of money involved. IME OTC girls tend to be very aggressive in protecting their turf. It could also be another facet of the personality types of girls most likely to be amenable to OTC encounters, but I'll hold off on that theory until I find enough OTC girls willing to take my comprehensive personality survey.

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    Default Re: My spending is too much of her income

    If I need another reason to keep the vast majority of my clubbing on the road (I really don't need one) this thread just gave it to me.

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    Default Re: My spending is too much of her income

    Quote Originally Posted by rickdugan View Post
    OTC changes the dynamic a lot IME, the reasons for which probably include the more personal nature of it and the amount of money involved. IME OTC girls tend to be very aggressive in protecting their turf. It could also be another facet of the personality types of girls most likely to be amenable to OTC encounters, but I'll hold off on that theory until I find enough OTC girls willing to take my comprehensive personality survey.
    Honestly, as a general rule, I don't agree here Rick. Obviously I don't know how much you spend on one of your OTC girls over the course of a year but I can tell you that plenty of guys spend several thousand a year on ITC girls all the time. Just about all of my favs have a regular or two...or ten that will drop a thousand bucks or more on them in a month. Trust me, none of them are ever thrilled when good spender like that moves on. As for any sort of "personal" component...well, sex and intimacy are two very different things. Women who take money for sex can be very good at giving you one while only acting like they are giving you the other. If you are close to any of these women it is because you are a good guy, they like you and appreciate the fact that you treat them well, not because they see you outside for sex. I have favs that I've never had sex with but have known for ten years or more. I've been to their homes, met their families and listened to them talk about how little the guys who grope them at work or who they bring home for a one night stand mean to them...

    Are OTC girls more protective of their turf? I suppose that's possible. If these ladies are, as they tell you, only giving it up for a select few then it's quite possible that they view a regular's moving on as some sort of betrayal. If that's the case I would have to say I'll take a pass on possessive OTC girls.
    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine View Post
    yoda, I want you so bad it aches in the swimsuit area.
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    Quote Originally Posted by tempest666 View Post
    Double team! 2 latinas with big tits!!

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    Default Re: My spending is too much of her income

    Quote Originally Posted by rickdugan View Post
    .......While there is an abundance of alternatives in close proximity, this one has some unique location advantages for me, particularly as I tend to enjoy cocktails with my titties.

    As much as it may pain you for a short while, perhaps a new venue nearby might be a blessing. It might help to clear your head, and have that fave of yours begin realizing that her "buck stopped here".

    Yours is one of the main reasons that I keep a nest of 5 or 6 clubs in my regular rotation.

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    Default Re: My spending is too much of her income

    It's not your fault that you no longer want to spend with her. I mean, it's not your duty to give her your money. It's sort of touching that you actually consider her wellbeing when making the decision because it shows you have regard for this woman and her lifestyle. Of course, some regulars just dip in and out or make some big dramatic showcase about how they're no longer going to come to the club. It's a self esteem issue, I believe. Some customers just want to feel wanted, even if it's just for the contents of his pockets. This is simply because they want the woman to beg them to keep dancing her and therefore supplementing her income in a familiar, easy way. Strippers like regulars because we generally dislike patrons as a whole but enjoy feeling "close" to someone who knows his boundaries and is basically a sure thing.

    With that being said, it seems that you just genuinely don't want to continue, and for no real psychologically complex reason. You just got burned out with the bitch. That's what men do, lol, and luckily relationships with strippers are based one something rather artificial and in turn are mostly disposable. Not so much so with a girlfriend, wife, or fiance. But this girl is none of those three things. She's a hustler and her motivation is your loot. When you decide to stop giving it to her, she will be forced to move on and proceed as she did before she even knew you existed. Don't feel bad, just make short work of it. Like ripping off a bandaid. And do NOT return to the club, as that will flare tempers and cause drama amongst the other dancers if you show attention to them and not her. I had a regular who spent at least 300 on me every time he stepped through the door. I dumped his ass from seeing me cuz he was a fucking weirdo who had a nasally voice and wanted to call me to chat at all hours like he was my boyfriend. Fuck that. Lol, sorry I got a little angry. But anyway, I am living just fine without his money, because there's always another man with another wallet. Just like there's another stripper out there with another set of titties. C'est la vie.

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    Default Re: My spending is too much of her income

    there was a regular at my old club who had one regular dancer, but usually took her, plus two/three other dancers. so whenever he turned up and his reg girl was busy, he had at least 1 girl to spend time with, other times he booked all four out for hours and had a bit of a party
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    God/dess rickdugan's Avatar
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    Default Re: My spending is too much of her income

    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us View Post
    Honestly, as a general rule, I don't agree here Rick.
    That's certainly your prerogative. Again, I think that we share some differences in perspective here, which is ok. I don't do much in the ITC fav department and doubt that I'll ever be meeting a dancer's family. My gig is what it is and IME there are certain types of girls generally more prone to accommodate. But I will tell you that stoicism has never been the strong suit of the girls that I end up with OTC, particularly when I show back up to their clubs.

    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us View Post
    Are OTC girls more protective of their turf? I suppose that's possible. If these ladies are, as they tell you, only giving it up for a select few then it's quite possible that they view a regular's moving on as some sort of betrayal. If that's the case I would have to say I'll take a pass on possessive OTC girls.
    This has always been the case in my experience. I'll leave the motivations and psychology behind it to greater minds than mine, but IME girls that have crossed the OTC line with me have always been more territorial after.

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    Default Re: My spending is too much of her income

    You should not have to feel any worry or discomfort for going to your favorite or most convenient club, when people say DO NOT go back or stop going... why?? To me that seems unacceptable, you should be able to do whatever you want.

    Can't you just have a talk with her, and maybe give her some severance pay.. LOL

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    Default Re: My spending is too much of her income

    Quote Originally Posted by Rookie2010 View Post
    You should not have to feel any worry or discomfort for going to your favorite or most convenient club, when people say DO NOT go back or stop going... why?? To me that seems unacceptable, you should be able to do whatever you want.

    Can't you just have a talk with her, and maybe give her some severance pay.. LOL
    I agree with everything except the "severance pay". That would amount to a "buyout" and there is no contract to speak of. If a dancer had the opportunity to replace a regular with a higher-spending one, he'd be history.
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    Default Re: My spending is too much of her income

    that part was a joke

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    Default Re: My spending is too much of her income

    I'm curious if she is having OTC activity with a lot of people or if you are the only one. If you are the only one, then she might view the situation with more emotions than are appropriate. If she does a lot of OTC activities then whatever, it is just the natural course of things to reach an end eventually. Maybe you can slowly start to integrate other dancers. Like the patch, for quitting strippers. Besides, is a strip club really a strip club without drama?

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    Default Re: My spending is too much of her income

    Quote Originally Posted by rickdugan View Post
    Again, I think that we share some differences in perspective here, which is ok. I don't do much in the ITC fav department and doubt that I'll ever be meeting a dancer's family.
    LOL, yeah, I actually don't recommend it, at least not before you've had sex with her, as it pretty much puts you in the permanent "friend" zone

    Quote Originally Posted by rickdugan View Post
    My gig is what it is and IME there are certain types of girls generally more prone to accommodate. But I will tell you that stoicism has never been the strong suit of the girls that I end up with OTC, particularly when I show back up to their clubs.
    Well, OK, what are they doing? I mean, being bitchy is one thing, if they are trying to cause problems for you when you visit the club with other dancers that's just not acceptable behavior.


    Quote Originally Posted by rickdugan View Post
    This has always been the case in my experience. I'll leave the motivations and psychology behind it to greater minds than mine, but IME girls that have crossed the OTC line with me have always been more territorial after.
    I guess some escorts are like this too though I've never met one who bothered to try and track me down if I stopped calling her. What's interesting is that that I've been with a lot of very non-possessive escorts and just about all of them started out as dancers or even still do dance. As I've mentioned before these girls look at it as two very different endeavors. Maybe the OTC girls haven't quit drawn that line in their own minds yet?
    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine View Post
    yoda, I want you so bad it aches in the swimsuit area.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sophia_Starina View Post
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    Double team! 2 latinas with big tits!!

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    Default Re: My spending is too much of her income

    Quote Originally Posted by bem401 View Post
    If a dancer had the opportunity to replace a regular with a higher-spending one, he'd be history.
    LMAO! No she wouldn't BEM, she would figure out a way to get money from both of them!
    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine View Post
    yoda, I want you so bad it aches in the swimsuit area.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sophia_Starina View Post
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    Quote Originally Posted by tempest666 View Post
    Double team! 2 latinas with big tits!!

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    Default Re: My spending is too much of her income

    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us View Post
    LMAO! No she wouldn't BEM, she would figure out a way to get money from both of them!
    Oh, she'd try to but I was envisioning a situation where the two guys were both available at the same time and only that time...
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    Default Re: My spending is too much of her income

    I don't think anyone would TRY for no good reason to dispose of a regular client because they have gotten a new one that might spend more, they both still provide income.

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