Lately I've been thinking a lot about two exes. One that I hurt, and one that hurt me. The one that I hurt was probably one of the nicest guys I've ever gone out with, and it's just now that I'm realizing how unfair and evil I was to him. I even posted about him here as the "biggest loser" I ever slept with. I think back on it, and I think the real loser was me. He was sweet, and kind and I treated him like shit. He was a big, fat, kind of unattractive guy, but I think about what I did to him and his friends and I cringe. I don't have any excuse. I was just leaving an abusive relationship and I think I just wanted to hurt someone after being hurt for so long. I should have known better.
I don't know if it will change anything, but I want to call him up and apologize. But I don't know if it'll just hurt him more if I get in touch with him. Part of me wants to call my other ex and just get hurt again. I know that's stupid, but I feel like I need to purge the guilt. I finally get why some Christians scourge themselves and do painful penance. I don't know what to do. I wish there was some way to make things right.



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