I just need to vent...
I posted in October 2009 that my grandmother was diagnosed with late stage pancreatic cancer, and was told she had 3 months to live.
By some miracle, my grandmother defied that prognosis, and is still fighting cancer today.
However, this week it took a horrible turn, and she is in so much pain. I saw her at Christmas, and she looked good, and happy. Then I saw her this past week, and in that brief 3 week span, she must have lost another 50 pounds (and she was a very thin woman to start with).
My grandmother is fiercely independent and stubborn, and when the doctors told her she needed to stay in the hospital, she threatened to walk home in the snow (and she would too).
They tried to tell her she needed hospice care, but my grandmother refuses to let anyone into her home, and certainly won't let anyone help her do anything. I offered to move in with her to help her, and I thought she was going to beat me.
But unfortunately, pancreatic cancer is just evil, and soon my grandmom won't be able to feed herself, wash herself, etc, and she will HAVE to have a nurse.
We're just beginning to see the confusion and illusions, and it's going to get worse. So will the unbelievable pain.
My grandmom is the strongest person I have ever met-she buried her mother, her husband, her 8 brothers and sisters, and did it with grace and never shed a tear.
She wanted to die with some dignity and strength, and that's going to be robbed from her. She keeps asking the doctor isn't there just something she can take to die before it gets worse, but of course, there isn't.
This is just awful.



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