So, this has been a problem for years, but since life has gotten rough lately, it's ten time worse...Please save judgments...I KNOW something is wrong with me, but I don't know what to do to make it stop.
When things don't go smoothly, or if I get frustrated, I lose my mind and go into these rages. God help anyone who may be near me-I scream, I yell, I throw things.
I haven't hurt anyone yet, but I I'm afraid it could happen. Tonight I freaked out over something stupid, and in the middle of my tantrum, I threw my chair across the room, and it just missed my poor little parakeets' cage.
Even at the time, I know it's stupid to freak out, but I get this insane adrenaline and I can't stop until I destroy something. I can't just punch a pillow or a punching bag, I HAVE to break something or make it shatter for me to go get any relief. If there's nothing near me I can break, I just claw at myself.
After I have completely destroyed my apartment, I usually just curl in a ball and cry for an hour, then am very calm, and begin to clean up the diaster I've made. As I'm cleaning, what set me off will reoccur to me, and I'll get the same feeling of frustration and rage, but milder.
What the fuck is wrong with me, and where do I even start to get better?



Reply With Quote
.... Yea I said it!!!
Bookmarks