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Thread: Can I even Move Out from my Ex-boyfriends?

  1. #1
    God/dess Kisca's Avatar
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    Default Deleted

    Deleted now and moved on

    Thank you all very much for the support and advice.
    Last edited by Kisca; 04-29-2011 at 02:44 PM.

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    God/dess 4everresolutions's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can I even Move Out from my Ex-boyfriends?

    Quote Originally Posted by Kisca View Post
    Ok I posted whether my live-in ex/bf should my rent/bills while I do not work. He "enforced" the idea of me not working, I agreed due to having full-time school. I am sick of it.. I feel like I am prisoned inside the damn apartment, the only time I go out is when I have school.. Other than that, him and I sometimes go out, but its not great. He seemed to get angier as time passed. But at the same time, he has been nice, buying me food, getting things I've been asking him to, and he offered to pay my first and last, and help me out if I have trouble.. Under the rules that I do not work at all, until I move out...

    You feel like a prison because you kinda are. He's telling you what you can and cannot do, and holding rent/bills over your head to get his way. He knows you have no way of affording to move out without money, and you have no way of making enough money unless you're dancing. He's trying to control you it seems.


    I do not have rental history as his name is on the apartment, not mine. I am thinking of even renting a house-basement. I live in a nice area ( jewish, europeans and asians) So I am not concerned about safety, but am concerned that I might not get a place, even a basement. Basements go from 400-750 here a month (everything included). I am worried the home-owners wont lease it to me.. as well as... What are the chances of me asking for month to month rent (or at least quarterly?)

    Chances depend on the area you want to rent in. I recommend looking under "temporary housing" if you're looking to live in the area you described. If you move a little closer to the schools/universities and lease from someone who's used to leasing to students then they'll be open to semester-by-semester leases (just tell them you're a student).

    Am I going crazy,, is it this reasonable to move out for Feb 1st? Not unreasonable if you work at it and go to a lot of showings over the weekend.Im scared I wont be able to juggle both things at the same time (school and work) this is why I prefer a basement over a big chain apartment. Most of the houses here do rent out basements. Does this sound reasonable or should I just wait till my school ends?
    Depends on how dire your situation is. I think you really should get out - it's not good to be in this controlling atmosphere where you can't relax.

    Juggling school and work wouldn't be that difficult. If your rent is under 1000/month inclusive (which would get you a very comfortable place to live in a safe neighbourhood), and you keep your other expenses low (~$500/month) then assuming you make $200/shift + shift pay, you'd be making 500/week just by working 2 nights. Go to school all week, work Friday and Saturday nights.

    Also, not all leases begin at the beginning of the month, essp. not for those basement apartment types. They don't mind if you sign the lease on the 1st or the 14th.

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    Default Re: Can I even Move Out from my Ex-boyfriends?

    Kisca, do you go to a college with dorms? If so that might be your best bet. They won't judge you on your history, plus they might be able to help you financially (many schools offer loans for this or even grants). You need to get away from him asap.

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    Senior Member xxxchili's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can I even Move Out from my Ex-boyfriends?

    Kisca, sounds like you have a lot going on right now. Do you have to move out or just want to because of the situation? I mean if you can just hang out there and go to school that would be great. Working and school is very hard, but I did it while I was attending nursing school.

    If you do move out, I don't think rental history should be too big a deal, especially if you're renting from a person and not a big complex. Just tell them your situation and give them a personal reference to call. Most people don't like to do month to month rent out here in Arizona...I don't know where you are from. You may be able to get a 6 month lease.

    Moving out on Feb 1 doesn't seem to give you much time. I don't know how much stuff you have to move...I guess you just need to go out and see what you can find. Check craigslist, local newspapers, etc. Hopefully you find something and someone willing to rent to you.

    Good luck

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    God/dess cherryblossomsinspring's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can I even Move Out from my Ex-boyfriends?

    issue resolved
    Last edited by cherryblossomsinspring; 01-27-2012 at 11:04 AM.

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    God/dess Trem's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can I even Move Out from my Ex-boyfriends?

    Why would you let someone control your life like that? It's not like you can't get money if you really wanted it. You are basically selling your freedom for pennies, you really think you can handle living that way all through school?

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    God/dess princessjas's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can I even Move Out from my Ex-boyfriends?

    It depends on how difficult your program is imo. If it's super tough, then just stay right where you are till you graduate, if it's fairly easy, then do the work thing and get out.

    I'm in a similar situation atm. The only difference is I have 2 kids. Made straight A's one semester living with my parents and having them watch the kiddos, next semester they stopped watching them once I got home (so I could study or cook, not goofing off), well I had to withdrawl, so now I'm stuck with the ex-husband living with me in a small apt and dictating everything (he is an insane control freak and borderline abusive). I'm dealing with it atm though because there is no one else to watch the kiddos for me and I'll never be free without my degree. I can do anything for another 18mos to get my degree and my freedom!!
    "I hear you calling and it's needles and pins. I wanna hurt you just to hear you screaming my name...You're poision. but I don't wanna break these chains.... I wanna love you but I'd better not touch."

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    Default Re: Can I even Move Out from my Ex-boyfriends?

    Any way you can stay with your parents for 6 months so you can get a little breathing room?
    Get a heater, get an air mattress, and give Mom & Dad money for room and board...go to school and go to work. It's not a retreat, and not a failure, just a strategic move at the moment for your future.

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    Default Re: Can I even Move Out from my Ex-boyfriends?

    Quote Originally Posted by Kisca View Post
    So I saw a friend for the night (thanks girly) then I drove back.... He was awake it was early.. We didn't even talk and packed. Half of my stuff is in the car already. We yelled a few times but that's it. I moved into my parents place. It's freezing, no food, no bed of mine.... It feels like I wasted 2-3 years of my life with him for no reason... I feel happy that I can work and do anything but I'm also sad, I think he was a nice guy. Selfish, controlling, huge ego but he took care of me and made me feel loved. I miss him a lot and want to call him badly but logically and in reality see no point. Thank you everyone for helping out.. Are break ups always this sad or am I over-emotional?.. Looking for places this saturday. Wish me luck
    Proud of ya! the first step is always the hardest.

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    Default Re: Can I even Move Out from my Ex-boyfriends?

    Be strong, your a smart girl you will work through this.

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    Default Re: Can I even Move Out from my Ex-boyfriends?

    I understand what its like to leave someone ur comfortable with.. I really do know where u r coming from. Everyone gave good advice. U could even rent a room in a house if u had to. Where u live must be super nice bc around here u can rent a room for 500 avg.

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    God/dess rickdugan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can I even Move Out from my Ex-boyfriends?

    Quote Originally Posted by Kisca View Post
    So I saw a friend for the night (thanks girly) then I drove back.... He was awake it was early.. We didn't even talk and packed. Half of my stuff is in the car already. We yelled a few times but that's it. I moved into my parents place. It's freezing, no food, no bed of mine.... It feels like I wasted 2-3 years of my life with him for no reason... I feel happy that I can work and do anything but I'm also sad, I think he was a nice guy. Selfish, controlling, huge ego but he took care of me and made me feel loved. I miss him a lot and want to call him badly but logically and in reality see no point. Thank you everyone for helping out.. Are break ups always this sad or am I over-emotional?.. Looking for places this saturday. Wish me luck
    IME yes. I've had several over time, including a few where we lived together for years. Even when you are the one doing the breaking up (and I usually was), IME there is always a deep sense of loss - a hole that was occupied by someone but is now empty.
    It gets better with time. But until it does, IMHO you shouldn't feel silly for mourning the loss of a partner, even if the loss was ultimately for the best.

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    God/dess princessjas's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can I even Move Out from my Ex-boyfriends?

    ^^I agree it's completely normal for breakups to be hard!! I initiated the end of my marriage, but that didn't make it any less painful. It suuuucked....hard.
    "I hear you calling and it's needles and pins. I wanna hurt you just to hear you screaming my name...You're poision. but I don't wanna break these chains.... I wanna love you but I'd better not touch."

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    Default Re: Can I even Move Out from my Ex-boyfriends?

    U r doing the right thing by staying w ur parents. I know it will be hard but u got to find something to fill the void of him. Whether its going out to meet new guys, hanging out w a friend as much as possible..Until u find someone better u got to find someone to lean on friend wise. And remember ur vulnerable and guys may try to take advantage of ur loneliness..Ive def been there...Just know we r all in ur corner and Ive been there. Also watching movies is a really good thing to do to try and distract urself if it gets too bad. I know it may not work for everyone but it helped me. Just remember ur number one right now.

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    Featured Member MistyRose's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can I even Move Out from my Ex-boyfriends?

    I'm a little late, but just wanted to say how glad I am you moved out and you're starting on your own. Breakups always suck, even when it's breaking a relationship with a friend, cutting off an ex...anything, but that pain will go away and you'll be much better knowing nobody is stopping you to do whatever you want.
    Hope you get everything on tracks soon.

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