I don't really have anywhere else to vent this. I can't talk to anyone around me about what I'm feeling or what's going through my head. They won't understand or will just say shitty things to me.
I feel so depressed and unmotivated. I own a business and I don't even wanna work. I finished P90x last Dec. and was gonna do it again and I don't even wanna work out. I don't wanna answser the phone when anyone calls. I just wanna sit in my bed and stare at the wall.
I was so motivated last Dec. I did all these things and as sad as it sounds, my whole motivation was so that when my ex saw me again, I was gonna make him feel so bad and maybe even make him want to be with me again. I had this fire lie under my ass like "I'm gonna show you motherfucka!"
Well, I ended up seeing him again on New Year's Eve. New Year's was the night we met and I thought it was so romantic to see him again on that day. We had sex, and then he never spoke to me and ignored all my texts and calls. I got totally got tooted and booted. Pumped and dumped. I am so depressed.
I guess it's my fault for building this up in my mind about how it was gonna be the day I saw him again.
He called me just last weekend at 3am begging me to come over. I told him no and to fuck off for what he did to me at New Years. He said he was sorry and that he really loves and misses me and for me to forgive him. I don't believe him. In fact I look back on the whole relationship and realized how stupid I was to believe anything he said and how stupid I was to put him on a pedestal like this.
I changed my phone number. I don't want him to do this to me ever again. But then secretly in my mind, I still wish he would call me and say he's sorry and he loves me. I know it won't happen, so the number has been changed and I'm just ...lost.
I can never trust him again.
And now I am just so depressed and don't wanna do anything anymore. I don't have anyone to talk to and just don't care about anything right now.
Ok long rant over. I had to say this somewhere. Somehow I have to pull myself together and get my mojo back.![]()



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