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Thread: going.crazzy.

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    Default going.crazzy.

    Me and my boyfriend of 3 years broke up around November. Throughout our relationship he was sometimes physically abusive, and for the last 2 years of it he kept me secret from the rest of his family because his brother (who he lives with) didn't like me. (yea he's 24 and is highly influenced by his dbag brother) We had a VERRRY temultuous relationship, lots of arguements, no trust whatsoever..just really bad.. but we always forgave each other in the end.. ANYWAY i started dating someone new.. He's extremely nice and would do anything for me, cares about me and buys me cute things.. but for some reason I can't stop thinking about me ex CONSTANTLY. Me and my ex still talk and for the past month he's been telling me how he loves me and misses me and I reallly feel the same way.. but over the past 2 weekends his phone has been off and i'll pass by his house and see another girls car there.. The first time i freaked out.. like went up to his house and started screaming at him that he said he loved me and how he's a liar.. He keeps telling me shes just a friend and he doesnt wanna be with her.. but shes sleeping over ? Im not dumb i know he's lying but i dont know why im so effin stuck on him. It hurts SOO bad everytime he does this.. Like i've never felt so depressed or down in my life.. Like i knoww im being a hypocrite cuz im seeing someone else and it shouldnt matter if he is because we arent together.. but im going insane !! Im starting to pick out every single thing i hate in my new boyfriend, getting moody and mean when im with him.. He is REALLY sarcastic and lately ive been sensitive so I just don't even want to see him anymore. Even when im overreacting i KNOW i am i just can't help it anymore. I want to be over my ex so i can restart my life.. i KNOW if we ever got back together i'd still be his "secret" and i would never see him, and it would be the same fighting day by day.. Just my head isn't processing or something. I hate him and how he continuously hurts me and KNOWS he is but thinks its ok !!! But i can't help but love him I've tried not talking to him.. but I have NOTHING to distract me.. i have no friends, no family.. I havent worked in 3 MONTHS !!! because i've been so depressed and everytime i think i want to work.. i wake up and just lay in bed staring at the ceiling. My new boyfriend i see maybe once a week (and im starting to dread seeing him :/ ) so thats not really distracting, Im broke and can't do my usual retail therepy.. I've basically been lying in bed all day everyday, barely sleeping or eating. AHH i need help and advice on what i can do to distract my mind or if someone has a similer experience.. what helped them get over their ex ?? And any suggestions on what i should do ?? thank youu

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    Featured Member Spinnerette's Avatar
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    Default Re: going.crazzy.

    The only way you're going to get over him is if you cut contact COMPLETELY. Yes, I know you've said you've tried and failed, but that's the only way you're going to be able to get him out of your system. Trust me. I've been there. Keeping in touch with him is not only unfair to you, but doubly unfair for the guy you're currently seeing. You don't want to let your baggage become his burden.

    You have a lot of damage to reverse and the first step is ridding yourself of the poisonous individual. Ignore your ex's attempts to contact you and don't contact him. DO NOT drive past his house. If you must, avoid things that remind you of him (which may be way too much to suggest since you say you were together for 3 years). Give yourself a week or so to grieve and accept that this time it's really over. Cry, scream, lay in bed, eat tons of potato chips, etc. After that, get up and do something. Go for a walk. Grab a coffee and sit in a park somewhere where you can be in touch with nature. Get lots of fresh air. Work out a bit. Do something to get your endorphins flowing and to help you feel good about yourself. It'll be temporary to start, but healing is a journey and you have to start somewhere.

    You also have to decide for yourself if you're truly in a position to be a good girlfriend for the new guy you're seeing. I don't think you are and in that case, you should let him go as well. You're on the rebound and ANYTHING looks good at this point simply so that you don't have to be alone. He could be a genuinely nice guy or he could just be the lesser of two evils. In either case, you should break up with him. You have to find yourself again as a single being and rebuild your self esteem before you can think about intertwining your life with someone else's in such a way.

    Is there anything you've always wanted to do in life? Any dreams or aspirations you can look into getting started on? After my bad relationship, I decided to go back to school. That helped for awhile (until I 'relapsed' temporarily). After that, I took extreme measures and moved the fuck out of state. I've always wanted to do both. Of course, the second method was much better and I'm happier than I've ever been. It was the push I needed to realize yesterday was gone and tomorrow was a new story waiting to be told. I could be whoever I wanted and I decided I wanted to be happy. That's really cheesy and I hate to put it that way, but it's true.

    This is all easier said than done of course. I hope my suggestions helped.

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    Default Re: going.crazzy.

    Yeaa spinnerette.. I think your deffinatly right.. It is gunna be hard but its just gunna be harder if i let him continuously lead me on.. I am starting school but not til the Fall :/ and I live in New England and every other day here we've been getting like, a foot of snow No fun to go out in and i drive a corvette so ive been stuck inside, which is HORRIBLE when im overthinking stuff ! Its also hard because i have nobody i can talk to about it. Ill be driving around and realize i how alone i am. He was kinda all I had. I'll do my best though to follow your advice Im bad with breaking up, but they're are always easier when you go cold turkey i guess..

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    Default Re: going.crazzy.

    Sometimes letting go in an abusive relationship is the hardest part. Think of it like this: you are not who you were three years ago, you are a shell of your former self.(please don't be offended by that) You were probably a social person, but through a pattern of abuse and isolation you have grown to feel like he is your everything. Honey, the things he did were designed to make you feel this way so you would "need" him and not be able to walk away. You need to go find yourself again. Relearn how to take joy in simple pleasures. Think back to before you became his secret lover. The fact that he hid you should have let you know things were only gonna go downhill, but when you are in this type of relationship you see everything differently. Go to Starbucks or something just to get out of the house, be around people, but not be forced to engage in conversation unless you choose to. Think of things you used to like to do and try doing them. Just one at a time. I overcame a horrible depression by taking tiny steps. One day life seemed horrible still, but not as horrible as all the other days. Over time it feels like a veil is being lifted off your world and you will see things more clearly.One step at a time.
    Thank Goodness I smartened up! The old me is dead and gone.

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    Default Re: going.crazzy.

    You need to cut that dick head off. It's easy to glaze over the bad parts of your past relationship with him after you've been apart for a while but you don't need that shit. New boyfriend or not, it's better to be alone and unhappy then with someone and unhappy. You need to take care of you. Be in a nice relationship where you are respected. You gave this fool 3 years, he didn't make shit of it, why give him one more minute?
    Licky like a tangerine


    .... Yea I said it!!!

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    Default Re: going.crazzy.

    I've been there. Even down to the guy keeping you a secret from his family. He was emotionally and physically abusive, and he raped me after we broke up when he found out I had started seeing someone else. He never wanted to be with me unless I started to lose interest in him, and then all of the sudden he would come crawling back. I fell for it too many times.

    After I left him completely and moved back in with my parents, he started calling all the time and begging me to get back together with him. I changed my cell phone number multiple times and he kept finding out my new one--I later discovered that one of his friends worked at Sprint and was giving him the info.

    I can tell you that the only way you're going to be done with this is to cut him off COMPLETELY. Every time you answer his phone calls or get emotional cause he's seeing some chick and lying to you about it, you're giving him the attention he wants, which is just rewarding his behavior. You have to stop. It's like an addiction. Kyle did a lot of really, really bad shit to me. He still occasionally tries to get ahold of me, though not in awhile. He would call and just be all casual, like nothing happened. The last time he called, he begged me to get back together with him. I refused (of course). The next day, I discovered that when he had called me, begging, his girlfriend had been in the hospital in LABOR with his kid.

    So, in conclusion, they never change. They just keep up the same shit and it will never get better. There is nothing you can do to MAKE it get better. You can give him all the chances in the world and it will always be just the same shit over and over. You can blame the problems on his family, other girls, whatever. But all the problems you've had with him have one thing in common: HIM.

    Stop talking to him. Stop driving by his place. Once you make the decision to cut him off, it's shocking how simple it is. You just have to make that decision, and mean it.

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    Default Re: going.crazzy.

    Stop all contact with him. Stop driving past his house. Stop thinking over what he is doing. Who cares? He doesnt miss you, or have love for you, if he is already lying to you! He is not worth you, your time, or your future.

    You have a great guy infront of you, take him and see whether you actually want to be with him. Start doing something with yourself, going to work, starting old or new hobbies.. SOMETHING! To keep yourself busy. If you dont keep yourself busy, ofc you\ll be bored and your mind will wander off.

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    Default Re: going.crazzy.

    Work on building up a life with friends, family, and things that you love to do. And don't drop these things when you get involved with a guy. It will give you a great life with or without a guy. It will also help you make the transitions of relationships that you are going through now. And it will make you even more interesting and attractive.

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    Default Re: going.crazzy.

    Quote Originally Posted by kisca View Post
    stop all contact with him. Stop driving past his house. Stop thinking over what he is doing. Who cares? He doesnt miss you, or have love for you, if he is already lying to you! He is not worth you, your time, or your future.


    this ^ !!!!!

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    Default Re: going.crazzy.

    I dont live near him so the passing his house part is kinda easy.. Saterday though i was looking after my boyfriends dog at his house while he was away for the weekend and my ex called me at 5am saying hes at my apartment.. I live like 45 mins away from him. So i ask him what he wants and he's saying he wants to talk, so i drag my boyfriends 3 month old dog into my car with no heat in 5 degree weather (the reason why i go isnt to see him its because i left my door unlocked and hes IN my apartment) and he doesnt want to talk, he just wants to make sure im not sleeping with my boyfriend (wtf??) So I tell him he can either talk or leave.. he tells me he doesnt wanna be with anyone else blah blah B.S. and then leaves.. Then that night my tire pops and since i dont feel like spending $280 on a tire and my ex is a mechanic i call him. Welll he's with this other girl. IDK why i get upset over it cuz your all right.. I KNOW in my head he doesnt give a shit and he obviously doesnt care about me or love me.. I just get so ANGRY that he's lying to me for some reason, and angry at myself for caring so much.
    Anyway since then i havent talked to him.. Its hard cuz im trapped inside again thanks to another 2 feet of snow here.. But its a lot easier then dealing with B.S. i guess :/ There isnt a future at all if I get back with him.. like, I cant marry someone whos family doesnt know about me, i won't trust him since we arent even together and he constantly lies to me, im just prolonging the inevidable. Its better this way.
    Back to work tomorrow though so things will hopefully get easier

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    Default Re: going.crazzy.

    It's always going to suck knowing how much your ex used you and lied to you. I still have twinges whenever I find out about someone else Kyle slept with when we were dating. Not out of jealousy or anything like that, but because I just don't understand why anyone would choose to treat me so poorly, and lie to me so much, and cheat on me constantly. And I'm always finding out new shit; every few months I'll run into someone I haven't seen since I was dating Kyle, and they'll be like, "Yeah, I always hated Kyle. Oh, and I should have probably told you I saw him at a party when you guys were dating, and he was making out with this girl and they went into her bedroom for an hour...I wanted to tell you, but, you know..." It's kind of crazy how many stories you'll hear about him after the fact. But a long time ago I stopped actively looking for an answer to the "why me" question, and I've been much happier since then.

    However, as difficult as it is to not take all his shit personally, you HAVE to stop caring what he does with other girls. It is now officially none of your business. He may be telling you that he wants to get back together with you and whatever else, but you have no fucking clue what he is telling the other girls. In their mind, YOU may be the other woman.

    Seriously, this will never work if you do not cut off all contact with him. Once again, you cannot control what he says and does; you can only control how you react. Start locking your apartment. If he breaks in or has a key, call the police on him. Stop answering his phone calls. Change your number. And you have to stop making excuses for why you want to see him. You say you didn't actually WANT to see him when he called you, but you only went over there cause he was in your apartment? It seems like you're lying to yourself and making all these excuses. You need to stop. It would have been much easier for you to call the police. When you respond to stunts like that, he still controls you. My ex kept trying to blackmail me after I was done with him. And as long as I gave in, he won. But as soon as I stopped reacting, he instantly lost all power.

    You can't make him stop doing all this shit. All you can do is stop responding to it. Trust me. It's always surprising how quickly they lose all power once you stop responding to their stupid little stunts.

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    Default Re: going.crazzy.

    Quote Originally Posted by bumblebeex View Post
    Im broke and can't do my usual retail therepy.. I've basically been lying in bed all day everyday, barely sleeping or eating. AHH i need help and advice on what i can do to distract my mind or if someone has a similer experience.. what helped them get over their ex ?? And any suggestions on what i should do ?? thank youu
    It's hard when our minds bombard us with negative thoughts. "Nobody loves me", "nobody cares about me", "I'll always be alone", "I'm unloveable" etc, on and on. A constant stream of thoughts like these will create anxiety, and unease, and lethargy. It's good to notice the effect these thoughts have on you physically, and you are correct in looking for distractions.

    I'd recommend reading as a distraction. Especially books that deal with managing your fearful thoughts. Go to the self-help section of the book store and look at some titles. Read the blurbs on the back cover. Find something that resonates with you.

    Authors that helped me were: Byron Katie, Eckhart Tolle, Dr. Wayne Dyer, and The Dalai Llama

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    Default Re: going.crazzy.

    Bumblebeex - Do NOT get back together with your old BF. You're emotions are clouding your intelligence and common sense. That guy is a total dirtbag and is only going to hurt you more and more. I agree with the others that you need to shut off all communication with him.

    Have you slept with your new BF? I assume you have. If you think this new guy is good for you, have lots of sex (and of course, orgasms) with him. Sex/orgasms release oxytocin in the brain - the hormone of "love" and bonding. It also reduces anxiety and cravings. If you produce a lot of oxytocin with the new guy, it may help you forget about the old BF. There is truth to the old saying - The best way to get over somebody is to get under somebody. - The science proves it!

    http://www.lucyandlolita.com/content...wn-love-potion
    Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.
    - Oscar Wilde

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    Default Re: going.crazzy.

    Ive been locking my door lately.. havent texted or anything.. and i did block his #. my heat got shut off today -_- but the good part of that is im staying with my current boyfriend til i can get it back on.. so time to focus on what i have..

    And Jack0177057 thats awesome advice xD unfortunatley ive had my period for legit 5 weeks straight :-/ its killing me !! Haha

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