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Thread: Advice about a friend that dances

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    Default Advice about a friend that dances

    Hi everyone, newbie to the boards here. I'll try not to make this too long-winded, but I would appreciate any advice/info that you could offer.

    Basically, last year met a girl who I was friends with in middle & high school with, been at least 10 years since we last saw one another since. Great gal of the spirited, fun and smart variety, has similar interests to mine, but it was only after a few months that I found out she's been dancing at a higher-class SC for the past few years.

    Hung out with her at bars with her friends (other dancers and such), outings and such, but I haven't been at her workplace yet. Asked her about it recently and she says it's ok if I come in to hang out while being fully aware that I won't spend a ton (not being terribly rich after all).

    Good idea to go visit her anyway? I've heard that once you become a 'client', that's all you are and I'd hate for things to go that way. Just don't know where the line is, whether I'd become a client the moment I step into the SC, or if it means I pay for dances? Wouldn't mind buying a drink or two though.

    Thanks!

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    Featured Member sierra.'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Advice about a friend that dances

    Are you trying to date her?
    If so, I don't think you going in to her work will automatically make her think of you as a "client", but it might be kind of weird. I mean, I can only speak from MY perspective, so she might feel completely different, but if I was talking to a guy and he came in to hang out at my work it might weird me out, depending on how he acted. But if you guys have known each other a while I think there's less of a chance of that.
    Also, if you're not spending a lot of money I wouldn't expect her to drop everything to hang out with you while you're there.

    If it was me, I would love if a guy (even just a friend) came in and brought a bunch of his friends that also bought dances and tipped me on stage.
    My roommate came to visit me at work once and brought a bunch of dudes with her. It was fun hanging out, and since they bought dances I still made money. Plus I think it helped me make money from other people in the club since they saw me hanging out with this other group, laughing and dancing and having fun, and it made me seem more "in demand" or something.

    Anyway, that's just my perspective.

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    Default Re: Advice about a friend that dances

    I loved it when people I knew (guys AND girls) came to visit me at work and saw me onstage. I didn't expect them to blow lots of money on me; I just wanted the company on dead nights. But I strongly discouraged them from buying dances, because I felt extremely uncomfortable about that. I had an ex from years before, who I'd only dated for maybe 2 months, tops, find out I was working at my club, and he started showing up and getting dances ALL THE TIME. He spent average money, but he would go on and on about how he should never have dumped me, and how he was such an idiot, and I was sooo hot, etc. He was really into the dances, too--like REALLY into them. Then he started texting me constantly and begging me to "hang out" with him after work/go out on dates, whatever. So I gradually cut him off.

    In my mind, you can either be a friend or a customer. If my fiancee's best friends came into my club, I would expect them to tip me on stage, but I would be furious if they tried to buy private dances from me. But I would expect them to promote me to any guys they were with that I didn't know, and try to get THEM to buy dances from me, if from anyone.

    Do you see the distinction? There's a difference between going to hang out, have a couple of drinks with her and tip her onstage, and going to buy dances from her. The former is fine. The latter means you're a customer, and there's also the very good chance that any interaction you have with her OTC will become very awkward.

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    Default Re: Advice about a friend that dances

    Thank you for the advice so far, this is very helpful. I don't think I'll bring a lot of friends along this first trip, but will certainly consider pointing more business her way afterwards.

    Dating her is certainly in my sights, but signs point towards that she doesn't want to be tied down by a exclusive relationship while focusing on her work ambitions (doing professional work away from dancing). Friends is fine by me, though having 'benefits' would be great since I'm not exactly at a point to commit myself either. Not quite sure how to broach that, but we'll see. >_>

    And I'm certainly fine by tipping her on stage in addition to drinks, but d'ya suppose it'll be weird for me to stare at her topless/naked like so? Also wondered if you girls think it's odd when guys try to be 'different' and look at the dancer's face instead of the obvious parts.

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    Default Re: Advice about a friend that dances

    This can be a very slippery slope...or not.

    There are folks who will tell you that being a customer, or even just an observer, at the club will ruin your chances of any sort of dating relationship. I'm not one of them. Still, it's a delicate balance between you wasting her time at the club and just being around if she wants to relax and kill a few minutes during her shift. I've had it go both ways. Some gals that I get friendly with OTC don't want me to come in while they are working and some actually like it if I come in on a slow night. The key is to be open with her about it and always be mindful of her need to earn when she is at the club...in other words, know when to get out of the way.

    I've gotta say though, to be honest, if I had met a woman and found out after the fact that she was a dancer I probably would not be going in to her club to see her naked.
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    Default Re: Advice about a friend that dances

    So basically, stick around for when she's having slow times, but be ready for when someone else wants a lap dance? My first trip may take me in on a Thursday night, so not sure if that's a busy or slow night usually.

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    Default Re: Advice about a friend that dances

    If dating her is potentially on the horizon, visiting her in the club is probably a bad idea and making it a common practice is definitely a bad idea. It is far more likely to damage your relationship than it is to enhance it. That being said, you can put the ball in her court and tell her to feel free to text you to come in on a really slow night provided the club is close by.
    "never trust a big butt and a smile"-- Bell Biv DeVoe

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    Default Re: Advice about a friend that dances

    Quote Originally Posted by scramblesdd View Post
    So basically, stick around for when she's having slow times, but be ready for when someone else wants a lap dance? My first trip may take me in on a Thursday night, so not sure if that's a busy or slow night usually.
    Thursday night=Bad time to visit if you are not spending money.

    To be honest, there is nothing "basic" about this. My best suggestion here is to be honest with yourself. Does she really want you in the club when she is working or is she just not trying to stop you? Are you just excited about the prospect of seeing a girl that you have feelings for naked?

    My best suggestion if you are bound and determined to go through with this is to find a seat far away from the stage and camp out there. If your friend wants to come over she will. If she doesn't come over then do not, I repeat, do not, go over to her. The biggest mistake that "friends" make when they visit a dancer at her club is to assume that she is not busy just because she is not sitting with or dancing for a customer. She will know you are there, let her come over to say hi when she wants to and don't get needy and pissy if a few hours go by and she doesn't have time for you. A dancer's hustle is a very delicate thing and, as a non-dancer, you are not really seeing what she is seeing in the club.
    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine View Post
    yoda, I want you so bad it aches in the swimsuit area.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sophia_Starina View Post
    Sophia_Starina is a sensible stripper...Naked all the way.....
    Quote Originally Posted by tempest666 View Post
    Double team! 2 latinas with big tits!!

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    Default Re: Advice about a friend that dances

    I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to see her naked at some point. Obviously, the difference is in the circumstances. <_<

    I suppose I'll see if I can get a clearer answer from her about her feelings on friends visiting before I get back to this. Thanks to everyone for your help!

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    Default Re: Advice about a friend that dances

    If I were you, I wouldn't go...

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    Default Re: Advice about a friend that dances

    if i invited a guy to come see me in the club, it would be because i wasn't interested in him at all. would be cool if he spent money. if he didn't, that would be ok if it wasn't busy (yes, thursdays are usually busy), but only if he also didn't look or touch. if he groped on me while we talked, or watched me a bit too closely onstage, and didn't spend any real money on me, i wouldn't want to be friends with him anymore.

    if a guy wants to date me and asks to see me at work, i freak out. is he trying to see what i look like naked and will only date me if he likes what he sees? is he going to judge me for being too dirty, not as dirty as he hoped? is he trying to see how much money i make so he can decide if i'm successful enough to make him feel like hot shit for dating me? is he trying to see how much i make so he can know how much to try to use me for? does he expect to waste all my time when i should be working? will i get jealous if he looks at, tips, or talks to other girls? (fuck yes) will his mere presense distract me from making money? (fuck yes)
    -love everyone but keep them far from your soul-

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    Default Re: Advice about a friend that dances

    If I were really interested in a guy, I woudln't ask him to come in, or prefer he not. But that has changed, I've welcomed friends, boyfriends, and crushes when I first started. Never had any freak outs or anything, but eventually my hustle became most important and anyone not spending would get ignored.

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