
Originally Posted by
ManyRoses
I said no, but there are a couple of clarifiers that I would like to add to that answer.
First and foremost, I don't necessarily think that butterflies mean love. I am absolutely, heart-whole in love with my boyfriend, but never really had "butterflies". Instead, it was like meeting a friend (a very sexy friend that I love to fuck!), and then feeling like they have always been in my life, and as though we have been together forever. The whole thing was simple, straightforward, and absolutely drama/nervousness/trembly-excitement-free...I wonder sometimes if the search for "butterflies" sometimes blinds people to someone that they could love in a calmer way...
Other than that, I would worry about the emotional impact of marrying someone when you are still grieving over a broken heart. It can take such a long time to heal from bad relationships (or good relationships that ended!!) and I know that when you are healing, even well into the healing, it can feel like you will never love again (when I had my really bad break, it took over a year before I was even vaguely attracted to a man again). I would hope that eventually you would heal enough that you could love again, and then if you were married to someone, you would have to either stay unhappily, or leave, most likely hurting your husband, both families, any children, etc etc...It also would seem selfish to the person that you are marrying - I would be destroyed if I found out that the person I love was just satisfied with me as a mother, and didn't love me too...
The one exception that I would make to the "no" answer is in situations where both parties have agreed on marriage for practical reasons - marrying for a visa would be one of those (though pretty risky!) as would marrying for monetary gain (to gain access to a trust fund, will etc where the money is held until the recipient is wed) etc. I can't think of many situations where this would apply, but if it did, and there was no chance of hurting the people involved, why not?
Finally - if your clock is ticking...have you considered adoption or sperm donation to have a child on your own while you hold out for that love of your life? I would hope beyond hope that you can heal from your past relationship and find someone that loves you and treats you well, and I hope you can be optimistic about the possibility....don't give up totally on love!! I'm sure you would be a wonderful wife and mother, but don't forget that you can do one without the other, and not settle on either...
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