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Thread: Cheating

  1. #1
    Veteran Member AngelKing's Avatar
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    Default Cheating

    Well, it happened. I found out that my girlfriend who I had seen as this angelic loving devoted person was actually not that at all, and had been cheating on me the whole time with several different people and lying about it through her teeth.

    I myself have always said that when people cheat it's because they are somehow unsatisfied in their relationship, but that's a hard pillow to sleep on when you've been totally loyal to someone, given them everything you can and more, and treated them with respect and honesty.

    For myself loyalty is a quality unsurpassed in a person, let alone a girlfriend. I would gladly trade beauty, brains, or a hot body for simple loyalty. I'm not a perfect man or partner, never will be, but one thing I've always had is 100% loyalty, and I don't think that's asking too much for in return.

    So to end this rant, I'd just like to say if you're thinking about cheating on someone you love, or are doing it already, then don't. Just tell your partner you're not satisfied with certain things, and then either try to change them, or leave them. It's that simple. Nothing less is worth it. I had every good memory with this person torn from me, and nothing but disgust left. It sucks. Don't do it.




    Edit: Just realized how ironic it is that I'm posting this on Valentine's Day. Sorry for shitting on your chocolates everyone.

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    God/dess Kisca's Avatar
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    Default Re: Cheating

    Im sorry this happened to you.

    Keep your head high and know you came out of this being a better and stronger person.
    She will keep on suffering guilt, and nasty emotions until she realizes what she has done to herself and who she hurt through.

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    Default Re: Cheating

    Bummer Sorry that happened. You deserve better and you will find better.





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  6. #4
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    Default Re: Cheating

    I'm so sorry this happened to you. You seem so open minded and accepting. People should appreciate what they have.
    "I hear you calling and it's needles and pins. I wanna hurt you just to hear you screaming my name...You're poision. but I don't wanna break these chains.... I wanna love you but I'd better not touch."

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    Default Re: Cheating

    I'm so sorry that happened to you I know it sucks, from experience. I found out about a year ago that my husband was cheating, sending emails to craigslist adds. He said he stopped and then I caught him doing it again this year, calling escorts, girls I know texting him all the time. He says he didn't do anything but the evidence doesn't lie. We're still together, after 12 years I can't imagine mylife without him and I do love him even thought he broke my heart. After a lot of soul searching I told him that I didn't care what he does, as long as he comes home to me. In the meantime I happened to meet someone that I've been spending time with and oddly enough I'm happier in my marriage then I've been in a long time.

    I'm still sorting thru a lot of feelings and emotions but I'm taking it one day at a time.

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    Default Re: Cheating

    Quote Originally Posted by Susan-Va View Post
    In the meantime I happened to meet someone that I've been spending time with and oddly enough I'm happier in my marriage then I've been in a long time.
    Proving once again that, when it comes to human relationships, absolutes rarely apply.

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  12. #7
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    Default Re: Cheating

    Quote Originally Posted by penandink1019 View Post
    Proving once again that, when it comes to human relationships, absolutes rarely apply.

    very true! I honestly believe someone can love a person and still cheat on them. Things in relationships aren't always black and white. You can't force someone to change.

    to the OP, I'm sorry you went through this though.

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  14. #8
    Veteran Member Jenn1981's Avatar
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    Default Re: Cheating

    To the OP, sorry this happened. I was once in your shoes. It is a bitter pill to swallow. U will find someone better.

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    Default Re: Cheating

    Awww so sorry that you are going through this

    I dont know anything about your GF but the thing is she probably loves you a lot otherwise she would have just left you instead of doing it behind your back. Something made her want to stay with you. I know nothing will make this pain go away right now. I think the reason people cheat is not necessarily because they are unhappy. It is because they know they cant possible have all their needs satisfied by one person. It would be much more fair if this would be out in the open, but most partners are not going to accept their love having more than one other love.

    I hope in future you will find the girl who will make you happy and this experience wont close your heart.

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    Default Re: Cheating

    I'm sorry you had this happen to you. I just hate cheating...it's not like people are coerced into monogamous relationships so they have to run around fucking other people because they have no other choice. When you choose to be with someone, stay true to your decision, is it that hard?

    I hope you'll heal soon and find yourself a lovely and loyal girl who will know how to appreciate you.

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  20. #11
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    Default Re: Cheating



    From your posts on here, you always seem like a wonderful human being. I am sorry this happened to you.
    The best thing i have heard in a strip club to date:
    customer: we should get married right now! we should get a shotgun marriage!
    me: uhh... i think you are misunderstanding what a shotgun marriage means. A shotgun marriage means you knock me up and my daddy shows up at your door with a gun and forces you to marry me and raise the baby. You mean elope.
    customer: hmm... nah actually i will take the shotgun marriage. At least then we would be having sex.


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  22. #12
    Featured Member kandie_kitten's Avatar
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    Default Re: Cheating

    While I don't think relationships are black and white, I think honesty absolutely is. If a person isn't satisfied, needs to sleep with someone else, whatever, for god's sake just talk to your partner about it. At least there can be some kind of resolution, rather than humiliating and devestating the person. If you love them, they deserve the chance to make it work or kick you to the curb.

    To the OP, I've been there. I was completely loyal to my ex, absolutely adored him, and he cheated on me. I found out when a mutual friend posted pics of him on top of the girl on Facebook. I don't think any feeling is as horrible as that, and after going through it, I have trouble understanding how someone can do that to their partner.

    *big hugs*

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  24. #13
    Veteran Member AngelKing's Avatar
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    Default Re: Cheating

    Believe it or not, you guys have helped me feel better. It probably would have been easier for me to live with if I had been in any way unfaithful or even harbored unfaithful thoughts about her, but like a dumb ass I completely misjudged who she was and gave her my complete loyalty as a man and as a person.

    One of the times she left all day and night to screw somebody else was a couple of days after I had major knee surgery. I was left alone on a couch in severe pain, barely able to walk myself to the bathroom or even get water for my pain meds. That was pretty low. I mean I wouldn't do that to a dog, let alone someone I claimed was my best friend and lover. She had told me she would take care of me etc., and we were in the midst of one of Toronto's worst blizzards so I couldn't even get one of my friends to come help me with food. That one really hurt, but is part of a litany of lies and betrayal.

    I'm a fairly intelligent and resilient person, and yes I know it's possible to cheat on someone even if you love them, but if you love someone, how do you lie to them so convincingly? And leave them starving in a blizzard lol!

    Anyway guys, apologies again for the rant, I'm actually not one to feel sorry for myself much, maybe it was just because it was Valentine's Day or something. I hope you all got lots of chocolates and flowers. Thanks for listening, it really did help a lot.

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    God/dess MargaritaVillain's Avatar
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    Default Re: Cheating

    Hang in there!
    Time will help with the healing
    When life gives you lemons, make lemonade... then find someone whose life gave them vodka, and have a party.

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    God/dess Will's Avatar
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    Default Re: Cheating

    Quote Originally Posted by AngelKing View Post
    Well, it happened. I found out that my girlfriend who I had seen as this angelic loving devoted person was actually not that at all, and had been cheating on me the whole time with several different people and lying about it through her teeth.

    I myself have always said that when people cheat it's because they are somehow unsatisfied in their relationship, but that's a hard pillow to sleep on when you've been totally loyal to someone, given them everything you can and more, and treated them with respect and honesty.

    For myself loyalty is a quality unsurpassed in a person, let alone a girlfriend. I would gladly trade beauty, brains, or a hot body for simple loyalty. I'm not a perfect man or partner, never will be, but one thing I've always had is 100% loyalty, and I don't think that's asking too much for in return.

    So to end this rant, I'd just like to say if you're thinking about cheating on someone you love, or are doing it already, then don't. Just tell your partner you're not satisfied with certain things, and then either try to change them, or leave them. It's that simple. Nothing less is worth it. I had every good memory with this person torn from me, and nothing but disgust left. It sucks. Don't do it.

    Edit: Just realized how ironic it is that I'm posting this on Valentine's Day. Sorry for shitting on your chocolates everyone.
    This may or may not change the hurt, but remember people cheat for all manner of reasons, often having nothing to do with anything the partner did/did not do. Low self esteem, manifestation of various conscious and or unconscious conflicts, over stimulated dopamine reward/pleasure pathway* and other variables can really be what's going on. Sex and love, can be tow totally unconnected entities in some people's personalities. We take it personally by default, but it may have nothing to do with you/us. People are not very aware of themselves, and act mostly on

    Obviously, what hurts more for many (especially if loyalty is at the top of your list of traits to seek in others) is not that they had sex with another, but that they lied to you to do it.

    End of the day, it's only sex. It's the trust that was lost, and for some, that can't be repaired.

    * = see: http://www.scientificamerican.com/ar...ivation-reward
    A cunning linguist...

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  29. #16
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    Default Re: Cheating

    I'm sorry this happened to you. This makes us non-cheating girls very angry

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  31. #17
    Veteran Member AngelKing's Avatar
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    Default Re: Cheating

    Quote Originally Posted by Will View Post
    This may or may not change the hurt, but remember people cheat for all manner of reasons, often having nothing to do with anything the partner did/did not do. Low self esteem, manifestation of various conscious and or unconscious conflicts, over stimulated dopamine reward/pleasure pathway* and other variables can really be what's going on. Sex and love, can be tow totally unconnected entities in some people's personalities. We take it personally by default, but it may have nothing to do with you/us. People are not very aware of themselves, and act mostly on

    Obviously, what hurts more for many (especially if loyalty is at the top of your list of traits to seek in others) is not that they had sex with another, but that they lied to you to do it.

    End of the day, it's only sex. It's the trust that was lost, and for some, that can't be repaired.

    * = see: http://www.scientificamerican.com/ar...ivation-reward

    Tell yourself that when you're getting cheated on! Just kidding. Partially.
    I know everything you've said above already, and I also know that there are many women who are 100% loyal in their love. I obviously made a foolish choice in partners.
    I have even offered to pay for her therapy so she can get better, but I will never go back there again.
    I have had plenty of reasons, logical or otherwise to cheat on partners in my past, and have never done so. Call me crazy, but I can't backstab people I care about like that, regardless of the rationale.

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    God/dess Will's Avatar
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    Default Re: Cheating

    Quote Originally Posted by AngelKing View Post
    Tell yourself that when you're getting cheated on!
    Word.
    A cunning linguist...

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    Default Re: Cheating

    Damn leaving you on the sofa dying after surgery... now that is just fucking rude... To me I dont care what she was doing... she coulda been having tea with her grandma...that is just low.

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  35. #20
    Veteran Member AngelKing's Avatar
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    Default Re: Cheating

    ^^^
    There is even worse stories than that one!! But I really don't want to badmouth her despite all this insanity she pulled. Somewhere along the way her programming obviously got messed up, and it doesn't necessarily make her a bad person; but it definitely makes her not be the right person for me.....

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    Default Re: Cheating

    Wow...I can't imagine how could someone leave their bf in pain for any reason, let alone something so low. I don't know do I have a nurse complex or what, but the only thing that would haul me out in that situation would be to get groceries/meds. Yet I can testify I met people who'd do it and wouldn't blink an eye. It's sad.

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  38. #22
    Veteran Member AngelKing's Avatar
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    Default Re: Cheating

    Quote Originally Posted by MistyRose View Post
    Wow...I can't imagine how could someone leave their bf in pain for any reason, let alone something so low. I don't know do I have a nurse complex or what, but the only thing that would haul me out in that situation would be to get groceries/meds. Yet I can testify I met people who'd do it and wouldn't blink an eye. It's sad.
    Well, call me stupid, but she is actually having surgery this friday, and I am going to pick her up and take care of her for a couple of days after. And no, it's not that I'm a gullible schmuck, or weak, but rather that I really could not let someone who I even remotely care a little bit about suffer in pain alone, even after they've cheated on me. It's not like I'm going to be hanging out with her or even talking to her at this time (I'm nice but not easily manipulated), but I do know I can't just throw her to the dogs when she's incapacitated.

    Before you all tell me what a chump I am, remember that if any of you here were my friends, and you did something to hurt me, I would still also not be able to leave any of you to suffer alone either. It's just how I am. Which makes the fact that she could do it to me even more incomprehensible, but I guess for me I just have that instinct to help others, and if anything, maybe she'll really see what kind of a friend she has actually thrown away.

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    Default Re: Cheating

    I'm so sorry this happened to you.

    Being cheated on is seriously one of the worst feelings in the world. It not only ruins that relationship, but it really taints all future relationships in a way.
    I know, for me, it's made it harder to trust guys.


    I'm sure you'll get through this. You seem like a really sweet guy judging by all your posts, so I hope you find someone to make you happy again.

  40. #24
    Featured Member MistyRose's Avatar
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    Default Re: Cheating

    Quote Originally Posted by AngelKing View Post
    Well, call me stupid, but she is actually having surgery this friday, and I am going to pick her up and take care of her for a couple of days after. And no, it's not that I'm a gullible schmuck, or weak, but rather that I really could not let someone who I even remotely care a little bit about suffer in pain alone, even after they've cheated on me. It's not like I'm going to be hanging out with her or even talking to her at this time (I'm nice but not easily manipulated), but I do know I can't just throw her to the dogs when she's incapacitated.

    Before you all tell me what a chump I am, remember that if any of you here were my friends, and you did something to hurt me, I would still also not be able to leave any of you to suffer alone either. It's just how I am. Which makes the fact that she could do it to me even more incomprehensible, but I guess for me I just have that instinct to help others, and if anything, maybe she'll really see what kind of a friend she has actually thrown away.
    I am really in no position to call you stupid as I've more than once did similar things. Sweet of you not to throw her in the gutter.

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  42. #25
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    Default Re: Cheating

    Cheating is not black and white and every time I hear about a circumstance where someone cheated I usually try not to take sides.

    Hearing that she left you in pain after surgery to cheat sealed the deal for me however. She not only cheated but she also doesn't have genuine loving feelings for you. This is not the right person for you. I am glad you figured this out now instead of years later.

    I am sorry this happened around Vday. I respect that you feel the need to still take care of her. Don't get pulled back in during that time. People can change in regards to cheating but people don't change selfishness and lack of care/empathy and responsibility for a loved one.

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