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Thread: Dinner with Mom and Dad

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    Featured Member lifetravelergirl's Avatar
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    Default Dinner with Mom and Dad

    For Valentine's Day I took my parents to dinner at a nice French restaurant. I don't spend much time with my parents. I wanted for the three of us to share a nice memory of something enjoyable. Dinner cost me about two hundred dollars and it hasn't been easy to make money at the strip club these last couple of months so it was a bit of a sacrifice on my part. My mother seemed to appreciate it, I was proud of her, she normally (like my father) just wants to eat something cheap and "get it over with". But I feel like when we go out for dinner it is like they just want to get it over with. Like they feel like they are supposed to spend some time with their daughter, but they really aren't that enthusiastic about it.

    I feel that my parents have never been supportive of me. My mother pretty much never had anything good to say about her kids or her husband. She liked to nag and criticize but she would never say anything nice. I remember once long ago when I was growing up I asked my mother if I was attractive and she said, "You are okay... well about average I guess." This was after I had learned that parents always tell their kids how beautiful they are, even if they aren't. Well... it just seemed like (at the time) I had to be pretty hideous if that was the nicest thing my own mother could say about me.

    Sorry, I don't really know where I am going with this thread. I don't understand why my parents are the way they are. I don't know why I didn't just move away and have my own happy life. I don't know why I am still seeking their approval. I don't know why my life is on hold. I don't know where I want to be or what I want to do but Valentine's Day was a real bummer.

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    Veteran Member Jenna78's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dinner with Mom and Dad

    I'm sorry your v day was so lame. You were very sweet to bring your parents out to dinner. But you can't force people to like your gifts, esp if it's not something they are really into (you mentioned they prefer cheap food). My bf does that to me sometimes, buys me a gift he's really excited about, I'm like well, that's nice honey and try to be grateful. But it's something I don't really want then he gets upset that I don't use it.

    I have a difficult relationship with my parents too. My mother never told me how pretty or cute I was either, in fact she worried about me getting fat alot. It sucks, but it's just how she is. I'm learning to accept them for the flawed individuals that they are. I didn't realize they were messed up and flawed when I was younger and that's what really made my life hard. Nothing they did made sense, and no matter how hard I tried to please them, they didn't like anything I did. Well, they still don't like the things I do but they are getting better about being tolerant of me. I'm trying really hard not to do things to please them, but to please myself but that is really hard, it's an ingrained habit. I feel your pain.
    "I wear tight clothing, high heel shoes
    It doesn't mean that I'm a prostitute" En Vogue

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    God/dess seashell's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dinner with Mom and Dad

    That really sucks, sorry you had a bad day. Have you talked to your parents about how you feel? Even if it's awkward, at least they'd be aware of how they're treating you. Sometimes people don't know that they're coming off so rude or mean, until it's pointed out to them... especially parents.

    I have similar issues with my dad... he doesn't seem to care about me very much, doesn't really show affection or act proud of me, and he gets on my case about every little thing I do wrong. I recently moved out of my parents' house to another city, and it was SO great to get away from him, he was such an awful person to be around. It sounds bad, but I think getting away from certain people, even parents, can be a good thing for you if they're dragging you down so much.

    Plus, relationships with family often seem to get better if you don't see them as much. Hanging out with them becomes a special thing, and they value it more. Can't speak for everyone, but my relationship with my parents has improved a lot since I moved away from them.

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    Featured Member lifetravelergirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dinner with Mom and Dad

    Quote Originally Posted by Jenna78 View Post
    I tried to please them, they didn't like anything I did. ... I'm trying really hard not to do things to please them, but to please myself but that is really hard, it's an ingrained habit. I feel your pain.
    Were you the oldest child? I was the oldest, they put a lot of pressure and expectations on me. I used to try so hard to please them. I didn't have the normal rebellion that most kids do, my "rebellion" sort of came late, I mean I am doing things I know won't please them now like stripping whereas before I was living for them but the sad thing was they never even realized all the sacrifices I was making for them. Thank you.

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    Featured Member lifetravelergirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dinner with Mom and Dad

    Quote Originally Posted by seashell View Post
    ... relationships with family often seem to get better if you don't see them as much. Hanging out with them becomes a special thing, and they value it more.
    Thank you for the reply. The sad thing is my relationship with my parents is better than it's ever been. But that still leaves plenty of room for improvement. I think this is mostly my fault. I was in a long-term relationship that failed and I have had nothing going on in my life except working for too long. I have no relationships or friendships of my own and I am leaning on my parents to fill the void. But really I need to make something happen in my life.

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    God/dess Kisca's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dinner with Mom and Dad

    Dont feel bad, dont think about it too much. Parents are family, and are the ones who can love you too much or break your heart to peices. Im sure they understand the nice act you did for them. Even though they may now show it, Im sure they are grateful about it. Some parents like to sugar coating things some dont. Your parents seem not to.. but which one would you rather to prefer? Either way,, its you who has to get a postive mind set or else they'll be dragging you down, if you still feel like that about them.

    My mother is similar, she always says to me "if you dont cook, clean for your So they will leave you. You're a girl afterall, you shouldnt be gaining weight." Now she wonders why Im stuck for an hour in the bathroom getting ready and have trouble eating. She always has something negative to say whether she had it her way or didnt. My father is a negative person overall, he'll give anything I want, but is always negative whether its towards my school, choices, things I do, he thinks everything is a waste.. he is negative to everyone. I realized this a year ago.. and I try not to talk to them a lot. See them 2-3 times a month and thats it.

    All I can suggest for you is, try to find your own inner-peace, where they wont put stress or such thoughts on you. You have ahold of your life now, change your mindset or lifestyle into a more postive one. You cannot contorl what they say, but you can control your feelings. Make them postive.

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    Featured Member lifetravelergirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dinner with Mom and Dad

    Thank you Kisca,

    That is very good advice ^_^.

    I think my father may have Alzheimer's

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