For Valentine's Day I took my parents to dinner at a nice French restaurant. I don't spend much time with my parents. I wanted for the three of us to share a nice memory of something enjoyable. Dinner cost me about two hundred dollars and it hasn't been easy to make money at the strip club these last couple of months so it was a bit of a sacrifice on my part. My mother seemed to appreciate it, I was proud of her, she normally (like my father) just wants to eat something cheap and "get it over with". But I feel like when we go out for dinner it is like they just want to get it over with. Like they feel like they are supposed to spend some time with their daughter, but they really aren't that enthusiastic about it.
I feel that my parents have never been supportive of me. My mother pretty much never had anything good to say about her kids or her husband. She liked to nag and criticize but she would never say anything nice. I remember once long ago when I was growing up I asked my mother if I was attractive and she said, "You are okay... well about average I guess." This was after I had learned that parents always tell their kids how beautiful they are, even if they aren't. Well... it just seemed like (at the time) I had to be pretty hideous if that was the nicest thing my own mother could say about me.
Sorry, I don't really know where I am going with this thread. I don't understand why my parents are the way they are. I don't know why I didn't just move away and have my own happy life. I don't know why I am still seeking their approval. I don't know why my life is on hold. I don't know where I want to be or what I want to do but Valentine's Day was a real bummer.



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