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Thread: How to get over Exs

  1. #1
    God/dess Kisca's Avatar
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    Last edited by Kisca; 04-29-2011 at 03:07 PM. Reason: Deleted

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    Moderator unbeleavable's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to get over Exs

    Break ups are hard when there isn't a huge problem like cheating or abuse. I was with my ex for 16 years, married for 10 & we just looked at each other & agreed we are better friends than lovers. It felt like someone died right after we split & took a while to even think about living my life without her. To help get me through the rough times I focused on bettering myself & thought a lot about the qualities I find attractive in a woman. I think you can love someone without being inlove & that sounds like where you are with your ex Kisca. You are a very attractive & smart woman & you will find someone that will make happy. I think sometimes its good to go through things like this in life....just makes you stronger.

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  4. #3
    Veteran Member AngelKing's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to get over Exs

    In my experience, if you've broken up with somebody, you're probably right for doing so. If things were good between you, even the thought of breaking up never would have come up. Don't mistake nostalgia for a relationship that was actually solid. It's awesome you guys are staying friends, but remember that if you've called it quits, there's probably very good reason you did so.

    Just stay as busy as you can. Work more, hit the gym more, stay physically involved so you deprive your mind of any excess energy to create negative mindstates with, and within weeks you'll be fine. I've just been put through hell myself and things are already starting to look up. You'll be okay, just hang in there.

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  6. #4
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    Default Re: How to get over Exs

    I'm against the idea of staying friends. Maybe in a year you can handle being his friends but it will just make it harder to get over him now. Sever all contact with him, even defriend him on social networking sites.

    Even once you are over him, it still may be a crushing blow when you hear of him dating or even with a new GF, that is part of why you should sever contact with him.

    Get rid of anything he ever gave you or that remind you of him. Throw that crap in the ocean or off of your balcony! (only if you live in a highrise like me)

    It is just so much easier to get over someone without seeing him or having his socks mixed in with yours after a breakup.

    Write down all of the things he did that led up to you dumping him. I know, it sounds lame, buts its a pretty powerful thing to do. Honestly, if you are the one who broke up with him you are pretty much over him. Even if it hurts a little now, you are certainly on the road to getting over him.

    Enjoy single life. Watch sex and the city, pig out, hook up with old girlfriends, volunteer, join a club, start working out again, spoil yourself a little.

    In a few months get back out there and maybe start dating. If he really has that true love for you, he will come back to you. I know, a man I broke up with two years ago travelled almost 2,000 miles to see me, not knowing how I would react. *That* is the kind of love that you should consider. If he doesn't come back to you, you will realize that you two were just not for eachother.

    Maybe in a few years he will be living his life in a way that you would have never been happy with (having a large brood of kids, depending on others for money, living in the burbs, living half of the year in China, etc.)

    Eventually, you will forgive him for whatever he did (or didn't do) that wasn't right by you and still be over him and that is when you are anew

    Good Luck

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  8. #5
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    Default Re: How to get over Exs

    Breakups for me are usually hard but some worse than others. For instance I lived with a man for a year, dated him for years, yet when it was over I moved on and was happy to be rid of him. My last guy I didn't date long (though knew him for years), we never had sex, yet I was devastated for months. The bizarre irony is in the first case I recovered faster than the time I was with him, whereas with the second the opposite is true.

    Everytime you break up with someone, no matter the situation you will ask why. I once dated a great guy who spoiled me but we broke up due to religious reasons and knew we could never marry. To this day I question why we broke up but knew we had no choice (we are still friends and he's now married). I'll still wonder if breaking up with certain guys was a bad idea but had to happen.

    Don't worry, you will look back and realize there is a reason you broke up because it will help you with your next relationships. You are young and you will experience many more relationships, and some will devastate you beyond belief. However, you will learn to deal with this (I hope, though sadly some never recover) and it will be a learning experience so when you meet the right guy you will be ready for him. If you are lucky you will meet a great guy who you will never experience heartbreak with and be happy.

  9. #6
    God/dess Trem's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to get over Exs

    Good for you babe.

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  11. #7
    Senior Member Vesper's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to get over Exs

    Quote Originally Posted by Kisca View Post
    Thank you all... Im happy to be moving on with my life. I can now work like I used have money and save up. Just knowing I have that security to fall back on, thats MINE own, not his. I guess that will be my motive.

    I do fell upset knowing I will be on my own though, I like having someone to watch TV with, cuddle, just someone there..... Maybe its time to buy a dog?

    I'm in similar situation: we broke up in July. I've been living in my own place for about five months now, but we see at least once a week (go to movies or watch movies at his place) and I've often stayed there for the night (just sleeping). It's just that after almost seven years of sharing the bed it feels empty when sleeping alone. And at least I definitely sleep worse when alone so been thinking about getting a cat (not enough space for a dog).

    We had bad moments of our relationship but i think the pros outweight the cons ATM. In reality, I know we wouldnt work out in the future, but I miss him and think I wont find a guy that offered me all these things as he has. I sometimes think I dont know what to do without him as my life was so depantend on him.
    This my was first serious relationship and longest..
    ^^Same here. Breaking up actually made us talk about the cons and they could be fixed -but at least for now he doesn't want to get back together. I know most people say "get over it, start a new life, you'll find someone better" etc., but I'm just not like that. He's my best friend and I'm an überloyal stubborn pragmatist who rather fixes stuff than throws it away. Anyway it feels like I'm wearing the pants in this breakup since it's usually women (at least in my country) who have more friends, a wide support net and adapt to changes more easily.


    So how is it going atm, did you move far? Is getting back together some day an option for you or your ex?
    Last edited by Vesper; 03-13-2011 at 02:52 PM. Reason: adding smthing

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    Default Re: How to get over Exs

    Staying around and continuing to live with exes after the break-up NEVER turns out well. My ex Kyle and I lived together for like five months after we broke up, and that was the time that he was the MOST abusive. A nice, clean break is the best way. It's much easier to get used to the idea of being single when you do that. When you stay around, it gets complicated, and you start second-guessing everything you do.

    I have quite a few friends who are in miserable relationships, but don't want to leave their SO's because they feel financially dependent on them. My friend Liam doesn't trust his girlfriend and thinks she's cheating on him, and she is a bitch and likes to piss him off and make him jealous just for the fuck of it...but the apartment is in her name, and he can't get his own place or a good job because he's an ex-con. So, he's staying with her simply because he feels he has no other options.

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