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Thread: How do you know its time to move on?

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    Veteran Member nikkidarling's Avatar
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    Default How do you know its time to move on?

    I've been in this business since I was in undergrad (around '06). Through the years I've seen many of my fellow dancer friends quit the business and start companies, careers and have families.

    I'm concerned about my older friends who are still in the game and doing very poorly. They seem so miserable and while they want to get out, they don't have any solid plan. I recently spoke to a dear friend who's been in the sensual massage business for 14 years. Before that, she was a dancer. She is now 43. Although she is still attractive it's getting harder for her to get clients due to her age. So while she is working, it's hardly consistent income. She lost her apartment and she's now living in her car with her 2 dogs. (And yeah, I offered her a place to stay, but I live several states away). Another friend is 41 and been escorting for a few years. She has a college education, but she complains of feeling "trapped" like she can't figure a way out.

    All of this got me to thinking, how do you know it's time to move on? Should a newcomer to the industry map out an exit strategy/retirement plan of some sort?

    Ladies I'd love to hear your thoughts on this issue.

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    Default Re: How do you know its time to move on?

    Quote Originally Posted by nikkidarling View Post
    All of this got me to thinking, how do you know it's time to move on? Should a newcomer to the industry map out an exit strategy/retirement plan of some sort?
    100% yes. When I first started I thought, I can do this forever, but basing te reality of the job, the unstable income, the things you deal with. No health benefits, insurance, job benefits and comps etc. That after a few months I knew personally I couldnt do this forever. In my eyes, I just see the SCs getting worse and worse and it isnt good for me, nor the stress I get from worrying about it while I still am working.

    There should always be an exit, a back-up plan, even if its not in the sex industry. Everyone needs a black up plan within their careers. Only you know when its time to move on from A to B. I see myself moving away from it soon, if not then surely within 5-6 years after I grad from my degree and know where I am going with that job. I consider stripping just a stepping stone to get my closer to achieve my other goals in life.

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    Default Re: How do you know its time to move on?

    yea im starting escorting and have been stripping before that. my resume is largely blank, i am still relatively young so i have to make sure i fix this problem. i would say have an exit plan, money for a business or school. volunteering when you can can help. just know what you want whether working for yourself opening a business or getting set up for a job with schooling.

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    Default Re: How do you know its time to move on?

    Quote Originally Posted by nikkidarling View Post
    Should a newcomer to the industry map out an exit strategy/retirement plan of some sort?
    Yes. And she should stick to that plan.
    That's what's most important. Is STICKING WITH YOUR PLAN and not blowing a chunk of your retirement fund because you can "make it back" or putting off starting that business you want to start because "money is good" or something stupid.
    Quote Originally Posted by camille27 View Post
    i am losing my fucking mind and i really just want this chloroform dream because i think that would just get me right with jesus.

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    Veteran Member nikkidarling's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do you know its time to move on?

    Thanks for sharing ladies. Initially I was uncertain about starting this thread because I didn't want to bring any negatively to the board. But you all are right, we could all use a plan B.

    I graduate in a few months and I'm outta this biz for good. I have to say its served me well. I've managed to get through school with no student loans (take that Sallie Mae!).

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    Default Re: How do you know its time to move on?

    Well first of all, you should tell your friend to lie about her age to her clients...you said she's attractive, so people will believe that she's younger. Her age is none of their business anyway.

    I guess my exit strategy is to save as much as I can while I can. Don't get me wrong, I like to splurge on shoes, clothes, and vacations once in a while, but I've been pretty good about saving what I make because I'm living in my mom's house right now and managed to pay off student loans. I know that one day either A) the money will stop coming in for whatever reason, or B) I'll just get tired of camming. Whichever comes first.

    I'm thinking I would like to buy a condo in the semi-near future (while prices are low) and pay it off while I'm young and making money, that way if I'm making less later on in life, it won't be a catastrophe because living expenses won't be that high. I've also been investing which can be pretty up and down, but I think I've finally got the hang of how to make some money in the stock market.

    I'm not really on any career path, but I don't have any desire to have kids so I'm not TOO worried about money. I just think if I keep my head on straight and make good decisions now, I'll thank myself later down the road.

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    Senior Member ArgenAngel's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do you know its time to move on?

    The reality of the adult bussines is that only works if ure young, or beautiful. Im 22 years old and im planning stop camming for when i have 25 like most. Im trying saving a half part of my earnnings to put my own bussines in the future. This year i start the fashion design college and its my main dream make it as designer.
    So u have to make a plan and camming has to be the backup for getting your biggest goal in life.

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    Veteran Member nikkidarling's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do you know its time to move on?

    Quote Originally Posted by Sunbeams View Post
    Well first of all, you should tell your friend to lie about her age to her clients...you said she's attractive, so people will believe that she's younger. Her age is none of their business anyway.
    She tells everyone she's 32. She's been advertising as in her 30's for a few years. Hobbyists assume most girls lie about their age and if they see you listing at 32 for 6 years in a row, they start to get suspicious. It's not only an age issue. Young and beautiful ladies (with lower donation amounts) are entering the business everyday so it's making it harder for the more seasoned ones to hold onto clients. Basically I think she's fighting a losing battle but I wouldn't dare tell her because I don't want to kick her while she's down.

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    Default Re: How do you know its time to move on?

    I myself started in 2003, at the time being 18 I can honestly say back then I was dumb about going into the business I was more worired about leaving my abusive home then anything else, now 8 years later. I am hit with what the hell did I do with my life. I still don't get along with my family and I have some what come to terms with it.

    Not having a solid plan is what criple most of us, I am learning that the hard way when I started my head was clearly some where else, as I built my financial secruity i started to dream of the "what ifs". That is the thing is this business is clearly a youth business living in a car or bouncing from friends to friends isnt the way to live.

    The only thing to do with that friend is to lend a hand , but also ask her if she has thought of a plan or seeked out government services. her being 43 she might think it's too late for her and she might not even see the point of trying something else, as for the friend with the college degree did you ask her how much she is not using that degree. Sure escorting is ok for a year or two, but how long can that drive really last.

    Everyone in this business new or experienced shuold have a plan and think of all their options of what they can do , figuring out what they are passionate about and what they will do when they are old and grey.
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    Default Re: How do you know its time to move on?

    Quote Originally Posted by nikkidarling View Post
    I've been in this business since I was in undergrad (around '06). Through the years I've seen many of my fellow dancer friends quit the business and start companies, careers and have families.

    I'm concerned about my older friends who are still in the game and doing very poorly. They seem so miserable and while they want to get out, they don't have any solid plan. I recently spoke to a dear friend who's been in the sensual massage business for 14 years. Before that, she was a dancer. She is now 43. Although she is still attractive it's getting harder for her to get clients due to her age. So while she is working, it's hardly consistent income. She lost her apartment and she's now living in her car with her 2 dogs. (And yeah, I offered her a place to stay, but I live several states away). Another friend is 41 and been escorting for a few years. She has a college education, but she complains of feeling "trapped" like she can't figure a way out.

    All of this got me to thinking, how do you know it's time to move on? Should a newcomer to the industry map out an exit strategy/retirement plan of some sort?

    Ladies I'd love to hear your thoughts on this issue.

    As far as your friend, She can still do something with her life, 43 isn't dead. My mother spent from age 20-43 married to my fatehr who was a drug addict, although he owned a bussiness and supported her and his children it was not a healthy enviroment for her or the kids. When she left him she felt like her life was over, she was very depressed. Then she decided she wanted to start school, well needless to say it been about 2 years or so and she is about to graduate with her R.N. in nursing and I am so proud of her. Even though she has done all that she still gets down on herself that she spent all that time not doing anything and wishes she would've done this a lot sooner. But the point is that she did do it and your friend could too! It's very hard to motivate somone who is in such a bad postion emotionally(I can't imagine she's the happiest person living in a car) but she has to look at it in a postive way and you being 2 states away is hard maybe you could go online and search sevices in her area that might help. She could get an apartment on section 8, foood stamp, and i am sure they would help her pay fopr school

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    Default Re: How do you know its time to move on?

    I personally believe that it should be more like: While you are making the money you should be investing some and using some to build businesses NOW, while the money is coming in....Do you know how much many "restaurant owners" or whatever would give to have a source of $1000 a week for that first year they are in biz? And you're on the internet...so why not learn how to WORK it...

    B

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    Default Re: How do you know its time to move on?

    Thanks for speaking so candidly Minnie and XXXeveXXX.

    The problem is not that my friends don't know what to do, they're not motivated enough to do it. It's like they've been in the business so long they're scared to take that leap of faith. The irony is that they have excellent business sense and in some respects better than some successful entrepreneurs I know. They just have to apply it to the vanilla world. I mean think about it, escorting as an independent requires skills such as marketing, promotion and customer service (don't laugh - it's true!). And yes I've done my best to encourage them but there is only so much I can do. I don't want to appear as one of those annoying friends who comes off with a holier-than-thou attitude, telling people how to live their life. I am certainly here to lift their spirits or even send some $ if need be, but really they have what it takes to turn this situation around. They talk about what they want to do in the future, but they haven't put the ball in motion. And I agree XXXeveXXX, it's never too late!

    This is the sad part about the business no one ever talks about. I mean yes it's lucrative and you get to be your own boss which is awesome. But the temptation is always there to blow through money because you can always make more tomorrow, right? And when you're young, you feel that you have all the time in the world.

    Okay, so that this post isn't 100% depressing, I spoke to my friend last night (the one living in her car) and apparently she will be staying in a friend's house temporary, so at least she has somewhere to lay her head at night.

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    Default Re: How do you know its time to move on?

    Quote Originally Posted by Bambalina View Post
    I personally believe that it should be more like: While you are making the money you should be investing some and using some to build businesses NOW, while the money is coming in....Do you know how much many "restaurant owners" or whatever would give to have a source of $1000 a week for that first year they are in biz? And you're on the internet...so why not learn how to WORK it...

    B
    Yes! Love this post.

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    Default Re: How do you know its time to move on?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=irSBvuxi9kE someone sent this to my youtube channel, very rare that I view videos sent to me that actually peak my interest. but this is pretty much what I think is why most of us in this business feel stuck.
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    Default Re: How do you know its time to move on?

    Quote Originally Posted by minniesoporno View Post
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=irSBvuxi9kE someone sent this to my youtube channel, very rare that I view videos sent to me that actually peak my interest. but this is pretty much what I think is why most of us in this business feel stuck.
    That was an excellent vid.

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    Default Re: How do you know its time to move on?

    That was an awesome video, but I don't feel it applies to anything I am doing currently. I've been in the corporate world and never ever plan to go back. There were way more dirty things going on there than in my chat room, lol! After seeing them cut benefits, pay, and the CEO take off with millions while those in the trenches actually doing the work could barely pay their bills - naah, they are the dirty ones. They put the workers insurance deductibles up to 3K while their own stayed at 100. Sickening stuff. I've been in management and I ended up quitting after being asked to lie to my employees. Worst feeling ever.

    Now if they had continued to pay a decent, fair wage and treat people well, I'd still be there.

    I see what you are saying about the bling factor though. The smart thing is to make as much as you can in this industry, and invest it, save it, keep on top of your bills and savings and be sure you are financially secure.

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    Default Re: How do you know its time to move on?

    To me it seems like a quality vs quantity.
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    Default Re: How do you know its time to move on?

    Quote Originally Posted by nikkidarling View Post
    Thanks for sharing ladies. Initially I was uncertain about starting this thread because I didn't want to bring any negatively to the board. But you all are right, we could all use a plan B.
    I think we all appreciate your thoughtfulness, but the simple fact is that there are very, very few (if any) women working in the sex industry who are in their late fifties or sixties. This business rewards the young and fresh.

    What has always helped me is that I only tend to work when I have a goal in mind. I started stripping to pay for my BA and when I graduated, I stopped. I did a career change about four years ago and went back to school. Now I'm escorting to pay off that debt while building my business. When the business is supporting itself or I get my debt paid off (whichever comes first), I'll stop. I know myself well enough to know that if sex work was my only income with no other goal in sight, I'd eventually end up like your friends.

    And I'm cute as hell, but I know it's not going to last forever.

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    Default Re: How do you know its time to move on?

    I feel NOW, after more experience, that it is a come up/ way out, not a reasonable lifestyle to "expect".

    Use it as a stepping stone,
    but more kudos to those who found away to live fast forever

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