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Thread: How many declined invites before you move on?

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    Default How many declined invites before you move on?

    Recently began dating (if that word even applies...) a woman who lives locally. We've known each other for about a year, but she'd been out of the country for much of that time. Whenever she was in town, we hung out (with her best woman friend). Finally, we stopped acting like there wasn't a mutual attraction, and we slept together. (The restraint on both our parts was reasonable: Her friend was someone I'd slept with several years earlier.)

    It's been a few weeks and a few overnights, and now she's being distant and declining invites to see movies, have dinner, etc. I'm getting the cold-shoulder vibe. My worry is that I'm incompetent about reading these signs. She may just be, as she says, terribly busy.

    Should I quit it with the invites? But I don't want to offend her, either. I truly like her (even if the romance meter reads "mild") and her gal pal, with whom I'm still friends.

    It's all so awkward.

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    Featured Member noelle's Avatar
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    Default Re: How many declined invites before you move on?

    I'd say after two or three, you have to realize she's probably not just busy. After that I'd just say "let me know when you are free" and if she wants to see you, she can ask you.
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    Default Re: How many declined invites before you move on?

    She's not interested. Don't be like me and wait for her only for hurt.

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    Default Re: How many declined invites before you move on?

    Thanks, Kelly. My instinct is she's not interested. This is fine, by the way, and I've let her know since the beginning that I'm a loyal pal, whatever we evolve into. My big worry is that I'm simply misreading her and I'll offend her. As for "waiting to be hurt," there's no chance of that, not with this one.

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    Veteran Member Lacy Luck's Avatar
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    Default Re: How many declined invites before you move on?

    The cold shoulder could be a loss of interest, or... is there anything you may have done to inadvertently piss her off? Some girls resort to silent treatment and expect you to figure it out. Maybe your mutual friend could do some sleuthing on your behalf.

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    Default Re: How many declined invites before you move on?

    ^^^ Lady in question just txted me. "Ready for a movie now?" Blah. I can't read her! This is very confusing. If I were in my 20s, I'd simply get over there, have sex, and stop worrying about it. But with age comes a loss of spontaneity--at least in my case.

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    Veteran Member Lacy Luck's Avatar
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    Default Re: How many declined invites before you move on?

    She could be seeing someone else as well, and can't plan ahead because she wants to see if he'll ask her out first.

    Or, maybe we are just terribly jaded and pessimistic and she is just as she says, terribly busy.

    Good luck!

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    Default Re: How many declined invites before you move on?

    She could be seeing someone else as well, and can't plan ahead because she wants to see if he'll ask her out first.
    Exactly; she's keeping her options open, which is cool.

    Just keep your options open, knowing where you stand.
    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

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    Default Re: How many declined invites before you move on?

    Update: Just spent a very pleasant long weekend together on a spontaneous road trip (she had work out of town).

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    Default Re: How many declined invites before you move on?

    Congratulations! I love happy endings!

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    Default Re: How many declined invites before you move on?

    From the feast or famine department: Just as I settle into a cozy dating scenario, another woman hands me her phone number and pointedly announces "I just broke up with my boyfriend." While you ladies must get this kind of attention ALL the time, this bounty is a new thing for me. And, no, I'm not acting on it--at least, not without a pass from Lady A.

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    Default Re: How many declined invites before you move on?

    I would stop asking. If she asks you, fine. But these things have to be a two way street, and if you're doing all the work, then that's hardly a mutual endeavor.

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