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Thread: Am I crazy?

  1. #1
    Member vicky89's Avatar
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    Dizzy Am I crazy?

    So I've come to a crossroads in my relationship with my boyfriend and I'm thinking abot breaking up with him. However, I do not want to move back in with my parents. I want to dance and support myself. This worries me a little though because I've never had to support myself before and I don't know if this is a good way to do it. I'm still in school and I used to dance and loved it. However, I quit dancing for my boyfriend and never stopped wanting to go back. That's what all of our fights were about. The fact that it doesn't bother me that it hurts him when I dance and that I would rather leave him than leave dancing is of concern to me because it makes me think that I don't truly love him. Don't get me wrong, I do love him but not like he does. He wants to marry me and I want to be single. The problem is, I don't know if I'll ever find a guy as good to me as he is. He really is the best boyfriend ever.

    He moved to Baltimore from LA for me and left all his friends and now works from home. He is itching to move back and wants me to move with him. The thing is, I feel like I'm giving up alot to be with him and I'm not even sure if I want to marry him. I'm in my senior year of college and to transfer to UCLA, I would have to miss an entire year of school (because I missed application deadlines for this fall) and I would lose alot of credits. Another thing is, I would be away from my family... But mainly, I think the thing that bothers me the most is that I can't live my life the way I want to as long as I'm with him and he's taking all my young years which are my top earning potential years in the biz.

    Should I move out and break up with him and go back to dancing? or is it not worth it? I know alot of women hate dancing to support themselves and I never wanted to be one of them but I think I have no choice at this point if I break up with him.

  2. #2
    Senior Member LuckyLane's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I crazy?

    Quote Originally Posted by vicky89 View Post
    But mainly, I think the thing that bothers me the most is that I can't live my life the way I want to as long as I'm with him
    If you are having thoughts like this, from my experience, I think it's a big sign that the relationship might not be right for you at this time. It's easy to begin to resent someone if you feel that they are keeping you from living how you want to. You don't want to look back and regret not living your life the way you wanted. I know it's scary to think that you might not find someone in the future that treats you as well as he does, but if it's not right for you now, ultimately that's what is important. You can't hang on hoping it becomes right for you in the future. That's what I found was true for me, so that's my

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    God/dess firemaiden04's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I crazy?

    You don't sound at all happy with this relationship, and to me, it doesn't sound like it will ever get any better. You have a lot of resentment towards him for making you give up something you love, and if you go back, he will always have a lot of resentment towards you for choosing to do something he didn't like. This seems like a lose-lose situation to me.

    DO NOT give up school for this guy. For ANY guy. Trust me, as someone who did exactly that, I can tell you that you will ALWAYS regret it. And once you're out of school, even if you think it's just for "a little while," it is so incredibly hard to go back, at every level.

    You also mentioned that you just want to be single. If that's the case, then you should be single. What's the point of staying with a guy that you KNOW you don't really want to be with? Because you're afraid he's the best you can do? Trust me, there are TONS of guys who are infinitely better for you than your current boyfriend. He sounds needy, possessive, immature, and demanding, which is NOT a good combination. Plus, you just don't sound like you're at the point in your life where you really want a serious relationship. When YOU are ready for that kind of commitment, it will happen. It shouldn't happen just because this guy wants you to do it.

    My honest opinion is that you break up with him, start dancing again, save up money to get your own apartment, and STAY IN SCHOOL. If you have to move back in with your parents again temporarily, just do it. There are worse things.

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  6. #4
    God/dess Kisca's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I crazy?

    I think its time for a break up. My ex-bf and I were together for almost 2 years and lived together. He found out about me dancing, hated it, then was ok, then hated it. Even when we broke up and I still lived with him, HE STILL DIDNT LET ME WORK. He said "Yeah sure, after your surgury you can go to work". When I finally healed up, he freaked out and told me to get the fuck out right NOW, then I was allowed to work. I am also in school, and work, it will be difficult - but you will learn to manage your money and budgets etc.

    It seems like he is not happy, controlling, wants you to live his life by his own rules. While you are not happy, even though he did move for you, in the end he seems like a controlling guy and even if you do break up with him, and he comes crawling back saying you can dance and be with him.. Its highly doubtfull he will change his mind 100% to that. most men cannot handle this job - the fact that they cannot get it past their head that its a job.. not a place where we want to drink and party.

    After of me wanting to work, my ex said no to me, and said he'd give me money for a place for the start. So it was difficult just to get up and leave. I sneaked into work 1-2 times a week, saved enough that would be first and last etc. Suprisingly that night at work, a girl I talk to, said she also wanted to move out, so me and her found a place. Im so happy, and thankful to have met her as we get along too. If not, I would have looked into a place on my own. You could look for a roomate, or a shared room if you dont want to live on your own, or are scared about the finances. Could you try to get a loan, sneak into work? Start saving up money so you can move out/find a place. You need to talk to him first, if you arent happpy dont let him drag you down, saying he will change, or he will take care of you.. etc. You will still not be happy with him telling you cannot do this or that.. In the long path (and in marriage terms) it will get worse, if its like this now. I hope you figure out what you want, have a talk with him, and start taking into action step by step. Good luck

    Oh and trust me, I had that fear of not finding someone else either. Figure out the missing peice in your relationship. There will be guys who are better., If you not fully happy, and based off his actions, he knows you arent and still doesnt let you work, it shows that he is selfish and controlling towards you and himself. There are plently of guys out there.. guys who want you be happy, and will let you do anything you want inorder to make you happy. A relationship should be based on that, not having the fear, or issues of controlling your SO. Dont worry about that.. As soon are you are on your own, peices will fall in together.. and if it goes good, then you'll know whether this man was the man for you, or not. When we step back and logically think of our postion, we realize this isnt right and it should be better. There are better guys out there, dont worry about that.

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    Moderator Djoser's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I crazy?

    Don't give up finishing your last year of college, that can be very difficult to fix.

    And it doesn't sound like you really want to commit to this guy.

    But don't think it will be easy to find a truly loving, supportive SO who doesn't mind you dancing. Such men are exceedingly rare. In eleven years in the business, almost 2,000 dancers I've worked with, I've seen maybe 10 of them.

    My advice is to remain single while you finish college and dance a few years, so you can remain independent and make the most money without relying on anyone other than yourself.
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
    Friedrich Nietzsche

    Free your mind, and your ass will follow.
    George Clinton

    ______________________________________

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    Senior Member Sapphire9's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I crazy?

    I feel you should do what makes you happy. I support myself by dancing and i dont hate it what so ever. In fact, it's probably one of the easiest jobs i've had for the amount I make. You two are obviously not in the same position with what you want to do with your lives. School should come first cuz essentially that's going to help you get a career and be who you want to be in the future. I know people say this a lot, but there really are a lot of great guys out there. My ex loved me a lot and probably still does. He put me before everything and after I broke up with him, i felt like I wouldn't find anyone that would put me on such a high pedestal like he did. But sure enough I found my man that i have now and he's perfect. So it is possible, just dont give up and concentrate on yourself for now.
    In the words of Lil Wayne, "Confidence is the stain they can't wipe off"

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    Featured Member FiendishGyrator's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I crazy?

    Ou can always move into a weekly motel until you save up enough money for rent and deposit. That should take you maybe three weeks depending in work. I say go for it. It's so liberating to leave relationships like this and feel empowered by learning to do things on your own.

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  14. #8
    Member vicky89's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I crazy?

    first of all, thanks for the advice. you guys are right. i should do me. here's an update on the whole thing: he finally broke up with me for good because i was too chicken shit to do it myself. but of course, i did the one thing that i know would force him to do it. i danced. i feel really bad though because i've danced more than once and lied about it, thinking i could have my cake and eat it too... i feel bad though because i know i really hurt him. i wish i coud have just broken up with him and told him that i wasn't feeling the same way he was... either way, it's over and i'm free to do whatever i want. i'm living in my parents' basement for now because he kicked me out at 2 AM last night. said he never wanted to see or speak to me again because it hurts too much. i will work dayshift or select weekend nights (telling them i'm going out) untill i save enough to move out. then, i'll tell them i started working a normal job (explains the day shifts). i hate having to lie about dancing but i know they would disown me if they found out. i just wish people would just accept it. i don't fee bad about what i do so i hate being condemned for it.

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