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Thread: How to tell your significant other...about your other life online...

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    Mind Blowing How to tell your significant other...about your other life online...

    So, I decided to open this thread b/c I'm in a little bit of a pickle! Im a 22 year old student however, Im also married. Husband makes good $$$ and gives me a portion every month to pay my car payment, food, gas etc. It's a decent amount but, I felt myself still needing more money @ the end of every month for little extras clothes,shoes,etc. So I decided to start camming for xtra $$$. He doesn't know and I attempted to bring it up to him once and his straight laced response was, "There are better ways to make money". The thing is, sure the money is great but, I genuinely enjoy doing it . I got another PT job problem is it only pays $12.50/hr :/ compared to camming it's nothing as you girls know :/. Even though I have this PT job now I still want to continue to cam but am not sure if I should just tell my husband or not and if so how do I tell him? My other big issue is he wants to file our taxes together next year and I feel like eventually he'll find out...what to do?!?

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    Veteran Member bun's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to tell your significant other...about your other life online...

    Do y'all not live together?

    If you had to find out he was strippin' and didn't tell you, wouldn't you want to take a belt to his ass? Wouldn't you wonder what else that man was lying to you about if he couldn't even come clean about a part time job?

    Treat him as you'd like to be treated. It's your husband. It's not a boyfriend.. you're spending (possibly) the rest of your life with this guy. ...You're 22, a grown ass woman and while sometimes we may omit the truth due to convenience we should not lie like we're children unless you want to be treated like a child.

    This is of course my.. two cents.

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    Featured Member BuffyFlame's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to tell your significant other...about your other life online...

    Lol 12 a hour for a part time sounds good =P i want to get out of the house heheh
    Americanmade18 on most sites.

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    Default Re: How to tell your significant other...about your other life online...

    Yes I know your right, I need to either fess up or quit. Just not sure how to tell him?

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    Default Re: How to tell your significant other...about your other life online...

    +1 to what bun said...

    I understand everyone does stupid shizz, but this is your husband. And this job is walking a very thin line, too, I mean, c'mon, we get naked for strangers. I think I wrote this once before, but no harm in repeating: I know a lot of people lives by the line "I can do whatever I want, it's my life". That is true to an extent. But my (strictly personal) opinion is that if you have a husband/wife/someone you promised to share your life with, their vote DOES count. You may opt not to care and they may opt not to stay with someone who doesn't care, but at the end of the day, when it comes to sharing your entire life with someone, they should at least have the right not to be lied to. I don't mean telling them those $300 shoes cost $100, I mean about significant things, and in my book this would count as a significant thing.

    If I found out my husband has done something along those lines behind my back, I'd want to do some serious nutcracking. I don't really know what to advise you, either. It all depends on what sort of a man your husband is, but prepare yourself for a fierce reaction. If you want to continue to cam and you appreciate your relationship with your husband, you should straighten things out first. Only you can know what the best way is to do that, since you know your husband and how he might react. But honestly, I'd tread carefully. This situation has a lot of potential for a big fight.

    I'm sorry if that sounds crude, but it's just the way I see things. Didn't mean to be a downer and I sincerely hope things work out for the best!

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    Default Re: How to tell your significant other...about your other life online...

    If it hurts him , theres no excuses.

    If hes just stubborn , and thinks low of it, You should consider how you
    got into that kind of marriage , and how you turned out so different.

    If hes just jealous of the money,(Or you having any at all) you need to have a serious
    conversation.
    Americanmade18 on most sites.

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    Default Re: How to tell your significant other...about your other life online...

    Ya I appreciate everyones opinion an I don't think anyone has been crude/harsh. I love my husband with everything in me and feel extremely guilty about what I got myself into with the canning. I think bc of ltd source of income an that being my only access to $, I turned to camming. He's so straight laced I will need to think of the best possible way to bring this up without hopefully causing a huge fight thank you girls I really think I just needed to hear it from someone else

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    Default Re: How to tell your significant other...about your other life online...

    I'd lay it out to him from a business perspective. He'll probably have an emotional response, so it's important to explain why you're doing it. So this is what I would do:

    I'd apologize for not telling him sooner, because that part you need to apologize for. It's important to keep things open and honest in a relationship or else you erode the trust.

    Then I'd explain that the money is much better than part-time work, that you have complete control over your schedule (which is important for a student), that you're your own boss, etc. I'd also go into the financial imbalance a bit, that it's great he's working but you need your own money too and camming gives you some financial independence.

    Then I'd be open to anything he says, and I'd tell him that. If he's really upset, you'll need to respect that - he has the right to be upset. Give him time to process it. He might be mad at first, then more accepting once he thinks about it from a financial perspective. Or he might feel like it comes too close to sleeping with other men, or just hate the idea of you undressing for strangers. See if there's any common ground, find out if there's any part of camming he's okay with. Maybe he's okay with it if you just undress but don't masturbate. Maybe he's okay with just phone chat, not camming. Or just content production, like photos and email.

    In any relationship, you have to respect your partner's perspective, so if he absolutely hates it, you have to be willing to seek out alternatives that work for both of you. But I'd make a solid case for camming first. And if he gets upset initially, bring it up again later and talk through it again. Just remind him that you care about him and won't do anything that violates his trust.

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    Veteran Member cherriebomb's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to tell your significant other...about your other life online...

    Heres what I would do....

    Just tell him you found an ad for being a cam girl online one day and thought it sounded really intriguing, since it lets you work whenver you want and from home... but you wanted to make sure it was ok with him first. That way you dont have to tell him you are already doing it and if he hates it you definitely need to stop.

    Or you could try non nude too mabey he'd be ok with that? I know MissEgo makes decent money and shes not taking it all off. I know its a tough situation, my boyfriend of 6 years is very straight laced as well, and this is the exact approach I had to take with him. Hes ok with it, but he never asks questions and I get the feeling he'd just rather not talk about it.

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    Veteran Member xxxevexxx's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to tell your significant other...about your other life online...

    Quote Originally Posted by nocturne View Post
    I'd lay it out to him from a business perspective. He'll probably have an emotional response, so it's important to explain why you're doing it. So this is what I would do:

    I'd apologize for not telling him sooner, because that part you need to apologize for. It's important to keep things open and honest in a relationship or else you erode the trust.

    Then I'd explain that the money is much better than part-time work, that you have complete control over your schedule (which is important for a student), that you're your own boss, etc. I'd also go into the financial imbalance a bit, that it's great he's working but you need your own money too and camming gives you some financial independence.

    Then I'd be open to anything he says, and I'd tell him that. If he's really upset, you'll need to respect that - he has the right to be upset. Give him time to process it. He might be mad at first, then more accepting once he thinks about it from a financial perspective. Or he might feel like it comes too close to sleeping with other men, or just hate the idea of you undressing for strangers. See if there's any common ground, find out if there's any part of camming he's okay with. Maybe he's okay with it if you just undress but don't masturbate. Maybe he's okay with just phone chat, not camming. Or just content production, like photos and email.

    In any relationship, you have to respect your partner's perspective, so if he absolutely hates it, you have to be willing to seek out alternatives that work for both of you. But I'd make a solid case for camming first. And if he gets upset initially, bring it up again later and talk through it again. Just remind him that you care about him and won't do anything that violates his trust.

    I agree with this a lot. The truth is important and I'm pretty lucky that the imortant people in my life know what I do and even if they don't l;ove the idea they accept in because I make it clear it's not going to change even if they wanted to pay all my bills and give me extra money. don't get my wrong that would be nice but I like earning my own money and being independent no matter what. I wouldnt suggest you tell him you're doing it and you don'ty care it they don't like it because that's your husband so it's a little different but I do think it's a good idea soem women to make their own money because what if something goes wrong with your relationship, or he looses his job.. atleast that's how I look at it. Some guys I've met have the immpression that we 'like' our customers (delusional i know) If he feels that way make sure you make it clear that they mean nothing more than dollar signs. If you approach it in the right right way, in a bussiness way it should go over smoother. I know you want as little fighting as possible but expect some, maybe when he starts yelling and acting crazy about it you could either walk away and let him know that he needs a minute to process and you'll be in the bedroom reading(or whatver) when he's ready to talk or maybe let him know that we're not goign to get anywhere fighting like this and could we please try to be calm so we can get to the bottom of this.. I hope everything goes away It's probaly going to be hard a first but it wil get easier )

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    God/dess cherryblossomsinspring's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to tell your significant other...about your other life online...

    Quote Originally Posted by LUVLOUBIES View Post
    So, I decided to open this thread b/c I'm in a little bit of a pickle! Im a 22 year old student however, Im also married. Husband makes good $$$ and gives me a portion every month to pay my car payment, food, gas etc. It's a decent amount but, I felt myself still needing more money @ the end of every month for little extras clothes,shoes,etc. So I decided to start camming for xtra $$$. He doesn't know and I attempted to bring it up to him once and his straight laced response was, "There are better ways to make money". The thing is, sure the money is great but, I genuinely enjoy doing it . I got another PT job problem is it only pays $12.50/hr :/ compared to camming it's nothing as you girls know :/. Even though I have this PT job now I still want to continue to cam but am not sure if I should just tell my husband or not and if so how do I tell him? My other big issue is he wants to file our taxes together next year and I feel like eventually he'll find out...what to do?!?
    What I'm hearing is that you have a really good man. He sounds like the type that provides and makes sure to give you money for extra expenses. Being married I would feel that this camming on the side could potentially go wrong. You are sharing your body , flirty and possibly toy play with a bunch of random men. Being married a guy doesn't usually want to share you with anyone , so it's like you're secretly cheating on him to buy some shoes. If what he gives you is not enough then you can always say you need alittle more. I mean extra clothes and shoes isn't worth being divorced at 22 and having to pay for it all buy yourself.

    Honestly if I was in your shoes at the age of 22 and married to a man that loves me enough to bust his hump daily so I can live comfortably, I wouldn't do anything to make him doubt my vows to him. Drop the camming and take that $12.50 an hour job. If this was a husband that needed your income to pay bills then yes I would say screw him, do you ! But shoes and clothes? Umm no drop the camming and do some phone sex or take that $12.50 job. You're 22 so you can move up in the company and make more over time.

    If you feel loosing this man, his respect, his level of trust then sure go for it!

    But you can look at this board and see the many women that struggle to pay for college, keep a roof over their head, pay a car note and some even have kids and have to do this all on their own. Many women would kill to have a job that just paid for shoes and clothes. I had a relationship similar where the guy paid for everything and I worked only to pay for clothes gifts and give money to family. Everything else was invested in 401k,IRA etc. But there was no way in hell I was going to go strip or be a cam girl knowing that my man would not be cool with it. That would have been grounds to getting dropped. I ended up dropping him later for other reasons but I do everything for myself and by myself now.

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    Default Re: How to tell your significant other...about your other life online...

    Also if anyone tells you differently then they will be here to laugh when you post... My husband cheated on me or my husband wants a divorce help.

    Some women get off on seeing other fails. Some want to laugh when things blow up in your face. Don't give them the satisfaction!

    Your husband was clear about his feelings early on, what you did was go back behind his back and do what you wanted any ways. So if he decides to cheat on you, he can very well say he was in the right and throw this "cam situation" in your face. It's a childish tit for tat approach but some guys do this.

    I only say this because I really think you have an amazing husband that really does want the best for you and works to see you happy. I say stop wait 6 months and maybe tell him then. I don't know if I would even want to do that myself. Please really think about telling him, that may not be wise to do. If you only just started then stop and tell him that you needed extra money wanted to make it fast but felt wrong for doing it so you stopped. Perhaps telling him this way will allow him to feel bad and he may just say "honey why didn't you tell me, here's an extra $300 a month. Who knows he may surprise you. But shoes & clothes are not important enough to lie to him.

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    Default Re: How to tell your significant other...about your other life online...

    TY you everyone for the advice. I spoke with my husband today and he's strictly aganist this type of work just because, he was raised a different way, went to school, has an MBA and now is head of a great company and busts his butt M-F @ work. I've decided if I don't want to lose the one thing that I love the most, it's best to just stop. So, I won't be camming anymore or using MGF. I think this is the absolute right thing to do after knowing how he feels about it. TY to all the ladies on here who offered wonderful advice as it truly did help see the bigger picture. An extra couple dollars @ the end of the month isn't worth the risk of losing him. TY TY ladies

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    Senior Member leighbeigh's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to tell your significant other...about your other life online...

    Good luck with everything!

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    Veteran Member xxxevexxx's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to tell your significant other...about your other life online...

    O good! well i am happy everything worked out for you )

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    Default Re: How to tell your significant other...about your other life online...

    Quote Originally Posted by xxxevexxx View Post
    O good! well i am happy everything worked out for you )
    TY seriously everyone. My hubby and I don't see eye to eye on this and that's okay because, I did to decide to marry him, I can live with that and not play out my fantasy of being a cam girl but, props to you girls that do . I suppose in love/life, you just can't have your cake and eat it too but, that's okay...I knew when I got married there would be some sacrifices along the way & that's alright

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    Default Re: How to tell your significant other...about your other life online...

    he said there are "better ways to make money"
    how about he get you a job then> honestly i think its so dumb for men to forbid their women to work unless they're paying them like 10k a month.

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    Default Re: How to tell your significant other...about your other life online...

    he said there are "better ways to make money"
    how about he get you a job then> honestly i think its so dumb for men to forbid their women to work unless they're paying them like 10k a month.

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    Default Re: How to tell your significant other...about your other life online...

    ^^

    Exactly. If you want more spending cash, you are welcome to do whatever is within your means to get it. But hey, I'm also married and to a guy who would never dream of telling me what I can and can't do for money. Especially when its at the tune of $3K-$5K extra a month! LOLZ!

    Honestly, (and this goes for girls who may have yet to tell their SOs about their camming), NEVER frame the discussion like its some kind of confession/exspose/debate. Simply mention it. In a previous post, you said you'd mentioned it and he didn't even balk. He just was like.. "well.. there are other options." Yes. There are. At that point, you should have stopped hiding it and just do it. After that, upon mentioning it, you could respond: "I already TOLD you I was camming. Don't you remember? Over dinner, that one night." and go about doing whatever is normal.

    There, its done. You're still the same woman he was with five minutes before you brought it up. Seriously, men are creatures of habit and inertia. As long as what you're doing doesn't fuck with his routine, he likely doesn't fundamentally care (unless he's some kind of micro-manager/controller). If what you're doing actually saves him money (or brings more into the household), he should care even less. Mention it like its no big deal and its not. Mention it like you're feeling guilty about it (which you obviously are) and if he's that type of guy, he'll sense that and feed off of it, just on principle.

    Your guy doesn't care that you're camming. He cares that you asked him if it was alright that you do so and now he gets to have the final say. A partner would have said, "Well, I'm cautious for you entering into this line of work but I trust you and if you think this is the right decision, I'll support you. Thanks for being honest with me." A controlling partner would demand that you stop immediately because you gave him the authority to tell you what's good for you. Congratulations on losing that amount of control and decision-making power in your own marriage, especially as it pertains to how you make money and what you do with your own body.
    "SS=stripper shit, in the same spectrum as CS=customer shit, which is within the spectrum of SaS=sales shit, which is all contained in the universe of BS=bullshit." -- Jay Zeno (mod)

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    Default Re: How to tell your significant other...about your other life online...

    Quote Originally Posted by lagirl View Post
    he said there are "better ways to make money"
    how about he get you a job then> honestly i think its so dumb for men to forbid their women to work unless they're paying them like 10k a month.
    Actually from what she's said about her husband he sounds like a great guy that does take care of her and that she has everything she needs but she *wanted* extra money for shoes and stuff and the way she described him he sounds like the kind of guy that if she asked and he had extra money to spare on non-necessities he probally would. We all have our own opinions but i don't think it's stupid for a guy to feel uncomfortable with this, a lot of men area, lol 10 grand a month?? that's asking for quite a bit, don't you think?? 120,000 a year?? you could buy a house with that girl! I know why you're saying that to compensate for an awesome camming career salary but few people could afford to pay their signifigant other that but still have to right to say they can't live with their wife showing herself to the world. I hope this didnt come off a rude, i simply disagree. I personally have an i don't care what you think attitude about my job towards people close to me but that is because i have an i don't care attitude about having a signifigant other right now.

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    Default Re: How to tell your significant other...about your other life online...

    if he "took care of her" then she wouldnt be trying to find ways to make more money. no one is comfortable just SURVIVING. hes allowing her to survive. yes we can survive on 500 a week, but does anyone WANT to? limiting her options is denying her freedom. "IF" he had money to spare. but he doesnt. hes obviously not a millionaire. she wants a different lifestyle than he is able to afford her, and she has the right to take a job that will help her achieve that. she shouldnt be forced to live near poverty level just because he has double standards and an effed up sense of morality.

    "you could buy a house with that girl! "
    EXACTLY. maybe she WANTS to by a house. and shes certainly not gonna afford one on his restrictive "allowance." She is an adult, not a kid, she should be allowed to live her life however she wants. if she wants to work her ass off and buy a house, then she should be allowed to.

    "few people could afford to pay their significant other "
    exactly, which is why few people have the right to say what their sig other can and cant do for a living. its not like shes doing this for shits and giggles, its for money. any guy who has a problem with the way a girl makes her money is incredibly selfish. i dated a guy a month ago who had a problem with me being a stripper. this guy was DIRT POOR yet he wanted me to quit stripping and be poor like him. how insanely selfish and illogical! He said he could help me get a job at his catering company he works at. PLEASE. hes barely surviving, i dont want to be in that situation as well. this same guy was also insanely selfish in other ways and had a horrible temper. he is the first guy i have ever dated that h as had a problem with what i do, and the only other guys i come across who say its problematic are incredibly macho, violent, and possessive, not to mention selfish.

    and he sounds like he's 50 and a pseudo sugar daddy and thus he shouldnt be shocked that she would chose this, but thats another story.

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    Default Re: How to tell your significant other...about your other life online...

    it sounds like he is taking care of her. She just wanted extra for shoes and clothes every month. If she's making enough to pay for college, buy shoes and clothes, mortgage or rent in a very upper class area, car payments , food etc then she could do it all on her own. But when you usually just start camming you're not making 120,000 a year. Some get lucky at this but most struggle with making $1000 -$3000 a month. So realistically if she could pay for everything on her own without needing a dime from him then it would be a different story. But he pays for everything and even gives her an allowance on expenses. She just wanted alittle extra for shoes and clothing. Once again she married him prior to this. So to change it up and say ooh hunny I want to play with my vagina for random men , will you still love me? wtf? I'm sorry but if a man wanted to marry me and said sure play with your bits for all guys to see , just make sure I get to bend you over every night, I would wonder if he was harboring a cuckold fetish.

    The typical guy would not want their wife to work in any sexual industry. let's be realistic here. Also she wasn't doing this before she got married, she did it after the fact even after he expressed he didn't like it. She says he makes good money and does provide and that's what in my old fashioned opinion, a husband should do.

    I can't see myself breaking the money I made showing my bits to men with another man. It would make me feel like I had an in home pimp. Many men marry for the benefit of knowing that you are their wife not something that can be bought with a few tokens.

    I'm glad to hear the news Luvloubies. I'm also glad he didn't get upset when you told him and that you've decided to be honest and enjoy him providing for you. Like I said for some shoes and clothes showing your naughty bits while married isn't worth being divorced and having to now pay for it all on your own.

    Now if her wife and hubby relationship is something different. Like over the hill guy decided to grab up super young girl to relive his youth and play control freak, well then that's another story. But she married him so she knows the extent of what he's willing to accept and what he's not.

    Remember she's married. If this was a bf, she could very well say screw this noise and dump him and do it all on her own. But really is her husband putting her through college too? He's trying to set her up for a career where clothing isn't optional. I have no issues with women that can do the real world and be successful in it. As we shouldn't have an issue with the lives we chose for ourselves. But this lifestyle is not for everyone and I would never push or encourage a married woman to think of doing this after the wedding bells have rung.

    If she did this prior to marriage and then got married well then he would have known who he was marrying. That's the point.

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    Default Re: How to tell your significant other...about your other life online...

    Quote Originally Posted by lagirl View Post

    "few people could afford to pay their significant other "
    exactly, which is why few people have the right to say what their sig other can and cant do for a living. its not like shes doing this for shits and giggles, its for money. any guy who has a problem with the way a girl makes her money is incredibly selfish. i dated a guy a month ago who had a problem with me being a stripper. this guy was DIRT POOR yet he wanted me to quit stripping and be poor like him. how insanely selfish and illogical! He said he could help me get a job at his catering company he works at. PLEASE. hes barely surviving, i dont want to be in that situation as well. this same guy was also insanely selfish in other ways and had a horrible temper. he is the first guy i have ever dated that h as had a problem with what i do, and the only other guys i come across who say its problematic are incredibly macho, violent, and possessive, not to mention selfish.
    I had a bf like this exactly . I brought up webcamming and he flat out was like "eww" I didn't know what web cam models did at the time. Then I thought hmm this fucker doesn't want to help me with anything. But yet he's telling me I need to get a job. WTF there is not way I can go back to that office sexual harrasment shit. I did and I lasted a week before 2 different bosses asked if I was married. That was it. But I had already dumped him by then. To me if you're not part of the solution .... then you are the problem. You described one of my ex's to a "T" LA. but he got dropped and I later started camming. Several months later for even I wasn't all that comfortable with it at first. But now I love it and don't see any reason to even date. But I'm not married to anyone and I don't share my life with another person. So I can just do whatever the hell I want. I'm pretty sure she wouldn't be happy if he said ok here's the deal. You can cam and you have to give me half your earnings, also I get to spend your money on other cam girls, since many married men pay for our shows. hmm sounds fair don't you think???

    I don't think she would be so happy with him PAYING to get off with cam girls and calling them up too.... with the money she made. What if he ends up falling for one. Divorces her and moves in cam girl #2? This sounds random but the funny thing is that this shit really does happen.

    She's 22, let her enjoy being a happily married woman and working the office job to buy knick knacks like shoes.

  30. #24
    Veteran Member xxxevexxx's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to tell your significant other...about your other life online...

    I see where you're coming from lagirl, but i don't think any of us knoiw her position enough to decide what's best for her. However she does seem to be happy and taken care of, and conrolling men are a nightmare but that's not what I am getting from her description of him and the situation. As long as she is happy I guess nothing else matters, if camming was really that important to her she could lay her foot down and see what happens but she is taken care of and has a 12.50 hour part time job so I would say thats enough to buy some cute clothes or shoes on payday (:

  31. #25
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    Default Re: How to tell your significant other...about your other life online...

    You know what I don't quite understand? (this is not a knock on the OP's husband) I hear this thing a lot-the husband / boyfriend is taking care of the girl, paying for everything but clothes and non-essentials. Because the guy is MOSTLY paying for her life, the girl feels she needs to get his consent for everything she does. But remember he's not paying for everything-the girl that's being takin care of is then put in a position where she either needs to still find a job just to be able to buy cute jeans (that her butt will look cute in-so he can stare at it) and starbucks etc.. OR ask him for extra money. I was in this exact situation with my ex-boyfriend. I really think this paying for everything BUT is so that the girl has to then ask the guy for money; like a kid asking for an allowance-it's BS, in my opinion you either take care of someone fully or you let them get a job and be independent mentally and financially there's no halfway about it ya know?

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