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Thread: I have nothing

  1. #1
    Member Wild_Flower's Avatar
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    Sad I have nothing

    I feel like I'm dying inside. My boyfriend and I have broken up just this week and I cant take it.
    I have no friends, nowhere to go. The worst part is that we live together. As I'm writing this he is on online dating sites chatting up girls.

    All of this happened because I was upset that we had been together for six years and we weren't saving for a house or getting married or anything and I wanted a future with him. Obviously he didn't. Every time I hear that instant message beep my heart drops.

    I Left my family for him and was even willing to go live in another country because he wanted to and this is what I get for it. I just don't know what to do anymore. It would be nice to have some friends to talk to or visit but I don't so Im here listening to him type away my hopes and dreams.

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    Default Re: I have nothing

    Im sorry hun.
    He sounds like a jerk. Talking to girls online right infront of you & just after a breakup? Seems extremely disrespectful IMO.
    Do you have someone you could stay with until you can find a new place? A family member maybe? Or shit, maybe HE should go. Sounds like living together is only going to make things tougher for you.

  3. #3
    Featured Member tampadancer's Avatar
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    Default Re: I have nothing

    Aww sweetie...

    Breakups suck - there is no way around that. But you WILL be okay. You may have lost the relationship, but you still have you. I am sure you are a smart, capable, beautiful woman, and you will move on to far bigger and better things. I've been in your situation (a couple of times...I don't learn lessons well), and in retrospect, I realize that those relationships were not the right ones for me. You cannot see this now because you are in the midst of it, but when the fog lifts, you will. I am a firm believer in "everything happens for a reason." We may not always know the reason immediately, but one always exists.

    What he is doing is very cruel - chatting with other girls a week after you broke up and while you are still living there??? I'm sorry, but that is straight up douchey. What an ass. You need to put together a plan of action to get yourself away from him ASAP so that you can move on. Is it his place or yours? Who will be moving? If it's you, get out there and find a place. I don't know your family situation, but it may also be a good time to lean on them. You said you left them for him...but I'm not sure what that means.

    As for having no friends...girl this is so typical. I can't tell you how many times I've become enamored with some dude I'm dating and have blown off my friends. It's dumb, but lots of us do it (unintentionally). You will make new friends.

    Pick yourself up and make a game plan. Do not allow yourself to sink into some pit of depressed victimization. You can do this.

  4. #4
    God/dess cherryblossomsinspring's Avatar
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    Default Re: I have nothing

    Wow what an A-hole!!! There are many guys like him out there. They lead girls on making them think there is a future. They do this on purpose to reap the benefits of what you'll give to them in the "meantime". And trust me with these types tomorrow never comes.

    I'm really sorry to hear you're going through this. But trust that going through this will truly make you so much stronger.

    First things first. Stay busy. Get out of the house and go to a movie, get your nails done, spa treatment. Treat yourself the way you know you deserve to be treated.


    Now its time to mind fu** him back.

    First off you live together so I wanted to ask who pays the bills?
    Are you working? Is your schedule different from his?
    Please tell us more so we can help.

    If he's chatting up girls online while you're in the home with him, then he's doing it on purpose trying to be mean and hateful. What he really wants you to do is submit and tell him it's ok we can just enjoy being with each other. That's why he's pissed. The game is up and now he was told to either piss or get off the pot.

    So what you can do is tell him what he wants to hear, it's the same thing he's been doing to you for 6 years. Just go and apologize (lie your ass off) Say you were sorry for ever bringing it up and that you just want to get back to things the way they were.

    Now after stating such a annoying thing, you will go into the ME PLAN. Money and Education.
    Sex is out of the question. Say you're tired, you don't have time, you're on your menses, you're area down below hurts. Whatever just don't sleep with him anymore. If he cheats then he was already cheating.

    Many of these types were never looking for forever. They just wanted a roommate they could bend over and give a bs title too of "girlfriend". Many guys have realized that they will get more sex , and more money out of a girlfriend then they would ever have being single. It's something I see more of in the dating world. A guy that wants to go gf/bf soon is looking for someone to split his bills and get laid frequently.

    Ok so back on track:
    Now you need a game plan. Do you share a house? Or a lease? When is it up? How much do you pay for rent? Does he pay it all? These are the important things we need to know.

    Also a guy like this wants to keep you isolated because he can brain wash you better. If you have alot of people around then he'll have too many eyes on his dirty ways. Guys that do this don't want anyone shedding light on their plan to use and abuse. Does this guy put you down or pick at things? These are all signs that he needs to diminish your self worth to make you a target to control.

    Please tell us more, I so want this guy bent over without lube!!!!!!

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    Veteran Member Redwolf's Avatar
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    Default Re: I have nothing

    Sorry to hear what happened to you.

    Quote Originally Posted by Wild_Flower View Post
    It would be nice to have some friends to talk to or visit but I don't so Im here listening to him type away my hopes and dreams.
    I am sure that some of the ladies here who have been through a similiar situation would be willing to listen to you in the SW Chat room. You won't be alone.

  6. #6
    God/dess firemaiden04's Avatar
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    Default Re: I have nothing

    I can't fucking stand the guys who have issues with seriously committing. It seems to be a generational thing, too...soooo many guys my own age have epic issues even with the IDEA of marriage, but they'll stay with the same girl for 5, 10, 15 years...I really don't understand it.

    If he's chatting up all these girls, he's doing it because he's a douchebag and he wants to rub it in that he's SINGLE now, and he wants to make you jealous. Don't show that it's working. Be thankful that the relationship has ended now so that you don't have to waste anymore time or effort on him. FUCK HIM. Now you know what a fucking loser he is. Show the world how confident and empowered you are by picking yourself off of the ground, and living life for yourself. You can't control how much of a douchebag he is, but you CAN control how you react to it.

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    Featured Member GlitterBexie's Avatar
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    Default Re: I have nothing

    I did exactly the same thing as you,we broke up two days ago, he had a girl over monday day and then again night time, he has another girl over tonight (i only know because im doing crazy stalker lady via fb) but its driving me up the wall, i dont want to sleep with anyone else, but it was a lot of the reason of why we broke up, im struggling to fuction normally cause the change has been so big, im still holding onto the hope at the minute, and i shouldnt, it fucking hurts when they throw it back in your face. I feel your pain so much xxx
    ''I love fake boobs''
    ''They're not fake! I grew them myself!''

  8. #8
    Member Wild_Flower's Avatar
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    Default Re: I have nothing

    Quote Originally Posted by cherryblossomsinspring View Post
    First off you live together so I wanted to ask who pays the bills?
    Are you working? Is your schedule different from his?
    Please tell us more so we can help.
    We both work full time so bills are shared. The problem was that the bills would get paid and whatever was left was spent on new tools or car parts for him so I now have no savings.

    I did look at going back to stripping but the two clubs I worked at are telling me they are full (I had another post about this as well). I can only work one day a week so not that many clubs are willing to hire to only do that.

    Quote Originally Posted by cherryblossomsinspring View Post
    Sex is out of the question. Say you're tired, you don't have time, you're on your menses, you're area down below hurts. Whatever just don't sleep with him anymore. If he cheats then he was already cheating.
    he does keep asking for sex but I just said to him I will not have sex when he is looking at dating sites and as well as that he doesn't want to be in a relationship so no sex from me.

    Quote Originally Posted by cherryblossomsinspring View Post
    Now you need a game plan. Do you share a house? Or a lease? When is it up? How much do you pay for rent? Does he pay it all? These are the important things we need to know.
    We share a house but have no lease as the house belongs to his parents so I have no rental history at all.

    He has just told me today that he is going to date this girl and that if i want to date him too then thats fine. Then he will make up his mind on weather he wants to work on things with me or not.

    He said later today that the reason is that he doesn't know if he is with me because he doesn't want to be alone or weather he wants to be with me and get married. So his way of figuring this out is to date someone else for a while.

    That kind of makes sense to me but i this is not the way to do it however I don't know what other ways there are to find this out.

    oh and when I say I left my family for him I meant that they didn't want me to move out till I was married (I have an indian family - very strict about that sort of thing so by doing that I have disgraced my family apparently) and we had this big fight about it because he said he did want to marry me eventually at that time. We even got engaged but he took that back when he smashed my ring.

    So all that time he did want to commit and suddenly he doesn't want to because I have been having a go at him about and now his excuse it that this is all because I pushed so much.

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    Default Re: I have nothing

    Do you make enough money to get your own place?

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    Default Re: I have nothing

    Truthfully I dunno why you waited out as long as 6yrs for him. Unless you were really young when u started dating him, like a teen, then it'd be understandable. You should read the book why men love bitches or the rules. Both those books recommend waiting no more than 2yrs for a proposal. 6 is way too long. In the meantime, be a confident empowering "bitch" back to him by chatting up guys on dating sites...2 can play that game ha! Otherwise he will think you still hanging on to hin, which makes you look rather desperite. I want you to show him that while the old you was a bit of a doormat to put up with him for 6yrs, the new you isnt taking any crap. If you want him back providing he moves along in the relationship, make him work and sweat to get you back or he will think he can just pull his same crap and leave you hanging. Or if he doesn't take the bait and want to make things better for you guys than previously, then do meet new guys but this time no waiting out 6yrs.

    Also, if u want a house and have to move out soon, how about try buying one on your own before the market upturns (which will be soon)? If you'd been planning to buy a house With him for a while, then I'm guessing you've already taken the first steps towards it by filing taxes, saving up, etc right? All you need is 3.5% down for a fixed rate FHA loan. It's harder now to get a house but def not impossible if you've been planning for it. Good luck.

  11. #11
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    Default Re: I have nothing

    Okay I just read past the first post on this three. Girl, run as fast as you can from him!! He sounds like a stammering jerk. He smashed your ring? Had you use your savings on car parts for him? Dude guy sounds like he wants you to be "stuck" with him so he can have his cake and eat it too.

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    Default Re: I have nothing

    Any guy who starts fucking another girl after we break up, I'm so over with. Such a turn-off to me, I would NEVER take his ass back in a million years.

    Your already falling out of love with him or may already be out of love with him, thats how you were able to break up with him.

    Invest in a good toy and forget about this fool!

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    Default Re: I have nothing

    If I read correctly your in Melbourne.

    I think you need to get out of the house, maybe you could go on a tour of the clubs in another city, Gold coast, Cairns, Adelaide or even Perth. That way you can make some money for yourself and at the same time get away from the bad environment.

    While away, with the money you make, spoil yourself, massages, explore the cities. Meet new people and basically enjoy yourself.

    When you get back to Melbourne, you'll be financially secure and looking amazing. He's going to be so upset at what he's lost. Perfect payback.

    Sorry just my thoughts.

    J

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    Senior Member cocoabuttasaki's Avatar
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    Default Re: I have nothing

    Why are men so evil! God Im going through something similiar and I feel like I should just run in the middle of a busy street!

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    Member Wild_Flower's Avatar
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    Default Re: I have nothing

    I guess I stayed around for so long because I really thought he would make a commitment. He used to always tell me that he wanted to get married to me and have a house and all that. Im so stupid for believing all that. I feel like I have wasted so much time now.

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    Default Re: I have nothing

    Quote Originally Posted by firemaiden04 View Post
    I can't fucking stand the guys who have issues with seriously committing. It seems to be a generational thing, too...soooo many guys my own age have epic (sic) issues even with the IDEA of marriage, but they'll stay with the same girl for 5, 10, 15 years...I really don't understand it.
    It's not difficult to understand. Marriage invites the government, the courts and lawyers and a body of complex caselaw bigger than your house into your relationship - a relationship that shouldn't concern anyone other than the two of you.

    Now the laws of each country and each state or province are different, but in my case I'm in the process of "unmarrying" my wife. We're not breaking up and we're more committed to the relationship and to each other than ever before. We just want to be free of the legal burders imposed by the state and to be free to arrange our own legal affairs and estate planning by way of ordinary contract. If we knew back then what we know now, we'd have skipped the marriage and saved ourselves the hassle of going through these silly divorce proceedings.

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    Senior Member cocoabuttasaki's Avatar
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    Default Re: I have nothing

    Quote Originally Posted by Wild_Flower View Post
    I guess I stayed around for so long because I really thought he would make a commitment. He used to always tell me that he wanted to get married to me and have a house and all that. Im so stupid for believing all that. I feel like I have wasted so much time now.

    I got fed the same old stuff too! I guess I was more guliable then I thought! If you need someone to talk to Im here for you!

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    Veteran Member fluffypenguin's Avatar
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    Default Re: I have nothing

    You're in Melbourne? Kittens will let you work one night a week if that helps.
    I agree with everyone else that this guy is a douche.

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    Member Wild_Flower's Avatar
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    Default Re: I have nothing

    I tried bar 20 yesterday. They had me fill out a form and would call if they needed anyone. His sister said he did the same to his ex when he met me. So I guess he will never be happy being like that

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    Veteran Member katerina29's Avatar
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    Default Re: I have nothing

    Well at least you found out this guy is a loser before you got married or pregnant, so you can make a clean break. He sounds like an asshole for going on a dating site the week that you break up and he allows you to hear that people are contacting him. He obviously wants to hurt your feelings and you deserve someone better than that.
    It is better to be single than to be with someone like that. We all make mistakes in staying in bad relationships but at least you won't be wasting any more time with him - good riddance!

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    Featured Member Amy Lee's Avatar
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    Default Re: I have nothing

    Quote Originally Posted by Wild_Flower View Post
    I feel like I'm dying inside. My boyfriend and I have broken up just this week and I cant take it.
    I have no friends, nowhere to go. The worst part is that we live together. As I'm writing this he is on online dating sites chatting up girls.

    All of this happened because I was upset that we had been together for six years and we weren't saving for a house or getting married or anything and I wanted a future with him. Obviously he didn't. Every time I hear that instant message beep my heart drops.

    I Left my family for him and was even willing to go live in another country because he wanted to and this is what I get for it. I just don't know what to do anymore. It would be nice to have some friends to talk to or visit but I don't so Im here listening to him type away my hopes and dreams.

    Hi, I just want to say that I have had this similar feeling and do more often then not (boyfriend or not). As far as you having "Nothing", you have your life, your sanity, etc and your NOT in Japan right now. With that said, I just wanted you to see that there are some good things.
    And he is in front of you chatting with girls on a computer...already? Who wants an asshole like that? You deserve better.

    When we break up, that empty feeling is there and it hurts and it sucks, but look at how disrespectful he is being. You don't need that.

  23. #22
    Featured Member Amy Lee's Avatar
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    Default Re: I have nothing

    Quote Originally Posted by kthnx View Post
    Truthfully I dunno why you waited out as long as 6yrs for him. Unless you were really young when u started dating him, like a teen, then it'd be understandable. You should read the book why men love bitches or the rules. Both those books recommend waiting no more than 2yrs for a proposal. 6 is way too long. In the meantime, be a confident empowering "bitch" back to him by chatting up guys on dating sites...2 can play that game ha! Otherwise he will think you still hanging on to hin, which makes you look rather desperite. I want you to show him that while the old you was a bit of a doormat to put up with him for 6yrs, the new you isnt taking any crap. If you want him back providing he moves along in the relationship, make him work and sweat to get you back or he will think he can just pull his same crap and leave you hanging. Or if he doesn't take the bait and want to make things better for you guys than previously, then do meet new guys but this time no waiting out 6yrs.

    Also, if u want a house and have to move out soon, how about try buying one on your own before the market upturns (which will be soon)? If you'd been planning to buy a house With him for a while, then I'm guessing you've already taken the first steps towards it by filing taxes, saving up, etc right? All you need is 3.5% down for a fixed rate FHA loan. It's harder now to get a house but def not impossible if you've been planning for it. Good luck.

    Agreed. Read: "Why Men Love Bitches" and "Why Men Marry Bitches"...same author. GREAT BOOK!

  24. #23
    Member Wild_Flower's Avatar
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    Default Re: I have nothing

    Thanks I will. Going to see if I can get it tomorrow.

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