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Thread: Just told my mom...help!

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    Senior Member LuckyLane's Avatar
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    Default Just told my mom...help!

    I just told my mom about dancing. She said she’s glad I’m being honest with her, but she was pretty upset. Her main problem with it is that she believes it is degrading and it goes against supporting the equality of women. I didn’t know what to say in response. How would you guys respond? Any advice?

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    God/dess shanna dior's Avatar
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    Default Re: Just told my mom...help!

    That's very brave of you to be so open about it with her, and she seems to have reacted fairly well. Have you explained to her why you're turning to stripping, and how you don't feel it is degrading (if that's how you feel, of course)? Many girls turn to stripping for scheduling flexibility that allows them to work towards other goals (school, internships, starting their own business, etc.) while still being a good stream of income. Explain to her your reasoning, and that might help her see it less as degrading and more as an opportunity.

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    Senior Member LuckyLane's Avatar
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    Default Re: Just told my mom...help!

    Thanks for your response :-) I was freaking out the other night!

    I did explain why I’m doing it (the reasons the mentioned above) and I emphasized that I’m only doing it to be able to afford the next step in my education. I also emphasized that there’s no way I’m going to quit pursuing my goals to strip exclusively. She’s big on women’s equality (who isn’t? haha) and she hates that stripping objectifies women. That’s the thing she said that was the hardest for me to respond to. She doesn’t believe that women should be seen only as sex objects, and that essentially IS the point of the job. I still haven’t figured out what to say to her about that. I hate to start lying after working up the courage to tell her, but I feel so bad that it upsets her that I’m almost wondering if I should just say I’m not doing it now. :-/

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    Default Re: Just told my mom...help!

    I agree that it's wonderful you could be so straight-up w/ her. I've been dancing off and on for six years and never come out (so to speak) to my family.

    That said, I think they know but don't bring it up because, over time, I've proven that despite my alternative work choice, I stand true to my goals and aspirations, I have completed college and will begin grad school this fall, have held down other p/t jobs and internships to keep one foot in the professional world door (and my resume fresh!), and have simply tried to make good, responsible choices in life. (And when I don't, I clean up my own mess and don't rely on them.)

    So, to my point, I think only time will tell for your mom. As long as you remain the strong, independent, smart woman she raised and use this opportunity to better yourself and your current place in life, she'll get it one day.

    Best of luck, girl!

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    Senior Member LuckyLane's Avatar
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    Default Re: Just told my mom...help!

    Thanks for the encouragement InTheSpirit, and that's a good point BringOnTheMen...I think I'll point that out to her.

    Now if I could just convince her that I'm not setting back the equality all womankind by dancing...

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    Default Re: Just told my mom...help!

    I'm not a dancer, but if I was in your position I would respectfully tell her that I understand how she feels, but that is what I want to do, and that is my decision. You don't have to justify your decision or try to convince her that she is wrong. You're an adult and you're entitled to make your own decisions without having to justify them to anyone else, as long as you're not breaking any laws or harming anyone.

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    Default Re: Just told my mom...help!

    Quote Originally Posted by InTheSpirit View Post
    I agree that it's wonderful you could be so straight-up w/ her. I've been dancing off and on for six years and never come out (so to speak) to my family.

    That said, I think they know but don't bring it up because, over time, I've proven that despite my alternative work choice, I stand true to my goals and aspirations, I have completed college and will begin grad school this fall, have held down other p/t jobs and internships to keep one foot in the professional world door (and my resume fresh!), and have simply tried to make good, responsible choices in life. (And when I don't, I clean up my own mess and don't rely on them.)

    So, to my point, I think only time will tell for your mom. As long as you remain the strong, independent, smart woman she raised and use this opportunity to better yourself and your current place in life, she'll get it one day.

    Best of luck, girl!
    ^This.

    Speaking as a member of your mom's (or your grandmom's!) generation....

    IMHO, your mom is showing her love for you by thanking you for the confidence you have shown in her by being open about your life. And she might be a bit worried about her "baby"--that's just a mom "thing"; every mother wants the best for her child.

    I think that InTheSpirit hit the nail on the head when she advised you as she wrote above. Your actions will prove to your mom that she raised a strong, independent, smart woman. Keep up the good work; share your long-term plans for your future with her, and I have the feeling that she'll come around.

    You both love and respect each other; only happiness can come from that.

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    Senior Member LuckyLane's Avatar
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    Default Re: Just told my mom...help!

    Great advice guys...thank you! I agree, I don't think my mom will change her mind, but hopefully she will feel better about it when she realizes that I haven't changed. All I can do now if reassure her that I will never give up on pursuing my long term goal. I hope she will come to see that I'm actually doing this to reach my goal and it's worth it because of that.

    In the meantime, she's been calling me several times a day to tell me about good "regular" jobs she's heard about that I could apply for...

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    Default Re: Just told my mom...help!

    Hello,
    My girlfriend told me 2 weeks ago, it probably the same maybe worse.

    I told her I love you more then the job. Im behind you.

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    Default Re: Just told my mom...help!

    I would like to mention that if she's a reader, there are alot of sex positive women's studies books (many from the old Lusty Ladies contingent) out there that discuss the ramifications of stripping/sex work and also the whole objectification issue.

    My mom is a feminist as well (as am I - I swear my women's studies classes kept me sane) and she's known now for 8 1/2 years. Just be clear with your mom that this is your decision, educate yourself and educate her. She may always feel the way she does now, but at least that way you can have a more thoughtful discussion about it.

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    Senior Member LuckyLane's Avatar
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    Default Re: Just told my mom...help!

    Quote Originally Posted by Fionaver View Post
    I would like to mention that if she's a reader, there are alot of sex positive women's studies books (many from the old Lusty Ladies contingent) out there that discuss the ramifications of stripping/sex work and also the whole objectification issue.

    My mom is a feminist as well (as am I - I swear my women's studies classes kept me sane) and she's known now for 8 1/2 years. Just be clear with your mom that this is your decision, educate yourself and educate her. She may always feel the way she does now, but at least that way you can have a more thoughtful discussion about it.
    Thanks for the suggestion...I'll see what I can find! Any specific books you can recommend? I asked my mom to watch the documentary "Live Nude Girls Unite" with me...the filmaker/peep show performer has such a good attitude about it all and I really agree with her viewpoint. Have you seen it? It's on instant netflix...definitely worth a watch. The woman even tells her mom on film, and her mom had a similar reaction and then kinda came around. Hopefully my mom will be open to watching it / reading some good books on the topic.

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    Default Re: Just told my mom...help!

    I dont know if anyone suggested this already but you might point out that there are male strippers too.
    Yes, I'm real.

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    Default Re: Just told my mom...help!

    i dont think it degrades women at all. I am all for sex workers rights. Look up some sex worker activists ad get ideas and role models. A good one is victoria monet, shes an ex escort, very smart in all aspects of womens rights and sex worker activism. (careful some womens rights people are crazy, so look for sex worker activist instead)

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    Default Re: Just told my mom...help!

    btw its great your mom is open to learning

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    Default Re: Just told my mom...help!

    Just explain to her that it objectifies men more than women, in that the stripper has all the power in the club and the men are helpless victims of their hormones.

    Also, there's the human aspect of the job. Your mom probably doesn't realize that a big part of the job is psychological, just giving lonely men someone to talk to and keep them company. We all need human interaction or else we'll go crazy with lonliness. Adult entertainment is actually something of a necessary public service for people who don't have a social circle to turn to for company.
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    Default Re: Just told my mom...help!

    I'm a little more cynical about it, having noticed that 95% (at least) of owners and managers are men. But don't tell her that lol.

    It certainly can be empowering, but it can suck the life right out of the weak ones, given a few months or years.

    Agreed that a lot of customers are on the bottom of the pyramid, but that's not always the case. Some customers are not at all desperate, like these guys gettng the 20$ HJs and BJs in clubs all over the country (or areas therein). So many of the dancers I have known have sunk about as low as you can get on the desperation scale, they really aren't any better off than the desperate customer types.

    Then there are the shrewd ones who save their money and keep their sights set on the long term goals--education, investment, financial independence, etc. Most I've known are in between, and basically doing fairy well financially--but not saving or planning at all for what they will do when they are too old to carry on dancing. A lot of women have a hard time making the transition. Worst of all are the ones who keep at long after they should retire.

    In your case, you have the ambition and the will required to rise above potential exploitation. Hopefully she will realize that in time and stop suggesting the vanilla jobs.

    Truth be told, it sounds like she's reacting about as well as a mother with a traditional feminist background could.
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
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    Free your mind, and your ass will follow.
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    Default Re: Just told my mom...help!

    Don't take my remarks to imply that I'm not also cynical. I'm just trying to frame the best way to present the argument to her mother.
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    Default Re: Just told my mom...help!

    Yeah, big difference between talking about it here, and talking to your mom!



    I will never forget the first time trying to explain to my mom (very straightlaced, very much a feminist who hated any exploitation) how I made my money, before I eventually wound up breaking the news that I was a sleazy stripclub DJ. She was not a stupid woman, she just didn't know much about clubs and had no clue what I was doing except I worked in a big club and was making pretty good money suddenly without doing any drawings.

    It went something like this 'Well the girls really like to dance in this club, and the guys like to see the girls dance, and the girls like the attention, and the better the girls dance, the more attention they get from the guys--so I tend to play music the girls like to dance to, and they tip me.'

    Only this went on for a good 15-20 minutes, and she's asking a lot of questions, and I am answering truthfully as I can without telling her they are strippers--somehow I pulled it off. My stepfather knew and was trying not to laugh.

    Eventually I told her, and she wound up accepting it. She said "I don't like what you're doing, but I am proud of the way you are doing it." I thought that was pretty cool, for her especially.
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
    Friedrich Nietzsche

    Free your mind, and your ass will follow.
    George Clinton

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    Default Re: Just told my mom...help!

    My mom is pretty accepting in her own way, too. Her reasoning is that I'm a good boy and it's better that I do the job than leave the position open for some piece of shit DJ that would take advantage of his position.
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    Senior Member LuckyLane's Avatar
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    Default Re: Just told my mom...help!

    I'll have to look up Victoria Monet. Thanks for the suggestion!

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    Senior Member LuckyLane's Avatar
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    Default Re: Just told my mom...help!

    Quote Originally Posted by johnjdick View Post
    Just explain to her that it objectifies men more than women, in that the stripper has all the power in the club and the men are helpless victims of their hormones.

    Also, there's the human aspect of the job. Your mom probably doesn't realize that a big part of the job is psychological, just giving lonely men someone to talk to and keep them company. We all need human interaction or else we'll go crazy with lonliness. Adult entertainment is actually something of a necessary public service for people who don't have a social circle to turn to for company.
    In some ways I think it would help if my mom understood the job better - like with respect to the psychological part as you mentioned - but then at the same time I think some things would upset her more if she knew. Like I don't think she realizes that most of the money comes from LDs...I'm pretty sure she's under the impression that it's all stage. I think I'll kind of selectively explain things to her. I'll really emphasize that we sit and talk for tips and push drink sales and all that. Not sure there's any point in explaining the rest since it might upset her more.

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    Senior Member LuckyLane's Avatar
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    Default Re: Just told my mom...help!

    Quote Originally Posted by Djoser View Post
    In your case, you have the ambition and the will required to rise above potential exploitation. Hopefully she will realize that in time and stop suggesting the vanilla jobs.
    Very true. I think (hopefully) that my actions will reassure her that it's not as bad as she thinks it is. I'm doing this for a reason. It's a means to an end and I hope that she can come to see that. Maybe she'll even realize that it's a more efficient means to an end than most vanilla jobs could be.

    Quote Originally Posted by Djoser View Post
    Truth be told, it sounds like she's reacting about as well as a mother with a traditional feminist background could.
    I think you're right. I'm not sure what I was expecting/hoping for! I mean it would be great if she was 100% okay with it because I hate knowing that it upsets her, but overall she did take it pretty well.

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    Senior Member LuckyLane's Avatar
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    Default Re: Just told my mom...help!

    Quote Originally Posted by Djoser View Post
    Yeah, big difference between talking about it here, and talking to your mom!



    I will never forget the first time trying to explain to my mom (very straightlaced, very much a feminist who hated any exploitation) how I made my money, before I eventually wound up breaking the news that I was a sleazy stripclub DJ. She was not a stupid woman, she just didn't know much about clubs and had no clue what I was doing except I worked in a big club and was making pretty good money suddenly without doing any drawings.

    It went something like this 'Well the girls really like to dance in this club, and the guys like to see the girls dance, and the girls like the attention, and the better the girls dance, the more attention they get from the guys--so I tend to play music the girls like to dance to, and they tip me.'

    Only this went on for a good 15-20 minutes, and she's asking a lot of questions, and I am answering truthfully as I can without telling her they are strippers--somehow I pulled it off. My stepfather knew and was trying not to laugh.

    Eventually I told her, and she wound up accepting it. She said "I don't like what you're doing, but I am proud of the way you are doing it." I thought that was pretty cool, for her especially.
    Hahaha that's such a great story! And it's great that she wound up accepting it. What she said is great too. I don't think my mom will ever like it either, but hopefully she'll come to think of it as your mom did.

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