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Thread: Since today is Chuck Norris's Birthday...

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    God/dess MargaritaVillain's Avatar
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    Default Since today is Chuck Norris's Birthday...

    Chuck Norris can put out fire with gasoline.

    Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death, he beats it fair and square.

    Luke wanted to know the ways of the Force.

    The Force wanted to know the ways of Chuck Norris.

    There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.

    Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.

    Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.

    Some magicians can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.

    Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.

    Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi truck's gas tank as a joke....that truck is now known as Optimus Prime.

    When the president pushes the big red button Chuck Norris's cell phone rings

    Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

    Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife with butter

    Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kicked the earth a billion years ago, its still spinning

    Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience

    Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

    Chuck Norris once got bit by a rattlesnake........ After three days of pain and agony ..................the rattlesnake died

    When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

    Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

    Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.

    Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are known today as Giraffes.

    Chuck Norris knows what color a smurf turns when you choke it

    Every time Chuck Norris looks into a mirror, it breaks. Even glass is not stupid enough to get between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.

    The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was canceled shortly after going into pre-production. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.

    Chuck Norris does not need Twitter...he is already following you.

    Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn. He just stands there and dares the grass to grow.

    When Alexander Graham Bell first invented the telephone, he had two missed calls from Chuck Norris

    Chuck Norris played "who will blink first" with a mirror. And he won

    The original plan for Hiroshima and Nagasaki was to send-in Chuck Norris.

    We decided to go the humane route.

    Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

    Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

    Chuck Norris made a Happy Meal cry.

    Only Chuck Norris can dislike on Facebook

    The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.

    Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.

    Chuck Norris's hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

    Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9% of germs.

    Chuck Norris can kill 100% of whatever the hell he wants.

    Chuck Norris can light a fire by rubbing two ice-cubes together.

    Chuck Norris can do a downward uppercut.

    When Chuck Norris sends you a poke on Facebook, it kills you.

    Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.

    Chuck Norris once arranged his M&M's in alphabetical order.

    When it's time for people to die, the Grim Reaper shows up.

    When its time for the Grim Reaper to die, Chuck Norris shows up.

    Chuck Norris once went on the show "Wheel of Fortune."
    The last 29 minutes were spent in awkward silence, waiting for the wheel to stop spinning.

    Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.
    When life gives you lemons, make lemonade... then find someone whose life gave them vodka, and have a party.

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    Default Re: Since today is Chuck Norris's Birthday...

    Awesome!
    Chuck Norris doesn't masturbate, he rapes his hand.

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    Default Re: Since today is Chuck Norris's Birthday...


    Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.
    Last edited by Rookie2010; 03-10-2011 at 03:32 PM.

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    Default Re: Since today is Chuck Norris's Birthday...

    lmao at this thread

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    Default Re: Since today is Chuck Norris's Birthday...

    Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.

    Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

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    Default Re: Since today is Chuck Norris's Birthday...

    Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

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    Default Re: Since today is Chuck Norris's Birthday...

    Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

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    Default Re: Since today is Chuck Norris's Birthday...

    When doing push-ups... Chuck Norris doesn't push himself up... he pushes the Earth down.

    Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
    Quote Originally Posted by camille27 View Post
    i am losing my fucking mind and i really just want this chloroform dream because i think that would just get me right with jesus.

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    Default Re: Since today is Chuck Norris's Birthday...

    I love this thread.

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    Default Re: Since today is Chuck Norris's Birthday...

    If Charlie Sheen is Winning, it's because Chuck Norris isn't playing.
    When life gives you lemons, make lemonade... then find someone whose life gave them vodka, and have a party.

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    Default Re: Since today is Chuck Norris's Birthday...

    "I think good pussy has a "tangy" taste to it, a little sweet with a little salty twang....." Katrine

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    Default Re: Since today is Chuck Norris's Birthday...

    Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)

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    Default Re: Since today is Chuck Norris's Birthday...

    There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.

    Chuck Norris doesn't play god. Playing is for children.

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    Default Re: Since today is Chuck Norris's Birthday...

    Chuck Norris isn't hung like horses. Horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
    Quote Originally Posted by camille27 View Post
    i am losing my fucking mind and i really just want this chloroform dream because i think that would just get me right with jesus.

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    Default Re: Since today is Chuck Norris's Birthday...

    There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

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    Default Re: Since today is Chuck Norris's Birthday...



    Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the earth, and punch himself in the back of the head.


    Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Chuck Norris knows.

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    Default Re: Since today is Chuck Norris's Birthday...

    When Chuck Norris answers the phone, he just says "Go". This is not permission for you to begin speaking, it is your cue to start running for your life.

    Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried
    "I think good pussy has a "tangy" taste to it, a little sweet with a little salty twang....." Katrine

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    Default Re: Since today is Chuck Norris's Birthday...

    Quote Originally Posted by MargaritaVillain View Post
    If Charlie Sheen is Winning, it's because Chuck Norris isn't playing.
    Haha!!! Loove it!

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    Default Re: Since today is Chuck Norris's Birthday...

    ^ I know that was my favorite to kaia hahahah

    WINNING.

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    Default Re: Since today is Chuck Norris's Birthday...

    That major quake in Japan overnight?
    Just Chuck Norris blowing out his birthday cake candles
    When life gives you lemons, make lemonade... then find someone whose life gave them vodka, and have a party.

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    Default Re: Since today is Chuck Norris's Birthday...

    ^^Hahaha!!! you're going to hell for that one!

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