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Thread: Dating my ATF

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    Default Dating my ATF

    I been dating my atf for 6 months now and go to lunch and some dinner daets. I do compensate her time because I know for a fact she makes that if not more on the nights she works.

    But lately shes been asking for things in a indirect way such as needing a pc or new phone.

    She is new to the industry (8 months) and I know she has friends that tell her what to do because of the way she says it to me. Should I just drop her? Would she find a better customer than me? Would she even care?

    For me it took awhile (lots of $$$ itc) to get her OTC and go to her condo to pick her up to go out.

    Dancers any thoughts? (also I am just seeking friendship, some others here have said sex comes at the end of this does she brings this up?)

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    Default Re: Dating my ATF

    She should be compensated enough that she doesn't lose money by spending time with you OTC.

    Only do and buy for her what you are comfortable with. Without expecting major return on investment.

    Would she find a better customer than you? How do you know she already doesn't have one? Would she find one...probably one just as good. And no...she probably would not care.

    You say you seek only friendship but then ask if she is the one to bring up sex?? Decide what you want and maybe have a conversation with her discussing her comfort level and see if it matches your desires or expectations. Be ready to accept the results of said conversation though.

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    Default Re: Dating my ATF

    Sounds to me like you are neither "dating" her nor are you actually her "friend" if you are paying her for her time. That being said, if you are happy with what you are getting for what you are paying, by all means continue, just don't kid yourself into thinking you are anything more than a customer to her. It also seems to me that in order for this to escalate to sex, it is incumbent on you to push for that if that is what you want and it will probably cost you more. She has no incentive to go there, if that's even possible, unless you up the ante.

    Also, it strikes me as odd she could become anyone's ATF two months into her career. (She's been dancing 8 months and "dating" you for 6?) Maybe its just me and my hesitation to use the term ATF.
    Last edited by bem401; 03-11-2011 at 10:14 AM.
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    Default Re: Dating my ATF

    Sounds like you are a sugar daddy who's getting no sugar

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    Default Re: Dating my ATF

    Quote Originally Posted by Raider View Post
    She should be compensated enough that she doesn't lose money by spending time with you OTC.

    Only do and buy for her what you are comfortable with. Without expecting major return on investment.

    Would she find a better customer than you? How do you know she already doesn't have one? Would she find one...probably one just as good. And no...she probably would not care.

    I dont think theres other customers of hers that are willing to take her out to just lunch and pay her for her time off as I do and on top of that don't get nothing back. For me I dont care because money is not the problem for me. But recently shes asking me for "things" indirectly like while we are talking. I think shes expecting me (since she sees me as a easy target that most likely be willing to do buy her stuff) to buy her these things.

    My question is do I ask her for something back if I do that? Or do I just tell her I am not interested in her anymore? Trust me I dont think she will find another customer like me before (one night I dropped $1k in dances alone just on her)

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    Default Re: Dating my ATF

    If you are willing to give her the things she's asking for in exchange for other things you want, then yes, ask her. Be prepared for her to say no and the arrangement to come to an end or stay as is though if she isn't comfortable with what you're asking for in return. When it comes down to it, you are compensating her for your time, and that gives you a right to ask for whatever you want - on the flip side, she has the right to refuse. The worst that'll happen is you'll lose her as an OTC paid companion, and since you're tossing around the idea of just not seeing her anymore at all, it seems like that may not be a huge deal for you, so what do you have to lose?

    When it comes down to it, you are both replaceable to each other - you may think she will never have as good of a customer as you, but I am willing to bet she could find one; likewise, you could probably find a dancer willing to give you more than this girl and in exchange for less. It's a matter of both parties being satisfied with what they're giving and receiving.

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    Default Re: Dating my ATF

    Quote Originally Posted by chrischris View Post
    I been dating my atf for 6 months now and go to lunch and some dinner daets. I do compensate her time because I know for a fact she makes that if not more on the nights she works.
    Reality check. She is a payed escort-presumably without the sex. Nothing more and nothing less. If you are OK with it that's your business but using a word like "dating" tells me that you are most likely kidding yourself about what is actually going on...
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    Default Re: Dating my ATF

    "Dating" in the best of circumstances is a tricky human maneuver. "Pay for play" dating might seem easier but, oddly, it usually isn't.

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    Default Re: Dating my ATF

    Quote Originally Posted by chrischris View Post
    But recently shes asking me for "things" indirectly like while we are talking. I think shes expecting me (since she sees me as a easy target that most likely be willing to do buy her stuff) to buy her these things.

    My question is do I ask her for something back if I do that? Or do I just tell her I am not interested in her anymore
    If you don't want to buy her these things, I don't feel you need to say you are not interested in her anymore seeing she is asking for these things ''indirectly''.

    Asking her for something back if you do that? That...of course...is up to you. If you don't ask for something back, you have probably set a new level of compensation for her time even though the extra pay may just be occasional. If you do ask and she is not willing, it could change the entire dynamics of the situation or it could end it. If you ask, and sex is based on a level of compensation associated with a ''computer'' you have set a base pay for compensating her.

    And trust me, your idea of what and how you might be rewarded for your gift of a computer could be different than hers even if she is willing. You are probably picturing this wonderful girl friend type romp in the hay and she could probably provide just a quick romp without any extra play.

    Ask her what her comfort level is. It is a reasonable question.

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    Default Re: Dating my ATF

    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us View Post
    Reality check. She is a payed escort-presumably without the sex. Nothing more and nothing less. If you are OK with it that's your business but using a word like "dating" tells me that you are most likely kidding yourself about what is actually going on...

    I know its all fake but thats what she wanted and I am willing to give it. But now that shes asking for other stuff I am trying to break it off but do it in a way that doesnt her my feelings or hers. I invested too much in her.

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    Default Re: Dating my ATF

    Quote Originally Posted by chrischris View Post
    I know its all fake but thats what she wanted and I am willing to give it. But now that shes asking for other stuff I am trying to break it off but do it in a way that doesnt her my feelings or hers. I invested too much in her.
    Tell her you just declared bankruptcy. She'll disappear quicker than a sexy snowball in hell.

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    Default Re: Dating my ATF

    Quote Originally Posted by chrischris View Post
    I know its all fake but thats what she wanted and I am willing to give it. But now that shes asking for other stuff I am trying to break it off but do it in a way that doesnt her my feelings or hers. I invested too much in her.
    I'd say just tell her paying all this money for what you're getting no longer works for you but you'd still like to spend time with her. There are 3 possible responses. First, if she really does care for you, she'll say you can remain friends. Secondly, she can offer "more" than what you're getting now, probably at a higher price to get those add'l things she's looking for. Thirdly, and I'm guessing most likely, she'll jettison you.
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    Default Re: Dating my ATF

    Seems to me the most important thing is to first decide what you want. You seem to be all over the board here. Should I buy her what she wants? Should I ask for more in return? To I am trying to break it off. Decide what you want and then work to that end. Sincerely,not making light of the situation. To some degree, we have all been there at one time or another.

    Are there other clubs you can go to? Can you go in on different shifts?

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    Default Re: Dating my ATF

    Quote Originally Posted by chrischris View Post
    I know its all fake but thats what she wanted and I am willing to give it. But now that shes asking for other stuff I am trying to break it off but do it in a way that doesnt her my feelings or hers. I invested too much in her.
    Dude, get out now. I mean right now. You are already delusional.

    Feelings? Yours are misdirected and her's are non-existant. You are probably a nice guy and she feels safe with you other wise it never would have happened at all but you are nothing more than a wallet to her. "Investing" implies some sort of return down the road. All you did was pay her. There's a difference.
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    Quote Originally Posted by tempest666 View Post
    Double team! 2 latinas with big tits!!

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    Default Re: Dating my ATF

    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us View Post
    Dude, get out now. I mean right now. You are already delusional.

    Feelings? Yours are misdirected and her's are non-existant. You are probably a nice guy and she feels safe with you other wise it never would have happened at all but you are nothing more than a wallet to her. "Investing" implies some sort of return down the road. All you did was pay her. There's a difference.
    I know its very difficult to get a dancer OTC and also even more difficult to know where she lives and other info, so she definitely trusts me a lot. I know she doesnt do that to any other customer. It took a long time to get to that stage and I am happy because I dont have to compete with other guys and shes all mine. Same money I would have spent itc so it doesnt bother me.

    I just got a little turned off now that she is asking for this kind of stuff. I dont know what to do at this point. I am confused that she is expecting me to buy this stuff for her, is she saying this so that I can accept it and tell her I want something else too? Or is she just expecting to get this stuff free and we just continue on our platonic dates as normal?

    If I go back to the club and start with a new girl she will get mad and all the work I did to build this fake relationship will go down the drain. If shes asking for stuff then either I gotta respond back by saying I am not interested anymore and or that she needs to fulfill my needs too since shes taking the step foward in asking for this stuff. At the same time I dont want to piss her off.

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    Default Re: Dating my ATF

    Quote Originally Posted by chrischris View Post
    I dont think theres other customers of hers that are willing to take her out to just lunch and pay her for her time off as I do and on top of that don't get nothing back. For me I dont care because money is not the problem for me. But recently shes asking me for "things" indirectly like while we are talking. I think shes expecting me (since she sees me as a easy target that most likely be willing to do buy her stuff) to buy her these things.

    My question is do I ask her for something back if I do that? Or do I just tell her I am not interested in her anymore? Trust me I dont think she will find another customer like me before (one night I dropped $1k in dances alone just on her)
    there are plenty of customers who are "willing" to take girls out to eat, even a good number who are willing to also pay those girls for their time. the reason you pay for it is because she probably has other things she can do, and would probably prefer to do. your company is probably not nearly as pleasurable for her as hers is to you.

    i'm guessing she's very attractive, if she's got you so hooked without apparently trying. it's rare that a girl who can get a man to spend that much on her can't get very many men to spend that much. personally, i've never made over 800 in even a long shift, and there are a lot of girls like me. but i know girls who average more than that, on a regular basis. they're used to it. if one of their big spenders disappears, another will show up. i don't know how it happens, but it does.

    if you were willing to spend that much, i promise you there are a lot of others who will. you are not doing her a favor. you pay her because she is too good for you, and you have to pay her to get her company at all.

    if you don't want to buy her the things she hints about, don't. if you don't like her hinting, tell her so. you're already paying for her company, you have a right to ask her to not bring up things you don't want to talk about. but you can't blame her for hinting in the first place. it kind of goes with the territory.

    but don't think for a minute that you've got more power than you do. lol.
    -love everyone but keep them far from your soul-

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    Default Re: Dating my ATF

    Quote Originally Posted by chrischris View Post
    I know its very difficult to get a dancer OTC and also even more difficult to know where she lives and other info, so she definitely trusts me a lot. I know she doesnt do that to any other customer. It took a long time to get to that stage and I am happy because I dont have to compete with other guys and shes all mine.
    All yours? Sure, when you are paying her! You have absolutely no way of knowing that any of what you just posted is fact. You only know what she tells you. You are being played.
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    Double team! 2 latinas with big tits!!

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    Default Re: Dating my ATF

    I think you're overthinking this. Enjoy her company? Fine. Understand the "pay for companionship/time spent OTC"? Fine. Uncomfortable with her ratcheting up the fee structure? Tell her so. Either you two will negotiate a mutually agreeable new price ... or you won't. As for worrying she'll be pissed if you get dances from another in the club, forgetaboutit! She evidently knows the score, and more than likely knew long before you did that this faux "relationship" had reached its end.

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    Default Re: Dating my ATF

    using a word like "dating" tells me that you are most likely kidding yourself about what is actually going on
    Self-delusion of the worst kind.

    I invested too much in her.
    Investment implies a return, of which you are receiving nothing.

    Strippers are not an investment; they're a recreational expense.

    Perhaps this is an enterainment option that's ill-suited for you?
    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

    William F. Buckley, Jr.

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    Default Re: Dating my ATF

    Quote Originally Posted by chrischris View Post
    I know its all fake but thats what she wanted and I am willing to give it. But now that shes asking for other stuff I am trying to break it off but do it in a way that doesnt her my feelings or hers. I invested too much in her.
    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us View Post
    You are being played.
    What yoda said.

    What is happening right now is a classic stringalong game. She knows that you are getting attached, so she is using that to maneuver you into buying things that she wants. Many strippers have no problem in sharing telephone numbers, home addresses, and other personal information in executing this game. Though of course I have no doubt that she has said things like:

    "I don't normally give this out, but you're different."
    OR
    "I never go out with customers from the club, but you seem like a good guy and I know that I'll be safe with you."
    OR
    Some other bullshit designed to make you feel special or unique.

    And with respect with the "I invested too much in her already" comment, that is lost money. What you need to be focusing on is how much more you want to flush down the toilet.

    And stop worrying about her feelings because you can be sure that she doesn't care about yours. If you really want to know where you stand, hold her feet to the fire and tell her that you want sex if this is to continue. Or tell her that you would like to take her on a normal date on a night that she doesn't work anyway and see how that works out for you.

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    Default Re: Dating my ATF

    Just reiterating everything said above. You aren't dating. To say you're dating someone implies an egalitarian relationship- this is quite the opposite. You're being groomed (albeit poorly), and if this isn't what you want, I suggest you put a stop to this transaction asap before you gets your feet stuck further into the quicksand.

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    Default Re: Dating my ATF

    am i the only one who doesn't see the problem with the word "dating"? it can mean a lot of things. they are going on dates. sure, he's paying her for it, but there's a pretty large grey area with that sort of thing.

    "dating" doesn't imply feelings. it doesn't imply commitment. it's not like he said she's his girlfriend.
    -love everyone but keep them far from your soul-

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    Default Re: Dating my ATF

    I don't get it. You invested huge amounts of money ITC to get her OTC so you made it about money from the beginning. Now you are talking about wanting friendship and complaining that she is asking you to spend more money on her by buying things for her. How is that different to spending money on her ITC or what you have already been spending to see her OTC? Then you go from wanting friendship to wanting sex. I don't see how she is using you because made it a transaction all along. Why does it hurt you that she is asking you for stuff if it was never personal to begin with? Do you think spending lots of money on a stripper ITC makes her like you and want to see you OTC as a friend?
    Quote Originally Posted by Athenathefabulous View Post
    we are all perverts in the SC in my opinion. Hes a pervert, you're a pervert, I'm a pervert.

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    Default Re: Dating my ATF

    Quote Originally Posted by Hopper View Post
    I don't get it. You invested huge amounts of money ITC to get her OTC so you made it about money from the beginning. Now you are talking about wanting friendship and complaining that she is asking you to spend more money on her by buying things for her. How is that different to spending money on her ITC or what you have already been spending to see her OTC? Then you go from wanting friendship to wanting sex. I don't see how she is using you because made it a transaction all along. Why does it hurt you that she is asking you for stuff if it was never personal to begin with? Do you think spending lots of money on a stripper ITC makes her like you and want to see you OTC as a friend?

    Do you have any other ways that a stripper is going to meet you OTC for FREE? Unless your Brad Pitt then maybe. You think shes going to even look at you if you dont spend on her? I dont think anyone here can say that they didnt spend money on a dancer and met her OTC for free. Its all a business transaction and I understand that. She said if you want to go to dinner OTC she needs money for her time, and I agreed. I am fine with it until recently shes asking for more stuff. I read some topics in this forum and it seems some dancers are very reluctant to even meet their customers OTC, its not something they do to ALL their customers and even one topic discussed dinner date and being paid for it and even that very few did it. I dont think anyone here is going to cough up $500 for OTC just for dinner only nothing sexual.

    No, I dont think all the money I spend on her ITC will make her my friend. But again look at this girl new to the business 22 years old beautiful and thinks she has it made by making all this easy cash money. I do know once shes out of this business maybe she will start thinking differently. Her mindset right now is she can do whatever she wants and this type of easy money lasts forever. Its sad that shes thinking day to day but not the future. She didnt even go to college or bothers herself to go. Her beauty wont last long forever, nothing is guaranteed in this world.

    I'll will just keep going on these dates to help her out, but I am going to pull the plug pretty soon.

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    Default Re: Dating my ATF

    Quote Originally Posted by chrischris View Post
    No, I dont think all the money I spend on her ITC will make her my friend. But again look at this girl new to the business 22 years old beautiful and thinks she has it made by making all this easy cash money. I do know once shes out of this business maybe she will start thinking differently. Her mindset right now is she can do whatever she wants and this type of easy money lasts forever. Its sad that shes thinking day to day but not the future. She didnt even go to college or bothers herself to go. Her beauty wont last long forever, nothing is guaranteed in this world.

    I'll will just keep going on these dates to help her out, but I am going to pull the plug pretty soon.

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