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Thread: Turning down a dance

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    Default Turning down a dance

    Hey all, I just posted a review of a local club here in Seattle:

    I'll summarize briefly: I went to a club with two women working (and an additional late-comer). The available woman was overweight and trying to convince me to dance with no other ladies on the floor. I felt I had no excuse for a brush-off: no thanks, maybe later, whatever all seemed silly because there literally was no one else around. As a result, I decided honesty would be the best policy and told her, as politely as I could think how, that I wasn't interested due to her body type. As I'm sure you can guess, this backfired on me.

    On one hand I feel justified in my behavior and indignant to the response, but on the other hand a still kinda feel like a jerk. And I hate walking away feeling like a jerk, so I'd like to ask how others might have handled it. Any thoughts on how I could do better in the future?

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    Default Re: Turning down a dance

    All you have to say is no thank you. I'm not interested in a dance. No other explanation is required. Being rude is never justified.

    Of course, if most men could simply do this, the dozens of "How do I say no" threads that already exist on this site wouldn't be necessary...
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    Default Re: Turning down a dance

    Why say it in the first place. A basic "no thank you" "im good now, thanks" "im not interested, thanks" is good enough. If she doesnt stop, tell her strictly NO THANK YOU.

    You knew what came out of your mouth.

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    Default Re: Turning down a dance

    Rubbing salt in the wound when declining a dance is totally uncalled for. Even the hottest girls face rejection all day long and a lot of time their esteem suffers. Its just not necessary to go any further than to say "I'm not interested in dances" or "I'm waiting for that girl to be free". The closest I've come to ever personalizing the rejection is when the girl just keeps on hounding after being declined a couple of times. Even so, the worst that ever got was "you're just not my type".
    "never trust a big butt and a smile"-- Bell Biv DeVoe

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    Default Re: Turning down a dance

    Oh to hell with her, just find a better club. I'm also not attracted to fat women and I've gotten some shit for it on this board. Some strippers think you should be damn grateful for the privilege of paying them for a dance, even if their looks repulse you. That's such bullshit. If looks had nothing to do with it, we'd all line up at the door and each customer who came in would take the first girl in the line.

    Next time just say, "Sorry, you're not my type." if "No thanks" isn't enough.

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    Default Re: Turning down a dance

    The return of Laxman?
    Quote Originally Posted by camille27 View Post
    i am losing my fucking mind and i really just want this chloroform dream because i think that would just get me right with jesus.

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    Default Re: Turning down a dance

    Two things:

    a) If she wasn't your type, congeniality still applies: a polite "Thanks for coming by, but I'm ok" should suffice.
    b) If there was literally, and I do mean LITERALLY, no one else there- I would suggest a change of venue... unless you were there for the overpriced drinks.

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    Duh Re: Turning down a dance

    Thanks for the input all. After a night’s rest, it’s obvious I chose my words poorly. “Sorry, but you’re not my type” is technically saying the same thing, but it shifts the emphasis and makes it less personal. It was my intent to convey a preference rather than put her down but I fell flat on my face. Some men enjoy (if not prefer) heavier women and, after taking responsibility for her foul mood, I’d gladly forward them on to this lady—I’ve actually received a couple requests for more info on her since posting my review on another site.

    But yeah. This isn’t a club to which I’ll be returning. Beyond the distinct impression I made last night, they’ve developed a reputation in the area for not having their act together on many fundamental levels. It was forgivable the first time I went in as they’d just changed ownership, but not after having almost an full year under their garters. For my rare club visits these days, I’ll stick with my favorite spot.

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    Default Re: Turning down a dance

    Quote Originally Posted by BringOnTheMen View Post
    Here's what will make her go away (because she'll probably stay if you tell her politely): Assume a ridiculous accent, mumble, and stare at your phone/the stage like she's not even there.

    The combination of those 3 will make her want to leave.

    sorry, I just got done with a 14 hour shift that was 100% hyper-foreign mumbler asshole night.
    I love it. I’ll have to practice my Inspector Clouseau impersonation in front of a mirror prior to heading out in the evening

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    Default Re: Turning down a dance

    Quote Originally Posted by betodelfuego View Post
    Thanks for the input all. After a night’s rest, it’s obvious I chose my words poorly. “Sorry, but you’re not my type” is technically saying the same thing, but it shifts the emphasis and makes it less personal. It was my intent to convey a preference rather than put her down but I fell flat on my face. Some men enjoy (if not prefer) heavier women and, after taking responsibility for her foul mood, I’d gladly forward them on to this lady—I’ve actually received a couple requests for more info on her since posting my review on another site.

    But yeah. This isn’t a club to which I’ll be returning. Beyond the distinct impression I made last night, they’ve developed a reputation in the area for not having their act together on many fundamental levels. It was forgivable the first time I went in as they’d just changed ownership, but not after having almost an full year under their garters. For my rare club visits these days, I’ll stick with my favorite spot.
    It's ironic that some of the heavier girls at one club seem to name themselves after continents. This dancer named Asia once decided to sit on my knee and ask for a dance. It was like Humpty Dumpty. The stool I was on collapsed and me and my drink with it. I gave her a polite no thanks you though but I wish some of these heavy girls would stop trying to sit on me.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

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    Default Re: Turning down a dance

    Quote Originally Posted by TinkerBall View Post
    It's ironic that some of the heavier girls at one club seem to name themselves after continents. This dancer named Asia once decided to sit on my knee and ask for a dance. It was like Humpty Dumpty. The stool I was on collapsed and me and my drink with it. I gave her a polite no thanks you though but I wish some of these heavy girls would stop trying to sit on me.
    You were obviously not patronizing the "Asia" that I (and at least one other member here) are familiar with. LOL.
    "never trust a big butt and a smile"-- Bell Biv DeVoe

    If you're in your twenties and aren't a liberal, you have no heart. If you're in you're forties and aren't a conservative, you have no brain - Winston Churchill

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    Default Re: Turning down a dance

    I say "No thanks"
    It didn't take me long to realize "Not right now" or "Maybe later" was an open invitation to be asked again when "later" came back around in a half hour.

    That said, I usually find someone I like right off the bat and stick with them for the majority of my stay, which at the time I frequented SCs effectively put up a "Custy Taken" sign that warded away the other dancers.

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    Default Re: Turning down a dance

    Just say "No thank you not today"
    Rejection is so hard particularly when it's slow and you're trying to make money

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    Default Re: Turning down a dance

    no thank you. that is it.

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    Mind Blowing Re: Turning down a dance

    Always be polite. I usually tell them I'm waiting for my ATF. If the offer to get her I tell them she already knows.

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    Default Re: Turning down a dance

    Throw a donut on the floor in front of her, than make a run for it.

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    Default Re: Turning down a dance

    Quote Originally Posted by lopaw View Post
    Throw a donut on the floor in front of her, than make a run for it.
    That's cold lopaw, but damn hilarious! Of course it wouldn't work for me cuz I love donuts too much to waste them by throwing them on the floor....

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    Default Re: Turning down a dance

    I've had saying, "No thank you," back fire. Had one dancer call me a, "Cheap faggot," after I said, "No thank you." Some dancers seem to think they they're entitled to your money.

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    Default Re: Turning down a dance

    Quote Originally Posted by betodelfuego View Post
    Hey all, I just posted a review of a local club here in Seattle: http://stripclubs.stripperweb.com/re...&type=customer

    I'll summarize briefly: I went to a club with two women working (and an additional late-comer). The available woman was overweight and trying to convince me to dance with no other ladies on the floor. I felt I had no excuse for a brush-off: no thanks, maybe later, whatever all seemed silly because there literally was no one else around. As a result, I decided honesty would be the best policy and told her, as politely as I could think how, that I wasn't interested due to her body type. As I'm sure you can guess, this backfired on me.

    On one hand I feel justified in my behavior and indignant to the response, but on the other hand a still kinda feel like a jerk. And I hate walking away feeling like a jerk, so I'd like to ask how others might have handled it. Any thoughts on how I could do better in the future?
    You should feel like a jerk. Say no thank you next time. Why is this always so freakin hard? "Wanna dance?" "No thanks." *Walks Away* Simple.
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    Default Re: Turning down a dance

    Quote Originally Posted by JayATee View Post
    You should feel like a jerk. Say no thank you next time. Why is this always so freakin hard? "Wanna dance?" "No thanks." *Walks Away* Simple.
    I agree that it SHOULD be simple, and "no thanks" usually works just fine, but as the poster before you mentioned, some gals just won't take no thanks for an answer, and either try to guilt the custy into buying, or flat out insult them by calling them cheap.

    It doesn't happen often, but it does happen. I've walked out of clubs before when a dancer gives me shit, and stopped by on the way out to tell the manager why.

    Having said all this, the OP still could have handled it better, and I think he's got that message now!

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    Default Re: Turning down a dance

    Honesty is the best policy. I usually say no thanks if I'm not interested, or maybe later (if I am interested, but just got there).

    But sometimes that doesn't go so well:
    Her: Care for a dance?
    Me: Not right now, maybe a little later.
    Her: I may not be here later, we should do it now!
    Me: (Wishing she'd take the hint.)

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    Default Re: Turning down a dance

    Quote Originally Posted by Bruce Wayne View Post
    Honesty is the best policy. I usually say no thanks if I'm not interested, or maybe later (if I am interested, but just got there).

    But sometimes that doesn't go so well:
    Her: Care for a dance?
    Me: Not right now, maybe a little later.
    Her: I may not be here later, we should do it now!
    Me: (Wishing she'd take the hint.)
    "Maybe later" is a bad answer. First off, its not really an answer at all and secondly, its used by guys who want to trick the dancer into hanging around hoping to get a dance. Actually, "Later" itself isn't even a good answer. Years ago, two girls I probably had not yet danced with but was somewhat familiar with approached me in the club. I told them I'd do dances but not for a couple hours. When I saw the grimaces on their faces, I paid them in advance for the dances and told them to return at the appointed time. Now, while I wouldn't advise you to do this for obvious reasons, it just shows they are not likely to believe whatever you say to avoid giving them money at that point in time. By the way, from that point on, they never grimaced when I told them "Later".
    "never trust a big butt and a smile"-- Bell Biv DeVoe

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    Default Re: Turning down a dance

    Quote Originally Posted by bem401 View Post
    "Maybe later" is a bad answer. First off, its not really an answer at all and secondly, its used by guys who want to trick the dancer into hanging around hoping to get a dance. Actually, "Later" itself isn't even a good answer. Years ago, two girls I probably had not yet danced with but was somewhat familiar with approached me in the club. I told them I'd do dances but not for a couple hours. When I saw the grimaces on their faces, I paid them in advance for the dances and told them to return at the appointed time. Now, while I wouldn't advise you to do this for obvious reasons, it just shows they are not likely to believe whatever you say to avoid giving them money at that point in time. By the way, from that point on, they never grimaced when I told them "Later".
    Ballsy move, obviously one to be made only when you're comfortable never seeing a return on that investment.

    When I say later, I mean later, but I'm not going to lose sleep if a girl assumes she's being blown off. I will be straightforward about it though, and tell her when later is likely to be.

    If I'm straight turning a girl down, I'm sure as Hell going to be a gentleman about it. As many have stated, it's pretty personal for many.

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    Default Re: Turning down a dance

    Quote Originally Posted by Montrealais View Post
    Ballsy move, obviously one to be made only when you're comfortable never seeing a return on that investment..
    I would never have made such a move if there was in fact any risk being taken. To do that were I a stranger in the club would be the height of stupidity. I just didn't like the reaction "I'll do a dance later" got and I never paid in advance again because, from then on, they knew when I said "later", I meant it. I wasn't jerking them around like a lot of the customers who would say that.
    "never trust a big butt and a smile"-- Bell Biv DeVoe

    If you're in your twenties and aren't a liberal, you have no heart. If you're in you're forties and aren't a conservative, you have no brain - Winston Churchill

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    Default Re: Turning down a dance

    Quote Originally Posted by bem401 View Post
    "Maybe later" is a bad answer. First off, its not really an answer at all and secondly, its used by guys who want to trick the dancer into hanging around hoping to get a dance. Actually, "Later" itself isn't even a good answer. Years ago, two girls I probably had not yet danced with but was somewhat familiar with approached me in the club. I told them I'd do dances but not for a couple hours. When I saw the grimaces on their faces, I paid them in advance for the dances and told them to return at the appointed time. Now, while I wouldn't advise you to do this for obvious reasons, it just shows they are not likely to believe whatever you say to avoid giving them money at that point in time. By the way, from that point on, they never grimaced when I told them "Later".
    I'm honest and very blunt. Like I mentioned in my post, I'll either say "no", or if I am interested, then "maybe later". I'm not stringing anyone along, nor do I care if they hang around until I make up my mind. I actually prefer they don't. 9 out of 10 times I say maybe later b/c I just walked in the front door and got swarmed by girls before I even had a chance to sit down or look around.

    I'm always polite, even if the dancer is pushy (not in the good way). I understand the game and so should she. The few times I've been to clubs and have had girls jump me as I get in, I've been nice, and honest saying "maybe later" or "in a little bit when I get settled". And usually the bad ones just walk away never to be seen again... BUT the good ones will come back and I'll get a dance. The good ones get it, and it's usually a much more enjoyable experience for both parties because they understand it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Montrealais View Post
    Ballsy move, obviously one to be made only when you're comfortable never seeing a return on that investment.

    When I say later, I mean later, but I'm not going to lose sleep if a girl assumes she's being blown off. I will be straightforward about it though, and tell her when later is likely to be.

    If I'm straight turning a girl down, I'm sure as Hell going to be a gentleman about it. As many have stated, it's pretty personal for many.
    I'm pretty much the same way. I don't want to hurt anyones feelings, or string them along, but this is the nature of this business.

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