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Thread: BF came back from out of the country acting shady

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    Default BF came back from out of the country acting shady

    He went out of the country for 3 days to Rome to visit a long time girl friend of his. I only texted 2-3 times. He never responded to any of my texts the whole time he was there -- which is not his normal thing to do. OK so we had a bit of a falling out (I told him I wasn't sure the relationship should cont.) before he left. But the reasons are insignificant to my perspective (maybe we just needed some space), so this is why I have my suspensions.

    Maybe my jealously is out of wack too. But honestly the two of them were backpacking together and visiting hostels. It makes me wonder when he says things like, I won't be "doing" anything while I'm there --- as if he semi-expects me to fool around while he's gone and to make sure I don't do anything...?? wtf? Or to cover his ass. I don't know. He also seemed to correct himself when he mentioned another hostel that they got: "We each got a room. She came over...we shared it with two other people."

    I gave him the benefit of the doubt and waited for an explanation as to why he never responded to my texts. He never did when I picked him up. ...til I confronted him about it. Just seemed totally dismissive. First he said he never got any contact from me, then said he did but my texts didn't come til he was waiting in Philly. Soooo why didn't he acknowledge my texts then? Something just doesn't smell right. Or is it just me? ...

    I don't know, how would y'all react to this kind of situation?

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    Default Re: BF came back from out of the country acting shady

    A .38 and a shovel always works for me!
    "Fake tits are like Kevlar. They don't guarantee your chances of survival but they sure as hell improve it."
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    Veteran Member Camateur's Avatar
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    Default Re: BF came back from out of the country acting shady

    How did he do Rome in only 3 days? Even if he didn't get your texts, why didn't he contact you anyway? Hostels are usually big rooms with tons of bunks or beds set up in them (not separate rooms)

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    Default Re: BF came back from out of the country acting shady

    Well actually he was gone for 4 days. He works at an airlines so he can leave whenever and get very cheap rates. But yeah, he didn't contact me the whole time he was there which was weird. I mean he could reach out to me once, right? There are hostels were you can rent a separate room in adjacent to other rooms.

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    Default Re: BF came back from out of the country acting shady

    Uh, why is he going to Rome without you, to spend time backpacking with a "long-time girl friend"? I honestly can't think of a way that I would EVER be okay with this situation, and I trust my fiancee completely. Nor would I expect him to think it was okay for me to ditch him and go skipping around the continent with a guy friend. Though I agree with Camateur, how the hell did he do Rome in only three days?

    As for the texting thing, I don't find it hard to believe that he didn't get the texts while he was there. Even though I have an international plan with my cell, my phone rarely works right in Europe or the Caribbean. I don't get texts or voicemails until I touch back down in JFK or wherever and turn my phone on after the flight.

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    Default Re: BF came back from out of the country acting shady

    ^ Ugh thanks. LOL even best when I hear Rome is usually THE romance city...

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    Default Re: BF came back from out of the country acting shady

    Quote Originally Posted by firemaiden04 View Post
    Uh, why is he going to Rome without you, to spend time backpacking with a "long-time girl friend"? I honestly can't think of a way that I would EVER be okay with this situation, and I trust my fiancee completely. Nor would I expect him to think it was okay for me to ditch him and go skipping around the continent with a guy friend.
    Funny thing though, I accepted her request as a friend on FB a while back. She wants to be friends w whomever he dates I expect.

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    Default Re: BF came back from out of the country acting shady

    Quote Originally Posted by firemaiden04 View Post
    I honestly can't think of a way that I would EVER be okay with this situation, and I trust my fiancee completely.
    Same. It's not that I don't think men/women can be friends... but this trip seems very inappropriate.

    The fact that he says he didn't get the texts isn't questionable... it's a real possibility, tbh... but the fact that he keeps contradicting himself could be cause for some concern.
    Although... unless they were sleeping together before, I wouldn't really expect that anything happened on this trip (unless they either A. didn't really go backpacking or B. stopped off somewhere to party every night). Backpacking isn't exactly optimal hook-up conditions for the first time together.
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    Default Re: BF came back from out of the country acting shady

    Quote Originally Posted by DesuvsDeath View Post
    Same. It's not that I don't think men/women can be friends... but this trip seems very inappropriate.

    The fact that he says he didn't get the texts isn't questionable... it's a real possibility, tbh... but the fact that he keeps contradicting himself could be cause for some concern.
    Although... unless they were sleeping together before, I wouldn't really expect that anything happened on this trip (unless they either A. didn't really go backpacking or B. stopped off somewhere to party every night). Backpacking isn't exactly optimal hook-up conditions for the first time together.
    Thanks for the second thought. That puts me at some ease. I'd hate to have to tell him NOT to travel out to see friends...even though they're girl friends. I have mostly guy friends too. I'd hate to be a hypocrite. It's hard to know where to draw the line before "green-eyed monster"-dom.

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    Veteran Member Camateur's Avatar
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    Default Re: BF came back from out of the country acting shady

    Not trying to be a downer but is it possible he met someone else while he was in Rome and didn't want to text or call when he was with her?

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    Default Re: BF came back from out of the country acting shady

    There is literally zero chance that he did not sleep with that girl. This should have been blatantly obvious the second he suggested going to Rome alone to see an old flame.

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    Default Re: BF came back from out of the country acting shady

    Quote Originally Posted by PhxRising View Post
    There are hostels were you can rent a separate room in adjacent to other rooms.
    Ummm. Okay.

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    Default Re: BF came back from out of the country acting shady

    i dunno, Its weird that he NEVER contacted you...As far as the texting, if he doesn't have an international phone, texting doesn't work. So that part could be true. I think you should have gone with him myself....especially if you have never met her before. I've never been of the opinion that guys hang out with girls to "just be friends" I think they always want something more...

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    Default Re: BF came back from out of the country acting shady

    Quote Originally Posted by xxxchili View Post
    I've never been of the opinion that guys hang out with girls to "just be friends" I think they always want something more...
    Let me report that I can only accomplish this acrobatic feat once I've slept with someone. After that, I'm a dependable platonic friend and vacation partner. (Note: This causes terrible jealousy and suspicion on the part of whomever she's actually dating at the time. )

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    Default Re: BF came back from out of the country acting shady

    There's trusting and there's naive. Trusting is letting your boyfriend go out with his friends, letting him go on a trip to rome with a long time female friend is not exactly the kind of idea you want to give kudos to someone for.

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    Default Re: BF came back from out of the country acting shady

    i guess im going to be the other voice here and say it is indeed possible for a male/female couple to travel and not fuck. i have tons of male friends who i have no intention of sleeping with and who i have traveled with.

    i dont know your situation enough to gauge, but if i was in a relationship with someone i would hope we were trusting enough that he could travel with his female friends without me flipping out.

    and when i was in HS and was an exchange student, i had a bf back in the states. i only called him once a week.

    but my opinion is biased. since i do a lot of couchsurfing, i am used to platonic male/female interactions while traveling because it is very frowned upon within the community to hit on other surfers.

    what is his relationship with this long time girlfriend? is it an ex? or just a friend?
    The best thing i have heard in a strip club to date:
    customer: we should get married right now! we should get a shotgun marriage!
    me: uhh... i think you are misunderstanding what a shotgun marriage means. A shotgun marriage means you knock me up and my daddy shows up at your door with a gun and forces you to marry me and raise the baby. You mean elope.
    customer: hmm... nah actually i will take the shotgun marriage. At least then we would be having sex.


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    Default Re: BF came back from out of the country acting shady

    I'm going to add in another voice of reason. I've traveled with male platonic friends, also out of country, while I left my bf at home. They didn't hit on me, I didn't hit on them, nobody did anything wrong. And one of the guys I had actually hooked up with before, a long time ago. Also, my cell phone didn't work. But I did talk to bf every day or every other day on FB at internet cafes. He was jealous, but I'm young and want to travel, and he can't get the time off work that I can.

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    Default Re: BF came back from out of the country acting shady

    Okay. After cooling down and talking with him today I learned that they are just good friends. Never slept with each other. In fact SHE has a boyfriend as well that lives long distance from her (apparently he questioned her about my bf). As described by my bf, she is one of the most moral, honorable, etc. as she is also Christian. My bf also bought me a few little gifts on his trip. SO moral of my story: think hard before making any accusations at first...I just needed some time to chill.

    Thanks for your answers. It is odd sometimes thinking that guys and girls can be strictly platonic. But like Athena and some mentioned, I realize the need for both male AND female friends. I enjoy my male friends and being able to travel (or whatever else) guilt-free.

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    Default Re: BF came back from out of the country acting shady

    If he has a Sprint or Verison phone it prob won't work in Italy. Even if it did, texts get really expensive internationally, even if its unlimited for him here.

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