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Thread: Boy I Like and Evil Ex Drama

  1. #1
    Veteran Member Fionaver's Avatar
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    Default Boy I Like and Evil Ex Drama

    Sorry, this is a long post. Wanted to give you some backstory.

    Alright, here we go.

    I met this guy at a convention that I work at every year in September(he’s also staff). At the time I was engaged and he was in a relationship. But I had one of those “OMG I am super attracted to this person” moments. We had a brief – but amazing!- conversation and then I had to go handle a situation that had come up in our department. By the time I got back, everyone was asleep and I didn’t see him again.


    Fast forward through January, when I break off the engagement, and mid-February when he breaks off the relationship. I was sitting with my friend at dinner and he was asking me about the last time I felt that spark with someone. I immediately thought of this guy and spent the next two weeks trying to remember enough about him so that I could figure out who he was.

    - I had a couple things working in my favor –

    He’s a director at the con - which means he has to be local and someone ought to know who he is.

    So I asked my assistant director through chat if he had any idea who this guy was and found out his name. I also found out that he was single (well, sorta – but that’s what we’re getting to…) Over drinks with my AD later that night, I got a bit tipsy, and had my laptop with me. With a bit of prompting, I initiate a conversation.

    Basically, we’ve talked virtually every night for the past month (including that one) for about 6-8 hours a day.

    We met in person last Tuesday – the chemistry is amazing. And we basically spent the whole weekend together.

    But here’s the problem: his ex.

    Apparently he has a couple of really bad ones. And the most recent one is essentially stalking him. And since he was with her when he got my message on Facebook, she knows who I am. I guess that she assumed that we’ve been talking this whole time (she was right) and when she was out of town for work (they work in the same shop) I picked him up. And I guess that she heard about it.

    So on Sunday, after I went home, he got a call from his ex because she wanted to bitch about her weekend. And then she said that she needed to ‘warn him’ about me. Apparently, she dug up this guy that I’ve seen about two times since I met him 10 years ago, and she claims that he told her that he and I do ecstasy and LSD together and that I had given him syphilis.

    WTF?!? So not true!

    I mean, at least spread rumors about something that I really did!

    But I’m concerned now that just because I want to continue hanging out with this really amazing person, my reputation will end up getting dragged through the gutter. I mean, I’m ok with the whole having unresolved issues with your ex (mine is still moving out!) I just don’t know how to handle her catty immature behavior.

    She’s sunk her claws into his life so deeply that he can hardly get her out. Made buddy-buddy with his friends, his parents, his brother’s girlfriend. Sits outside his house and watches it. Grills him about where he’s been all weekend and snidely says ‘I bet you just stayed with her all weekend.’

    He doesn’t want to be outright mean because they work together, but apparently, she’s been lying about him now too.

    My ex, on the other hand, has been really cool and nice about everything. I told him about some of it, and even he thinks it's fucked up.

    I guess I would just appreciate some advice. And PLEASE, none of the ‘ditch that guy, go for someone else stuff.’ I’m really happy with him – I’m just not happy with her.

  2. #2
    God/dess tempest666's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boy I Like and Evil Ex Drama

    Your foot and her ass need to have a date!
    "Fake tits are like Kevlar. They don't guarantee your chances of survival but they sure as hell improve it."
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    God/dess rickdugan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boy I Like and Evil Ex Drama

    Quote Originally Posted by tempest666 View Post
    Your foot and her ass need to have a date!
    Fucking A right. T, as usual, you punch through the bullshit to hit the right solution.

    Of course, it wouldn't hurt if he manned up and put a stop to this crap himself...

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    God/dess velvet's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boy I Like and Evil Ex Drama

    dragon*con!
    sorry not helpful lol
    As quoted by Luckyone:
    I asked directions from a genie in a bottle of jim beam and she lied to me.

    Methodus saved my life!

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    Default Re: Boy I Like and Evil Ex Drama

    Quote Originally Posted by rickdugan View Post
    Of course, it wouldn't hurt if he manned up and put a stop to this crap himself...
    THIS.

    Seriously, it pisses me off when I see all these situations with guys and their crazy exes, where the girls are pulling some INSANELY crazy shit, and the guys just kinda go with it. It's not your responsibility to address this issue. It's HIS ex, let HIM deal with it. Logically, if he's not dealing with it, it means it doesn't bother him enough to make him get off his ass and do something about it. Which usually means he's enjoying it. A lot of guys LOVE having girls fighting over him. I've gotten a lot of my guy friends to admit they even kind of encourage it, though not really on a conscious level. Are you really okay with dating someone who can't or won't man up enough to tell a crazy ex girlfriend to STOP harassing you? Because this is what your relationship will probably be like. Who knows how many other crazy exes he has that YOU will have to deal with.

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    Veteran Member Fionaver's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boy I Like and Evil Ex Drama

    My computer is being stubborn and refusing to m-quote right now, but...

    @Tempest666 - I told myself a looooong time ago that I wasn't willing to go to jail again b/c of a boy, so that one's out. Tempting, but out.

    @ Velvet - We're Atlanta-based, so it's super appropriate! (Although it wasn't that convention - both of us would rather attend than work that one. )

    @Firemaiden04 - There are exactly two crazy exes in the past. One, whom he broke up with 8 years ago, is now married, and is still starting shit (I've known about her since we first started talking.) And then there is also the most recent one who seems to have become unhinged when he dumped her. Ironically enough, the reason why he broke it off in the first place was her immature, bitchy behavior and mental instability (people can hide that sort of thing for a while but not forever, y'know?)

    I think that the reason why he has these exs is not necessarily because he wants that kind of catfighting drama in his life, but he is definitely a caretaker/provider type. So I think that alot of needy women (who initially seem self-sufficient and normal) end up sucking him in before he finds out that they're really batshit crazy. BTW, that's my read of the situation, based off of mutual friends who've known us both for years as well as seeing his character - not based off of him trash-talking his exs.

    Apparently, she also knows what I do for a living (no idea how she found that out - although I'm fairly open about it with close friends). So my guy is tempted to go back to the guy that supposedly told her all of this (since they sorta know each other) and find out what exactly went on in that conversation.

    I just can't fathom her behavior. This is some serious middle school bs.

    The issue for me is really more that my name has gotten dragged into it. I've been very clear about how this is his problem and he needs to address this, (which he has actually been doing since the last time I posted.) And he's been making progress on getting her out of his life. He's at the 'I'll be civil, but that's it' stage. And that's only because they have to have a working relationship.

    Neither one of us expected things to move as quickly as they have - we planned on taking things really slow (getting to know each other, becoming friends, then seeing where things go) but things have moved up quite a bit from the original plans. Not that I'm 'in love' yet, but we're both seriously 'in like'. Both of us have things in our lives that need to be addressed - and we've already discussed that this would have to be resolved before we could become really serious about each other.



    IDK, I just feel a bit disappointed over the situation. Her behavior has definitely made me reconsider someone who is everything I've been looking for - and more.

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    God/dess rickdugan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boy I Like and Evil Ex Drama

    Quote Originally Posted by Fionaver View Post
    The issue for me is really more that my name has gotten dragged into it. I've been very clear about how this is his problem and he needs to address this, (which he has actually been doing since the last time I posted.) And he's been making progress on getting her out of his life. He's at the 'I'll be civil, but that's it' stage. And that's only because they have to have a working relationship...

    ...IDK, I just feel a bit disappointed over the situation. Her behavior has definitely made me reconsider someone who is everything I've been looking for - and more.
    IMHO it should, but not so much because of her behavior per se but because of his seeming unwillingness to put a stop to it. Now I hear you on the "progress", "addressing", etc., et al, but this really shouldn't be that complicated. Frankly, if this stuff with both of the exes doesn't stop immediately, then I would seriously question whether he really wants it to or if he is trying to keep his bridges unburned for other reasons...

    Anyway, this is a tough situation and I hope it works out for you.

    RD

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    Default Re: Boy I Like and Evil Ex Drama

    He seems like a coward to me. Not someone that could stand up for himself, much less you...has he even helped defend the rumors about you? If nothing changes, I'd leave this drama.

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    Default Re: Boy I Like and Evil Ex Drama

    Assuming he's telling the truth and they are really crazy the best thing is to ignore them and watch your back. I find it strange that the one from 8 years ago and now married is still stalking him but then I have a friend who's doing the same thing. She loved a man, he rejected her so she married someone she doesn't love while trying to get back to the ex. The second ex of this guy seems like she's still devastated. If they just broke up she probably still has feelings they'll get back together. Perhaps he's leading her on by claiming they will. I am still the same way with the last guy I loved and I will admit I would do some of the same things you've said she did. The reason in my case (and probably hers) is that I don't want anyone else to have him. However, her waiting outside and most of the things she's doing are scary (mine is mostly cyberstalking and I am doing it less and less).

    However, I'm wondering if he's to blame for this and leading these women on. Perhaps telling them they will get back together. Either that or perhaps he's doing the same thing to them only blaming them (seen this happen). I'd be very leery of this guy because I think there is more to it that he's not telling you. If they are as crazy as he says he's probably crazy too.

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