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Thread: Boyfriend THOUGHT I was cheating, became violent--

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    Default Boyfriend THOUGHT I was cheating, became violent--

    I understand no one should hit anyone, wheather its guy hitting girl or girl hitting guy...

    basically...heres my situation...my boyfriend who became very insecure about me stripping(otherwise hes a good guy, really) --came to my work while i was in the champagne room with a customer, spied on me, saw the customer pulled out his penis while i was turned around (this is a NORM, as I work in HOUSTON where guys are notorious for whipping out their dicks as extras are pretty rampant--which I DO NOT do Btw--i made them put it away)and well my boyfriend basically flipped and thought i was doing something with that guy he threw a wine glass at me, it didnt hit me, he slapped me/threw me around/pushing me into things...started fighting the customer and they were both kicked out of the club....
    I think if I walked into my boyfriend in a situation like that I would have done the same thing--natural reaction...so Im trying to decide do I let this go and continue our relationship--I have quit stripping (he has been very remourseful and vowed to never act this way again)--it has been a few months since that happened and he hasnt raised a hand to me since and has been really patient like his normal self....what do u think about all this??

    Ive been in an abusive relationship before...so I feel like I should get out on the other hand...its just a sticky situation to me...

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    Default Re: Boyfriend THOUGHT I was cheating, became violent--

    Get out of there! He WILL do it again. You deserve better and he will continue to make excuses for hitting you. Nice men don't hit no matter what.

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    God/dess Trem's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend THOUGHT I was cheating, became violent--

    Quote Originally Posted by trudykins1 View Post
    (otherwise hes a good guy, really)
    Well yeah, obviously if you ignore the bad things people do they are good people. You should have left him immediately, you should be packing right now. Hitting is one of those things that should always and instantly end a relationship, there is no excuse, there are no do overs, it is over.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend THOUGHT I was cheating, became violent--

    Hit the road. NOW.
    I don't know why you haven't yet. There is no excuse for a woman to be hit (outside of certain communities.... BDSM coming to mind as the most prevalent). You don't deserve to be pushed, harassed, or hurt. And what in the WORLD was he doing coming to your place of work?

    Get out. I don't care HOW remorseful he is. Of course he's remorseful, he knows he's going to lose and amazing girl because he's a worthless asshole. Put your foot down an leave- for good. No texting him that you miss him, no answering his calls, no seeing him. Done.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend THOUGHT I was cheating, became violent--

    The first time anyone hits anyone else in a relationship, it should be over. Leave now. The longer you stay the harder it will be to leave.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend THOUGHT I was cheating, became violent--

    Don't be the stereotype, hon. Even worse, don't hold onto the relationship long enough that you become a statistic. Leave now.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend THOUGHT I was cheating, became violent--

    If you didn't have a doubt you wouldn't of started this thread. It sounds like you're making excuses for his behavior.

    Did you call the police after he attacked you in the club?

    Make a plan to get away from him without him knowing and disappear. If he hit you once already and you're still with him the next time (which their will be a next time if their hasn't already been one) the abuse will be worse.

    You are not the first or the last stripper to be in an abusive relationship. Try doing a search and reading the other ladies stories about abusive relationships.

    Good Luck, I hope you make the right choice.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend THOUGHT I was cheating, became violent--

    Get rid of him. There are plenty of other carp in the lake.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend THOUGHT I was cheating, became violent--

    I have walked in on my ex with another woman in underwear/naked, except this was in my bedroom, in my home. All i said was "surprise" to him and "nice to meet you" to her, i was in shock but i wasnt about to lose any more of my dignity.

    If he hit you or threw you about then he will do it again. My ex grabbed my wrist once and tried to pull me during an argument and i went nuts, i coped with cheating, lieing and other women but i will never ever ever accept violence as part of a relationship (again). If he was thinking of your best interests he would have just gone for the customer, not you and been concerned about your safety, not that you were cheating.
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    Default Re: Boyfriend THOUGHT I was cheating, became violent--

    Long past time to hit the road. So many men, so little time. A man that can't keep from hitting will never be any good.

    XOXO
    Z

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    Default Re: Boyfriend THOUGHT I was cheating, became violent--

    Thanks for your responses ladies...I dont know whats wrong w me...and to be honest, yes he has pushed me around and grabbed my wrist so hard during an argument after all that and left a welt on my arm where my bracelet dug into my skin...i feel like im not strong enough to just dump him--i HATE being alone, i get extremely depressed, and i dont have many friends theyve all married and moved out of the state or work so much they can never get together...i just dont want to be alone--thats whats stopping me. sound really stupid i know.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend THOUGHT I was cheating, became violent--

    Get out. Stop defending him, he wont accept your job ever.. and he is abusive. He will do it again, get back to working and make money and move on from him. He is crazy

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    Default Re: Boyfriend THOUGHT I was cheating, became violent--

    ^ It is infinitely better to be single than it is to be stuck in an unhappy, abusive relationship. You have to learn to be happy with yourself before you're able to be happy with anyone else--as long as you have this sense of desperation about not being alone, you'll get no one but trash who will take advantage of you, because they know you're so desperate you'll take the abuse. Nothing ages you worse than a bad relationship, and it is never worth it in the end to stay with ANY guy just because you're afraid to be single--not to mention when the guy is abusive. It will never get better. You can blame it on individual situations or people, but the truth is, HE is the problem, and you validate his behavior by forgiving him. Then he learns that he can do whatever he wants to you, and you'll just take it. Trust me, I learned from experience.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend THOUGHT I was cheating, became violent--

    Once violence has been established in a relationship the question from that moment on isn't if, but when. His lack of control in the club in a public setting is very troubling on top of everything else.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend THOUGHT I was cheating, became violent--

    The fact that he does not trust you is first. Second, this nut is spying on you at your job while you do a VIP. What does that tell you about him? He is not the yellow crayon. You know, the bright one. He makes poor decisions and has little self control. The fact that he attacked you at your job is just mind boggling. What kind of dude comes to spy on his gf at work? His jealousy and insecurity are more than you need in your life. It's better to be lonely and alone than to be abused.
    Thank Goodness I smartened up! The old me is dead and gone.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend THOUGHT I was cheating, became violent--

    I'm sure you KNOW what the right thing to do is....I think we all hope you do it.


    He has pushed you around before....you stayed with him....so he realized that this was OK with you.....
    He has grabbed your wrists and left welts......you stayed with him...so he thinks that must be OK with you also....

    So this time he hit you and became more abusive........if you stay......

    Do you see where this is going?

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    Default Re: Boyfriend THOUGHT I was cheating, became violent--

    Hon, if you were in Dallas, I'd introduce you to some nice, mild mannered and respectful IT guys I know. They ain't the 'prettiest' boys in the world, but they have solid jobs and will treat you well. Hell, they'd probably even be agreeable to letting you give them a makeover to teach them how to improve their appearance, if you're concerned about such things.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend THOUGHT I was cheating, became violent--

    Quote Originally Posted by Trem View Post
    Well yeah, obviously if you ignore the bad things people do they are good people. You should have left him immediately, you should be packing right now. Hitting is one of those things that should always and instantly end a relationship, there is no excuse, there are no do overs, it is over.

    THANK YOU
    all that ^

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    Default Re: Boyfriend THOUGHT I was cheating, became violent--

    Quote Originally Posted by lemiwinks31 View Post

    So this time he hit you and became more abusive........if you stay......

    Do you see where this is going?
    ^^^^THIS.

    Men who abuse only ever become more controlling and abusive. First he will want half your money from dancing because he "allows" you to do it, then he will want you to stop altogether, and you will be so brainwashed and numb to it that you'll take the abuse and believe he's right and he will make you so dependant on him that you cant get away until you have nothing left. Anyone who abuses you does not love you. Get out hun, dont take it.
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    Default Re: Boyfriend THOUGHT I was cheating, became violent--

    Get rid of him. There are plenty of other carp in the lake.


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    Default Re: Boyfriend THOUGHT I was cheating, became violent--

    Quote Originally Posted by kellydancer View Post
    get out of there! He will do it again. You deserve better and he will continue to make excuses for hitting you. Nice men don't hit no matter what.
    Quote Originally Posted by Chgojoe View Post
    Once violence has been established in a relationship the question from that moment on isn't if, but when. His lack of control in the club in a public setting is very troubling on top of everything else.
    THIS...x 2!!

    PLEEAZE get out Sweetie...!! He WILL beat you up again....that's a given.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    "Good Girls keep diaries....Bad Girls don't have the time..!!"

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    Default Re: Boyfriend THOUGHT I was cheating, became violent--

    thanks everyone for your support...i have not told anyone about all this...my brain says it will indeed happen again at some point im sure on the other hand my heard says hes changed. i have to break it off with him though bc i cant risk it...i'll keep yall posted.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend THOUGHT I was cheating, became violent--

    Good for you, be strong

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    Default Re: Boyfriend THOUGHT I was cheating, became violent--

    *hugs!*

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    Default Re: Boyfriend THOUGHT I was cheating, became violent--

    So does that mean you're still with him?

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