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Thread: Awful experience--what should I have done?

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    Default Awful experience--what should I have done?

    Last night was my fifth night at my new club, and I sold my first VIP. In this club, there are two options: lap dances for $30 or VIP room $600/hr, $350 for a half hour, and $200 for 15 minutes. The only real selling point of the VIP room is that it's "full contact", meaning the custy can grab tits and ass. Mentioning the full contact seems to be the only reliable way to get them in the VIP.

    Well, I sold a 15 minute VIP to a guy who just wanted to treat me like a whore. In general I don't like to be touched, but last night was slow as shit and I needed the money, but this was fucking ridiculous. The custy was grabbing me roughly and grinding me against his crotch the entire time--he even ordered me to turn around at one point. I got him to ease up a little by saying not so rough, but I was definitely not in control of the situation.

    I know I should have just told him to stop or ended the VIP, but I was actually scared of this guy. Luckily, he only ended up staying in VIP with me for a couple of songs, and then said thanks and walked out. I felt really taken advantage of, and it screwed me up mentally for the rest of the night.

    I guess I already know what I should have done, but I lacked the courage to do it. I really feel shitty about this, like if this is the only way to make decent money it's not worth doing, but fuck, I really need the money. And I can't tell my boyfriend about it because he would probably feel even worse than I do. Anyways, I needed to get that out, thanks for listening.

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    Default Re: Awful experience--what should I have done?

    Let me start by saying (((hugs))))... Almost every girl on SW has been in a situation like this. Especially when we were new dancers. It is the downside of this business and as a new girl it's hard to tell someone off or to "stop". It gets easier with time, trust me. I know that you don't want to lose out on money by telling a customer no but to be honest it rarely hurts your money. Guys usually like the aggressive, assertive women. Take this as a lesson learned and next time grab his hands, stop dancing, look him dead in the eye and say, "If you don't stop doing ____, I'm going to get your ass kicked out of here. But if you want to play nice I'll play nice too." and maybe throw in a wink.. I think we've all been there. I wouldn't tell your bf either because it may make him insecure about your job and that just causes unnecessary drama..

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    Default Re: Awful experience--what should I have done?

    ^^thanks kaiarose. I know I just need to be more assertive. He obviously didn't see me as a real person with feelings, so why should I give a fuck about pissing him off?

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    Default Re: Awful experience--what should I have done?

    Exactly. And the more you get used to being assertive with these men, the easier and more natural it comes to you. Trust me, I've been dancing 8 years and I still encounter situations like this.

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    Featured Member Odette's Avatar
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    Default Re: Awful experience--what should I have done?

    If you don't like being touched, and the main selling point of your club's VIP is full contact, I think you should really find another club that you will be more comfortable at, because this one does not seem like a good fit for you. That being said, you can be more in control of this kind of situation by almost, forgive me for the comparison, but, treating the customer like a child kind of. Use lines like "If you're going to be a bad boy, I'm going to have to tattle to the bouncer on you, and you don't want that do you?" or "Be a good boy because the better behaved you are, the naughtier I get to be!" or, if the situation is getting really out of hand you can say "If you aren't going to behave yourself, I'm not going to dance for you." said while pulling away and crossing your arms and giving an authoritative look. and then say "So, are you going to follow my rules now?"

    It's kind of messed up, but I've found out that the best way to deal with bad custies is to discipline them the same way I used to discipline the bad 3 year old boys when I taught daycare. Make sure that they KNOW you are in charge, and the boss, not them.

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    Default Re: Awful experience--what should I have done?

    ^^unfortunately my area doesn't provide a lot of options...I already left one club because of the extras going on in VIP. I think at this point I would have to try the full nude club because it's no contact, but I've never done full nude and I don't know if I could. I really don't know where I would go if I left this club, but I definitely see your point. I've tried selling VIP without mentioning the full contact but no one goes for it. It seems like a rock and a hard place situation.

    I know this answer is to be more assertive...this guy really scared me, though. He had this malevolent glint in his eye.

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    Default Re: Awful experience--what should I have done?

    Quote Originally Posted by GreenLady View Post
    I've tried selling VIP without mentioning the full contact but no one goes for it. It seems like a rock and a hard place situation.
    What about the CR's other selling points? Is it quiet so you can take a customer there to get away from the hustle and bustle of the floor? Does it come with a free bottle of champagne? Can you pick your own music in there? Will it mean you'll be able to give the customer your full attention and won't be told to move on or go on stage? Or how about the simple fact that you can just dance as much as he likes without stopping for the whole time?

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    Default Re: Awful experience--what should I have done?

    if you EVER feel unsafe you should leave. Just make it seem natural, leave, get a bouncer and then worry about your clothes (take your money). It's seriously NOT WORTH staying with a guy to keep your money or whatever and then end up scared shitless or beat up because some of some asshole. Your safety should come first.

    I have totally ditched out on people before... I have also cut dances when I have been pre-paid and given back the money for the songs that we didn't do. It is TOTALLY not worth my dignity to make 100$ or whatever I have lost out on from guys pushing my boundaries or whatever.

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    Default Re: Awful experience--what should I have done?

    Quote Originally Posted by kitinboots View Post
    What about the CR's other selling points? Is it quiet so you can take a customer there to get away from the hustle and bustle of the floor? Does it come with a free bottle of champagne? Can you pick your own music in there? Will it mean you'll be able to give the customer your full attention and won't be told to move on or go on stage? Or how about the simple fact that you can just dance as much as he likes without stopping for the whole time?
    The club is BYOB. I've mainly been trying to sell it on being able to give the custy my full undivided attention and it being more private than the club's only other dance area, which is these curtained off cabana things you have to share when the club is busy. You can't pick your own music. Rarely, I will hear a girl say that a guy took her up there who just wanted to talk and be away from the main floor. Mostly they just want to feel you up.

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    Default Re: Awful experience--what should I have done?

    Quote Originally Posted by luscious sadie View Post
    if you EVER feel unsafe you should leave. Just make it seem natural, leave, get a bouncer and then worry about your clothes (take your money). It's seriously NOT WORTH staying with a guy to keep your money or whatever and then end up scared shitless or beat up because some of some asshole. Your safety should come first.

    I have totally ditched out on people before... I have also cut dances when I have been pre-paid and given back the money for the songs that we didn't do. It is TOTALLY not worth my dignity to make 100$ or whatever I have lost out on from guys pushing my boundaries or whatever.
    Thanks, Sadie. I've been in a funk for days...letting this happen definitely wasn't worth the money.

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    Default Re: Awful experience--what should I have done?

    Im sorry greenlady. i can understand how that would upset you. If after you said not so rough, I would of told him im "going to the bathroom" and grabbed a bouncer/manager/dj/etc and tell them to come check on you. ive done with one guy and had the manager stay in there the whole time. it was a bit akward but the manager was like "look, shes trying to give you a good time, so if you can be a bit more respectful then i wouldnt be in here" i dunno how your club works but if he was so handsy that you couldnt get away i wouldve screamed till someone came running

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    Default Re: Awful experience--what should I have done?

    Quote Originally Posted by GreenLady View Post
    Last night was my fifth night at my new club, and I sold my first VIP. In this club, there are two options: lap dances for $30 or VIP room $600/hr, $350 for a half hour, and $200 for 15 minutes. The only real selling point of the VIP room is that it's "full contact", meaning the custy can grab tits and ass. Mentioning the full contact seems to be the only reliable way to get them in the VIP.

    Well, I sold a 15 minute VIP to a guy who just wanted to treat me like a whore. In general I don't like to be touched, but last night was slow as shit and I needed the money, but this was fucking ridiculous. The custy was grabbing me roughly and grinding me against his crotch the entire time--he even ordered me to turn around at one point. I got him to ease up a little by saying not so rough, but I was definitely not in control of the situation.

    I know I should have just told him to stop or ended the VIP, but I was actually scared of this guy. Luckily, he only ended up staying in VIP with me for a couple of songs, and then said thanks and walked out. I felt really taken advantage of, and it screwed me up mentally for the rest of the night.

    I guess I already know what I should have done, but I lacked the courage to do it. I really feel shitty about this, like if this is the only way to make decent money it's not worth doing, but fuck, I really need the money. And I can't tell my boyfriend about it because he would probably feel even worse than I do. Anyways, I needed to get that out, thanks for listening.
    if it is "full contact" VIP room like you have just said it is, then i really can not see anything that the customer has done wrong from what you describe, its not like he pulled out his tool and tried to rape you,

    he has payed for full contact so that is what you need to provide, if you cant deal with that, or if you do not like being touched as you say, then it sounds like you are working at the wrong type of club, or you are in the wrong type of industry, you might wanna try camming, that way you are safe and nobody touches you,

    there is no such thing as easy money and it sounds like that is what you are wanting, if the customer pays you good money for full contact then that is what you need to give him, if you are unable to do that then do not offer him full contact in the first place,
    Last edited by Sylvia; 04-19-2011 at 12:14 PM.

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    Default Re: Awful experience--what should I have done?

    I'm sorry you're going through this hon, unfortunately some customers think "full contact" means they have the right to rip your tits off.

    If you're not comfortable with this, why not try the nude club? I work at a nude optional club where the nude dances are no contact and I like it.
    "Fake tits are like Kevlar. They don't guarantee your chances of survival but they sure as hell improve it."
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    Default Re: Awful experience--what should I have done?

    Quote Originally Posted by Sylvia View Post
    if it is "full contact" VIP room like you have just said it is, then i really can not see anything that the customer has done wrong from what you describe, its not like he pulled out his tool and tried to rape you,

    he has payed for full contact so that is what you need to provide, if you cant deal with that, or if you do not like being touched as you say, then it sounds like you are working at the wrong type of club, or you are in the wrong type of industry, you might wanna try camming, that way you are safe and nobody touches you,

    there is no such thing as easy money and it sounds like that is what you are wanting, if the customer pays you good money for full contact then that is what you need to give him, if you are unable to do that then do not offer him full contact in the first place,
    No. No one is obligated to do anything they aren't comfortable with. I don't see anything about her promising to provide him with full contact.

    Ugh, I know I shouldn't even bother responding. You are so obviously NOT a dancer it's not even funny. You have never posted one helpful or informative remark on here. I'm betting you're a manager.
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    If success meant being savage my woes would disappear.

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    Default Re: Awful experience--what should I have done?

    Quote Originally Posted by noelle View Post
    No. No one is obligated to do anything they aren't comfortable with. I don't see anything about her promising to provide him with full contact.
    are you kidding?

    she knew it was full contact before going into VIP....so how would that not be promising to provide full contact???

    the point is, why offer a service if you can not provide that service or you are not willing to provide that service??

    she posted the VIP is full contact and knew that in advance, if she is is not comfortable with that then she should not have offered it in the first place,

    you are correct nobody is obligated to do anything they are not comfortable with, so she should have not offered it in the first place or stopped half way and refunded the appropriate amount of money, fair is fair

    if the customer has paid for a certain amount of time and does not receive the full time he has paid for then he is entitled to a refund

    no offense but you girls on this forum just seem to want everything your own way, and you money for nothing
    Last edited by Sylvia; 04-19-2011 at 01:42 PM.

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    Default Re: Awful experience--what should I have done?

    Quote Originally Posted by Sylvia View Post
    she posted the VIP is full contact and knew that in advance, if she is is not comfortable with that then she should not have offered it in the first place,

    you are correct nobody is obligated to do anything they are not comfortable with, so she should have not offered it in the first place or stopped half way and refunded the appropriate amount of money, fair is fair

    if the customer has paid for a certain amount of time and does not receive the full time he has paid for then he is entitled to a refund

    no offense but you girls on this forum just seem to want everything your own way,
    Wow, I don't even know how to respond to this. In all my time dancing I never met a dancer with this mentality ever. First off, the op mentions that in her club they are allowed to grab tits and butt in VIP but nowhere does she mention they are allowed to do what he did. So no, he shouldn't get a refund because he got MORE than he should have.

    GreenLady, I am sorry to hear this happened to you. Unfortunately, if the club offers something you don't like you probably won't make money if you don't do it, or you'll feel dirty for doing it to make money. I can relate because I worked in a few clubs that had the same situation. I ended up quitting these clubs because I knew I would either feel dirty or wouldn't make much money.

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    Default Re: Awful experience--what should I have done?

    @Greenlady don't be too harsh on yourself, it will get easier over time. But you need to practice putting your boundaries up, maybe you should mentally prepare before you go into work. I have worked in full contact clubs but the dancer is always in charge and you dictate what goes. I have always sold the VIP as a more intimate experience, and not focused on the touching part. If the customer is talking about where they can touch etc. BEFORE they go to the VIP then they are normally the nasty cheap groping customers, that you don't want to deal with anyway and usually time wasters. A customer should always respect your boundaries.

    @Sylvia 'if the customer pays you good money for full contact then that is what you need to give him'

    LOL, I don't know what you call good money but you sound like an embarrassingly cheap customer. Your posts are truly pathetic.

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    Default Re: Awful experience--what should I have done?

    Just remember everyone opinions are like assholes, people. They all stink, some more than others.....
    "Fake tits are like Kevlar. They don't guarantee your chances of survival but they sure as hell improve it."
    Tempest

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    Default Re: Awful experience--what should I have done?

    Quote Originally Posted by tempest666 View Post
    They all stink, some more than others.....
    sounds like you have been sniffing your own lately.....

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    Default Re: Awful experience--what should I have done?

    Quote Originally Posted by Sylvia View Post
    sounds like you have been sniffing your own lately.....
    No, she's sniffing yours. It smells bad enough that everyone can sniff it.

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    Default Re: Awful experience--what should I have done?

    Quote Originally Posted by Sylvia View Post
    sounds like you have been sniffing your own lately.....


    All of me smells like roses honey. Even my shit.
    "Fake tits are like Kevlar. They don't guarantee your chances of survival but they sure as hell improve it."
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    Default Re: Awful experience--what should I have done?

    Quote Originally Posted by tempest666 View Post
    All of me smells like roses honey. Even my shit.
    that is not what your boyfriend told me

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    Default Re: Awful experience--what should I have done?

    you're turning this thread into an argument when the OP wants advice on how to deal with a difficult, and rather commonly come accross problem that is dealing with overly agressive and sometimes scary/abusive customers. It's time for you to stop now, unless you have something constructive to say.

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    Default Re: Awful experience--what should I have done?

    Quote Originally Posted by Sylvia View Post
    that is not what your boyfriend told me
    What are you, 12?

    Why the hostility? This is not the time and place for it. You should be ashamed of yourself for coming into a thread where the OP asked for support, telling her that she has no right to feel the way she does because "it's not like he tried to rape her," and then trying to start some silly, childish argument with the other members. Get a life, lady. I don't know what kind of stripper has such little empathy for fellow dancers. We should all be sticking together, not pulling the shit you're trying to start.

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    Default Re: Awful experience--what should I have done?

    kaia rose's post was pretty much spot on.

    I would like to add a few lines/ techniques i use with these guys.
    - "hey, i know how to dance, let me do the dancing."
    -"i told you that you can touch, but if you can not do it in a respectful manner then i am going to tie up your hands (or make him sit on his hands... i always have tie up bootie shorts or a top that can be used as makeshift handcuffs on me.) "
    -"hey, would like to remind you, im not a blow up doll."
    -"i like to be touched like this. not grabbed like that. that hurts. i do have nerve cells there."
    these are some of my more polite lines. now i have some nastier lines that i use depending on the situation... if your customer appears to be potentially violent and you are far from a manager take caution though.
    -"so im starting to see why you need to buy dances. i doubt you get laid if you think that is how to touch a woman. here.... try this. i am doing you a favor, this should help your sex life a lot."
    -(when he tries to grab at you, move away, then move closer and when he does it again move away again) "see this is what psychologists call operant conditioning and i see you are a slow learner, so to make your life easier i will just explain. when you are a good boy, i dance close to you and give you a better dance and you can touch. but when you try to grab me like this (demonstrate the example) i move further away and give you a super lame dance. so you can either get a good dance or a lame dance. what do you want?"


    Quote Originally Posted by Sylvia View Post
    if it is "full contact" VIP room like you have just said it is, then i really can not see anything that the customer has done wrong from what you describe, its not like he pulled out his tool and tried to rape you,

    he has payed for full contact so that is what you need to provide, if you cant deal with that, or if you do not like being touched as you say, then it sounds like you are working at the wrong type of club, or you are in the wrong type of industry, you might wanna try camming, that way you are safe and nobody touches you,

    there is no such thing as easy money and it sounds like that is what you are wanting, if the customer pays you good money for full contact then that is what you need to give him, if you are unable to do that then do not offer him full contact in the first place,
    just because she agreed to do a full contact VIP room does not mean she is obligated to be tossed around like a blow up doll. a customer can purchase a contact room and still be respectful... i.e. lightly touching instead of grabbing a girl and forcing her on his crotch. and nobody needs to give contact that she doesnt want to... just because the club rules dont ban a customer from touching a girl doesnt mean she cant put her foot down. it is still her body subject to her boundaries. the same as if a guy comes into my house and i start hooking up with him, the law wont forbid us from having sex, but it is my right to say no to sex at any point throughout the encounter. and, although i am not an escort so i am not the best person to make this statement, i suspect when an escort agrees to have sex with a client that this does not mean she will accept the client throwing her around and doing whatever he wants to her sexually... she still has control of the situation.

    a contact VIP room doesnt give customer jurisdiction over how to use a dancer's body. a contact vip room means that the dancer is entertaining the customers through lapdances that include touch... the entertainer is the one entertaining and as an independent contractor, it is legally up to her to define said entertainment as long as it doesnt break the law. the entertainment experience that she wishes to provide does not include being roughed up and bounced up and down on a customers lap.

    ok, now i know why that thread requesting you be banned was started. i dont think you belong on this forum. You are obviously either a manager who runs a very horrible strip club or a christian nutjob trying to get off on your perceived moral high horse.
    The best thing i have heard in a strip club to date:
    customer: we should get married right now! we should get a shotgun marriage!
    me: uhh... i think you are misunderstanding what a shotgun marriage means. A shotgun marriage means you knock me up and my daddy shows up at your door with a gun and forces you to marry me and raise the baby. You mean elope.
    customer: hmm... nah actually i will take the shotgun marriage. At least then we would be having sex.


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