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Thread: 32 yrs old, 9 children....Bi*ch just pissed me off, after I tried to help her!

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    Featured Member Amy Lee's Avatar
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    Angry 32 yrs old, 9 children....Bi*ch just pissed me off, after I tried to help her!

    I know this girl who is 32 years old, 9 children, 3 baby-fathers (trust me, it is relevant).

    All of her children are about 1-1.5 years apart in age. I have never judged her, I don't have children, but if that's what she wants to do...then that's fine and her life.

    Anyway she has a lot of crying spells, issues with people in her life and is still very sad about her mother who died about 8 year ago. There is no time limit on a grieving process, but I mean she gets VERY low about her mom.

    Today she texted me that she was sad that mothers day fell on her moms birthday this year...and she put some sad faces. I told her that even though I can't relate, or bring her mom back, I am here for her to listen and if she EVER needs to talk...I am there...PRONTO. I also mentioned that maybe she should consider seeing a therapist for the crying spells, wanting another baby (when she almost died after this last one) and a few other things.

    So we are texting back and forth and she is getting very hostile...so we agreed to stop texting and talk later. About 45 min ago, I texted her to see if her day was okay and I wanted to know if she was feeling better. We began to argue...We argued about what I said earlier (therapist/children). I asked her if she took offense to it (mentioning a therapist, let me add that I am a Psych major and on my way to grad school and she is really showing some signs of depression and other things...it was out of genuine CONCERN!)

    While trying to explain myself, she kept interrupting me and that pisses me off like no other. I tried about 5 times to explain the point of my text and she kept talking over me, so she said she could not do this and I hung up on her ass. I was really trying to help her. "Why are you talking to me like that?" she kept asking me...."why are you getting so loud?"
    Because you asked me a question and kept interrupting me.

    This hurts because I was really trying to help her, there is ALWAYS something in dealing with her and I have a lot going on in my own life...I am just so damn pissed right now!

    What do you guys think about this? I was genuine and tried to explain and she just went off on me. Seeing a therapist is not a sign of weakness, etc. And between you and me, she NEEDS IT...I don't think she ever dealt with the death of her mom.

    That's what I get for trying to help someone.

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    Default Re: 32 yrs old, 9 children....Bi*ch just pissed me off, after I tried to help her!

    I would just avoid her for a bit... She seems to be over emotional over.. nothing! You can say sorry, but I dont see a point... She can call you when she wants to talk. You were there for her and it seems like she over reacted about nothing... She really needs to get her life in check.

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    Featured Member Amy Lee's Avatar
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    Default Re: 32 yrs old, 9 children....Bi*ch just pissed me off, after I tried to help her!

    Quote Originally Posted by Kisca View Post
    I would just avoid her for a bit... She seems to be over emotional over.. nothing! You can say sorry, but I dont see a point... She can call you when she wants to talk. You were there for her and it seems like she over reacted about nothing... She really needs to get her life in check.
    Thanks...it really hurts when you try to help a friend...and I am actually wondering if we even are friends (not just because of this)...but thank you. I am leaving it alone. Just got sooo pissed and it just happened.

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    Featured Member Amy Lee's Avatar
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    Default Re: 32 yrs old, 9 children....Bi*ch just pissed me off, after I tried to help her!

    Quote Originally Posted by Amy Lee View Post
    Thanks...it really hurts when you try to help a friend...and I am actually wondering if we even are friends (not just because of this)...but thank you. I am leaving it alone. Just got sooo pissed and it just happened.


    ...and deletes me off of Facebook....classy.

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    Default Re: 32 yrs old, 9 children....Bi*ch just pissed me off, after I tried to help her!

    Sometimes, people don't want advice. They want to wallow in their misery and despair, and all they want from you is sympathy, empathy, and maybe a little pity. They don't want to take charge of their lives and make a mature decision.

    You also can't use logic on someone who is in an emotional state of mind. They want you to communicate with them on their level. It works the other way around, too--you can't use an emotional approach with a logical person. It doesn't work.

    As a logical person (and it sounds like you are, too), it sucks. But that's just the way it is. It sounds like your friend just wants attention and sympathy, not advice.

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    Default Re: 32 yrs old, 9 children....Bi*ch just pissed me off, after I tried to help her!

    Quote Originally Posted by firemaiden04 View Post
    Sometimes, people don't want advice. They want to wallow in their misery and despair, and all they want from you is sympathy, empathy, and maybe a little pity. They don't want to take charge of their lives and make a mature decision.
    This. Most people don't want to change or get help... they just want you to feel bad for them.
    Quote Originally Posted by camille27 View Post
    i am losing my fucking mind and i really just want this chloroform dream because i think that would just get me right with jesus.

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    Default Re: 32 yrs old, 9 children....Bi*ch just pissed me off, after I tried to help her!

    What a waste case. I would just drop her. You don't need the stress.

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    Default Re: 32 yrs old, 9 children....Bi*ch just pissed me off, after I tried to help her!

    Maybe mentioning it over the phone wasn't a good idea? Try waiting a couple days and asking her out to coffee, to apologize (not that you have to, I think you have nothing to apologize for), and to discuss it. Sometimes, seeing the person's body language, and being there as a physical shoulder to cry on, can get your point across better.

    But no, I agree with you completely. You're doing a good thing.
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    Default Re: 32 yrs old, 9 children....Bi*ch just pissed me off, after I tried to help her!

    Quote Originally Posted by firemaiden04 View Post
    Sometimes, people don't want advice. They want to wallow in their misery and despair, and all they want from you is sympathy, empathy, and maybe a little pity. They don't want to take charge of their lives and make a mature decision.

    You also can't use logic on someone who is in an emotional state of mind. They want you to communicate with them on their level. It works the other way around, too--you can't use an emotional approach with a logical person. It doesn't work.

    As a logical person (and it sounds like you are, too), it sucks. But that's just the way it is. It sounds like your friend just wants attention and sympathy, not advice.
    I agree with this completely. When someone gets emotional with me, I get extremely exasperated and tend to just walk away, hang up, whatever. I don't understand it because I'm not an empathic person. This woman in question seems pretty histrionic so logical advice is not going to work on her. It will be like try to reason with a wall. People like this can (intentionally or unintentionally) become draining at best and emotional vampires at worst.

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    Default Re: 32 yrs old, 9 children....Bi*ch just pissed me off, after I tried to help her!

    Quote Originally Posted by mediocrity View Post
    I agree with this completely. When someone gets emotional with me, I get extremely exasperated and tend to just walk away, hang up, whatever. I don't understand it because I'm not an empathic person. This woman in question seems pretty histrionic so logical advice is not going to work on her. It will be like try to reason with a wall. People like this can (intentionally or unintentionally) become draining at best and emotional vampires at worst.

    I know that texting and over the phone is never a good way to deal with things...but I sure wasn't going to meet with her last night when this happened...What I can't seem to understand is how I was coming from such a genuine place and she literally flipped on me...so I flipped back.

    You ladies are correct and I thank you for your opinions... It is not worth it, and when you stated: "logical advice is not going to work on her" is so true!

    As I said, I have enough of my own personal issues...to me, this just doesn't seem like the definition of a friend.

    To be honest, I think she addicted to being pregnant, addicted to being in hospitals and about to give birth. 9 babies in 32 years? I have tried not to "judge" her on this thread...but that is just crazy...and she told me she wanted to adopt one as soon as the 9 month baby gets big enough to be out of her arms (she almost died with this last one). When I gave her an odd look, she said "I am just joking."

    They wouldn't let her adopt anyway...or maybe they would, who cares. I am so done with her and her emotional problems!


    She needs help and she can stay and sit in her own private hell...I forgot to mention that she has done this to me about 5 or 6 times since I've known her (as in let her emotional issues keep us from talking for months). I just keep taking her back as a "friend." NOT THIS TIME!

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    Default Re: 32 yrs old, 9 children....Bi*ch just pissed me off, after I tried to help her!

    Judging people, whether anyone admits it or not, is natural and a lot of times unavoidable. Who ISN'T going to draw conclusions upon hearing about her situation (even though you did attempt to present it in an unbiased manner)? So don't beat yourself up about it.

    I think it's awesome that you're deciding not to let her jerk you around anymore. I had a friend a couple years ago who would "break up" with me every month or two because of her own insecurities. It drove me insane. I wish the best for her, but I have no desire to have that kind of static in my life. I don't think anyone does.

    Good for you, chickie.

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    Default Re: 32 yrs old, 9 children....Bi*ch just pissed me off, after I tried to help her!

    I know it's hard but sometimes you need to take a step back and just be there when somebody comes to YOU. I know exactly how it feels to look at someone's life and easily see the things they could do differently to make it better
    (psychology post grad), or just know the people/ organisations they could benefit from talking to. But if they're not ready to listen, or if other issues are clouding the problem, then your input may be seen as interference, condescension, or worse, pity. If she's stressed and depressed then she can't think straight right now. She just needs someone to listen when she's up to talking, someone to lean on when she needs strength, and someone who is patient enough to remain a friend no matter what she throws at you.

    She has NINE kids.. she's TOUGH!! She'll make it through just fine

    Quote Originally Posted by Amy Lee View Post
    I know this girl who is 32 years old, 9 children, 3 baby-fathers (trust me, it is relevant).

    All of her children are about 1-1.5 years apart in age. I have never judged her, I don't have children, but if that's what she wants to do...then that's fine and her life.

    Anyway she has a lot of crying spells, issues with people in her life and is still very sad about her mother who died about 8 year ago. There is no time limit on a grieving process, but I mean she gets VERY low about her mom.

    Today she texted me that she was sad that mothers day fell on her moms birthday this year...and she put some sad faces. I told her that even though I can't relate, or bring her mom back, I am here for her to listen and if she EVER needs to talk...I am there...PRONTO. I also mentioned that maybe she should consider seeing a therapist for the crying spells, wanting another baby (when she almost died after this last one) and a few other things.

    So we are texting back and forth and she is getting very hostile...so we agreed to stop texting and talk later. About 45 min ago, I texted her to see if her day was okay and I wanted to know if she was feeling better. We began to argue...We argued about what I said earlier (therapist/children). I asked her if she took offense to it (mentioning a therapist, let me add that I am a Psych major and on my way to grad school and she is really showing some signs of depression and other things...it was out of genuine CONCERN!)

    While trying to explain myself, she kept interrupting me and that pisses me off like no other. I tried about 5 times to explain the point of my text and she kept talking over me, so she said she could not do this and I hung up on her ass. I was really trying to help her. "Why are you talking to me like that?" she kept asking me...."why are you getting so loud?"
    Because you asked me a question and kept interrupting me.

    This hurts because I was really trying to help her, there is ALWAYS something in dealing with her and I have a lot going on in my own life...I am just so damn pissed right now!

    What do you guys think about this? I was genuine and tried to explain and she just went off on me. Seeing a therapist is not a sign of weakness, etc. And between you and me, she NEEDS IT...I don't think she ever dealt with the death of her mom.

    That's what I get for trying to help someone.

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    Default Re: 32 yrs old, 9 children....Bi*ch just pissed me off, after I tried to help her!

    Quote Originally Posted by mediocrity View Post
    Judging people, whether anyone admits it or not, is natural and a lot of times unavoidable. Who ISN'T going to draw conclusions upon hearing about her situation (even though you did attempt to present it in an unbiased manner)? So don't beat yourself up about it.

    I think it's awesome that you're deciding not to let her jerk you around anymore. I had a friend a couple years ago who would "break up" with me every month or two because of her own insecurities. It drove me insane. I wish the best for her, but I have no desire to have that kind of static in my life. I don't think anyone does.

    Good for you, chickie.

    Wow, you had a friend that broke up with you every few months...sounds like her...but yes, I am done. I am trying to make money, not drama.

    Sometimes breaking up with a friend can hurt in a way like breaking up with a boyfriend (or girlfriend), but I somehow feel a little relieved...and plus you guys listening and giving you opinions.

    I so appreciate it.

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    Default Re: 32 yrs old, 9 children....Bi*ch just pissed me off, after I tried to help her!

    Quote Originally Posted by Katie Evers View Post
    I know it's hard but sometimes you need to take a step back and just be there when somebody comes to YOU. I know exactly how it feels to look at someone's life and easily see the things they could do differently to make it better
    (psychology post grad), or just know the people/ organisations they could benefit from talking to. But if they're not ready to listen, or if other issues are clouding the problem, then your input may be seen as interference, condescension, or worse, pity. If she's stressed and depressed then she can't think straight right now. She just needs someone to listen when she's up to talking, someone to lean on when she needs strength, and someone who is patient enough to remain a friend no matter what she throws at you.

    She has NINE kids.. she's TOUGH!! She'll make it through just fine

    Post grad...love it!
    Thanks for responding as well...I have to leave her alone, until further notice. It does seem a little Histrionic like another woman on here said (I forgot her screen name).

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    Default Re: 32 yrs old, 9 children....Bi*ch just pissed me off, after I tried to help her!

    OMG, your friend is Octomom, hehe

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    Default Re: 32 yrs old, 9 children....Bi*ch just pissed me off, after I tried to help her!

    ^^^ Octo-mom plus one.


    Update: I received a text at 2:32 am (guess she wanted me to be sleep) She texted: "I didn't want to call in fear that I don't feel like talking. I appreciate you caring and I don;t want us not to talk for a long time because of a misunderstanding, maybe we can talk tomorrow."

    Now some might say that is great, maybe she and I can talk again and hash this out, but I can't go a month (or about 6 weeks) without having a new issue with her, we don;t talk for a few days to a few months and then she sends me a message like this, saying she doesn't want to lose me, etc. I feel like this is just not worth it anymore...this isn't a friendship.


    Everyone just seems to be fucking with me lately and I am not a fan. I am sick of this shit.

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    Default Re: 32 yrs old, 9 children....Bi*ch just pissed me off, after I tried to help her!

    ^ I would accept her message... If she is truely your friend, keep her around but know both of you are full grown adults and she needs to know this - you wont always be there, you wont always have advice, or feedback.. She seems to be doing a lot of drama to herself now, that letting her know "Lets go grab coffee. Just have a good time and stress free" I wouldnt ditch her but thats just me, UNLESS shes affecting with your health and stress level

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    Default Re: 32 yrs old, 9 children....Bi*ch just pissed me off, after I tried to help her!

    how long have you knowen this woman?

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    Default Re: 32 yrs old, 9 children....Bi*ch just pissed me off, after I tried to help her!

    Quote Originally Posted by Amy Lee View Post
    ^^^ Octo-mom plus one.


    Update: I received a text at 2:32 am (guess she wanted me to be sleep) She texted: "I didn't want to call in fear that I don't feel like talking. I appreciate you caring and I don;t want us not to talk for a long time because of a misunderstanding, maybe we can talk tomorrow."

    Now some might say that is great, maybe she and I can talk again and hash this out, but I can't go a month (or about 6 weeks) without having a new issue with her, we don;t talk for a few days to a few months and then she sends me a message like this, saying she doesn't want to lose me, etc. I feel like this is just not worth it anymore...this isn't a friendship.

    Everyone just seems to be fucking with me lately and I am not a fan. I am sick of this shit.
    I agree with you completely. Do what's right for YOU. You've been through this song and dance before- who's to say the behaviour isn't just going to repeat itself?

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    Default Re: 32 yrs old, 9 children....Bi*ch just pissed me off, after I tried to help her!

    Quote Originally Posted by mediocrity View Post
    What a waste case. I would just drop her. You don't need the stress.
    I was thinking it, but didn't want to be the first to say it

    I think we've all had friends in our past (or present) who were emotionally draining. They just want you to feel bad for them as they victimize themselves over and over again.

    I'm the first to reach out and help someone if they need it. But, there comes a point where your constantly propping them up emotionally becomes a crutch and you are only enabling their destructive behavior. Based on what you've told us, I feel genuinely bad for her children. You can leave, but they're stuck with her and will probably grow up thinking that emotional drama is normal behavior. Why is it always the people who really shouldn't be breeding who seem to spit out the most offspring?
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    Default Re: 32 yrs old, 9 children....Bi*ch just pissed me off, after I tried to help her!

    Quote Originally Posted by bloodhoundgang View Post
    how long have you knowen this woman?

    About 3 years...

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    Default Re: 32 yrs old, 9 children....Bi*ch just pissed me off, after I tried to help her!

    Quote Originally Posted by johnjdick View Post
    I was thinking it, but didn't want to be the first to say it

    I think we've all had friends in our past (or present) who were emotionally draining. They just want you to feel bad for them as they victimize themselves over and over again.

    I'm the first to reach out and help someone if they need it. But, there comes a point where your constantly propping them up emotionally becomes a crutch and you are only enabling their destructive behavior. Based on what you've told us, I feel genuinely bad for her children. You can leave, but they're stuck with her and will probably grow up thinking that emotional drama is normal behavior. Why is it always the people who really shouldn't be breeding who seem to spit out the most offspring?
    Thank you and thank you all for listening and giving me advice...it's just too much for me right now (her). Maybe I will text her back some other time...but right now, I just don't need it.

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    Default Re: 32 yrs old, 9 children....Bi*ch just pissed me off, after I tried to help her!

    i swear i know someone that was on #7 three years ago she could have 9 by now. did she used to be a dancer?
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