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Thread: Help! I fucked up!!

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    Sad Help! I fucked up!!

    Hi, I'm pretty new here and I've been lurking a bit on the site...love all the wisdom, hilarity, and advice lot. I have just started dancing a few months ago after I realized college isn't for me, and I wanted to do something different and exciting. I've always wanted to try stripping, and voila, here I am.

    Here's my problem:
    There was a really hot guy in the club tonight...I actually REALLY liked him. I gave him a single lap dance and then we agreed to do a private 4 song dance. I easily get swept away by my emotions, and I got really into the him...and yes, in my "delirium", I gave him a BJ. Here's the thing though: I NEVER SOLICIT SEX IN ANYWAY DURING MY WORK. We never even talked about it, and that's why I want to repeatedly punch myself in the face because I DID NOT NEED TO NOR DID I EVER AGREE that I would give him one. It just kind of happened, and I got fired for it. I understood what I did was wrong and it compromises the money coming in for the other girls and the club. I was even one of the girls who would agree whole-heartedly and shake my head in disgust when other girls speak of men who try to get them to do extras. I've been asked before as well, and I always decline. I am not the kind of girl to agree to bjs and hjs and all that nasty shit. It was a moment of lust and stupidity, and now I lost my job. What's worse is, that club is part of a monopoly of other clubs so I'm basically blacklisted for 50% of the clubs in the town, plus I'm sure others will hear about what I've done and it's gonna be all over for me.

    Yes, I do expect a lot of angry and hateful responses, because I understand completely that this is a big NO NO...and it wasn't meant to be a, "hey, gimme extra $$$ and I'll do X" thing at all. I already know that this is 100% my fault, and I deserved to get fired. I am just scared and sad and furious at myself for doing something so absolutely stupid, and I need a place to talk, where, hopefully, someone will lend an ear and some wisdom in this. I have no one else to turn to about this and I don't want this living with me forever. I'm 21, never got in any trouble in my life (nor have I ever been fired), so I'm just in shambles. What should I do??

    Thank you SW ladies!

    --FOLLOW UP EDIT--
    Once again, a BIG thank you to all who have contributed to this thread and to a troubled part of my life. I am now working at a different club and earn 3-4x more than my first club without any funny business (never!) or fleeting moments of stupidity where I forget my morals and self-worth because of some guy I don't know. Although I'm sure there is plenty more to say and I am happy to hear from the lovely ladies of SW, every single post here has helped me move on to become a more sensible, professional dancer and a better person overall.

    I would like this thread to come to an end if all possible, as I feel this thread has accomplished its purpose. I will always appreciate and be happy to hear what you have to say, and in that case, feel free to message me privately.

    Thanks again!
    Last edited by lucylastar; 05-20-2011 at 01:53 PM. Reason: follow up

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    Default Re: Help! I fucked up!!

    Thank you BringOnTheMen, for your quick and fair response. I am definitely scarred for life, I'm so terrified right now I can't even imagine stepping inside another club. But alas, I genuinely enjoy dancing (so far!) and would like to be hired at another club soon. I can only hope I am lucky enough to find a club similar to my previous one; I really enjoyed working there (and that's what makes it suck 10482305875 times more).

    Also, open question:
    Should I write a letter of apology to the manager?

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    Featured Member Odette's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help! I fucked up!!

    ^This, plus, if you really think its that bad, wear a wig when you go audition somewhere else and most importantly, USE A NEW STAGENAME. I wouldn't worry too much, I mean, yes, you messed up, but people mess up, its good that you realize the mistake, but don't dwell on it too long. Girls pull this shit all the time in strip clubs and many of them are fine. I'm kind of surprised you even got caught, let alone fired for doing that once, it seems like most clubs just turn a blind eye to extras, or at the worst give a girl a slap on the wrist, a temporary ban or something like that. Or if they do get fired they go work somewhere else. There's always another club.

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    Default Re: Help! I fucked up!!

    And no, you don't need to write a letter, not unless you really want your job back there and want to use that as perhaps a way to get it back? Because if that's what you want, that's maybe not a bad idea, but I would go for a face to face appology instead. And keep in mind if you were to get your job there back you would probably be watched like a HAWK, get in trouble for a lot of little things for not being in favour with management, and have to deal with a lot of nasty shit from the other girls. I really just think it would be best if you worked somewhere else.

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    Default Re: Help! I fucked up!!

    I agree with the ladies who have already replied. You messed up, don't do it again, don't beat yourself up, move on to a different club.

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    God/dess Athenathefabulous's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help! I fucked up!!

    if you 'really like' a customer who comes into a club, the way to show it is NOT to give him a blowjob in the champagne room. This is still prostitution... even if you didnt ask for an extra ___$ for the blowjob. actually, it just means it was a cheaper act of prostitution which is even worse.

    in the future, if you drink at work and find your self 'really liking' a guy and you feel you must act on it, take his phone number, dont call him, and when you wake up the next day and are sober decide whether you were just drunk and being stupid and caught up in the fantasy or whether he was actually prince charming. if he was actually prince charming, call him.... skip the blowjob in the strip club though. more likely though, you will be like 'yea he was cute and we had fun but it was just business and if i want to find a hot guy its best that i just go out and find one unaffiliated with work.'
    The best thing i have heard in a strip club to date:
    customer: we should get married right now! we should get a shotgun marriage!
    me: uhh... i think you are misunderstanding what a shotgun marriage means. A shotgun marriage means you knock me up and my daddy shows up at your door with a gun and forces you to marry me and raise the baby. You mean elope.
    customer: hmm... nah actually i will take the shotgun marriage. At least then we would be having sex.


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    Default Re: Help! I fucked up!!

    Shit happens. You made a mistake, find another club. You're in fucking Vegas, there is more than an abundance of clubs. -_-
    "Fake tits are like Kevlar. They don't guarantee your chances of survival but they sure as hell improve it."
    Tempest

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    Default Re: Help! I fucked up!!

    Odette, thank you for your thorough response(s). No, I definitely can't bring myself to face the wonderful girls at this club, nor deal with the management, as I also assume that they will be giving me shit. I just want to make clear what actually happened, and that I am truly apologetic about it.

    It is also interesting you've mentioned that most clubs usually turn a blind-eye or just give a warning first, because one of the other clubs that is also owned by their monopoly has been notorious for extras. I've talked to girls from that club who (unless they are lying) talk about girls in there doing lots of things...so now that you mention it, I am also a bit surprised. But then again, I haven't been working for too long and I'm don't think I've established myself well enough where they would want to keep me even after my shenanigans.

    And I wish I could wear a wig...I have my own long, thick set of black hair so every time I wear a wig it looks VERY unnatural. Although this situation will give me more incentive to try harder in making it look better!

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    Default Re: Help! I fucked up!!

    Thank you Coquette, Athena, and Tempest. Your words along with everyone else's has allowed me to shake this a bit and lift my chin up.

    Athena, you're definitely right, that is not the way to get man I happen to "like". It would have been nice to have taken down his number, too bad I blew him the first chance I got like a friggin' idiot. Most likely, it wouldn't have worked out =/ With a clear head now, I don't think I should even entertain dating someone I met at work. But that's for another thread in another part of the forum I suppose

    Tempest666, yes there are plenty to choose from, but I believe I've lost a chance at about 5 other clubs that I had wanted take a stab at as well. My fear is not running out of clubs to audition at, but not being to find a club with such a comfortable hustling atmosphere as the one I was in. Oh well, I guess it's time to switch it up!

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    Default Re: Help! I fucked up!!

    Eh, shit happens sweetie. chalk it up to a lesson learned. If you really miss it that bad, go ask for your job back since it seems to mean alot to you. I'd make sure you talk to a mgr you're in good with. But be prepared to be treated like a social leper and rumors flying around. I don't mean to be harsh but if you do go back at least for a bit you're gonna be "that chick who got popped giving a BJ in VIP"

    I hope you have a thick skin either way.

    I wish you the best I really do. You made a bad decision but we all do. At least you realized the far reaching consequences that it could have had. Just thank the gods there are a ton of other clubs.
    "Fake tits are like Kevlar. They don't guarantee your chances of survival but they sure as hell improve it."
    Tempest

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    God/dess Athenathefabulous's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help! I fucked up!!

    i dont think she should ask for her job back. especiall not now. a few reasons:

    1. the social leper factor
    2. if she is allowed back, then other girls who would do extras but refrain for fear of getting fired will take the fear of getting fired part much less seriously. if a club is deadset against extras and allows a girl who got caught blowing a guy to come back almost immediately, then the girls will assume if they get caught blowing a guy they just need to have a story about how much they liked the guy and be fine.
    3. She is fairly new to dancing... and the fact that she blew a guy because she thought that she really liked him shows that she is still naive. until she gets a better handle on dancing and learns to separate things and control herself better the same thing might happen again. To the OP i know this sounds harsh and im not on here to conduct a witch hunt or anything like that, but IMO extras girls start somewhere. i dont think that most girls get into stripping and intend to give blowjobs in the VIP. I dont know enough extras girls well enough to know how it happens, but from what i have seen the girls who offer extras services go across many spectrums.... its not just the strung out crack whore, its sometimes the pretty well spoken college student. I know you fel guilty as hell now, as you should... but until you are more solid as a stripper, i, as a 3rd party, would not assume that you would never do that again.

    you made a mistake and you see that which is good, and i hope that you dont repeat it. but i think trying to grovel your way back into the club you were at is a bad move.
    The best thing i have heard in a strip club to date:
    customer: we should get married right now! we should get a shotgun marriage!
    me: uhh... i think you are misunderstanding what a shotgun marriage means. A shotgun marriage means you knock me up and my daddy shows up at your door with a gun and forces you to marry me and raise the baby. You mean elope.
    customer: hmm... nah actually i will take the shotgun marriage. At least then we would be having sex.


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    Default Re: Help! I fucked up!!

    You've only been dancing a few months and you've already managed to rationalize giving a customer a blow job while drunk.

    People make mistakes, and I don't think you should slam your head into the wall for it but truthfully, not every woman is cut out for this business.

    I wanna be the nice girl, I really do, but new girls like you - who convince themselves while intoxicated that it's a sexy idea to blow a stranger - is what's bringing the industry down.

    My advice to you would be to go back to working a vanilla job until you can smarten up. Lots of girls work in strip-clubs, and loads of them get drunk; but that's no excuse for what you did. You have poor judgement and poor self-control and this is not the field someone with poor judgment and self control should be working in.

    Seriously.




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    God/dess 4everresolutions's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help! I fucked up!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Athenathefabulous View Post
    3. She is fairly new to dancing... and the fact that she blew a guy because she thought that she really liked him shows that she is still naive. until she gets a better handle on dancing and learns to separate things and control herself better the same thing might happen again.
    Exactly.



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    Default Re: Help! I fucked up!!

    Tempest666, as much as I want to return, I know it will not be a good idea...I can honestly say my skin isn't as thick as I want it to be, but I have a feeling this industry will do that some good. However I believe that everyone's disdain and scorn will effect my hustle anyway, surely I won't be returning to the same club in that manner. I actually don't make that much money at the club (averaging $165 after tipout, working approx 5-6 hrs a night), but being a new dancer, I like the laid-back and friendly atmosphere. I've been to cut-throat clubs, and I can barely hang. I'm sure these skills come in time...I'm definitely taking this as a lesson learned and using this opportunity to straighten my hat and go hard!

    Thank you again for your wisdom!

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    Default Re: Help! I fucked up!!

    4everresolutions and Athena, you both make very excellent points. yes, saying I "like" the guy is still a very poor excuse. My heart grows heavy as I say it, but it is indeed the truth. I do not ever want to do anything like that again. I will be honest here to you all and to myself, I do not have the best self-control, but I feel this is something I must also learn...and although stripping is probably not the best way to learn it, right now, it seems to be the fastest way! I will try working in a different club, and will go from there. If I notice the same "attractions", I will be on my way out, no questions about that. Dancing is something I enjoy very much, and I have a lot of respect for the women in this industry doing it right. I refuse to allow my naivete compromise all of your hard work. As shitty as my self-control is, my compassion for others overrides. This is a job I enjoy, but is not something I have to rely on to make money where I cannot quit and find a vanilla job if needed.

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    Default Re: Help! I fucked up!!

    Lots of bad things could have happened....it could have been an undercover, the guy could have had an STD that you can't get rid of, or some of the other girls, not knowing that you were new and didn't plan to give this guy head could have jumped your ass.

    I caught a known extras girl giving a BJ and I grabbed her nappy ass Rick James wig and slammed her face into a table repeatedly.(I didn't like her and I had been looking for an excuse to beat her ass) I'm not saying your an extras girl, but other dancers who didn't know that could have taken matters into their own hands and you would have lots more to worry about than finding a new club.

    I'm not going to say that working a vanilla job is the best thing for you, but you need to realize that this is what this is...a job. It's not all sunshine and rainbows. Getting drunk to the point where you can't control yourself at work is just asking for trouble.
    "Fake tits are like Kevlar. They don't guarantee your chances of survival but they sure as hell improve it."
    Tempest

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    Duh Re: Help! I fucked up!!

    Tempest666, I think it's awesome that you did that! If it happened to me at my club, I'd still be okay with it...I had it coming. This is how much I am against extras and how disgusted I am with myself. The girls at the club don't know why I did it, and frankly, me dribbling out some poor excuse is not going to help. I feel terrible because I feel like I've let them down, as well as given them a false image of myself. As I was starting to have rapport with some girls in there, and even making two new wonderful acquaintances tonight, it hurts really bad. Alas, this industry is not about being buddy buddy with all the girls, as I have seen and heard, but it doesn't help to be the new girl that everyone wants a chance to beat up. Of course, I'm also the type of person who likes to be in good terms with all I meet, and especially if they are kind and welcoming to my newbie ass...I cannot appreciate this enough!

    Quote Originally Posted by tempest666 View Post
    I'm not going to say that working a vanilla job is the best thing for you, but you need to realize that this is what this is...a job. It's not all sunshine and rainbows. Getting drunk to the point where you can't control yourself at work is just asking for trouble.
    Think I learned how to use the quote box...
    This is a gigantic reality check for me, for sure.

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    Veteran Member loren's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help! I fucked up!!

    Nobody has sex with a complete stranger because they "like him". If you are not a pimp pretending to be a stripper, then you need to work on your self esteem. If you are interested check out the links below.
    Stripping is about entertainment and fantasy - not sex. It's more like a minnie relationship. Self confidence is absolutely essential in this business. There will always be sleezy pimps who will try to convice girls that it's ok to have sex with strangers. It's not OK. It will really destroy you.
    Last edited by loren; 04-22-2011 at 03:16 AM.
    Confidence


    Self Esteem


    Arrogance is to deny reality


    Coherency management


    Maslow - Human Needs

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    God/dess Athenathefabulous's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help! I fucked up!!

    Quote Originally Posted by loren View Post
    Nobody has sex with a complete stranger because they "like him". If you are not a pimp pretending to be a stripper, then you need to work on your self esteem.
    sadly, a lot of girls do. usually they are naive and not strippers. i had a friend back in cleveland who was a major player... there was one girl who fucked him in the bathroom on her first night meeting him and decided she really liked him. she persued him and because he was a douchebag he would only fuck her in bathrooms.... but she was convinced that they had a future together. this went on for like 3 months.

    honestly lucylastar, after reading your most recent post i really think you need to mature a bit before dancing. if you want to be in the industry, maybe try cocktail waitressing for a while. but the fact that you thought that giving a stranger a blowjob in the CR because you seriously really thought you liked them goes beyond the problem that you are doing extras that are harming the industry, it also says that you dont have much of a handle on male-female sexual relationships in general. if you expect any guy who you 'really like' to ever like or respect you back, engaging with him in an act of prostitution is not the way to go about it.
    The best thing i have heard in a strip club to date:
    customer: we should get married right now! we should get a shotgun marriage!
    me: uhh... i think you are misunderstanding what a shotgun marriage means. A shotgun marriage means you knock me up and my daddy shows up at your door with a gun and forces you to marry me and raise the baby. You mean elope.
    customer: hmm... nah actually i will take the shotgun marriage. At least then we would be having sex.


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    Featured Member luscious sadie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help! I fucked up!!

    Quote Originally Posted by loren View Post
    Nobody has sex with a complete stranger because they "like him". If you are not a pimp pretending to be a stripper, then you need to work on your self esteem. If you are interested check out the links below.
    I have! Honestly, I have a high sex drive and have met guys, liked them, made out with them and one thing has led to another and we have had sex. I don't think that there is anything wrong with having a safe and promiscuous sex life...
    [/center]

    Quote Originally Posted by Laurisa View Post
    Money can't buy happiness, but poverty can't buy shit.

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    God/dess tempest666's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help! I fucked up!!

    Quote Originally Posted by luscious sadie View Post
    I have! Honestly, I have a high sex drive and have met guys, liked them, made out with them and one thing has led to another and we have had sex. I don't think that there is anything wrong with having a safe and promiscuous sex life...

    I've let 2 hot scottish guys gangbang me But in all seriousness it's one thing to be promiscuous and another thing to do something ITC that could have had dire consequences not just for OP but for everyone working there if it had been LE.
    Do what you're gonna do, but keep it outta the club

    don't shit where you eat and be smart.
    "Fake tits are like Kevlar. They don't guarantee your chances of survival but they sure as hell improve it."
    Tempest

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    Default Re: Help! I fucked up!!

    Loren, thank you for your interesting response! As to the pimp posing as a stripper...I am sadly, just a naive, if not terrible stripper. I don't see why a pimp would pose as a stripper giving BJs anyhow =/ But the second part of your comment, which elaborated graciously by Athena, holds much hidden and obvious truth, and something I most likely will have to come to terms with soon if I want to keep dancing, even more so if I want to have a respectful relationship with someone I like.

    My goodness, how this thread suddenly became very introspective...but it has seemed to have rung a bell in my head.

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    Featured Member luscious sadie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help! I fucked up!!

    Quote Originally Posted by tempest666 View Post
    I've let 2 hot scottish guys gangbang me But in all seriousness it's one thing to be promiscuous and another thing to do something ITC that could have had dire consequences not just for OP but for everyone working there if it had been LE.
    Do what you're gonna do, but keep it outta the club

    don't shit where you eat and be smart.
    Agree 100%

    NEVER INT. Never proposition for OTC (if you're going to solicit for prostitution). I have met guys OTC that I met INC but they have all been really cool guys who I would have hung out with anyway. I would never have them come back and get dances from me. I keep it completely separate.
    [/center]

    Quote Originally Posted by Laurisa View Post
    Money can't buy happiness, but poverty can't buy shit.

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    Default Re: Help! I fucked up!!

    Thank you Luscious Sadie and Tempest666, once again! There is definitely no harm in a high sex-drive, none at all! And Tempest, you've hit it right on the nail with the fine print: but not in a work environment that can danger many others!! Also, you guys seem to have very fun sex lives

  34. #25
    God/dess tempest666's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help! I fucked up!!

    don't take this the wrong way, but why don't you try one of the legal brothels? You would be in a safe and LEGAL working environment.
    "Fake tits are like Kevlar. They don't guarantee your chances of survival but they sure as hell improve it."
    Tempest

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