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Thread: Stopped stripping and still depressed.

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    Default Stopped stripping and still depressed.

    For the longest time I thought dancing was the source of most of my depression ... The late nights, dealing with arse holes, feeling like an outsider and like a zombie half the time - living between worlds. At first it was exciting, then it became part of my life, then just a habit that I no longer really enjoyed ... I watched the industry change over the years, I tried to change with it but I couldn't. I decided it was no longer for me so last year I stopped dancing. It kinda happened naturally although it had been on my mind for over a year.

    I was under this magical illusion that when I stopped I'd be 'happy' ... little did I know. Seems dancing was covering up a lot of stuff, it was an escape from life as well as an avoidance of it at times. Now I don't have that I realise I was depressed with or without it!

    I'm missing the escape, the dressing up, the being an outsider, living on the edge ... it kinda became part of my secret world ... I think I underestimated what it was and now I just have this hole. I don't want to go back (although I do think about it) but I need to do something to stop feeling like I have been the last 5 months.

    Does anyone know what I'm on about? Would love some support xx

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    Default Re: Stopped stripping and still depressed.

    Aww honey you sound like you need **big hugs**

    You stopped dancing for a reason, even if that reason diminishes as you get further away from it. Don't let anything be your crutch, dancing or otherwise. Get back on your feet and be whole before you give yourself to anything again.

    Exercise can work wonders for mood. Just try a run or swim first thing in the morning when you get up and your mood will be improved for the rest of the day, helping you to see more clearly.

    Can you schedule some time with friends and family, doing some fun stuff? Maybe take up a new hobby or course at college.

    Hope you come through this and feel better soon xxx

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    Default Re: Stopped stripping and still depressed.

    Sorry you feel that way. I'm still a dancer, but I've had other jobs here and there in the sex industry, and when I quit them and went back to normal life, it was a weird adjustment. I missed being lusted after, feeling wanted, and feeling so much intimacy with the men I talked to... and I also really missed the open-mindedness of the people I worked with.

    Can't give you much advice on what to do, since I went back and became a stripper, lol... but I think over time, you'll replace stripping with other things. If you need to feel glamorous, get dressed up and hit the clubs. If you need an escape, immerse yourself in a hobby, whatever it may be... yoga, surfing, reading a book... Adjusting to a big change like switching jobs/lifestyles means you need to reconfigure your life so that it still satisfies you. Try to think about the things you enjoy the most, and do them. Collect new experiences.

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    Default Re: Stopped stripping and still depressed.

    Depression is a disease, it's the result of a chemical imbalance not of a career choice.

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    Default Re: Stopped stripping and still depressed.

    If you are functioning well and don't feel completely depressed .... would thing like setting goals / making plans to achieve them work ? I've had rough patches and I know that having some sense of control about " making things happen " helps me.

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    Default Re: Stopped stripping and still depressed.

    Quote Originally Posted by Trem View Post
    Depression is a disease, it's the result of a chemical imbalance not of a career choice.
    Exactly. I experienced episodes of deep depression from my teen years through my early twenties. I just figured it was 'who I was.' It was usually related to circumstances, but the sadness and hopelessness was extreme.

    When I was 22, I finally went to a psychiatrist because I knew something was very wrong, and I couldn't handle the sadness anymore. It was like I had finally sunk into a hole so deep that I couldn't pull myself out. At the time, I blamed dancing and the guilt I felt for hiding it from my family.

    The doctor put me on wellbutrin, and my life completely changed. It was like suddenly, I could see color. I smiled and laughed. I began to love life again. I felt like ME for the first time in a long time... I was no longer shrouded in the darkness of my depression.

    After a couple of years, I took myself off of the wellbutrin for a few months. I wanted to see if I could resist depression without it...and I couldn't. Those awful feelings of hopelessness and self-hate came back. Luckily, I was able to recognize that I needed the drug and went back on it.

    So I take an antidepressant, and I probably will for the rest of my life. I feel lucky that wellbutrin works so well for me because it does not have the side effects of SSRIs ... it actually reduced my appetite and increased my sex drive....then again, that may just be a result of being happy

    I never thought that depression was really a chemical imbalance until I experienced this myself. There is a difference between feeling a little sad or overwhelmed by an event, and being depressed. I definitely think you should consider talking to a psychiatrist.

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    Default Re: Stopped stripping and still depressed.

    Thanks for the replies girls ... for the most part I do all the 'right' things ... eat well, move daily, sleep and try to have goals to work towards. I think I'm lacking in that department at the mo - have to rekindle my purpose and direction.

    My family all live in NZ (Christchurch of all places, were all the big earthquakes went down earlier in the year) so not so easy to connect with them, and like a recent post said 'sad realization that I don't have many friends'! So 2 more strikes working against me.

    Having a bit of career dilemma too, trying to figure out the next focus - I teach yoga and do some training in a health clinic ... I'm also a qualified personal trainer and have studied thai massage. I think I need to choose a direction and focus on it - I get distracted easy, get off course and feel 'lost' often.

    I've been on lexapro twice now for anxiety and depression, the first time it was ok but I felt it just 'dulled' me too much. And when I tried it at the end of last year it just did NOT work for me. I was a mess for 6 weeks till I decided to wean myself off.

    I think there is a lot at play, just have to be gentle with myself and slowly work at putting all the pieces together ... xx

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    Default Re: Stopped stripping and still depressed.

    Krys when I was reading your posts it was almost like you were reading my mind. I quit dancing about 5 months ago after 7 years of being in the buisness.... after awhile the money, the glitter and the life were making me miserable...yet I felt as though it was my escape from all that was really wrong in life. Now that I hung up the shoes for good... I'm still just as miserable as ever and have secluded myself from everyone. I am in school... almost have my degree... quit drinking... and am doing everything "right" and still at the end of the day just wish a mack truck would hit me and put me out of my misery. I personally started going to counselling and got put on meds. Eventually you will have to find something more healthy to fill your life with that will provide you with the same "outlet" or release that dancing did. but I wouldn't suggest looking back at that empty life that dancing can sometimes take you to. Maybe go to church, find something your passionate about and go with it. I think after a while of dancing we all tend to disassociate from ourselves so m uch that we just get "lost".. hugs to you girl you're not the only one feels the way you do.

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    Default Re: Stopped stripping and still depressed.

    Quote Originally Posted by krys View Post
    For the longest time I thought dancing was the source of most of my depression ... The late nights, dealing with arse holes, feeling like an outsider and like a zombie half the time - living between worlds. At first it was exciting, then it became part of my life, then just a habit that I no longer really enjoyed ... I watched the industry change over the years, I tried to change with it but I couldn't. I decided it was no longer for me so last year I stopped dancing. It kinda happened naturally although it had been on my mind for over a year.

    I was under this magical illusion that when I stopped I'd be 'happy' ... little did I know. Seems dancing was covering up a lot of stuff, it was an escape from life as well as an avoidance of it at times. Now I don't have that I realise I was depressed with or without it!

    I'm missing the escape, the dressing up, the being an outsider, living on the edge ... it kinda became part of my secret world ... I think I underestimated what it was and now I just have this hole. I don't want to go back (although I do think about it) but I need to do something to stop feeling like I have been the last 5 months.

    Does anyone know what I'm on about? Would love some support xx
    I completely understand where your coming from , it will eventually go away once you find a new goal and job to focus on.

    For me it was porn then it became escorting. most of the sex with random strangers then the actually industry.

    it took sometime to basically detox from wanting to be in the industry i am still working on it. Camming does help , you still get to live the secret life, make money and also more importantly stay safe.

    But if the depression is still around you might want to seek out seeing a counsellor or threapist.
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    Default Re: Stopped stripping and still depressed.

    Quote Originally Posted by bambiblue View Post
    Krys when I was reading your posts it was almost like you were reading my mind. I quit dancing about 5 months ago after 7 years of being in the buisness.... after awhile the money, the glitter and the life were making me miserable...yet I felt as though it was my escape from all that was really wrong in life. Now that I hung up the shoes for good... I'm still just as miserable as ever and have secluded myself from everyone. I am in school... almost have my degree... quit drinking... and am doing everything "right" and still at the end of the day just wish a mack truck would hit me and put me out of my misery. I personally started going to counselling and got put on meds. Eventually you will have to find something more healthy to fill your life with that will provide you with the same "outlet" or release that dancing did. but I wouldn't suggest looking back at that empty life that dancing can sometimes take you to. Maybe go to church, find something your passionate about and go with it. I think after a while of dancing we all tend to disassociate from ourselves so m uch that we just get "lost".. hugs to you girl you're not the only one feels the way you do.
    *hugs* thanks sugar. just read some of your old posts around this ... sounds like you know the feeling well. still struggling ... think i have to do what seashell and misskatie suggested, take up a new hobby, do a course and just fill my life up in other ways. find substitutes. trying to narrow down exactly what the feelings are when they come up, what i'm missing/lacking and what i can go to to get this ...

    sometimes i think of going back, i left with some debt hanging over my head (which i swore i'd never do) so that's hard. but i honestly don't know if i could do it again, even if i wanted to.

    how are you doing now bambiblue? feeling any less lost? life is a crazy game sometimes huh? xx

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    Default Re: Stopped stripping and still depressed.

    in this industry, it is good to take breaks and re boot- which is why i have more than one source of income.

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    Mind Blowing Re: Stopped stripping and still depressed.

    Im depressed too, im taking anti-deppressants but they dont seem to work. I think there is something fucked up about me. i always blame dancing on how the person I became.Im kind of lost Im in school im with a bf..lifepartnerI should be happy but im just sooo unhappy on the way things turned out for me. I never told this to anyone, but well before i write I will be definatley seeing a psychiatrist for the first time. oh shit here we go when i was 5 my dad molested me and i still have flash backs on it, my mother left him but never put him in jail an i dont know why, as I got older my mother was being abused by her new boyfriend, mind you i was 11. my half sister from man #1 btw has never met him Im #2 and abusive jerk is #3. My sister had to get out of the house so she moved with my aunt and uncle, but i couldnt go, I had nowhere else to go. By then my dad said he got tons of therapy and I really dont know where he went but had no choice but to stay with him.He had been apologized and never touched me again. but again i had no choice i had to be under his roof. When I was 12 my dad was always working late and I would be at mybest friends house or on the phone where she intoduced me to live links. i met this person and for some reason I wanted to meet up with him. he was like 30! we hung out and he never took advantage of me but one night we were making out and lost my virginity to him (regret it) and eventually i rann away from my dad for a week. One day i came home to pack up more clothes and my dad was there home from work he tried to scare the guy off and locked me in but i busted the door open and ran away i looked behind me and could see my dad running for me. his 55yr old ass fell to his knees in despair. after one week i missed my mom and decided to come back home to her. I dont know why but i was always boy crazy i guess i liked that feeling of being turned on and having sex but my problem is it didnt matter who. i didnt have sex after that only meaningless make out seesions and finger fuck with a boy i liked which was sweet and cute. But one day i just didnt like him anymore. fastfowarding to begining of stripper life. it was the best ever getting naked for money i had no problem, i would drink,coke,extasy (this was like in 2006 where theclub was always banking and i made bad influences with the girls their not all just a few. It was fun and i made money. then there were the cute customers where i wouldnt mind doing extras for I know gross, but i didnt care cuz in my head that was a different world another persona not me, underground me, but i liked it and i got off on that.am i weird? or justfucked up i kept doing and doing got paid good money. then i was with my bf, i forgot to mention we met before i danced. but now i cant get rid of these demons im 25 now and im disgusted with my self.The other night i went to work and my friends were celebrating their birthdays together so they picked me up, and i partied with them had a blast but i came at 7in the morning my bf was pissedbut of coursei lied like i usually do cause he wont let me hang out with dancers cause of my party days, and i just want to party and be with him. i have no friends no friends at all, these girls are my friends and he just cant trust me with them. i dont even trust myself, i want to break up with him for the sake of his well being cuz hes better off with a women who wont cheat on him and feed him bullshit. im a good person but i make alot of stupid choices for the hell of it, just like living life on edge. hes 32 so hes done. i just wish there was a pill to help myself desctructiveness. phew. thanks for listing
    pink lemonaid

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    Default Re: Stopped stripping and still depressed.

    Quote Originally Posted by krys View Post
    *hugs* thanks sugar. just read some of your old posts around this ... sounds like you know the feeling well. still struggling ... think i have to do what seashell and misskatie suggested, take up a new hobby, do a course and just fill my life up in other ways. find substitutes. trying to narrow down exactly what the feelings are when they come up, what i'm missing/lacking and what i can go to to get this ...

    sometimes i think of going back, i left with some debt hanging over my head (which i swore i'd never do) so that's hard. but i honestly don't know if i could do it again, even if i wanted to.

    how are you doing now bambiblue? feeling any less lost? life is a crazy game sometimes huh? xx

    Well I started seeing a really good therapist and in the mean time have been going to school full time and just trying to better myself. A few weeks ago I considered going back because school is out for summer and I started worrying about $$, but luckily I found 2 part time jobs in healthcare. I'm starting to realize that I needed and used dancing as an outlet to escape my past and my problems. I guess deep down I was always depressed and needed to deal with things that happened to me. The thing with dancing is... it's all one big lie and illusion. It's easy to get caught up in it because it is an instant release from everything beneath the surface. One thing that I will say is this... and I know it sounds so cliche', but it's true... You have to love yourself. We put up with so much shit we didn't want to as dancers just so we could pay our rent..or feed our kids or whatever plus had to deal with our own real life problems on top of all that... but now that you left the industry you can slowly figure out what it is that you were running from and who it is you want to be. I'm slowly making healthier friendships, and decisions for myself. And once I get done with school I will never ever have to look back because I will be financially secure. So to answer your question.. yes girl... it does and will get better. but you gotta start rebuilding yourself from the INSIDE out instead of the outside in like we did when we were dancing. I wish you lotsa luck and if you ever need to talk feel free to IM me.

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    Default Re: Stopped stripping and still depressed.

    YES! I feel like I know what you're goin through. I thought dancing took over everything, my anxiety went through the roof I was really depressed. People called me by my stage name even when I wasn't at work and I think I just lost myself. I actually moved to the states to get away and thought i would dance, auditioned and got the job but never started just couldn't do it. I became depressed again. Why? thinking about it now, I missed the life style, the interaction with the girls in the back laughing. Easy money. Easy to keep in shape. It was VERY hard for me to get back to the real world. It took time, finding a real job, working days doing regular things, finding who I was again and not just a character! but I did it. I was just lucky to find a career I enjoy. However I DO miss the dressing up. This took a while to achieve. You have been outta dancing for a year? Give it time, find things you love to do. It can be done and I promise your depression will go away.

    Keep up the yoga chicky if thats something you like, and if you haven't tried it do a HOT yoga class, it will kick your butt but keep at it and you will feel brand new! x
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    Default Re: Stopped stripping and still depressed.

    I thought I was the only person that dancing brought out the demons in. I used to dance from 2004-2007 until I burnt out. I was drinking wayyy too much just not taking care of myself. Yet, because of the money I overlooked all of these things. So eventually I quit, life was normal yet boring and my lifestyle wasnt as fabulous as it could have been, being that I lived off of my ex boyfriend's money (as he was a cheap fuck). So fast forward to 2010 Im single and thinking I need money because this real job isnt cutting it and I tried it, not only did those horrible feelings come back but this time I wasnt even making money to distract me from the issues. I think my problem is that Im an empathic person so walking into a place like a strip club, your bound to run into all types of energy. Most which arent good. Of course I still my have issues outside of the club but sometimes things like dancing can only enhance them. Sending love and light to everyone in this thread:-)

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    Default Re: Stopped stripping and still depressed.

    Quote Originally Posted by ExoticBeauty4U View Post
    I think my problem is that Im an empathic person so walking into a place like a strip club, your bound to run into all types of energy. Most which arent good.
    I hear ya on that one sister! I used to avoid that and avoid all the things I loved to do that made me more sensitive (yoga, nature, eating light, meditating, reading 'spiritual' books) ... But I realised I couldn't avoid that part of myself forever. When I did begin to nurture that side of myself more it just became impossible to be in the club. I couldn't dull myself to match the energy anymore ... I really just good not be in there or play that role anymore. Spirit just forced me to walk away ... the ego side still misses the attention and the dressing up. I miss the banter with the girls but none of it really means as much as the other stuff I can get from NOT being in the club. Hopefully that side of me will grow bigger and dancing will just be a memory I can smile out ... right now I'm still swinging between strange longing and sad regret.

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    Default Re: Stopped stripping and still depressed.

    Quote Originally Posted by krys View Post
    I hear ya on that one sister! I used to avoid that and avoid all the things I loved to do that made me more sensitive (yoga, nature, eating light, meditating, reading 'spiritual' books) ... But I realised I couldn't avoid that part of myself forever. When I did begin to nurture that side of myself more it just became impossible to be in the club. I couldn't dull myself to match the energy anymore ... I really just good not be in there or play that role anymore. Spirit just forced me to walk away ... the ego side still misses the attention and the dressing up. I miss the banter with the girls but none of it really means as much as the other stuff I can get from NOT being in the club. Hopefully that side of me will grow bigger and dancing will just be a memory I can smile out ... right now I'm still swinging between strange longing and sad regret.

    I always used to feel like if I was "sensitive" everyone could see right through me too.. there's so much I don't miss..like forcing myself to smile and pretend like I gave a shit about what the person in front of me was saying when all I really wanted was his money. I never thought of myself as a bad person, but I always felt bad for conning people out of their money..and having to give up some of my self respect for money.. I guess I have different moral and beliefs and views than a lot of dancers so the whole thing messed with me in a lot of ways. I do miss the money and working in the real world is a lot less "instant gratification" meaning waiting for a paycheck every week sucks vs getting paid every day you work. but I couldn't go back..

    I

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    Default Re: Stopped stripping and still depressed.

    Quote Originally Posted by ExoticBeauty4U View Post
    I thought I was the only person that dancing brought out the demons in. I used to dance from 2004-2007 until I burnt out. I was drinking wayyy too much just not taking care of myself. Yet, because of the money I overlooked all of these things. So eventually I quit, life was normal yet boring and my lifestyle wasnt as fabulous as it could have been, being that I lived off of my ex boyfriend's money (as he was a cheap fuck). So fast forward to 2010 Im single and thinking I need money because this real job isnt cutting it and I tried it, not only did those horrible feelings come back but this time I wasnt even making money to distract me from the issues. I think my problem is that Im an empathic person so walking into a place like a strip club, your bound to run into all types of energy. Most which arent good. Of course I still my have issues outside of the club but sometimes things like dancing can only enhance them. Sending love and light to everyone in this thread:-)
    I think this is a problem with most jobs dealing with the public. You have random energies/emotional states to interact with everyday. You just don't know what you are going to get. You can try to minimize this by having regulars but otherwise you have a whole bunch of random sometimes vicious energy comin' at cha! It's scary to me sometimes. I started out working in a regular dance club and the worst I had to deal with was one or two dudes not taking no and hitting on me all night. Stripping involves dudes that say vile, sadistic, and just plain crazy things. Some grab you and won't let go and have to be beat off with a stick! I think even women who are not empathic still feel the constant random provocation these guys present. Sometimes I prefer off shifts like sundays and daytime to get a break from the random crazies!

    So, I think it is good to take your time exploring what's bugging you in a non-triggering environment. I sometimes wish I could do a desk job just to have some peace and quiet but just for a few weeks and then back to the grind.
    “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.” - ECKHART TOLLE

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    Default Re: Stopped stripping and still depressed.

    Wow, a lot of what you women have stated echo my thoughts exactly.

    I love the body dancing gives me, I love the attention and compliments, I like the game. The ESCAPE (like lots ofyou said)

    However, it ages me. I smoke more at work then anywhere else, drink as well. I feel guilty. I feel like the longer I stay in the buisness, the shorter my chances are of having a normal life, a husband. Do you ever get jealous of people who can withstand a "normal job"? I sometimes daydream about working in a cute bakery or cafe, being friendly and genuine and having normal customer/employee relations. HOW CORNY

    I also dislike a lot of women I have met (see the post about feeling lost). Like Krys, I do massage, I'm also a reiki and I'm highly empathic. Very sensitive being when I'm not in work-mode. A lot of these women have taken advantage of me, especially when I was age 21-24 and women in their early 30's would use me as bait to get CRs. And then try to fuck me outside of work ! WTF !

    I hope you feel better Krys, and anyone else feeling sad

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