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Thread: Slutty/trashy vs Sexually liberal....Can we have a mature discussion about this?

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    God/dess princessjas's Avatar
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    Question Slutty/trashy vs Sexually liberal....Can we have a mature discussion about this?

    What are your opinions on this topic?

    Personally I have known sexually liberal people who have had very few to many, many partners and never looked down on any of them (I am one who has had limited partners due to several bad experiences). I have also known slutty/trashy people who have had only a few partners and those of course that have had many.

    It's all about your POV, responsibility, and why you are having sex to me. Sexually open/liberal people are responsible and pick their partners carefully, because they want that particular person. It's not a "yeah, you'll do'' sort of deal generally. Slutty/trashy is more people who do things they don't really want to in order to be seen a certain way or due to low self esteem (I feel really bad for these people though). Drugs and alcohol and unsafe sex are often involved. These people I'll admit, I have difficulty respecting. Accidental prenancies and disease seem to be rampant among this group while they are nearly non-existent in the group I consider "sexually liberal.''

    Do you see a difference in the two? Does it make me the same as a drunk club kid picking up a random stranger and banging them without a condom if I have sex with two people I care deeply for? Not in my opinion, but I want to hear how others view this. I'm especially interested in the difference between bisexual women vs straight, men vs women, and how age and dating experience influence view points.

    Pls don't be rude. I'd really like to hear how people feel about this topic without the thread being closed because of fighting.
    "I hear you calling and it's needles and pins. I wanna hurt you just to hear you screaming my name...You're poision. but I don't wanna break these chains.... I wanna love you but I'd better not touch."

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    Default Re: Slutty/trashy vs Sexually liberal....Can we have a mature discussion about this?

    i am probably what many people by the books would consider slutty/trashy. im from new jersey, i like to party... a lot, the number of my sexual partners is still in the double digits but is definitely approaching the triple digit range, i have a tramp stamp, i have a lot of one night stands-- yes many of them did involve alcohol, i yell and laugh loudly, my taste in clothes is what you would probably consider to be tacky, and when i wear makeup i like my eye liner dark.

    but then again, say what you will about me but somehow i have very little trouble getting respect from people. the fact that people work hard to distinguish a definition between sexually liberal and trashy means that people are looking to feel that they are somehow better than much of the population. Im not the judgemental type and i am very happy with myself... i dont need to place myself in a category that is somehow better than people who participate in the same behaviors that i do to feel good about myself.
    The best thing i have heard in a strip club to date:
    customer: we should get married right now! we should get a shotgun marriage!
    me: uhh... i think you are misunderstanding what a shotgun marriage means. A shotgun marriage means you knock me up and my daddy shows up at your door with a gun and forces you to marry me and raise the baby. You mean elope.
    customer: hmm... nah actually i will take the shotgun marriage. At least then we would be having sex.


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    Default Re: Slutty/trashy vs Sexually liberal....Can we have a mature discussion about this?

    Well, first off, I don't really like the term "slut" because of the whole slut-shaming thing, so I don't really use it. I know that's not the point of this thread, but I just wanted to mention it.


    I am bisexual. I have a serious long-term boyfriend, and we have an open relationship. I am also dating a woman.
    My boyfriend isn't comfortable with one night stands, so those aren't allowed in our relationship.
    I'm totally cool with one night stands, when I was single I had a few and they were generally very enjoyable.

    I think that judging people based on their sex life is a sort of slippery slope, and I don't think just because a person gets drunk at the bar and goes home with someone they are automatically trashy. Even if they don't use a condom. It is irresponsible and unsafe, but people make mistakes and I don't feel that automatically makes them some kind of bad person. I also don't think being pressured into doing things you don't want to do makes you "slutty/trashy". Obviously it's not a good thing, but sexual coercion is a real issue and I don't think it's fair to label the victims in this way. The same for low self-esteem.

    Having said that, I can agree that there are trashy people in the world, and aspects of their relationships with others contribute to their trashiness.
    Before I moved away from home I had a friend who dated or slept with many guys. I don't think sleeping with a lot of people is an issue, but there was always lots of lying and cheating going on on her part. She was very manipulative. She also was constantly complaining or talking shit or stirring up all kinds of drama. I would call her trashy, but it's more how she treated other people rather than her sexual habits that make me feel this way about her.

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    Default Re: Slutty/trashy vs Sexually liberal....Can we have a mature discussion about this?

    Quote Originally Posted by sierra. View Post
    Well, first off, I don't really like the term "slut" because of the whole slut-shaming thing, so I don't really use it. I know that's not the point of this thread, but I just wanted to mention it.

    this


    I think that judging people based on their sex life is a sort of slippery slope, and I don't think just because a person gets drunk at the bar and goes home with someone they are automatically trashy. Even if they don't use a condom. It is irresponsible and unsafe, but people make mistakes and I don't feel that automatically makes them some kind of bad person. I also don't think being pressured into doing things you don't want to do makes you "slutty/trashy". Obviously it's not a good thing, but sexual coercion is a real issue and I don't think it's fair to label the victims in this way. The same for low self-esteem.
    and this.

    also there are other factors than just being trashy... it could be not being mature yet-- when i was 19 i got tricked into dating someone because they pretended to have cancer. i hated it and did not want to be there but wasnt secure enough to just say fuck it until 6 months of hell later. and i got into the relationship to begin with because i wasnt secure enough on my own. i dont think this made me 'trashy', i think this mades me naive and still not a secure adult.

    and girls who get pressured into doing stuff.... what about drunk girls who get taken advantage of? i dont think that makes them trashy, i think it makes them unfortunate. and perhaps they need better character judgment to choose better friends.

    and the OP comment about drugs/disease, i dont think drug use (assuming you dont have an addiction) makes someone 'trashy'. plenty of well respected people have done lots of drugs... i.e. einstein, freud, and the list goes on. and as far as diseases go, unless you practice abstinence or insist on blood tests for every sexual partner, you are not immune to getting stds. somehow being a 'classy' sexually liberated girl who has one night stands when sober is not going to protect against hpv or herpes. yes, wearing a condom will reduce the risk, but they are still susceptible to it.

    this hits a sour note with me. for starters a lot of what makes someone 'trashy' is going to go back into their background. did htey grow up priveleged and have social norms strongly built into their upbringing? or did they grow up poor and receive a bad education due to the unfortunate state of some public schools? these all play factors into the types of lifestyles that people live. as long as they are genuine and not actively trying to harm others, i dont see the need to place yourself on a pedestal by judging them. after all, isnt this the shit we deal with as strippers?

    im assuming there was another thread a while back that was closed due to a stupid argument? link plz?
    The best thing i have heard in a strip club to date:
    customer: we should get married right now! we should get a shotgun marriage!
    me: uhh... i think you are misunderstanding what a shotgun marriage means. A shotgun marriage means you knock me up and my daddy shows up at your door with a gun and forces you to marry me and raise the baby. You mean elope.
    customer: hmm... nah actually i will take the shotgun marriage. At least then we would be having sex.


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    Default Re: Slutty/trashy vs Sexually liberal....Can we have a mature discussion about this?

    I was actually thinking about this the other day and came to pretty much the same conclusions as princessjas. I have female friends who sleep around and I have no problem with that yet I still find myself judging those trashy, drunken girls that go home with the first guy that shows interest.

    Perhaps it should depend more on if you can still respect yourself rather than get respect from others (though I find often you need the first to get the latter), and the reasons behind such behaviour, if it's because you're sexually liberated and simply do it because you enjoy it then it's fine. If it's because of peer pressure, childhood issues, substance abuse leading to bad decisions, attention seeking etc., then it's a problem.

    Even then though is it really fair to judge the latter group based on their behaviour when it stems from a problem they need help with? And really whatever the reason behind promiscous behaviour using term the terms "slut/tramp/whore" etc. only works against any fight for gender equality because men who behave exactly the same way are never looked at with the same disapproval as women.

    I guess at the end of the day I agree with the libertarian stance; if you're doing something you enjoy, and not hurting others (i.e. not knowingly sleeping with taken men and not spreading STDs - perhaps it could all come down to how responsible they are as jas mentioned) then I can't really see why anyone should have a problem with it. How a 'lady' should bahave is really all archaic social stigmatism bullshit.

    *edit: I don't like the fact I judge some girls as trashy without even knowing them, it's just kind of like a knee-jerk reaction.
    there were 3 more responses while I was writing it so just wanted to clarify that point to avoid flaming.

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    Default Re: Slutty/trashy vs Sexually liberal....Can we have a mature discussion about this?

    "Sexually liberated" (like Princesjas) or "Slutty/trashy" (like Athenathefabulous) -- I love them both -- so long as: (1) we manage to keep those mischievous little STDs out of the picture and (2) we are honest with each other about the nature of our relationship and the extraneous activities we participate in.

    The difference might be mostly in style/attitude - the sexually liberated might adopt a conservative/classy style of fashion, blend in better with "mainstream", are discreet, and may be somewhat elitist, - i.e., in the sense of feeling intellectually and morally superior to the masses of hypocrits who proclaim monogamy, but consistently cheat on their SOs. The slutty/trashy usually adopt a more rebellious and abrasive, loud, in-your-face attitude towards sex and fashion that jars and provokes a negative reaction from the "mainstream".

    I do understand, though, the point about low self-esteem and doing something reluctantly only because you are starving for attention and feel that your sexuality is the only thing of value you have to offer in order to get attention. These woman can fall into either camp, or maybe, deserve a separate category altogether. They are like emotional prostitutes - selling sex for attention. I feel sorry for them and despise the men that take advantage of them and contribute to their cycle of self-loathing.
    Last edited by jack0177057; 05-04-2011 at 09:42 AM.
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    Default Re: Slutty/trashy vs Sexually liberal....Can we have a mature discussion about this?

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    Default Re: Slutty/trashy vs Sexually liberal....Can we have a mature discussion about this?

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    Default Re: Slutty/trashy vs Sexually liberal....Can we have a mature discussion about this?

    Athena, this thread wasn't started to judge people btw. It was started because I have been noticing a lot of people that exhibit what I consider much more irresponsible behavior, judging those in less conventional relationships, while I haven't heard much in the way of judgements from us ''trashy'' folks who are bisexual or enjoy multiple partners responsibly.

    I rarely take the time to even consider other peoples behavior, but when I noticed someone calling people I respect trash, then admitting to acting much worse (imo) it made me wonder where this line is for most of us and what influences it?

    I asked for this to remain civil for a reason. It's a topic I am very interested in considering all the different lifestyles represented here on SW and all the fuss made about it recently. You are entitled to your opinion that drug use and irresponsible sexual behavior doesn't make someone "trashy" and I would never judge you based on that, but I am also entitled to my opinion that number of partners and such matter much less than irresponsibility.
    "I hear you calling and it's needles and pins. I wanna hurt you just to hear you screaming my name...You're poision. but I don't wanna break these chains.... I wanna love you but I'd better not touch."

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    Default Re: Slutty/trashy vs Sexually liberal....Can we have a mature discussion about this?

    Quote Originally Posted by sierra. View Post
    .Having said that, I can agree that there are trashy people in the world, and aspects of their relationships with others contribute to their trashiness.
    Before I moved away from home I had a friend who dated or slept with many guys. I don't think sleeping with a lot of people is an issue, but there was always lots of lying and cheating going on on her part. She was very manipulative. She also was constantly complaining or talking shit or stirring up all kinds of drama. I would call her trashy, but it's more how she treated other people rather than her sexual habits that make me feel this way about her.
    This is the exact type of person that I consider trashy. I don't really judge other types, but some are just literally a waste of good oxygen, and strangely I find those types to be MUCh more likely to judge others, which confuses me.
    "I hear you calling and it's needles and pins. I wanna hurt you just to hear you screaming my name...You're poision. but I don't wanna break these chains.... I wanna love you but I'd better not touch."

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    Default Re: Slutty/trashy vs Sexually liberal....Can we have a mature discussion about this?

    Quote Originally Posted by The Contessa View Post

    Athena, given your description I'd probably have an initial gut reaction to you that would be negative (again, honesty for the sake of the thread). However, having read many of your posts here on SW, I'm aware that you are a knowledgeable, well-respected and inspirational human being, and I would never in my life consider you "trash". I think that is why it is important that I have interactions with people before I decide on their social class.
    see why the fuck is 'social class' so important?

    when i talk to people i dont think i ever spend time to go hmm... i wonder what social class they are in. i have friends from all walks of life. and i think i am a better person for it. ok there we go, i guess that sentence right there will be my elitist sentence of the day.

    but seriously, what the fuck is social class. perhaps i should play devils advocate and get up on a social norm soap box for a second and remind you that you are a godamned stripper. as am i. do i think that stripper is bad? no, obviously not. but somebody else might call you a godamned stripper as if you are a waste product or leech of society.

    i could go on and on, but i think the elitist classist attitude is one of the biggest sources of unhappiness in society today. perhaps not as serious as racism or sexism, but make no mistake that these are often intertwined. a long time ago i used to take an elitist attitude but i grew out of it (i think psychedelic drugs were probably the first step, followed by stripping and couchsurfing. trashy eh). when i became more open i also became a lot happier... and being more open came hand in hand with security and independence. many of my favorite life experiences i would NEVER have been able to enjoy if i continued to be closed, judgmental, and elitist.

    anyway, that was a tangent, but back to slutty trashy etc etc. in my mind, sexually liberal is just a glossed up term for slut, and slut is just a degrading way to describe sexually liberal. they really are the same thing, just with different labels to describe it so we can put ourselves in our us vs. them boxes and feel ok about the decisions we make.
    The best thing i have heard in a strip club to date:
    customer: we should get married right now! we should get a shotgun marriage!
    me: uhh... i think you are misunderstanding what a shotgun marriage means. A shotgun marriage means you knock me up and my daddy shows up at your door with a gun and forces you to marry me and raise the baby. You mean elope.
    customer: hmm... nah actually i will take the shotgun marriage. At least then we would be having sex.


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    Default Re: Slutty/trashy vs Sexually liberal....Can we have a mature discussion about this?

    Quote Originally Posted by princessjas View Post
    Athena, this thread wasn't started to judge people btw. It was started because I have been noticing a lot of people that exhibit what I consider much more irresponsible behavior, judging those in less conventional relationships, while I haven't heard much in the way of judgements from us ''trashy'' folks who are bisexual or enjoy multiple partners responsibly.

    I rarely take the time to even consider other peoples behavior, but when I noticed someone calling people I respect trash, then admitting to acting much worse (imo) it made me wonder where this line is for most of us and what influences it?

    I asked for this to remain civil for a reason. It's a topic I am very interested in considering all the different lifestyles represented here on SW and all the fuss made about it recently. You are entitled to your opinion that drug use and irresponsible sexual behavior doesn't make someone "trashy" and I would never judge you based on that, but I am also entitled to my opinion that number of partners and such matter much less than irresponsibility.
    i know you didnt make this thread to judge people... but the thing is the fact that we are seeking a line is somewhat ridiculous. there is no objective 'line' for what is trashy vs. classy. every person, if they choose to have a line for this, places it differently. figuring out where most people draw the line is virtually impossible... especially on this board where the line for the average american has been drawn so we are on the 'trashy' side of it.

    the thing that gets me about the 'trash' vs. 'sexually liberated' thing is it really is judgmental. seriously. in an alternate reality, i could live virtually the same sexual experiences but do it somehow differently and be perceived as 'classier'. i could wear nicer clothes, get a manicure, make my makeup more subtle, laugh less loudly, go to more 'upscale' bars, drink slightly slower, curse less, be more tactful but still have the same amount of sex and same type of sex that i have had in this current reality (ok, maybe change the location of a couple of encounters... i.e. no bathroom sex) and fit the more accepted definition of 'sexually liberated'. but there is no way in hell i am going to dampen my personality or water down my appreciation of life so a few more people can perceive me to be 'classy.' and i think anyone who does should re-evaluate their priorities.
    The best thing i have heard in a strip club to date:
    customer: we should get married right now! we should get a shotgun marriage!
    me: uhh... i think you are misunderstanding what a shotgun marriage means. A shotgun marriage means you knock me up and my daddy shows up at your door with a gun and forces you to marry me and raise the baby. You mean elope.
    customer: hmm... nah actually i will take the shotgun marriage. At least then we would be having sex.


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    Default Re: Slutty/trashy vs Sexually liberal....Can we have a mature discussion about this?

    Quote Originally Posted by Athenathefabulous View Post
    i know you didnt make this thread to judge people... but the thing is the fact that we are seeking a line is somewhat ridiculous. there is no objective 'line' for what is trashy vs. classy. every person, if they choose to have a line for this, places it differently. figuring out where most people draw the line is virtually impossible... especially on this board where the line for the average american has been drawn so we are on the 'trashy' side of it.
    ^^ this.

    I am hesitant to label people based on sexual pratices. Whether you choose to label someone as "trashy" or "sexually liberated" you are still catagorizing them by their behavior as you witness it. Not only is it useless (in my mind) to catagorize people it is even more useless to catagorize people by their behavior (sexual or otherwise) because what you are witnessing is a moment in their overall character.

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    Default Re: Slutty/trashy vs Sexually liberal....Can we have a mature discussion about this?

    I get where Princessjas is going and I agree. I have always consider myself somewhat sexually liberated in the past and have a friend who I consider slutty. The difference to me is that my friend would sleep with pretty much any guy who wanted her, whereas I had standards to some extent. In her case this was because she was raped by her dad so she had no self esteem.

    In the past, I was far more open to sex. While I generally didn't sleep around, I had several FWBs in between relationships. We knew that while we liked each other a serious relationship was never a possibility. I did however unintentionally hurt a few guys who thought we were an item but I had told them upfront this would never happen. Years later though I looked back and some of my escapades and realize that in some instances they weren't good ideas and that I was often hiding the fact that I wanted a serious relationship but wanted sex too. Then I made the vow to abstain from sex until it's a serious relationship. However, I can see myself keeping a FWB while I search for a great guy.

    I have seen the types of girls that are like my friend and these are the ones we often see on Maury. For those who say I judge unwed parenthood, the reason is because I've seen far too many cases of girls sleeping with any guy. I blame this though on society that pushes the idea that everyone should have sex with everyone else.

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    Default Re: Slutty/trashy vs Sexually liberal....Can we have a mature discussion about this?

    Quote Originally Posted by Athenathefabulous View Post
    i am probably what many people by the books would consider slutty/trashy. im from new jersey, i like to party... a lot, the number of my sexual partners is still in the double digits but is definitely approaching the triple digit range, i have a tramp stamp, i have a lot of one night stands-- yes many of them did involve alcohol, i yell and laugh loudly, my taste in clothes is what you would probably consider to be tacky, and when i wear makeup i like my eye liner dark.
    You forgot big hair. Is their any other type of girls from Jersey? You also justed discribed my 1st 6 girlfriends LOL.
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    Default Re: Slutty/trashy vs Sexually liberal....Can we have a mature discussion about this?

    To me, personally, someone who is "slutty/trashy" is someone who uses sex to manipulate and punish people. Someone who is fucking a lot not because they want to and they truly enjoy it, but because they view sex as a weapon. I've got no problem with a girl who fucks 20 guys in one night because she was really horny and they were really hot and she just felt like it. I DO have a problem with girls who like to manipulate people with sex. There are a lot of girls in my area who will decide they don't like a particular girl, then will go out of their way to try and fuck that girl's SO--not because they were attracted to the SO, but because they wanted to prove their superiority over the girl. Of course, cheating is bad anyways. If you want to fuck other people, be single, or be in an open relationship.

    I danced with a girl who had a serious thing about fucking other people's boyfriends. Not because it was a sexual turn-on for her, but because she felt the need to prove to everyone (and probably to herself) that she was hotter/more desirable than the guy's girlfriend. She would especially go after the SO's of girls she had a problem with. Of course, the fact that she had to get the guys who submitted to her AMAZINGLY trashed, like pass-out trashed, in order to fuck them kind of proved otherwise.

    I don't know, that's just my opinion. The biggest "sluts" I've known weren't girls who fucked a lot--they were girls who used sex to hurt people.

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    Default Re: Slutty/trashy vs Sexually liberal....Can we have a mature discussion about this?

    Quote Originally Posted by Athenathefabulous View Post
    but seriously, what the fuck is social class. perhaps i should play devils advocate and get up on a social norm soap box for a second and remind you that you are a godamned stripper. as am i. do i think that stripper is bad? no, obviously not. but somebody else might call you a godamned stripper as if you are a waste product or leech of society.

    i could go on and on, but i think the elitist classist attitude is one of the biggest sources of unhappiness in society today.
    True,... but, we're all "elitist" in one way or another... "Class" is just one of many tools we use to separate people into groups so we can judge them and reduce them in value. We also use beauty, brains, money, politics, religion, etc. to distinguish ourselves as superior to others.

    When I've been in the company of extremely conservative/religious people, they've look down on "sexually liberated" people as undisciplined, unprincipled degenerates - regardless of what "class" they belong to. (Often, the "high class" is more liberal than the "working class".) When I've been in the company of liberals and sexually liberated people, they've look down on conservative/religious people as ignorant, unenlightened, superstitious, judgmental and hypocritical.

    I grew up in a NYC housing project (i.e., "ghetto") and we looked at rich preppy boys in the rich prep school one block over as weak, nerdy and feminine. We considered ourselves superior - tougher, more masculine, streetsmart, etc. We were loud and abrasive and proud to be "low class". Eventually, my family started a business, improved their financial condition, and moved into the suburbs. I went to college,... then law school,...and now I'm a "middle class" lawyer living in an affluent upper middle class neighborhood. I have several rich clients - both "low class" rich (self-made/nouve rich) and "high class" rich (born into money and pedigree). Everywhere I've been and every group I've been a part of has been "elitist" in one way or another.
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    Default Re: Slutty/trashy vs Sexually liberal....Can we have a mature discussion about this?

    IMO, another hair splitting exercise. Much along the lines of whether writing a big check towards a financial vehicle is an "investment" or "speculation". Is hazarding a guess an "educated guess" or a "wild guess".Really, by your definition(s), both a slutty and sexually liberated person likes to sleep around, but the former is less discriminating and probably has lower self esteem than the later.

    Investing in something implies some degree of measured research and defining goals/timelines, but in the end, really cannot guarantee results any more than someone who pours money into something for no other reason than its something "hot", or they heard about someone making a bunch of $$ in (fill in blank- real estate, certain stock or commodity).

    Educated guess knows some fill in the blank info, but can really not be 100% certain of getting correct answer any more than someone taking a wild stab at it.

    Okay, summing up the hairsplitters:

    Group A (The More Righteous ): Sexually Liberated- Other people think you're cool for sleeping around/ Investment- You make money/ Educated Guess- You guessed right

    Group B ( The Unrighteous ): Slutty & Trashy- Other people look askance at you for sleeping around/ Speculation- You lose money/ Wild Guess- You guessed wrong.

    Happy?
    I'm right 96% of the time. I don't sweat the other 5% .......................

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    Default Re: Slutty/trashy vs Sexually liberal....Can we have a mature discussion about this?

    I guess for me, sexually liberated and slutty/trashy both = Promiscuous to me, or, at the risk of being flamed "slutty". But if guess you can be more low-key or more in-your-face with the Promiscuity, and that is the difference between "sexually liberated" and "trashy".

    Like, falling over drunk and starting fights, etc, = more "trashy". Drinking slightly less and not starting fights = "sexually liberated".

    I have friends who are both, and love them both. They just have different styles about their sexual lives. Both sleep around a lot, and probably have had close to the same number of sexual partners. They just go about it differently. I don''t judge them based on their styles, but they are different, and so therefore have different labels. You can't NOT label people, but you can NOT judge them for it.
    "You can close your eyes to reality but not to memories -Stainslaw J. Lec

    Confuscius say: "Man who pull bra stap get bust in face"


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    Default Re: Slutty/trashy vs Sexually liberal....Can we have a mature discussion about this?

    This is so interesting...

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  33. #21
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    Default Re: Slutty/trashy vs Sexually liberal....Can we have a mature discussion about this?

    Quote Originally Posted by Athenathefabulous View Post
    i know you didnt make this thread to judge people... but the thing is the fact that we are seeking a line is somewhat ridiculous. there is no objective 'line' for what is trashy vs. classy. every person, if they choose to have a line for this, places it differently. figuring out where most people draw the line is virtually impossible... especially on this board where the line for the average american has been drawn so we are on the 'trashy' side of it.



    the thing that gets me about the 'trash' vs. 'sexually liberated' thing is it really is judgmental. seriously. in an alternate reality, i could live virtually the same sexual experiences but do it somehow differently and be perceived as 'classier'. i could wear nicer clothes, get a manicure, make my makeup more subtle, laugh less loudly, go to more 'upscale' bars, drink slightly slower, curse less, be more tactful but still have the same amount of sex and same type of sex that i have had in this current reality (ok, maybe change the location of a couple of encounters... i.e. no bathroom sex) and fit the more accepted definition of 'sexually liberated'. but there is no way in hell i am going to dampen my personality or water down my appreciation of life so a few more people can perceive me to be 'classy.' and i think anyone who does should re-evaluate their priorities.


    I'm not seeking a line. I'm asking opinions and realize everyone's will be different and wanted to understand the reasoning. Being bi (and basically polyamorous) myself I am judged, so I try not to do it to others. On the other hand, when you hear some girl in the dressing room ask some other girl if her pussy stinks, and if she has any condoms, while wiping down a thong that hasn't been washed in about a month with a baby wipe, it's a little hard not to think of that as being "trashy." It's obvious the girl does not respect herself, so even though you may feel bad for the person, it's hard to respect them.

    Also, no one is asking you to dampen down your personality, I could care less what you do. I will ask that you stop with the drama in this thread though. I was looking for some intelligent, adult conversation about a touchy topic because it has recently come up on the boards several times, not the snotfest this is turning into.

    Let's face it, everyone makes judgements to some degree, it's a fact of life. Being holier than thou about wanting to have a convo about this isn't going to make it go away and is nothing but a judgement covered up by snark and curses.

    Now, if you don't approve of speaking on this subject or can't do so in a respectful manner, please just leave the thread. It wasn't started with the intention of offending anyone and if anyone is offended, I'd rather they just not read. I think it's sad that a member had to delete an honest and respectful post for fear of being flamed.

    I'd still really like to hear everyone's insight on why we are judged so harshly as strippers, why certain lifestyle choices are looked down upon by those that are basically behaving the same, what you personally do an do not approve of if anything, the reasoning behind those beliefs, etc.
    "I hear you calling and it's needles and pins. I wanna hurt you just to hear you screaming my name...You're poision. but I don't wanna break these chains.... I wanna love you but I'd better not touch."

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    Default Re: Slutty/trashy vs Sexually liberal....Can we have a mature discussion about this?

    Quote Originally Posted by princessjas View Post
    I'm not seeking a line. I'm asking opinions and realize everyone's will be different and wanted to understand the reasoning. Being bi (and basically polyamorous) myself I am judged, so I try not to do it to others. On the other hand, when you hear some girl in the dressing room ask some other girl if her pussy stinks, and if she has any condoms, while wiping down a thong that hasn't been washed in about a month with a baby wipe, it's a little hard not to think of that as being "trashy." It's obvious the girl does not respect herself, so even though you may feel bad for the person, it's hard to respect them.

    Also, no one is asking you to dampen down your personality, I could care less what you do. I will ask that you stop with the drama in this thread though. I was looking for some intelligent, adult conversation about a touchy topic because it has recently come up on the boards several times, not the snotfest this is turning into.

    Let's face it, everyone makes judgements to some degree, it's a fact of life. Being holier than thou about wanting to have a convo about this isn't going to make it go away and is nothing but a judgement covered up by snark and curses.

    Now, if you don't approve of speaking on this subject or can't do so in a respectful manner, please just leave the thread. It wasn't started with the intention of offending anyone and if anyone is offended, I'd rather they just not read. I think it's sad that a member had to delete an honest and respectful post for fear of being flamed.

    I'd still really like to hear everyone's insight on why we are judged so harshly as strippers, why certain lifestyle choices are looked down upon by those that are basically behaving the same, what you personally do an do not approve of if anything, the reasoning behind those beliefs, etc.
    This reminded me of a conversation I had many years ago. I briefly worked for a lingerie company where most of the girls were hookers. Once I found out I quit because it's not my thing (no I didn't have sex, but didn't make much money either). Anyway, while chatting with another model she expressed disgust that many of the girls were blowing men for $10 in the bathroom, etc. She then said something that she was an escort, gave blow jobs often but never charged less than a certain amount (a few hundred)and refused to at the bar (this was lingerie modeling many bars has). I found that interesting because while technically she was doing the same thing as the other girls she thought she was classier because she charged more and wasn't picking up men at the bar. Was she classier? Probably but to many she would be just a whore like they were.

    The reason why non traditional lifestyles are looked down upon is because to the average person they aren't "normal". Right now there is a thread in industry insights about this issue and one person got banned because she started attacking someone in a polyamorous relationship. Like it or not, if one is different then people think they are abnormal. You should hear how my parents talk about a swinger couple they know with pure disgust. My parents would no doubt think I was a whore if they knew even half of what I've done in my life. While I want a traditional marriage where I marry a man and we are both monogamous I don't care what others do. Personally I have more respect for a couple that agrees not to be monogamous than the couples where one (or both) cheat and the other doesn't know.

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    Default Re: Slutty/trashy vs Sexually liberal....Can we have a mature discussion about this?

    ^^That thread is what inspired this one. I respect AJ and MM and couldn't believe they were talked to like that....plus well, I'm going to hopefully one day be in a similar relationship. I realize I will be judged for having two partners that I care about, and just wanted a respectful discussion about this topic for that reason. It seems to me that many people who in my opinion respect themselves FAAAAR less than some polyamorous people, still sit in judgement.....just like high priced escorts judge streetwalkers, etc. I was just wanting to kick around some ideas and thoughts on the topic with the diverse and usually open group of intelligent people that are on this board.
    "I hear you calling and it's needles and pins. I wanna hurt you just to hear you screaming my name...You're poision. but I don't wanna break these chains.... I wanna love you but I'd better not touch."

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  38. #24
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    Default Re: Slutty/trashy vs Sexually liberal....Can we have a mature discussion about this?

    Quote Originally Posted by firemaiden04 View Post
    To me, personally, someone who is "slutty/trashy" is someone who uses sex to manipulate and punish people. Someone who is fucking a lot not because they want to and they truly enjoy it, but because they view sex as a weapon. I've got no problem with a girl who fucks 20 guys in one night because she was really horny and they were really hot and she just felt like it. I DO have a problem with girls who like to manipulate people with sex. There are a lot of girls in my area who will decide they don't like a particular girl, then will go out of their way to try and fuck that girl's SO--not because they were attracted to the SO, but because they wanted to prove their superiority over the girl. Of course, cheating is bad anyways. If you want to fuck other people, be single, or be in an open relationship.

    I danced with a girl who had a serious thing about fucking other people's boyfriends. Not because it was a sexual turn-on for her, but because she felt the need to prove to everyone (and probably to herself) that she was hotter/more desirable than the guy's girlfriend. She would especially go after the SO's of girls she had a problem with. Of course, the fact that she had to get the guys who submitted to her AMAZINGLY trashed, like pass-out trashed, in order to fuck them kind of proved otherwise.

    I don't know, that's just my opinion. The biggest "sluts" I've known weren't girls who fucked a lot--they were girls who used sex to hurt people.

    Yes yes yes! I couldn't agree with you more.

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    Veteran Member AngelKing's Avatar
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    Default Re: Slutty/trashy vs Sexually liberal....Can we have a mature discussion about this?

    I think the only time being a 'slut' is unfortunate is when the person is doing it for some kind of validation. Otherwise I only use the word slut because I do not know of any other word in the english vocabulary that commonly describes a woman who has slept around a lot. And for the record, I do not think being a slut is a bad thing, as long as you are doing it for the right reasons. Almost all of my long term partners have been extremely experienced and adventurous, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

    I much prefer women with a lot of sexual experience (I have a shitload of experience myself, and would say that I definitely would have been described as being a slut for a large portion of my adult life), and do not understand why slutty chicks have such a bad name.

    Bottom line is this: fucking is like fighting---the only way you get good at either of them is by doing them both, a lot.

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