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Thread: Really tired of defending my choice to dance.

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    Default Really tired of defending my choice to dance.

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    Last edited by ScarlettJanuary; 08-28-2011 at 12:43 AM.

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    Veteran Member LexyNYC's Avatar
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    Default Re: Really tired of defending my choice to dance.

    Yeah don't bother talking about it. Outsiders won't understand and no amount of justifying that you do will make them understand any better.

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    Default Re: Really tired of defending my choice to dance.

    everyone knows that i dance. i dont hide it and i have no shame. i dont get a lot of judgement for it... most of the people who have given me shit never actually met me in person or only met me on one occasion and i didnt really interact with them.

    i dont defend it usually. the cliche goes 'actions speak louder than words.' im not going to try to justify my personal choices to some shmuck. usually the fact that i am smart, fun, and generally an all round cool person speak for itself better than anything. that and the fact that i can afford a lot more stuff than the avg. 23 yr old female. also i live in a city that is not very judgemental.

    i think as soon as you feel the need to defend it then people will judge. i dont see any reason to defend my choices and i think this projects an attitude that people dont really feel the need to judge.
    The best thing i have heard in a strip club to date:
    customer: we should get married right now! we should get a shotgun marriage!
    me: uhh... i think you are misunderstanding what a shotgun marriage means. A shotgun marriage means you knock me up and my daddy shows up at your door with a gun and forces you to marry me and raise the baby. You mean elope.
    customer: hmm... nah actually i will take the shotgun marriage. At least then we would be having sex.


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    Default Re: Really tired of defending my choice to dance.

    After 3 and a half years in the industry almost all my friends and close family know. It's definitely a strain sometimes, and initially I lost a few friends and fought a lot with my parents. Once I got my parents used to the idea that I wasn't stripping because of being abused or on drugs we started to have some productive conversations about it. I've always been bad at keeping secrets for long periods of time so I figured it was better to tell them early on then way down the line.

    For the most part I try to help people understand that sex workers aren't any crazier than anyone else. There's so much stigma around every part of the sex industry, but stripping is legal and it allows us a little more freedom to discuss what we do. No one should feel compelled to talk about working as a dancer, but you also shouldn't have to apologize to anybody for your choice.

    For me it's really important to be able to talk about my work because even though it's just a job it has affected me. I think sometimes we can get really isolated because we're afraid we'll be rejected outside of the club.

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    Default Re: Really tired of defending my choice to dance.

    just don't talk about it with people who aren't dancers or people who hate themselves as dancers. I was really happy dancing. And then I met and started traveling with a girl who hated stripping and I started feeling down on it. Since I stopped talking to her my life has improved. I have mostly cut my family out since they just stress me out. More happiness!

    a friend should stand by you with any decision if it isn't harming you in any way. If you were with an abusive partner, had a drug problem, had a job that sucked your will to live... that's when they should step in and start questioning you. If you're enjoying yourself then why should they care?

    the point of having friends and a happy social life is to surround yourself with people who care about you and don't judge. When your friends are judging you, there's something wrong with that dynamic. Remember, you choose how people treat you. If you tell them that you're going to stop talking about it (or talking to them) because it's upsetting you that you constantly have to defend it and they don't stop talking to you about it then choose whose happiness you would rather have. Your own or people who are supposed to support you but who are bringing you down.
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    Default Re: Really tired of defending my choice to dance.

    Dancing definitely helps you find out who your true friends are as well as to weed out the phonies. It is very difficult sometimes, I have been dancing for two years and lately I have been dealing with this. Sometimes to the point of utter exhaustion. I cry and become trapped in the train of thoughts, thinking of the people who know and their judgmental looks or words. In the end I want people to love me for me flawed and all. True friends will do this, phonies will not.
    Last edited by UwishUknewhy; 05-11-2011 at 04:23 PM. Reason: didn't make sense

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    Default Re: Really tired of defending my choice to dance.

    I find it easier to just not talk about it anymore. When I first started I wanted to explain it and answer everybody's questions and justify it to them. Ultimately I realized that the only person who has to be okay with it is me.

    Most people just won't understand so why waste your time. Unfortunately it's one of the down points of the job, not really having anybody to talk to about work and all the things that can upset

    A year and a half later... I just choose not to talk about work.. even when I'm out with friends from the club.

    Close friends know.. but, it's just getting old talking about it..
    I like to party.. So I like my Jesus to party too.

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    Default Re: Really tired of defending my choice to dance.

    I'm tired of it all.....defending dancing, defending getting a boob job.....defending, defending, defending. Getting VERY old.

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    Default Re: Really tired of defending my choice to dance.

    CherryBomb---I agree. Im pretty much used to the snide comments. Ive come to EXPECT people to talk trash. Prolly fuels my dislike for people. But I suppose when others cast you out whether it is a so called friend or a stranger it does hurt. Hurt over time builds up walls and bitterness. I dont think the judging will ever stop. I wish I could change the world and change peoples' minds but sadly I cant.

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    Default Re: Really tired of defending my choice to dance.

    Quote Originally Posted by ScarlettJanuary View Post
    I guess it's a catch-22: one of the main reasons we make so much money is because there's stigma around this line of work. If overt sexuality and nudity were mainstream and "acceptable" there would be nothing enticing about a SC.

    And, as I've seen a lot of people pointing out on this website, over the years there has been a mainstreaming of overt sexuality (nudity and sexual images in music videos, plastered all over the internet etc.) and pole dancing is becoming trendy, and as this has been happening there has been a decline in patronage at strip clubs.

    Precisely. Everything u just said.

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    Default Re: Really tired of defending my choice to dance.

    So don't defend it...who cares? The only reason I would defend my choice to dance to someone would be because I cared about their approval. When I danced during college, this was something I felt the need to do a lot, because I wanted people to approve of my choices.

    But at 28, I don't really give a shit anymore. The bottom line is I am content with my choices, and I am the only one that has to live with them (as I am not married and have no kids). If someone wants to judge, I say let them.

    I recently told my mom I was dancing again and, of course, she had a conniption. But to be honest, I was unfazed. Sure, I'd like my mom to support my decisions, but I don't need her okay to live my life the way I choose.

    People ARE going to judge you for being a stripper - there is no way around it. The secret is to genuinely not care about others' opinions regarding it.
    Last edited by tampadancer; 05-12-2011 at 03:07 PM. Reason: typo

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    Default Re: Really tired of defending my choice to dance.

    Glad others go through this too. I've been really upset this week because of a few comments friends have made offhand in regards to strippers; it's really hard not to go off on people when they describe people in my line of work as "gross" and "trashy". One guy who said this is my b/f's best friend, who I think is not aware that I do this...It does help me understand a little where the b/f is coming from, if all his friends feel this way about dancers. He hates that I do it, but he's made great strides in coming to some kind of acceptance about it.

    Just so tired of having no one to talk to, keeping my mouth shut when I want to rage at them, arguing about it a couple times a month with my boyfriend...It's just a fricking job! I wish they'd all get over it already!

    Really glad this board is here, it keeps me from losing it completely sometimes.

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    Default Re: Really tired of defending my choice to dance.

    If anyone questions you again you say:

    "Let's see full time, minimum wage stuck in an office all day OR part-time eves, 5 to 10 times more money in half the time, plus I get to listen to music all night and get my exercise maybe have a drink or two. Did I mention I get to do whatever I want on my three to four days off each week? Do you like my new car? Look at it!"




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    Default Re: Really tired of defending my choice to dance.

    I'm very open about my job. Pretty much everyone but my family and my bf's family knows. I don't really care if people hate on me or not. I like what I do and I'm in no way ashamed of it. It's annoying sure, but as long as you're happy with yourself, you don't need to defend your choices to anyone. Anyone with half a brain who cares about you will realize you're not a crack-whore and change their perspective about strippers and take a genuine interest in your job. I still have friends who make stupid-ass comments when I tell them to come visit me at the club, like "Eww... I don't wanna get syphilis." You'd think they'd learn to change or censor their idiotic comments about a profession when talking to a friend in that profession, but people are dumb. I just ignore them or give them a pointed look like "excuse me, dumbass??" I also had a guy friend tell me that he never gives money to strippers because they're not real people and have no souls. To this day, he fails to understand why I haven't hung out with him since that night... idiot

    I try to remember more the people who get really excited when I tell them I'm a dancer and exclaim "that's so cool!" and want to hear all about it. Other people who talk shit are not real friends, or if they weren't friends to begin with, who cares what they think? If you decided to go to law school, would you worry about the people who think that lawyers are heartless vultures? No way - you'd be too busy feeling superior and making tons of money. Stripping should be the same way.

    I hold the mindset that strippers should be open about what they do, but I understand it's naive to think that everyone wants to deal with that drama and the risks associated with it. Like everyone else said, just don't tell most people. The people who find out should respect you or you should ditch them.

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    Default Re: Really tired of defending my choice to dance.

    When I first started dancing I would be all about telling people the long defense, spelling it ALL out and justifying myself. Now 8 years later I'm more apt to be like "I make a shit-load of money, work where and when I want, am about to graduate, and travel my ass off - all sober. Any questions?"


    Quote Originally Posted by ScarlettJanuary View Post
    I'm still fairly new to dancing and I'm already getting sick and tired of having to constantly justify this choice. The only people who know are a few close friends and the guy I'm seeing (maybe 8-10 people max.) and I'm finding that even those who were fairly non-judgemental and supportive initially are starting to question certain aspects of the job (with 3 exceptions: my guy, a friend who used to work as a pro-domme, and another alt/open-minded friend.)

    To me it's still exciting and new and pretty fascinating because it's an ENTIRELY different world from the one I'm used to so I tend to share aspects of the job that I find interesting with my friends. It seems that with each new tid-bit of info I find myself defending the industry all over again! Ugh.

    So my question is...from others' experience will the questioning and judgement eventually cease? Should I just stop talking to the judgers about it and stick to non-dancing related topics instead. I mean, I think that would suck because I don't want to avoid talking about a big part of my life but I don't want to run people out of my life either.

    *Edit: just realized this probably belongs in LifeLine or some other topic. Ooops*


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    Default Re: Really tired of defending my choice to dance.

    I met a guy at a club who is probably reading this who now is the most judgmental person I know about it. There will always be people who buy the stereotype. They are just narrow minded or never experienced it. I see more men passing judgement than women though...

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    Default Re: Really tired of defending my choice to dance.

    Quote Originally Posted by pipermonroe View Post
    When I first started dancing I would be all about telling people the long defense, spelling it ALL out and justifying myself. Now 8 years later I'm more apt to be like "I make a shit-load of money, work where and when I want, am about to graduate, and travel my ass off - all sober. Any questions?"
    I loooovve this! I wanna quote you in my signature if that's okay...?

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    Default Re: Really tired of defending my choice to dance.

    I'm pretty similar to Athena. I'm rather "out" about the fact that I dance. My whole family knows, all of my friends know, anyone who sees me for any professional reason pretty much knows: i.e. hairstylist, nail salon, eyebrow stylist, doctors, etc.

    I don't necessarily bring up the fact that I dance, but I don't hide it either. If people show judgement I tend to wipe them out of my life because I don't need the negativity, & if they are judgmental about this they are probably even more judgmental about other topics such as racism, religion, politics, etc. I'm the "live & let live" type, & I only have so much room in my life so I'd rather fill it with positives rather than negatives. If someone says something negative to you all you need to say is "I'm so sorry that you are so closed minded... what a pity" then walk away.

    I'm happy with what I do, & I love it. In this world money talks... so regardless of what they want to say my bills are paid, & unlike many in the US I don't have to resort to using a credit card to make ends meet. That alone speaks volumes.
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    Default Re: Really tired of defending my choice to dance.

    I just decide to not have any more friends 'cause they're all a bunch of fakes!





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    Default Re: Really tired of defending my choice to dance.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jay12 View Post
    I just decide to not have any more friends 'cause they're all a bunch of fakes!
    That's kind of a depressing point of view....

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    Default Re: Really tired of defending my choice to dance.

    ^heh, actually it is depressing but lately found out that my friends were similar. I decided to tell my best friend, thinking that you know..she would never judge, but i was very very wrong. I'm so sick of hiding what I do to other friends, because telling them would just make even more problems and..like others said, just sick of it all. My dad knows, and a very select few friends, who are fine with it- but, it seems like telling girlfriends are a bigger problem- I was talking to a stripper friend about this the other day, and we both agreed that having stripper friends is just so. much. easier.

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