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Thread: I'm being crucified for my past mistakes

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    Default I'm being crucified for my past mistakes

    WARNING: kinda long but I need some insight and support on this


    Okay, so my boyfriend and I had a fight today because I came clean about a past mistake. When I was younger (when I was 19 or 20), I sent this guy some naughty photo's of myself, just to fuck with him.

    Fast track to today, I told my boyfriend Jimmy about it and he got pretty pissed about it, even though I was honest with him and it happened before he and I started dating


    So tonight he ended up getting drunk and earlier he apologized about overreacting. His phone is off and he doesn't seem to want to discuss this with me, despite me being incredibly remorseful.

    He and I are soulmates and are in love with each other. We've discussed marriage and children and I know for a fact that he wants to marry me.


    Should I give him a day or two to cool off? I can't stand losing him, i'd die if I ever lost him


    Advice? I'm so lost and hurting over this

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    God/dess Kisca's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm being crucified for my past mistakes

    Whhhhhhhat?!!?

    Is this even worth arguing about?
    1. Its the past. 2. IT WAS BEFORE YOU TWO WERE DATING.

    Why is he even mad? WHy did you mention this to him? Its the past... Whatever you did you did - you werent with him then, its not worth discussion about at all.

    He seems too angered by it.. and YOU should not feel bad about it at all.

    Hell, if my bf were mad at me for sending nude photos, fucking guys, kissing them before him and I met, I'd dump his ass, since its the past.

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    Featured Member *Jade*Love's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm being crucified for my past mistakes

    Uh..this is something that happened before the two of you even started dating. And it was just a few naughty pics! Everyone makes mistakes, yours was very minor in this case and I think he's being an asshat for even making a big deal about it. If you guys can talk marriage, kids, and about being soulmates, then he should be able to move past this one. I'm sorry he's being so hostile about it.

    I wouldn't bring it up to him anymore. Unless he gives you a reason to, like acting weird from here on out, I'd just try to move on and forget it even happened. Really though, dude needs to get over himself. Ask him if he's ever sent someone a picture of his dick before, if he has then you both can be even

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    Default Re: I'm being crucified for my past mistakes

    realistically, you sent a guy naked pictures of yourself for reasons other than "to fuck with him". Just own up to it.

    he needs to get over this all. So do you, though. If your guy can't handle that you have sent naked pics to someone (and everyone HAS) then you need to think about what else he isn't going to be okay with. You having sex with someone before him?
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    Default Re: I'm being crucified for my past mistakes

    It's not like this guy I sent pics to is gonna spam the internet with them. I've tried to discuss this with him but he's too angry to even let me explain it to him


    He means the world to me and I would never leave him, and he would never leave me. I think what he needs is a day to just calm down and forget about it. I've told him that he's no angel either and for him to hold this against me is unfair.

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    Default Re: I'm being crucified for my past mistakes

    He sounds very immature. If you have to make amends with him over something so trivial that happened before you went out with him you are putting yourself in a very weak position in the relationship. Once patterns get set in relationships they are so tough to change. Im not saying dump the guy, but don't reward him treating you badly and making an issue over nothing.
    Last edited by Chgojoe; 05-13-2011 at 05:04 AM. Reason: spelling

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    Default Re: I'm being crucified for my past mistakes

    Quote Originally Posted by Kisca View Post
    Whhhhhhhat?!!?

    Is this even worth arguing about?
    1. Its the past. 2. IT WAS BEFORE YOU TWO WERE DATING.

    Why is he even mad? WHy did you mention this to him? Its the past... Whatever you did you did - you werent with him then, its not worth discussion about at all.

    He seems too angered by it.. and YOU should not feel bad about it at all.
    Quote Originally Posted by Chgojoe View Post
    He sounds very immature. If you have to make amends with him over something so trivial that happened before you went out with him you are putting yourself in a very weak position in the relationship. Once patterns get set in relationships they are so tough to change. Im not saying dump the guy, but don't reward him treating you badly and making an issue over nothing.

    IMHO both of these are right on the mark.

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    Default Re: I'm being crucified for my past mistakes

    dating should not work like Christianity where you are born with original sin. you go into your relationship with your past as your past. as long as you have been honest and faithful since being with him then you have done no wrong.

    tell him to stop being a twat.
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    Default Re: I'm being crucified for my past mistakes

    I'm still waiting to hear what your past mistake is supposed to be.
    "Well done. Here are the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: 'A horrible person.' We weren't even testing for that."

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    Default Re: I'm being crucified for my past mistakes

    He's upset that before you were dating, you sent a guy some naughty pictures? I can't believe he's being so immature about that! What girl HASN'T done that in the past, at some point? In the age of technology, it would be harder to find someone who DIDN'T have some naughty pics floating around somewhere... It sounds like he really needs to grow up and learn to put things in perspective...I respect that you are in love with him, but this is really his problem, that he's choosing to be upset about something so irrelevant to your relationship with him...

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    Default Re: I'm being crucified for my past mistakes

    Wow is he ever a mr. cranky pants. If my girlfriend told me that my first and only thought would be "well can you send me some naughty pictures?"
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    Default Re: I'm being crucified for my past mistakes

    So when you were 19 or 20 BEFORE you were dating him, you sent dirty pics to someone, these pics have not shown up anywhere, you don't need to inform him because you're on some porn site or something, you decide to tell him anyway, for what reasons I don't understand, and he feels he has a right to make hurtful statements and be angry at you? And I'm sorry, you'll DIE without this person?

    Number 1: You didn't do anything wrong. Stop feeling like you did. And most definitely stop apologizing. He's the one doing something wrong.

    Number 2: You should never ever EVER be so tied up in someone that you'll say things like I'll die without you. If my bf ever said that to me I'd be out the door so fast his head would be spinning. Want that person? Yes. Love that person? Yes. Need that person? Hell fucking no. I'd step way back from this hon and seriously take a look at whether or not this is a healthy situation for either of you.
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    Default Re: I'm being crucified for my past mistakes

    You actually have not done anything wrong. This guy is manipulating you. This... is how is starts.

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    Default Re: I'm being crucified for my past mistakes

    My thought is...you're on this board and a female and therefore you must be an adult entertainer of some sort.

    Which means you get naked for strangers for a living.

    And he's mad that you sent nude pics years ago before either of you knew the other exists?

    I'm all kinds of confused and will echo the sentiment that your bf is an immature dolt. Even if you DON'T strip/cam/etc at current, the fact that he's tripping over some cell phone pics is ridiculous. Surely he did not think he was entering a relationship with a chaste virgin flower...

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    Default Re: I'm being crucified for my past mistakes

    I have a bad feeling about this guy. I would get vibes if a guy said this to me. I don't think what you did was that bad. If I was judged for all the stupid things I did (and boy did I do some bad things)I would never find any guy at all. Honestly, I'd drop it but if he brings it up again, start looking for a guy who doesn't judge you. Also, I've always been of the believe you don't need to share everything that will likely not surface.

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    Veteran Member Kat w's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm being crucified for my past mistakes

    Quote Originally Posted by TurboHips View Post
    Should I give him a day or two to cool off? I can't stand losing him, i'd die if I ever lost him


    Advice? I'm so lost and hurting over this
    I have felt this way before and usually its because I'm scared to be alone, not because I'm so in love. Just something to think about.

    Does he care that you have kissed people before him? He sounds like an ass.

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    Default Re: I'm being crucified for my past mistakes

    we worked it out. i gave him a day to cool off. I hate keeping secrets and I knew that if he did find out later the consequences would be much worse. better to admit my mistakes than to hide them.

    to clarify; id die INSIDE if i ever lost him. I'm not suicidal in any way.

    Thanks for the advice ladies. he overreacted and he apologized.

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    Default Re: I'm being crucified for my past mistakes

    You didn't make any mistakes! if he found later there should no consequences at all because YOU STILL DID NOTHING WRONG.
    "Well done. Here are the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: 'A horrible person.' We weren't even testing for that."

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    Default Re: I'm being crucified for my past mistakes

    Quote Originally Posted by TurboHips View Post
    we worked it out. i gave him a day to cool off. I hate keeping secrets and I knew that if he did find out later the consequences would be much worse. better to admit my mistakes than to hide them.

    to clarify; id die INSIDE if i ever lost him. I'm not suicidal in any way.

    Thanks for the advice ladies. he overreacted and he apologized.
    I didn't take your post to mean you were suicidal. The use of the word die (again) at all in any context concerns me in more ways than the issue in your OP.

    And what consequences exactly??
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    Default Re: I'm being crucified for my past mistakes

    Some people are meant to learn in the school of hard knocks. A few years down the line and a handful of controlling, abusive assholes later, she might wise up on her own.
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    Default Re: I'm being crucified for my past mistakes

    Quote Originally Posted by TurboHips View Post
    we worked it out. i gave him a day to cool off. I hate keeping secrets and I knew that if he did find out later the consequences would be much worse. better to admit my mistakes than to hide them.

    to clarify; id die INSIDE if i ever lost him. I'm not suicidal in any way.

    Thanks for the advice ladies. he overreacted and he apologized.
    That tends to happen sometimes when people are drunk. Glad he apologized, as the only one at fault was him.

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    Default Re: I'm being crucified for my past mistakes

    Hopefully you learned your lesson and will not disclose past sexual experiences with your bf.. it's just not always a good idea to be overly honest about certain things like that. On the other hand..you shouldn't have to hide things from him and he is acting manipulative and using your honesty as something to hold over your head. Don't put up with that Sh&$!!! If it's something this little now.. just imagine how he'll react to something that you actualy DID do. Why did you tell him in the first place out of curiousity?

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    God/dess Trem's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm being crucified for my past mistakes

    Quote Originally Posted by bambiblue View Post
    Hopefully you learned your lesson and will not disclose past sexual experiences with your bf..
    That is so not the lesson she should take from this. You just shouldn't date asshole who will crucify you for completely innocent behavior that a normal guy should have ZERO problems with.
    "Well done. Here are the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: 'A horrible person.' We weren't even testing for that."

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    Default Re: I'm being crucified for my past mistakes

    Quote Originally Posted by Trem View Post
    That is so not the lesson she should take from this. You just shouldn't date asshole who will crucify you for completely innocent behavior that a normal guy should have ZERO problems with.
    I agree. Normal guys should have no problem with something like this. It's something pretty much everyone has done and, like you said, it's not like they ended up on the internet. It's understandable to not share the details of every sexual experience you've ever had up until you met him - no need to know really. But if something you did before you were ever together does come up, there should definitely not be a reaction like this. Getting this upset about some nudie pics in the past, before he ever knew you, is a MAJOR red flag. How badly is he going to "over-react" to an actual mistake?

    I also echo the question asked earlier about your job... you are on stripperweb, listed as an exotic dancer... does your bf know what you do? I would assume so, since you say you hate keeping secrets. How on earth could he get upset about this when you take your clothes off and grind on strangers for a living...?

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    Default Re: I'm being crucified for my past mistakes

    If this guy is going to throw a fuss about this his chances of ever being happy are slim to none. Any idea how many women send "naughty" pictures to a guy at some point in their life? LOTS.

    He's going to have to get over it. Give him some time to cool off though.
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