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Thread: Anorexia, muscle wasting, trying to gain

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    Senior Member punkpixie001's Avatar
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    Default Anorexia, muscle wasting, trying to gain

    I am finally admitting to myself that I'm anorexic. Yes, I look awful and gaunt, and I hate what I have done to my body. I've known this for a good six months or so and I'm tired of fighting with my conscience. I have come to terms with the fact that I need to gain weight. I am 5'5, 110 lbs, and a size 0. I used to be a size 6, and look my best at a 4.

    Here's the problem. (well ANOTHER one lol). I can't work out due to a spine injury and have been dealing with this for over 2 years. The last 10 months or so is when my eating became extremely restrictive, and that's when I started to further deteroriae in my spine. I have major problems with my hips and pelvis, and know that this isn't helping. They have gotten slot worse and I know that's in part due to the extreme muscle wasting I've experienced, as all the muscles in those areas are so so weak.

    So now I'm left with an even further injury, as well as awful sagging skin. There is really bad sagging and loose skin in my inner thighs, my ass is completely flat, and my legs look emaciated and flabby. I've been down to 105, and have put my measly 5 pounds back on, and even though I was eating nothing but healthy foods to put it back on (lean meat, fish, lots of veggies, fruit, nuts) it came back even sloppier and saggier and more flabby.

    I need any advice and help you could offer. How can I gain weight without working out, but without gaining sloppy weight? Working out is not an option as I can barely walk sometimes due to the debilitating pain and Injuries. I'm going to start some very light yoga and stretching, that is all my body can handle right now.

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    Default Re: Anorexia, muscle wasting, trying to gain

    I'm really sorry to hear all of this! But what's good is the fact that you are admitting to yourself now that you have an eating disorder, because SO many girls never do this (I have one friend that recieced treatment for anorexia and another that suffers from it now but hasn't admitted it yet :/)

    Well my advice was going to just be taking short walks everyday, if its possible. But, if you're in too much pain to do that, could you at least lift some small weights? Weights are always good but I'm not sure if you would be able to or not.

    You definitely need to go visit and doctor and get some professional help because advice people give you on SW could be wrong and it could hurt your body even more. I WAS going to tell you to just walk and do as much as you can even if it hurts a little because it will help you, but I really don't know how true that is! (don't want to make you worse!)

    Well I hope this works out for you and you see some good results soon! Best of luck!

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    Default Re: Anorexia, muscle wasting, trying to gain

    Try yoga to tighten and tone all over. It'll strengthen you without bulking or making you look crazy. Also good for "helping your internal winds flow correctly."

    You're eating right - may be add a multivitamin and some essential fatty acids.

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    Default Re: Anorexia, muscle wasting, trying to gain

    did a doctor tell you that you had muscular atrophy?

    do you have health insurance? are you seeing an ed specialist?

    accepting that your body is going to be softer is one of the hardest parts. softness is good, it prevents the discomfort you're in now. you are going to be bloated as you gain weight, but it will pass! seeing a psych and an ed specialist will help you deal with the anxiety over the changes in your body.

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    Default Re: Anorexia, muscle wasting, trying to gain

    Are you a dancer or do you still dance in this condition? It doesn't sound like you can, I'm just curious b/c I take a medication that makes it difficult to eat throughout the day and when I'm at work it's really hard when I haven't forced myself to eat despite the meds. I don't like feeling weak at work!! So I'm just curious how you worked being anorexic and dealt with it.

    I'm trying to lose weight right now, so the not wanting to eat isn't that bad in the sense that I don't mindlessly munch on unhealthy snacks and stuff throughout the day, but otherwise I can't not eat at all and expect to work all night either. I have to eat within 3 hours of taking my medication or I feel like crap. Then I make myself eat dinner an hour or so before work, and I eat fruit at work if I feel weak or something.

    So I'm just curious. If this question is too intrusive I apologize!

    Also on the adding weight part you're asking, my Dr told me to drink smoothies, protein drinks, and stuff like Ensure to put on weight in case I started losing too much due to the medicine. So maybe get some of those? The Ensure has tons of vitamins and good stuff for your body.
    Last edited by LolaBanana; 05-14-2011 at 03:30 PM. Reason: Adding info

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    Senior Member punkpixie001's Avatar
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    Default Re: Anorexia, muscle wasting, trying to gain

    Quote Originally Posted by camille27 View Post
    did a doctor tell you that you had muscular atrophy?

    do you have health insurance? are you seeing an ed specialist?

    accepting that your body is going to be softer is one of the hardest parts. softness is good, it prevents the discomfort you're in now. you are going to be bloated as you gain weight, but it will pass! seeing a psych and an ed specialist will help you deal with the anxiety over the changes in your body.
    yes ive had several doctors tell me I have an abnormal amount of muscular atrophy.

    no health insurance, so i'm not seeing an ed specialist. Mostly, I'm reading forums on eds and getting information from others. I'm just trying to take it day by day. Gained a few lbs, it's getting easier as the days go on.

    Quote Originally Posted by LolaBanana View Post
    Are you a dancer or do you still dance in this condition? It doesn't sound like you can, I'm just curious b/c I take a medication that makes it difficult to eat throughout the day and when I'm at work it's really hard when I haven't forced myself to eat despite the meds. I don't like feeling weak at work!! So I'm just curious how you worked being anorexic and dealt with it.

    I'm trying to lose weight right now, so the not wanting to eat isn't that bad in the sense that I don't mindlessly munch on unhealthy snacks and stuff throughout the day, but otherwise I can't not eat at all and expect to work all night either. I have to eat within 3 hours of taking my medication or I feel like crap. Then I make myself eat dinner an hour or so before work, and I eat fruit at work if I feel weak or something.

    So I'm just curious. If this question is too intrusive I apologize!

    Also on the adding weight part you're asking, my Dr told me to drink smoothies, protein drinks, and stuff like Ensure to put on weight in case I started losing too much due to the medicine. So maybe get some of those? The Ensure has tons of vitamins and good stuff for your body.
    No, I'm not dancing anymore. I would never been able to dance!! I used to wonder, why the hell am is my health spiralling downward so fast?? I couldn't even get out of bed sometimes, and although it's definitely because of my spine and bones, I don't know why it wasn't obvious because I wasn't eating! Now that I'm eating normally, I'm feeling A LOT better, my bones don't ache, and I feel my pelvis is more stable. Now I'm just really concerned about how to tighten up my flabby and saggy skin.

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    Default Re: Anorexia, muscle wasting, trying to gain

    ^ you probably just need to gain a little more weight to fill in that skin. I know its probably easier said than done but try to just worry about getting food now. This will fuel your muscles even if you are not working out. Once youve gained enough weight that you no longer have loose skin, then you can work on toning up since you will be stronger and your skeleton will have the support it needs.

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    Default Re: Anorexia, muscle wasting, trying to gain

    I've been there done that. Here are some things that help:

    Get rid of ANYTHING that can be used to measure your weight/fat or portions. This includes removing from your home:

    - Weight scale
    - Measuring tapes (the type used for sewing etc)
    - Any exercise machines that measure body fat or "calories burned"
    - Food scales


    The following things also help:

    - Keep your measuring cups in some place that are not convenient. Only use them for recipes. If you live with someone have that person hide them or put them in a safe.

    - Leave someone else in-charge of shopping

    - Have a friend or loved one remove any sort of food labels. When you go to eat something, when that opportunity to look at the calorie/fat content strikes, you shouldn't be able to decide to not eat something based on numbers.

    - Get a personal trainer who works with a dietician. They will be able to direct you to foods that will help you to rebuild your body in a healthy way. You probably can still work out, but you need to find someone who can work around using your spine.

    - Start working with doctors. Find yourself a D.O. who specializes in weight. They can do blood checks on you to reach new goals in terms of vitamin levels. Chances are your body is really depleted right now, but playing guessing games isn't going to help much so go to a professional.

    - Encourage meal time to be a social activity. Ask friends & family to let you know when they plan to go out to eat so you can join them. This will start to encourage you to see eating as something good rather than bad.

    - Put more greens, reds, yellows, etc. into your kitchen decor. Avoid blues/purples. The idea is to get the kitchen area to seem healthy & encourage you to eat.
    Last edited by Kylea2; 05-22-2011 at 10:20 AM.
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    Default Re: Anorexia, muscle wasting, trying to gain

    a friend of mine was receiving kilojoule drinks from her doctor to put her weight back on.
    once you get in the habit of not making a habit of scales, measuring, reading and obsessing and find something else to think about or just relax it will make it easier for you until [hopefully] you forgot about checking for calories n things alltogether. try to focus on other things, even though this may be difficult for you and dont view yourself as your worst enemy
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    Default Re: Anorexia, muscle wasting, trying to gain

    I'm so sorry for what you are going through. The only way I was able to recover from my ED was with an extended inpatient stay but I was lucky to have amazing insurance. Kylea made some great suggestions. I would also advise you to be careful about the forums you visit, some forums that are aimed at recovery quickly become competitive and triggering, as do some recovery books.

    I don't know where you are located but I recieved my treatment at the Philadelphia Renfrew Center and they provide free group therapy sessions in many locations. I'm pretty certain that other facilities offer similar free support groups.

    As far as your initial concern, gaining a few pounds will improve the look of the skin. However, altering your eating habits will require lots of strength and emotional support. I hated drinking Ensures when I was in treatment so I am hesitant to recommend them to you but they do provide nutrition if drinking a liquid is in any way easier for you.

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    Senior Member punkpixie001's Avatar
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    Default Re: Anorexia, muscle wasting, trying to gain

    Wow, Thank you everyone for all your support! I never thought to go to recovery groups, great idea. Well, I HAD, but for my overeating and binging, not anorexia. I've had food issues since I was a kid, always been overweight, and always overate and binged. I went from one obsession to another. I have looked into Overeaters Anonymous for my compulsive habits, and saw they had groups for anorexia and other eating disorders.

    Getting rid of the scale is so hard!! I am eating 3 meals a day and snacks, and I see the numbers go up, and am happy and proud of myself. But then I see my body getting bigger, and hate myself. I am trying to take it one day at a time, but I guess I'm not emotionally ready for the physical changes. I thought this would be easier.

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    Default Re: Anorexia, muscle wasting, trying to gain

    ^Stay strong... you are doing so well. You are beautiful when you are healthy... dont forget it.

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