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Thread: When a Guy Tells You "She Was Beautiful"

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    Veteran Member Camateur's Avatar
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    Default When a Guy Tells You "She Was Beautiful"

    So this has happened to me multiple times this year with multiple guys. They don't even have to be people I am on a date with, maybe just a guy who is trying to get in my pants or what not lol. I am sitting there, they are telling a story about a past situation with their "ex" or chick they were dating and will slip in "she was very beautiful" Mind you these are girls they dated way back when and not exe's they are hung up on.

    It's starting to upset me.


    I'm sure most of us agree it's completely counter-productive to their goal at hand, which is to get into my pants right? lol. But it's starting to wear on my self esteem like "why would they say that if they thought the same of me?" shouldn't the focus be kept on me?

    Or is it possible that they are slipping this info in so that I understand they get girls as attractive as me? Sounds conceited but I am thinking of this Seinfeld episode where George gets introduced to a club of beautiful women upon his presenting a photo of a supposed ex fiance that died that was very beautiful. When the photo gets destroyed George is no longer welcome in by the women because he lost his proof of being involved with one.

    Does this happen to you? What's your take on this? Guys why do you say this?

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    Featured Member tampadancer's Avatar
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    Default Re: When a Guy Tells You "She Was Beautiful"

    I think it's a compliment to you. They are letting you know that they date attractive girls - and you are one of them.

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    Default Re: When a Guy Tells You "She Was Beautiful"

    Yeah, I would go with a compliment, now I'm trying to think if I do that subconsciously.

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    Default Re: When a Guy Tells You "She Was Beautiful"

    this isnt something that should bother you. if they spent a lot of time in detail describing how amazing their boobs were or how tight their pussy was, then i would see reason to be concerned. but a general comment that they were beautiful is not something that should make you feel insecure.
    The best thing i have heard in a strip club to date:
    customer: we should get married right now! we should get a shotgun marriage!
    me: uhh... i think you are misunderstanding what a shotgun marriage means. A shotgun marriage means you knock me up and my daddy shows up at your door with a gun and forces you to marry me and raise the baby. You mean elope.
    customer: hmm... nah actually i will take the shotgun marriage. At least then we would be having sex.


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    Default Re: When a Guy Tells You "She Was Beautiful"

    Quote Originally Posted by tampadancer View Post
    I think it's a compliment to you. They are letting you know that they date attractive girls - and you are one of them.
    Yeah, I'd go with this. When most guys say it, they're kind of wistfully referring to the 'ex's' character as well as her looks - and it's a pretty good sign that they appreciate a woman for more than just her appearance - there are obviously some qualities that made a lasting impression, in a nice way. However if he labours on her physical high points, then cut your losses and move on to the next one..!
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
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    Default Re: When a Guy Tells You "She Was Beautiful"

    yeah, "beautiful" to my mind denotes beautiful inside and out. If they're talking about her being "hot" or "tight" or graphically, then yeah...probably want to step to the next one.

    Why is your self-esteem so fragile? I'm not digging on you-- I'm just wondering since that seems to be the root issue here and not the guys.

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    Veteran Member Camateur's Avatar
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    Default Re: When a Guy Tells You "She Was Beautiful"

    Quote Originally Posted by FiendishGyrator View Post
    yeah, "beautiful" to my mind denotes beautiful inside and out. If they're talking about her being "hot" or "tight" or graphically, then yeah...probably want to step to the next one.

    Why is your self-esteem so fragile? I'm not digging on you-- I'm just wondering since that seems to be the root issue here and not the guys.
    Yeah, you're right I guess it's something where if the guy hasn't paid me those compliments and is saying it about someone else I start to feel like chopped liver. I like compliments from a guy that I'm dating. I can feel good about the way I look overall but when I've done myself up and know I look cute and a guy doesn't say anything yet talks about how an ex he had that was "beautiful" it makes me wonder.

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    Moderator unbeleavable's Avatar
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    Default Re: When a Guy Tells You "She Was Beautiful"

    ^^that is something else. There should be no hotter woman than the one I'm with & she will know it because I tell her. If he can't compliment you but a ex...

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    Default Re: When a Guy Tells You "She Was Beautiful"

    Quote Originally Posted by Camateur View Post
    So this has happened to me multiple times this year with multiple guys. They don't even have to be people I am on a date with, maybe just a guy who is trying to get in my pants or what not lol. I am sitting there, they are telling a story about a past situation with their "ex" or chick they were dating and will slip in "she was very beautiful" Mind you these are girls they dated way back when and not exe's they are hung up on.

    It's starting to upset me.


    I'm sure most of us agree it's completely counter-productive to their goal at hand, which is to get into my pants right? lol. But it's starting to wear on my self esteem like "why would they say that if they thought the same of me?" shouldn't the focus be kept on me?

    Or is it possible that they are slipping this info in so that I understand they get girls as attractive as me? Sounds conceited but I am thinking of this Seinfeld episode where George gets introduced to a club of beautiful women upon his presenting a photo of a supposed ex fiance that died that was very beautiful. When the photo gets destroyed George is no longer welcome in by the women because he lost his proof of being involved with one.

    Does this happen to you? What's your take on this? Guys why do you say this?
    If a guy is still crowing about his ex's beauty he's either still hung up or is mindfucking you with her alleged high value.

    As for your self-esteem you need to disconnect your self esteem from anything anyone else says or does. How much you value yourself should not be based on how you are treated. That's putting your life in a random guy's hands. His whims or viciousness will determine if your life is worth living, if you are worthy of being happy and loving yourself. You are a sitting duck right now for manipulators who can smell your neediness so they take the opportunity to use it. Why are you even talking to dudes who just want to get in your pants and apparently don't even see you as a person much less care about you?
    “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.” - ECKHART TOLLE

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    Default Re: When a Guy Tells You "She Was Beautiful"

    I totally feel you on this one, Camateur. Truth is guys often talk out of the wrong end. I've had many a boyfriend forget who they are talking to and go on about some other woman. While I do not tie my self worth to their comments (lord help me if I did) it can be aggravating if it is a recurring thing. So when a guy I am seeing starts to cross that line with talking about other women I usually nip it in the bud with a nice retaliation. You will be surprised to see how fragile men's egos are when the tables are turned, and how long they hold onto the perceived insult.

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    Veteran Member Camateur's Avatar
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    Default Re: When a Guy Tells You "She Was Beautiful"

    Quote Originally Posted by girlfromipanema View Post
    I totally feel you on this one, Camateur. Truth is guys often talk out of the wrong end. I've had many a boyfriend forget who they are talking to and go on about some other woman. While I do not tie my self worth to their comments (lord help me if I did) it can be aggravating if it is a recurring thing. So when a guy I am seeing starts to cross that line with talking about other women I usually nip it in the bud with a nice retaliation. You will be surprised to see how fragile men's egos are when the tables are turned, and how long they hold onto the perceived insult.
    Well, my problem is when I retaliate it sometimes comes out too harsh, any thoughts on how to phrase it?

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    Default Re: When a Guy Tells You "She Was Beautiful"

    I would phrase it just as he does, casually in a conversation.

    Example:
    You are talking about a specific place of interest or event. You say, "Yea I went there before with my ex...blah blah...he was a pediatrician....he was really in shape! He worked out like 5 times a week ...blah blah. (If you really want to dig in, choose a body part to rave about on the ex that the current man may be insecure about.)

    It is almost guaranteed that he will get just as annoyed as you were when he commented about his ex. Sometimes we have to go tit for tat to get the point across.

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    Default Re: When a Guy Tells You "She Was Beautiful"

    Or just say something like, "Hey Darlin'-- you've got a beautiful woman right in front of you but I haven't heard boo about that, only about this beautiful woman from your past. I tell you what, you go hang out with your memories and when you're ready for a beautiful woman in your present day existence, THEN you can get back to me."

    Say it really sweetly with a smile and then excuse yourself or walk him to your door.

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    Default Re: When a Guy Tells You "She Was Beautiful"

    it wouldnt bother me. im a hottie........... and there ARE other hotties out there. if he kept talking about it all the time thats another issue. it wouldn't be about the beauty of her, it would be why are you always talking about her.

    again, other girls are hot and he has a right to say so (if she was!)

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    Default Re: When a Guy Tells You "She Was Beautiful"

    ^yeah, but if she got all hotted up for him and then he doesn't say anything about her and is just talking about how beautiful this past woman is...that ain't right.

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    Default Re: When a Guy Tells You "She Was Beautiful"

    That would annoy me too.. but when I first meet a guy I like to listen to the ex stories..it gives me a good idea of what kind of a guy he will be.. but if he's droning on and on about an ex then he's def not over her and it's a good sign to get away.

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    Default Re: When a Guy Tells You "She Was Beautiful"

    I would take it as a compliment as well.....if it is just mentioned in passing...(I have dated hot girls....so its OK for you..a hottie..to date me)If it is something he keeps bringing up or harping on its a different story.

    But also, you dont want them telling you about how his ex's were all fat ugly bitches either...do you?

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    Default Re: When a Guy Tells You "She Was Beautiful"

    it's so funny, because so many women do the exact same thing to guys. I cannot count the times I have heard how hot some dude was, that a girl I was talking to dated/used to fuck/wanted to fuck, etc.

    It used to bother me, until I saw a few of these supposedly oh so hot guys.

    Now I pretty much dismiss it when I hear it. Or maybe the guy really was that hot, but still--who cares? Where is he now? Unless she's pining away for him, it doesn't matter to me.
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    Default Re: When a Guy Tells You "She Was Beautiful"

    I've never really had to worry about this...if my fiancee or my last boyfriend told me how hot their exes were, they'd be lying their asses off. I've seen pictures.

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    Default Re: When a Guy Tells You "She Was Beautiful"

    I agree that this is like the Seinfeld episode where George carries around the picture of a beautiful ex-fiance to convince other beautiful women that he is worthy of their attention, despite being fugly.

    In pickup/dating theory lexicon, this is know as "social proof" -- http://www.pickupguide.com/interesti...-social-proof/

    It is like indirectly bragging about a guy's career, money, education, travel or assets.

    The idea is that, by telling you that he has dated beautiful women,

    (1) you will think he has the type of personality/alpha male qualities that are attractive to beautiful women like you,

    (2) you will think that he is not intimidated by beautiful women like you and

    (3) you will think that he knows how to act around beautiful woman like you (i.e., he will not try too hard and will not become obsessed, overly possessive, jealous and/or insecure).

    I am willing to bet these guys are not very good looking.

    If you want to mess with them and have some fun, just act extremely incredulous and say - "She was that beautiful, and she dated you? I can't picture that."
    Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.
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    Default Re: When a Guy Tells You "She Was Beautiful"

    Why are you stressing this small detail? So his ex girlfriend was pretty, big deal. He obviously thinks you are too, or he wouldn't be around you. As long as he's not yammering on and on about her, so what?

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    Default Re: When a Guy Tells You "She Was Beautiful"

    It wouldnt bother me at all. Whether he's talking about appearance or personality. He's describing someone... doesnt mean he's necessarily hung up on her. I certainly wouldnt want my ex to say I was an ugly mole or something. Jealousy is ugly. Try to fight those feelings.

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    Veteran Member Krill_'s Avatar
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    Default Re: When a Guy Tells You "She Was Beautiful"

    Quote Originally Posted by Camateur View Post
    ...I am sitting there, they are telling a story about a past situation with their "ex" or chick they were dating and will slip in "she was very beautiful" Mind you these are girls they dated way back when and not exe's they are hung up on.

    ...Guys why do you say this?
    I would have to agree /w the other replies that it boils down to flattery in a roundabout way. He's either insecure with himself or wants you to think he has high standards. Then there's guys who are too shy or modest to tell a stranger they are beautiful, yet there's still an urge to somehow tell them that without actually saying it. Which of course leads to "wait, what did he mean?" questions like these. :p

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    Angry Re: When a Guy Tells You "She Was Beautiful"

    Krill that is seriously the BEST/coolest avatar ever!.
    *End thread jack.
    Now, Camateur, (sp) hon. LISTEN to your feelings, there's a VALID reason for them. If you feel anything but good around people, I say to shit can them, & fast. (Unless of course it's a necessity, fam. work, etc.) Who the F*ck needs it?
    I walked away from a 'friend' of many years, (yes there were other signs I chose to ignore) b/c of a sh*tty remark that downgraded me. I also put up w/similar crap from a former fiancee who interestingly now stalks me.
    Why he's not standing in the jungle beating on his chest or some such nonsense.
    Who needs that?


    MANY MEN WANTED TO LAY ME DOWN, BUT FEW WANTED TO LIFT ME UP

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