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Thread: Everything's Perfect BUT He's Cheap...

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    Veteran Member Camateur's Avatar
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    Default Everything's Perfect BUT He's Cheap...

    Met a guy on a dating site. First meetup he suggests a REALLY low end bar, like the place all the college kids go for cheap drinks. (But it's by his house ) our tab is around $20 and he pays. We get along really well and I am interested in seeing him for a second date.
    Second date: he calls me on Monday to ask me out for Saturday (I love this) so we're deciding where to go and he texts: Do you bowl? Umm yeah I'm not really a bowling kinda a girl, keep in mind in our town there's a lot to do bowling is really scraping the bottom of the barrel.
    After I politely say "I don't know how to bowl", he suggests grabbing a "bite" to eat a or him cooking me dinner at this house. I select his house thinking it was sweet and wondering what he would make.
    Saturday comes and he makes me halibut (no thrills, pretty plain) and butter beans yeah butter beans. No dessert, we eat in kitchen. I bring over wine which is good because all he had was of the "twist off" variety. After dinner he didn't have a rented movie or anything so we just watched tv. I ended up getting drunk and we gropped each other and made out on the couch. He tried for more but I told him I wanted to go slow.
    So even though I feel a spark and we seem pretty compatible I just feel under-valued. We are both in our 30's he owns his own house and has a good job, he can afford to take me out for a $100-200 dinner. I'm really thinking he must be trying to get as much as he can get for as little $$ as possible, even though his profile said he's looking for a relationship!
    Don't you guys think that if he is so cheap in the beginning it's only gonna get worse? Isn't this the time to try to impress? If he calls for a third date is there a way I can direct him to take me out to a nice dinner? or if he suggests something cheap ass again should I just decline? I'm attractive and desirable, he's cool but pudgy and not all that, but I like his personality, what should I do? Please be honest without flaming me
    Last edited by Camateur; 05-23-2011 at 12:15 PM.

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    Veteran Member So Fine Divyne's Avatar
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    Default Re: Everything's Perfect BUT He's Cheap...

    Maybe he's being cheap to see if it will make you lose interest. I've heard of guys doing this. If you like him you like him. Does he have to spend a certain amount on you to prove that he likes you? Everyone likes to go nice places and do exciting things, but you all are still feeling each other out. Just think if he takes every girl he meets on that site to a $100-200 dinner to see if things are gonna progress think of how much that would cost him. He may have initally taken girls that he was interested in to very nice places only to have it fizzle and feel like he wasted his time, money and energy. Remember, a lot of chicks will keep going on dates with a guy they don't really like if he spends a lot of money on them. I think the reverse is worse, the guy who spends lots of money to impress in the beginning and then once they have you slowly get more and more thrifty. Just wait it out and see. Instead of thinking about how much you want him to spend suggest activities where you all can get to spend the most time learning about and enjoying each other without regard to price.
    Thank Goodness I smartened up! The old me is dead and gone.

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    Veteran Member Camateur's Avatar
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    Default Re: Everything's Perfect BUT He's Cheap...

    [QUOTE=So Fine Divyne;2117466]Maybe he's being cheap to see if it will make you lose interest. I've heard of guys doing this. If you like him you like him. Does he have to spend a certain amount on you to prove that he likes you?

    I agree that if he did those things for every girl he met then it would get expensive fast, though I do want a guy to think I'm special and different from the other ones right from the start and do things accordingly. His early dating behavior isn't wooing me. Thing is it really bugs me that he's all about sleeping with me when he hasn't put the work in. The work being picking me up, taking me to a nice restaurant, having to dress up, being super gentlemanly with me. All those things show a desire to impress and "win me" It's like things got TOO CASUAL to quickly by my going over to his house. It's interesting that you've heard of guys being super cheap to see if the girl will leave, he's all about truth and no game playing.

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    Default Re: Everything's Perfect BUT He's Cheap...

    what if this is his version of pulling out all the stops? id hate to see then when hes ACTUALLY being a tghtass
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    Default Re: Everything's Perfect BUT He's Cheap...

    Maybe he is just making sure that she's not just interested in expensive meals & dates -but at the same time he should def being trying alot harder than chicken -n- beans w/ tv, right. The least he could've done was cook her a proper meal or take out & rent a damn movie. Or something. The guy sounds fishy to me. Hopefully, the third date goes better. You can get good dates or try harder without having to spend any money at all.

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    Default Re: Everything's Perfect BUT He's Cheap...

    Yup. I wouldn't date such guy. I don't have time for cheapasses/brokeasses/penny pinchers..

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    Featured Member Brandi_Lynn's Avatar
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    Default Re: Everything's Perfect BUT He's Cheap...

    He definately shouldn't be pushing for more sexually on a lousy secound date. He sounds like a jerk.

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    Default Re: Everything's Perfect BUT He's Cheap...

    There are certain things that I like, and things I dont like...doesnt matter how much a guy spends, if we're doing things and going places Im not into, Id consider us incompatible. I dont want a guy who will test me by taking me out to cheap places to see if Im with him for him and not for his money...while I have no issue with the college bar, playing pool or eating chicken and green beans and watching TV is not something I would do by myself, with friends and def not what I consider a date. To me it wouldnt be about the money...it would be me thinking that what to him is a nice evening is not my bag.

    I love and prefer to eat out...I hate grocery shopping and rarely cook at home. Some people love a good home cooked meal, especially if someone else cooks it. Im not into that. Add to it that hes not much of a cook and Im definitely not feeling it.

    Anyway, its not all about the food (even though I do love food and it actually is a big deal for me! lol) its about lifestyle. If you dont share the same lifestyle or idea of what makes a night out or in, then just think to yourself...chicken and green beans today....and forever? are you cool with that?

    And yeah, there are guys who will test you and give you less to start with the feeling you earn more perks as the relationship continues, but Im not into bait and switch or the idea I have to earn a nice evening before a guy will put in any effort. And, for the *most* part...the impressive stuff happens at the start, an then tapers...and then for special occasions splurge on the place you had your first date, or stuff like that.

    Anyway...its totally up to you. If you would like to be taken out and wined and dined, the guy would have to like stuff like that and want it for himself too and something he wants to share with you. Someone who is into pool halls and chicken with beans is comfortable with a different lifestyle. And it would not be fair either to go with it now then demand more later...hes setting the bar and you can either accept it as how he is and be okay with it, or not at this point.

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    Default Re: Everything's Perfect BUT He's Cheap...

    I just read the additional responses after posting..so funny how many of us are adverse to the whole chicken and beans thing. LoL! Yeah man...even on a budget and no cooking skills he could have done way better than that. Jeez.

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    Default Re: Everything's Perfect BUT He's Cheap...

    What would really bother me about the dates you described is not so much the cheapness but the laziness. A crappy student bar just because it's near his house, suggesting a pool venue that is obviously in HIS interest not yours, then not even leaving the house or putting in effort to cook you dinner. Chicken and beans? Sounds like stuff he had in his kitchen anyway, doubt he even went down to the supermakrket so he could make something special.

    You can have cheap dates that are great fun but if you live in an exciting city and he's not even willing to go more than a few minutes from his front door or even find out about YOUR iinterests that is just sheer laziness. Big red flag.

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    Default Re: Everything's Perfect BUT He's Cheap...

    as opposed to the lack of effort discussed above, i like to think this dude completely went out of his way to outperform means of gathering together the cheapest of all dates in the history of dating.
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    Default Re: Everything's Perfect BUT He's Cheap...

    I just don't see how some of you ladies can date men like this. I would get annoyed/irritated and dump him with the quickness. Geez

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    God/dess BlkSharpie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Everything's Perfect BUT He's Cheap...

    Quote Originally Posted by anouk.oui View Post
    as opposed to the lack of effort discussed above, i like to think this dude completely went out of his way to outperform means of gathering together the cheapest of all dates in the history of dating.
    lmfao!!!! :d:d:d

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    Default Re: Everything's Perfect BUT He's Cheap...

    Speaking of owning his own home, Are you sure he's not renting? LOL!

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    Default Re: Everything's Perfect BUT He's Cheap...

    Wow this guy is a total loser! This is the typical , If I could get it for free , then I would. He's just trying to get laid. When a guy mentions " making dinner", I see that as " having her over my home is the easiest way to get laid". I mean chicken and green beans? That's just so lousy. Didn't even go rent a $2-$3 movie? Ooh no drop this guy and fast. I wouldn't even say why. Just delete his profile and move on. He whole purpose was to get LAID and do it the cheapest way possible. Trust that if you sleep with this guy, he will not call , or if he does it will only be to have sex . He's looking for someone to use.

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    Default Re: Everything's Perfect BUT He's Cheap...

    Quote Originally Posted by TouringGirlfriend View Post
    I just don't see how some of you ladies can date men like this. I would get annoyed/irritated and dump him with the quickness. Geez
    Well..to be fair it was only thier second date, and shes rightfully so second guessing him.

    Stuff like this just makes me fee like Im spoiled and have high expectations though, cause my last two boyfriends went over and beyond..not only when we first started dating, but throughout our relationship, and even after our relationship was over still took me out for dinner, or out to the movies or whatever.

    Even my first bf, who was a typical broke teen with no money at all..got a job at Arbys so that he could get me the Jamocha shake for free whenever I wanted one cause at the time, it was my favoritist drink in the whole wide world!!!! LoL

    So yeah, I lose interest fast when a guy doesnt see me as worth any effort....

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    Default Re: Everything's Perfect BUT He's Cheap...

    Quote Originally Posted by TouringGirlfriend View Post
    Speaking of owning his own home, Are you sure he's not renting? LOL!
    Or living rent free in the house that his parents own...

    ...I see that a lot around here....

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    Default Re: Everything's Perfect BUT He's Cheap...

    Quote Originally Posted by Amareth View Post
    What would really bother me about the dates you described is not so much the cheapness but the laziness. A crappy student bar just because it's near his house, suggesting a pool venue that is obviously in HIS interest not yours, then not even leaving the house or putting in effort to cook you dinner. Chicken and beans? Sounds like stuff he had in his kitchen anyway, doubt he even went down to the supermakrket so he could make something special.

    You can have cheap dates that are great fun but if you live in an exciting city and he's not even willing to go more than a few minutes from his front door or even find out about YOUR iinterests that is just sheer laziness. Big red flag.
    You say you feel a spark so keep going. The devaluing is what you like and you need to keep feeling that until you're ready to decide if you want that long term. I'm not being sarcastic but literal. When we feel a tingling it's fear. Don't run from it, go into it head first and see how you like it. Challenge yourself to see and accept how this dude treats you. Make all your concerns come into full consciousness so you can see what's turning you on and if it's a good thing. You will either get fed up and say "screw this shitty treatment" or you'll say "we're so compatible".
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    Default Re: Everything's Perfect BUT He's Cheap...

    Quote Originally Posted by Camateur View Post
    Thing is it really bugs me that he's all about sleeping with me when he hasn't put the work in. The work being picking me up, taking me to a nice restaurant, having to dress up, being super gentlemanly with me. All those things show a desire to impress and "win me" It's like things got TOO CASUAL to quickly by my going over to his house. It's interesting that you've heard of guys being super cheap to see if the girl will leave, he's all about truth and no game playing.
    Not to be a bitch, but if he's all about sleeping with you already do you think it may be because on the second date you got drunk at his house and made out on the couch? Guys are always ready to "get err done", so that second date move may be why. He might very well like you, but think that if he already got some makeout action that soon that easily that he might as well try to close the deal. His initial small investment has paid off in dividends, at least to him. It has been said that men deal with women based on their actions and the way they carry themselves. I'm not judging you because you're grown. I have more guy friends than girl friends and always have. I have always listened to how they talk about the girls they deal with and noticed the differences in treatment of girls that were very similar with very different actions.
    Thank Goodness I smartened up! The old me is dead and gone.

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    Default Re: Everything's Perfect BUT He's Cheap...

    This guy has not put forth the effort it takes to get a quality woman. He might not have the money to take you out to a upscale restaurant but the time you spend should be quality. You should feel special not discount & there are ways to do that on a budget.

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    Default Re: Everything's Perfect BUT He's Cheap...

    ...sorry but, plain chicken and green beans followed by heavy petting on a guys couch on our second date would not make me feel special.

    True its not about how much, its about the quality of the time but..I dont see much quality time here...money or no money!!

    Ive had some amazing nites in that cost nothing, but a lot of thought went into it. Thats the issue here..this guy put no thought into the date at all. Ive also been on crappy dates with guys in an expensive restaurant...where a guy made me feel like he was paying for me.

    "Its the thought that counts" is not just a cliche...

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    Default Re: Everything's Perfect BUT He's Cheap...

    He does sound cheap and a little bit pushy. Why don't you suggest planning the next date, or tell him some places you really like? Something like "I heard about this great restaurant that just opened.. want to go check it out?" should work.

    He also sounds like he's into low maintenance girls. If this doesn't suit you after the next date, I'd cut my losses and move on.

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    Default Re: Everything's Perfect BUT He's Cheap...

    Were the green beans fresh? Or were they from a can? If they were from a can, I would run. If they were fresh, I would ask him to take me to a restaurant that I like and know is expensive and see if he obliges. If he says no, then the green beans might as well have been from a can.

    There are too many fish in the sea to settle for a fish with an ok personality and a wallet as lackluster as his cooking skills.

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    Default Re: Everything's Perfect BUT He's Cheap...

    ^ Haha. Yeah, valid point on the beans. But seriously .... even fresh .... this is so stupid . On a second date, he should be thinking " impress " . If he can't cook, you'd assume he would try to hide that and show you something he CAN do well. I'm a foodie , so this idea would seriously fall flat with me especially since you could do something as easy as stuffing the chicken with cheese and sun dried tomatos and throwing some pasta and sauce on also.
    If you like him though, maybe see what he does.
    One thing you can do is if he asks you to just come over again or something , mention that you are at high end bar xyz with your girlfriends so that he knows you are at least into going to higher end spots sometimes.

    I will also totally confess that I sort of fucked this up with D ( main person I'm dating ) as well. We met through friends and at first . I didn't know what his intentions were so when he offered to buy me a drink or something at our first outing, I paid for it on my own! I sooooo wish I could go back and re-do that but since we were just friends initially, , I didn't want him to label me " the pretty girl who just lets guys pay for everything " .
    So ..... I sort of fucked it up because I established a pattern of paying for myself ! To clarify .... he has a nice home and has cooked a few meals ( cooking is a serious hobby for him ) and he had the ingredients, so at least he's kind of " bought " me dinner 5-6 times. OH WAIT ! No .... he did buy me dinner out once ( at this tapas place .... it was like $25 total so I didn't offer to split ) . He also took me to a really nice wine bar once ( maybe $20 each ),so at least that's something.

    What I would do is maybe find somewhere affordable like a happy hour with decent food or something that would only run like $30 total and see if he picks up the whole thing. If he doesn't ( since it's only your third date ! ) , it would be kind of tacky.

    I would highly prefer D takes me out to dinner at least a couple more times before we start going completely dutch for things.
    Last edited by carmen_b; 05-15-2011 at 01:33 PM.

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    Veteran Member Camateur's Avatar
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    Default Re: Everything's Perfect BUT He's Cheap...

    Quote Originally Posted by So Fine Divyne View Post
    Not to be a bitch, but if he's all about sleeping with you already do you think it may be because on the second date you got drunk at his house and made out on the couch? Guys are always ready to "get err done", so that second date move may be why. He might very well like you, but think that if he already got some makeout action that soon that easily that he might as well try to close the deal. His initial small investment has paid off in dividends, at least to him. It has been said that men deal with women based on their actions and the way they carry themselves. I'm not judging you because you're grown. I have more guy friends than girl friends and always have. I have always listened to how they talk about the girls they deal with and noticed the differences in treatment of girls that were very similar with very different actions.
    I agree^^but well what now? I didn't sleep with him or even come close. Can I be redeemed?

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