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Thread: I need advice! Maybe a therapist?!

  1. #1
    Member radazgirl82's Avatar
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    Dizzy I need advice! Maybe a therapist?!

    So here is my deal ladies, I used to dance about a year ago but had a very difficult time with it do to the lack of income and damn near killing myself to make $50 for 6 hours worth of hard ass work and dealing with men who smelled so bad after working on a construction site in 110 degree heat... not so pleasant! While dancing I had a wonderful man at home that I became detached from because I wanted nothing to do with touching in any sense after working. Months later a girlfriend of mine told me about web cam modeling and I could not wait to do it, I went straight home and signed up on Streamray ( I confused it for Streamate which there is no comparison) and began working immediately. Sounds good right? Well it wasn't, the money was somewhat decent but my sex life and romance totally went out the window... no bueno! Well here I am almost 8 months later and I have joined SM which has been a brilliant decision but again my sex life and romance with my soon to be husband is in shambles. I get off camera and want nothing to do with sex or cuddling or even talking.... I feel tapped out

    I am slowly strangling my relationship to death because of the line of work I have chosen to do, which is a blessing on one end and a curse on the other. How can I separate my work life from my relationship, is it possible to juggle both and maintain healthy habits? I am totally lost and really worried. When I am not working, sex and romance are through the roof amazing. Is romance and sex with my fiancé something that I have to force until it becomes a habit..... I know that sounds terrible. I really am madly in love but my body and mind are exhausted when work is over. Does anyone else struggle with this problem? PLEASE HELP!!!!

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    God/dess laurielegs's Avatar
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    Default Re: I need advice! Maybe a therapist?!

    Well, this is just my opinion, but I think it's a mistake to really cum on cam. Why wear yourself out like that, and who can really cum 50 times a day. My clit would get sore. They can't really tell if you are actually rubbing on your clit or beside it. They are paying you to make them cum, not to make yourself cum. I think of it as being an actress.

    If that isn't the problem then I am not sure what to say. I have the same sex drive when I cam as when I don't (with the exception of days when I cam too long and am tired). Could it be that he is reacting badly and making you feel that you are doing something wrong? Or are you somehow getting emotionally involved? I'm a bit puzzled.

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    Default Re: I need advice! Maybe a therapist?!

    Being in the AI is definatly a strain.... Everyone who is in it deals with it in differant ways. There is a thread on here about being single vs. involved that has alot of opinions on the subject....
    Personally I think does affect your homelife. You will be tired and drained at the end of a shift. The key is to take a break once in a while. Wether for a day or two or three or four, and if you don't get the drive back, then you need to realize that you are in the adult industry, and your perceptions and realities are going to be differant then everyone else. The drive you once had will be shot. You will find yourself unable to get turned on in the normal sense. It will more than likely take more of an effort to get yourself aroused then before... Of course, I may be full of Sh^&.... I am sure someone else will have a better explaination....
    PV

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    Featured Member tinydancer23's Avatar
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    Default Re: I need advice! Maybe a therapist?!

    i agree in some ways with laurielegs - if it's a physical thing, like cumming on cam or something, definitely fake it. try not to get emotionally involved.

    but i can also understand the feelings of it maybe taking an emotional toll for some women. in the beginning i had a really difficult time with that. (for me it has to do with being a survivor, i think, and just having complicated emotions around sex, body image, attractiveness, etc. in general, especially as a queer disabled woman of color.) the work i'd done in the adult industry before had been really sporadic so i hadn't had to face the complications of it on a daily basis really before i started camming, and in the beginning i went from having a really strong sex drive to no sex drive and no way of explaining to my so why i wasn't interested. in addition to not wanting to deal with a man touching me/coming onto me/thinking of me sexually after basically being objectified all day long, lol. i've gotten much better at separating work from my emotions and not letting the shit that goes on at work affect me, and that's helped a LOT. my sex drive is back to normal now, maybe even higher than it was before.

    i'm very pro-therapy, and if you're comfortable seeking it out and think it would help you, i'd totally recommend it. i've never directly talked about camming in therapy but working through other things has helped me indirectly.

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    Veteran Member naughtycammer's Avatar
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    Default Re: I need advice! Maybe a therapist?!

    It is completely possible to maintain a healthy relationship while being a cam model. When I turn my webcam off and go out of the bedroom after work, I'm not a cam model anymore; I'm just a wife. My husband is the only man I touch, sleep with, kiss, hug, say I love you to, etc.
    I like naked chicks.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sam38g View Post
    I refuse to feel guilt about my sexuality. I REFUSE to feel bad about my job.

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    Default Re: I need advice! Maybe a therapist?!

    I agree 100%. Unless you're a nympho and love cumming a millions times a day...I have not once let myself cum on cam. I always fake it. My husband is the only man who gets to see/experience that with me. I just don't feel like that's a line I want to cross while working. That's just me, though. Many cam girls like cumming on cam while working.

    Quote Originally Posted by laurielegs View Post
    Well, this is just my opinion, but I think it's a mistake to really cum on cam. Why wear yourself out like that, and who can really cum 50 times a day. My clit would get sore. They can't really tell if you are actually rubbing on your clit or beside it. They are paying you to make them cum, not to make yourself cum. I think of it as being an actress.

    If that isn't the problem then I am not sure what to say. I have the same sex drive when I cam as when I don't (with the exception of days when I cam too long and am tired). Could it be that he is reacting badly and making you feel that you are doing something wrong? Or are you somehow getting emotionally involved? I'm a bit puzzled.
    Last edited by naughtycammer; 05-17-2011 at 10:12 PM. Reason: spelling
    I like naked chicks.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sam38g View Post
    I refuse to feel guilt about my sexuality. I REFUSE to feel bad about my job.

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    Default Re: I need advice! Maybe a therapist?!

    Thank you ladies for your quick and very helpful replies. I definitely have found that it is not beneficial to cum on cam so if I do it is usually for one or two generous members but maybe that is even too much. In a lot of ways I blame my mentality as well. After dancing, my feelings towards some of the male population was somewhat negative because I had a hard time separating their fantasies from my personal life, which has now gotten better with camming but I don't think I'm 100% yet. I feel blessed to have the opportunity to cam and make a great income and having my own personal independence but I think that in order fix my situation I should take a step back and look at the big picture to realize that this is a job like any other and if I can't take control of it while maintaining control over my personal life then I have failed. My happiness depends on proper balance and I just need to dial it in.

    So sorry I am just jabbering on but these comments have my head working....... Thank you Thank you!!!!

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    Default Re: I need advice! Maybe a therapist?!

    I agree with NaughtyCammer. Fake it! I don't even penetrate. LOL!


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    Veteran Member naughtycammer's Avatar
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    Default Re: I need advice! Maybe a therapist?!

    me neither
    I like naked chicks.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sam38g View Post
    I refuse to feel guilt about my sexuality. I REFUSE to feel bad about my job.

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    Default Re: I need advice! Maybe a therapist?!

    Quote Originally Posted by KyleeXO View Post
    I agree with NaughtyCammer. Fake it! I don't even penetrate. LOL!
    heheheheh you ladies are BADDDDDDD!!!

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    Default Re: I need advice! Maybe a therapist?!

    hi Radazgirl..
    Let me tell u a story..
    I once told a friend of mine, EXTREMELY BEAUTIFUL WOMAN in her 40's, (like omg, Barbi Look alike ( blonde hair down to her butt, gorgeous face features, slim, big boobs) to try camming due to financial difficulties... she agreed.. I showed her everything.. I mean EVERYTHING ,,. and let her do her thing... i spoke to her about all aspects for hours and hours.. she was thrilled! wanted the $ ...
    and then.......
    1-2 months into it... she FAILED! She could not deal with it. Why? Cause she was trying too hard!
    i went to see her a few times while she was camming... she was SOO into what the guys were saying... she was overly excited over every single $. over all she was getting mentally exhausted! On Top of that, she was "scared" that her BF would see her differently.. well I guess thats bottom line..
    If you see yourself Differently ( aka NOW u are a porn star and NOW u have to catter to ALL who show u a bit of attention, its draining...)
    Im not saying dont show these people attention, but.. once u logg off. ITS DONE! You should be your normal self. Girlfriend, Wife or single woman with family and friends!
    Keep things separate!
    Dont let this job get to u.
    See it ONLY as an acting job.
    you;re an actress, nothing else..
    Once you think THAT Woman on Webcam IS THE REAL YOU, you;re doomed to be depressed instantly and forever...
    To keep things sane, come up with a goal from camming... something NOT sexually related.. maybe paying for a degree to better your education.. maybe saving for your future kids... something for your REAL life..
    and yes i know, i might sound terrible now.. but think of these people as... just username bots lol... doesnt help when u see the on webcam but... u can . cover their cam with another window, or minimize it.. they will never know lol
    Sending you lots of love xox

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    Member radazgirl82's Avatar
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    Default Re: I need advice! Maybe a therapist?!

    Fridays, thank you so much you are absolutely right. I feel like you have been watching me because I do the same thing when camming. I feel like I have to say hi to every member that enters my chat, answer every question, and constantly interacting so I don't bore anyone. At the end of the day when I walk out of my office, I am done.... sometimes I can't even force myself to do the dishes or cook dinner let alone give attention to my fiancé that he deserves. Almost every day that I work I don't eat until I have relaxed for a few hours after work. I have long term goals (many of them!) but I think I focus on the immediate goal of a specific dollar amount to meet before I stop working for the day.

    I am sooooo grateful for all of you ladies and your super advice, it will help indefinitely!

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    Default Re: I need advice! Maybe a therapist?!

    U are welcome..
    yea, it was exchausting for me to hear her even talk about it ..
    she was like" and this guy did this.. and this guy said that.. and then i did this"
    I was like " enough!!! i dont wanna hear it... Im not working now, lets talk about real life... who cares what they said or did? as soon as they stop paying they are HISTORY! lol

    on to the next one.. on to the next one....

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    Member radazgirl82's Avatar
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    Default Re: I need advice! Maybe a therapist?!

    LOL...... YESSS, I can literally recall everything that every member said to me and that I did for that member. My light bulb is officially on and now I just have to put your advice into action!

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    Featured Member tinydancer23's Avatar
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    Default Re: I need advice! Maybe a therapist?!

    i really needed to hear that, fridays...thank you. <3

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