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Thread: Jealous roommate is being a jerk

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    Moderator Aurora_Sunset's Avatar
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    Default Jealous roommate is being a jerk

    This is kinda long but I just need to rant...

    My roommate and I have been living in the same house for almost 2 years now. Since we moved in, we've been sleeping together. I wanted to be more than friends with benefits but he did not because he "doesn't believe in" relationships or love or girlfriends or any of that. We continued just being friends who had sex but we got into fights often, stemming from jealousy. Overall though, we were still good friends - I just learned to remove myself from any situation in which he would be flirting with other girls.

    A few weeks ago, I finally got a bf for the first time in several years, and now my roommate is ridiculously jealous! He acted completely hurt, like I was breaking up with him! According to him, even though we weren't in an "official relationship" the interactions we had together were a type of "relationship" that I should have respected. He acts like me dating someone else is like saying that he's not good enough and kicking him to the curb for someone who makes me happier.

    I told him that it wasn't a competition in my head. That he told me a long time ago that we were nothing more than friends with benefits - so that's how I took it. And he couldn't expect me to stay single forever just so he could keep having sex with me and flirting with me at his convenience. I want to feel special and I found someone who does that - it's not a diss to him, but he set his own rules on not dating and being clear that he was going to go after whatever piece of ass he wanted at any time, even if it meant ignoring my existence so I didn't throw off his game - and he knew I didn't like those rules and should have known I would end our fuck-buddy relationship if I found someone who I actually wanted to date.

    For the next couple weeks, he was super nice to me. Always wanted hugs. Wanted to cuddle up next to me on the couch. Took care of me when I got really sick. I tried to keep our friendship as normal and close as possible without crossing inappropriate boundaries because I wanted him to feel like I still care about him, because I do. But he kept asking me to ask my bf how he felt about open relationships. I kept ignoring it and he finally got mad at me today for "not explaining" why I wouldn't do it. He sat in silence for a few minutes before saying "I'm not trying to make you mad or anything but I can't stand being flirty with you and talking to you like we're normal and not getting any real answers out of you. So I'm not trying to ignore you, but I kinda am. But I'm not trying to hurt your feelings" and then just got up and left.

    I am so mad. I understand the jealousy. I know he always cared about me more than he actually let on. But he's the one who didn't want me when he had the chance. He wanted to play by his own rules and be allowed to push me to the side whenever he had the chance to spend time with and sleep with some new girl - that's fine, that's how he wants to live, but he can't expect me to stick around in that arrangement forever and then cut me off from the friendship when I don't want to play his game anymore... I really thought we could segue into being good friends with him being really nice lately and trying to rework his behavior so that we were close but not physical.... and now he wants to just ignore me... I should just be angry and not give a shit. But I have to live with him for 2 more months and losing someone who I used to be so close with and talked to all the time... it's going to be hard to walk around the house and have him ignore me...

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Jealous roommate is being a jerk

    Guys always find the girl they can't have, to be more attractive than girls who are easily attainable...goes along with the laws of supy and demand

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    God/dess Trem's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jealous roommate is being a jerk

    He doesn't actually care, he cares about losing his sex toy.
    "Well done. Here are the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: 'A horrible person.' We weren't even testing for that."

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    Veteran Member Camateur's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jealous roommate is being a jerk

    His behavior doesn't mean that you meant more to him than he actually let on. Your roommate is responding/protesting to the ego blow he received when you found a "better cock" (in his mind). This is nothing more than that so don't feel bad, feel like you have to apologize or explain. Set your boundaries, why is he allowed to get mad at you for not wanting an open relationship? why is he even allowed to ask you about open relationships? Why is he allowed to cuddle with you? His reaction is similar to how a dog reacts when it doesn't want another dog sniffing around it territory.
    Last edited by Camateur; 05-18-2011 at 09:38 PM.

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    Default Re: Jealous roommate is being a jerk

    This guy had pussy-on-tap for two years. Now he doesn't.

    I would be pissed off too, but not because "I cared about you more than I let on".
    Quote Originally Posted by Nini Nieb View Post
    It is OK to have different opionens in my opionen

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    Featured Member lemiwinks31's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jealous roommate is being a jerk

    I think your issue is that you want to regain the friendship you had with him before your new boyfriend.

    That probably wont happen because a huge part of that friendship for him was no-strings sex.....if that is gone the relationship from his point of view has changed....

    Even if you can get back to being 'friendly' it wont happen while you are living together......you will have a better chance when you are living separately and meeting for lunch, a night out..whatever. Not when he is horny and someone he has had sex with hundreds of times is walking by in nothing but a towell.

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    God/dess rickdugan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jealous roommate is being a jerk

    This just reconfirms the policy I always had when I was single of never dating a girl with a male roommate.

    I disagree with some of the others here who have said that you were just a piece of ass for him. It sounds to me like he does care for you, just not enough to forego his current lifestyle. If he didn't step up in two years of living with you then he never will. He has been selfish in how he has played with your emotions over the past two years and his current attempts to sabotage your chances of finding love just because you are no longer "on call" to meet his physical and emotional needs are extremely selfish.

    He may be a friend, but IMHO he's not a very good one if this is how he is treating you now.

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    God/dess carmen_b's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jealous roommate is being a jerk

    Man ..... I have a HUGE distaste for men who offer a woman nothing relationship wise and then somehow still manage to get sex! I'm am so glad you replaced this loser. I'm sure you had feelings for him.
    I would let it "accidently " slip in conversation that your new boyfriend has a bigger dick. Just kidding. Maybe.

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    Default Re: Jealous roommate is being a jerk

    Quote Originally Posted by carmen_b View Post
    I would let it "accidently " slip in conversation that your new boyfriend has a bigger dick. Just kidding. Maybe.
    Lol! Good idea

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    Default Re: Jealous roommate is being a jerk

    I agree with Trem

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    Default Re: Jealous roommate is being a jerk

    Quote Originally Posted by carmen_b View Post
    Man ..... I have a HUGE distaste for men who offer a woman nothing relationship wise and then somehow still manage to get sex!
    Your distaste should be for the girls who get nothing from men, sometimes not even a friendship, and still spread their legs every time they're told. The dude is just receiving what's being given.
    Quote Originally Posted by Nini Nieb View Post
    It is OK to have different opionens in my opionen

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    Default Re: Jealous roommate is being a jerk

    Quote Originally Posted by TarsTone View Post
    Your distaste should be for the girls who get nothing from men, sometimes not even a friendship, and still spread their legs every time they're told. The dude is just receiving what's being given.

    I mean, it's not like I was being emotionally manipulated into giving him sex because I "thought I could change him" or anything. I accepted long ago that it was just a friends with benefits thing and was like "Well, the sex is just as easy and convenient for me as it is for him." The only difference being that I knew one day I would end it to actually date someone once I found them, whereas he never would be the one to end it because he doesn't believe in dating. I think that's just what annoys him - the fact that the power to end it rested completely on me and he was never gonna be the one to do it or even had a say in me leaving.

    I will miss his friendship. He was a genuinely good friend - it's not like I can hate him for being honest about his preferences in dating/sex. I just hate him right now for thinking that I wouldn't take his words seriously and leave our "relationship" eventually and him trying to make me feel guilty about it.

    Thank you to everyone for your responses I've reached the point where I'm sad that he has to be such a child about this and I'm losing a friend, but I really don't care anymore. I've watched him exhibit this BS behavior before when I wouldn't cooperate and do exactly what he wanted me to do, and I used to become greatly upset - now I just call him a baby and can keep moving. I have more than enough good friends and support to not cry over the fact that he wants to try act out and guilt-trip me. I've never been a good responder to guilt trips lol I just get angry at the person trying to guilt me. I've done nothing wrong here so why should I lose sleep over it? He should be the one losing sleep over his stupid decisions.

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    Featured Member JoJoX's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jealous roommate is being a jerk

    rule number one: NEVER hook up with room mates.

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    Moderator Aurora_Sunset's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jealous roommate is being a jerk

    Quote Originally Posted by JoJoX View Post
    rule number one: NEVER hook up with room mates.
    Lol told myself that was a bad idea at the very beginning. But I have a tendency to hook up with people I shouldn't (ex-bfs, roommates, coworkers...) haha I think I'm learning my lesson and just sticking with my nice guy for now

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