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Thread: omg..my mom found out!!!

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    Veteran Member luxi_kitty's Avatar
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    Default omg..my mom found out!!!

    .....my aunt that i thought would keep a secret for me and be there to talk to, (this is before everyone on SW told me to NOT tell anyone about being a dancer) she told my mom about my plans of being a dancer..

    now my mom is disappointed in me and thinks im too smart to degrade myself in that way!

    the exact words she used was "it would be disgusting to have old/pervy men going home and masturbating to mental images of me dancing or grinding on them."

    she said she wouldnt even come close to me if she knew i was doing this..
    i cant live on without making decent money..besides this IS something ive always wanted to do and have been interested in..

    i do live with her bc she just got into a separation from my dad a mnth ago..so i want to help her with rent, bills etc..i am in no way being FORCED to do it..i WANT TO..
    i am damn near 25 (in almost 3mnths) and i dont want to depend on my mothers funds to live my own life...she told me "if money is an issue i myself would get a second job before letting u strip"

    whaat! thats ridiculous she shouldnt have to do that for her 25yr old daughter!
    i should be able to make my own decisions and also should have my own damn place by now..and not living under mama!

    i just felt sticking with her and being there for her would help her during this divorce/separation

    idk what to do!
    im thinking of just doing it and keeping hush hush...PERIOD!!!
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    Default Re: omg..my mom found out!!!

    First... sorry to hear she found you out.

    IMO... if you want to live with her and help her with bills and everything, you shouldn't strip... because I don't think she'd WANT you to help out if that's where the money was coming from. I do have to say though that it's pretty awesome that she loves you enough that she'd rather get a second job than have you do something she feels is degrading. Most parents who disapprove are just like "No stripping... now find another way to pay for all your shit." lol.

    In the end, you're a big girl and you can strip whether or not your mother wants you to... but she already knows you were thinking about it, and it's going to be next to impossible to hide it from her... ESPECIALLY if you live together.
    So you should either not do it... or do it and be honest and accept the disappointment because it's better to disappoint her by being a stripper than disappoint her by being a stripper AND a liar.
    Quote Originally Posted by camille27 View Post
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  4. #3
    Veteran Member luxi_kitty's Avatar
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    Default Re: omg..my mom found out!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by DesuvsDeath View Post
    First... sorry to hear she found you out.

    IMO... if you want to live with her and help her with bills and everything, you shouldn't strip... because I don't think she'd WANT you to help out if that's where the money was coming from. I do have to say though that it's pretty awesome that she loves you enough that she'd rather get a second job than have you do something she feels is degrading. Most parents who disapprove are just like "No stripping... now find another way to pay for all your shit." lol.

    In the end, you're a big girl and you can strip whether or not your mother wants you to... but she already knows you were thinking about it, and it's going to be next to impossible to hide it from her... ESPECIALLY if you live together.
    So you should either not do it... or do it and be honest and accept the disappointment because it's better to disappoint her by being a stripper than disappoint her by being a stripper AND a liar.

    thanks girl..
    yeah ive been crying now..
    bc we re like best friends..i just want to be there for her bc shes already stressing on the divorce situation.
    but to have more on her plate by helping me pay for MY bills..i couldnt do that to her..
    but i feel this idea thats in her head now is going to drive her bonkers..

    i DO want to continue on and audition at least..
    once i find myself and work in the clubs and KNOW for exact sure whether or not i actually want to do it or not..THEN i ll defend my decision and accept the disappointment from her

    ughh
    "All little girls should be told they are pretty, even if they aren't."


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    God/dess Kylea2's Avatar
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    Default Re: omg..my mom found out!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by luxi_kitty View Post
    this is before everyone on SW told me to NOT tell anyone about being a dancer
    I actually told you to talk to your mom... & you should have done that right away so your aunt couldn't beat you to the punch.

    As it is, I think you need to sit down & really talk to her about this. Maybe even take her into see some of the clubs or try to have lunch with another entertainer in your area that your mom can ask questions to.

    The way I see it your mom is being naive. Think about this, you are a young beautiful woman... & we all know how most men are. It doesn't matter if you are in a naked, in a bikini, a work suit, or cloaked from head to foot... men are going to imagine you naked & they are going to imagine having sex with you. That's just the way the world works & the only way she'll ever be able to stop that is to keep you locked up where no one would ever see you or know about you.

    As for dancing being degrading, I'd say its far from that. While some cultures do not allow dancing to be seen by anyone not of the same gender or the persons spouse, most do. Chances are that you've already gone dancing to night clubs & other places where men & women socialize through dancing... & they have probably imagined you naked while dancing with you.

    Also think about this: how many people do you think have seen your mother naked? Has she ever been to a gym with a shared locker room? Had a physical by a male doctor? Had surgery where men were around? Had multiple sexual partners? Chances are many people have seen her for FREE or even made money off of seeing her naked... & I highly doubt all of them had 100% pure thoughts. It's not just men either... if she's changing in a dressing room full of women & one of them was lesbian or bi-sexual there is a chance they had un-pure thoughts of her as well.

    If you are living with her I do think you need to respect her decisions.

    If you really want to do this either work it out with her or move out. If you move out & still want to help her, pay the bills before she has a chance to. Send the money directly to the electric company, drop a partial payment off for the rent, or whatever. She'll eventually catch on that one of the reasons you wanted to do this was to help her out.

    Chances are though that two things are really subconsciously driving her to not want you to do this:
    1. Wanting to protect you
    2. Selfishness of not wanting to be embarrassed by society judgements
    Both of these are perfectly reasonable & valid concerns. She needs to know that you are doing everything you can to stay reasonably safe, but again where safety is concerned you will never be 100% safe. Even if you stayed in the same building your whole life there's a chance it could catch fire. However that doesn't mean we shoudln't try to keep our safety in mind.

    There's a bunch of threads on here about safety, but here are some things to start with:
    - Work in safer areas
    - Avoid clubs where the entertainers tend to get catty
    - Don't be alone when you don't need to be
    - Make sure one of the club staff members walks you to your car
    - Always have more than enough gas to get to/from work plus some in-case you are followed & need to detour without stopping
    - Always make sure your cell phone is charged & keep a charger in your car
    - Take self defense classes "just in case"
    - Have something that you can protect yourself with (& are trained to use) from a distance, that way it can't easily be grabbed & used against you. i.e. many states allow hidden handgun permits. Tasers/mace can be useful but if you read online the small units sold to the public generally aren't much help.


    As far as her probably being selfish, not many people like the idea that their friends or professional associates would find out their daughter is a dancer. This brings up concerns about how their peers will judge them. Is the mother not capable of providing? Did she not have enough money for school? Was the up-bringing just not good? People are still very judgmental & you are not the only one who may face judgement. I know for a fact that multiple of my mother's friends/co-workers have seen me dance. Of course, I was doing if for years before, & when this happened she & I weren't talking. If any of these people had asked me about it I would have simply said that I danced because I love it & I'm successful at it. My choices have nothing to do directly with her. I always wanted to do ballet but I had health problems, that's not either of our faults. Could she have prevented me from doing this? Yes... but it wouldn't have been easy. Would I have been happy? No, or at least not as much. I can honestly say I don't think any other job I could have would make me even the slightest bit happy as this one. Not only do I still get to dance, but again I'm actually GOOD at it. However, people won't ask your mom why you are dancing... they will only judge. One way to get over this though is to avoid dancing in areas where she's more likely to know someone. Take trips to other cities/states that are further away, & go with other entertainers who you trust to cut down on expenses.

    Hopefully that helps. Also, it's probably better that your aunt told her before you started dancing, if you didn't plan to tell her yourself. As I said, once you start dancing & she loses trust in you, that will be the point at which the trust is hardest to re-build.
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  7. #5
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    Default Re: omg..my mom found out!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Kylea2 View Post
    I actually told you to talk to your mom... & you should have done that right away so your aunt couldn't beat you to the punch.

    As it is, I think you need to sit down & really talk to her about this. Maybe even take her into see some of the clubs or try to have lunch with another entertainer in your area that your mom can ask questions to.

    The way I see it your mom is being naive. Think about this, you are a young beautiful woman... & we all know how most men are. It doesn't matter if you are in a naked, in a bikini, a work suit, or cloaked from head to foot... men are going to imagine you naked & they are going to imagine having sex with you. That's just the way the world works & the only way she'll ever be able to stop that is to keep you locked up where no one would ever see you or know about you.

    As for dancing being degrading, I'd say its far from that. While some cultures do not allow dancing to be seen by anyone not of the same gender or the persons spouse, most do. Chances are that you've already gone dancing to night clubs & other places where men & women socialize through dancing... & they have probably imagined you naked while dancing with you.

    Also think about this: how many people do you think have seen your mother naked? Has she ever been to a gym with a shared locker room? Had a physical by a male doctor? Had surgery where men were around? Had multiple sexual partners? Chances are many people have seen her for FREE or even made money off of seeing her naked... & I highly doubt all of them had 100% pure thoughts. It's not just men either... if she's changing in a dressing room full of women & one of them was lesbian or bi-sexual there is a chance they had un-pure thoughts of her as well.

    If you are living with her I do think you need to respect her decisions.

    If you really want to do this either work it out with her or move out. If you move out & still want to help her, pay the bills before she has a chance to. Send the money directly to the electric company, drop a partial payment off for the rent, or whatever. She'll eventually catch on that one of the reasons you wanted to do this was to help her out.

    Chances are though that two things are really subconsciously driving her to not want you to do this:
    1. Wanting to protect you
    2. Selfishness of not wanting to be embarrassed by society judgements
    Both of these are perfectly reasonable & valid concerns. She needs to know that you are doing everything you can to stay reasonably safe, but again where safety is concerned you will never be 100% safe. Even if you stayed in the same building your whole life there's a chance it could catch fire. However that doesn't mean we shoudln't try to keep our safety in mind.

    There's a bunch of threads on here about safety, but here are some things to start with:
    - Work in safer areas
    - Avoid clubs where the entertainers tend to get catty
    - Don't be alone when you don't need to be
    - Make sure one of the club staff members walks you to your car
    - Always have more than enough gas to get to/from work plus some in-case you are followed & need to detour without stopping
    - Always make sure your cell phone is charged & keep a charger in your car
    - Take self defense classes "just in case"
    - Have something that you can protect yourself with (& are trained to use) from a distance, that way it can't easily be grabbed & used against you. i.e. many states allow hidden handgun permits. Tasers/mace can be useful but if you read online the small units sold to the public generally aren't much help.


    As far as her probably being selfish, not many people like the idea that their friends or professional associates would find out their daughter is a dancer. This brings up concerns about how their peers will judge them. Is the mother not capable of providing? Did she not have enough money for school? Was the up-bringing just not good? People are still very judgmental & you are not the only one who may face judgement. I know for a fact that multiple of my mother's friends/co-workers have seen me dance. Of course, I was doing if for years before, & when this happened she & I weren't talking. If any of these people had asked me about it I would have simply said that I danced because I love it & I'm successful at it. My choices have nothing to do directly with her. I always wanted to do ballet but I had health problems, that's not either of our faults. Could she have prevented me from doing this? Yes... but it wouldn't have been easy. Would I have been happy? No, or at least not as much. I can honestly say I don't think any other job I could have would make me even the slightest bit happy as this one. Not only do I still get to dance, but again I'm actually GOOD at it. However, people won't ask your mom why you are dancing... they will only judge. One way to get over this though is to avoid dancing in areas where she's more likely to know someone. Take trips to other cities/states that are further away, & go with other entertainers who you trust to cut down on expenses.

    Hopefully that helps. Also, it's probably better that your aunt told her before you started dancing, if you didn't plan to tell her yourself. As I said, once you start dancing & she loses trust in you, that will be the point at which the trust is hardest to re-build.
    aw thanks for that..
    she called me back into her room like an hr ago..talked it out..she asked me to hug her..she treated me to Subway dinner.ha..

    she was being very cordial on the whole thing..asking me questions about it..asking if i ever stepped foot into a club..i just pretty much told her the truth..she flat out said she didnt LIKE the IDEA of what i was planning to do..however she never said in our convo that she absolutely DID NOT want me to do it..

    overall, i am going to just do auditions..if i dont get in to ANY clubs i ll take this as a learning experience and find another source of income..if i do get in, i ll try it out if i like it, then i ll have to defend my decision and we live on with that..
    i cant necessary defend something right now if i havent even started..it ll make me look stupid
    "All little girls should be told they are pretty, even if they aren't."


    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

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    Default Re: omg..my mom found out!!!

    Well now that u know u can't trust ur aunt, you shouldn't talk to her for a good while let alone confide in her ever again. I had someone do that to me bout the same exact issue of me contemplating if I should try dance or waitress at a club (tho i didn't say it to family, just college friends, but still) and it really showed me who my true friends were.

    If your living with your mom I say dont dance. But if your not or your trying to get ur own place then I say do what u want, ur an adult, and dont tell ur mom about it. If u have ur own place that ur paying for on ur own, then ur mom doesnt have a say in how u pay for it. And it sounds like u really want ur own place, understandable at age 25.

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    Default Re: omg..my mom found out!!!

    I'm glad to see the two of you were able to come to a truce of sorts. I never told my mom straight out, but she put 2 + 2 together. It's a bit of a don't ask, don't tell thing. My mom is pretty open minded anyway. She's the type of woman that would go to a strip club for fun.

    Personally I would have done it anyway, but I'm a POS when I want what I want. Thankfully you weren't put in that position. I could never have my mom work extra to take care of me. Hell, mine wouldn't offer! She'd be like "No, I don't want you stripping!! You say you can't pay your bills?.....no job call backs?.....better get on that pole then!"
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  11. #8
    Veteran Member luxi_kitty's Avatar
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    Default Re: omg..my mom found out!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by PleasureVictim View Post
    I'm glad to see the two of you were able to come to a truce of sorts. I never told my mom straight out, but she put 2 + 2 together. It's a bit of a don't ask, don't tell thing. My mom is pretty open minded anyway. She's the type of woman that would go to a strip club for fun.

    Personally I would have done it anyway, but I'm a POS when I want what I want. Thankfully you weren't put in that position. I could never have my mom work extra to take care of me. Hell, mine wouldn't offer! She'd be like "No, I don't want you stripping!! You say you can't pay your bills?.....no job call backs?.....better get on that pole then!"

    hahaha thats funny!

    yes i am very "thankful" that she knows now..
    i just wish i didnt involve my aunt in my problems to begin with.i was being a little selfish by telling her
    something could have erupt bwtn them two..i just thought i could trust her and confide in her but i def take that back now..

    i wish i could have went thru auditions first to see if this was something i REALLY wanted to do before i involved my mother in it.
    but only time will tell what will happen overall..
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    Default Re: omg..my mom found out!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by kthnx View Post
    Well now that u know u can't trust ur aunt, you shouldn't talk to her for a good while let alone confide in her ever again.
    Wait, wait... her aunt didn't keep a secret that she was planning to do something her aunt didn't think was a good idea... so she told her mom, likely out of concern, so she shouldn't talk to her?
    If anything... this shows that her aunt cares enough about her to go tell her sister before she lets Luxi make a mistake. She seems like a good woman to me.

    Just sayin.



    Glad you and your mom were able to talk about it and that she's willing to be understanding. I guess this solves itself.
    Now you'll just have to show her what a good choice this was by not letting stripping go to your head and not getting into any of the negative aspects of the biz. Be responsible with your money, ect, ect instead of going on big 'ol shopping sprees and partying your money away.
    Quote Originally Posted by camille27 View Post
    i am losing my fucking mind and i really just want this chloroform dream because i think that would just get me right with jesus.

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    Default Re: omg..my mom found out!!!

    ^^^ Yeah, that's how I felt about it too. I think the aunt actually did a good thing... got this out of the closet before it could have become MUCH worse.
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    Default Re: omg..my mom found out!!!

    luxi_kitty,

    You have one of the most important things going in your favor - family. You mom sounds like an awesome woman. You can always get through the storm of life provided you can find anchor in your family.

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    Default Re: omg..my mom found out!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Kylea2 View Post
    ^^^ Yeah, that's how I felt about it too. I think the aunt actually did a good thing... got this out of the closet before it could have become MUCH worse.
    Kylea, not everyone is better off knowing the truth. There are reasons to keep some things a secret. I'm glad that's not your situation, but in giving others advice it would be nice if you took that into consideration.

    /end threadjack
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