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Thread: Psycho drama! What would you do?

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    Default Psycho drama! What would you do?

    Long story as short as I can make it: My current bf used to be "friends with benefits" with a girl who works part-time at his favorite bar. To the best of my knowledge, she developed stronger feelings and went crazy over it, and things went badly and ended between them before he and I ever started hanging out. When we started dating, she mandated that he was to never bring me into the bar, even when she wasn't working. Like, it's her place or something - and she doesn't want the girl who's dating the guy she likes to be in her place. For awhile, I respected her enough to not go in on the 2 nights a week she works - I figured why rub it in her face? I can be nice. She's probably not as psycho of a bitch as he claims she is... I really did try to respect her feelings to an extent, especially since I met my bf at the club and this girl came in with him once and I met her. I figure, that's gotta be rough - not only does the guy you like end things with you, but now he's dating a hot stripper that you were trying to be cool about a couple months ago? I know that's gotta suck and I know that guys usually exaggerate on how "psycho" ex-girls are...

    Well, we go in this past Saturday night, when she's not even there, and my bf was confronted by two of her guy friends. They yelled at him "how dare you bring her in here? Don't you have any respect?" and one of them grabbed him and ripped his shirt all to hell. Wtf!?

    She texted him for the next hour "apologizing" by saying she didn't tell them to do that, but still not really apologizing because "she warned him" not to bring me there.

    Seriously? Are we in fucking high school? This bitch is almost 30 and her confrontational guy friends have to be well in their 40s or even 50s. I was so shocked when he came around the corner with his shirt ruined and told me what happened that I didn't even really react. I regret it now... I know management took them outside and yelled at them that I'm allowed in there whenever I please and they're on my bf's side... but I feel like I should've marched over there and told them to keep their fucking hands off my bf. I also got pissed that this bitch kept texting him throughout the next couple hours on the matter.

    I don't know what to do. On the one hand, I really don't like confrontation. I know the guys were taken care of by management... and I really really never wanted to be one of those girls who takes her bf's phone and starts texting some bitch to lay off her man - but I'm seriously almost to that point. The worst that I thought would happen would be some glares and bitchy comments - not her goons getting physical with my bf! I don't want to cause drama - especially for the nice people who work at the bar... but I don't want to have to avoid forever going to my bf's favorite bar with him because some emotionally upset ex-fuckbuddy thinks it's appropriate to forbid me from ever walking into the bar where she works 2 nights a week. Fuck that noise. I want to put her in her place, either in person or via phone. But I don't want to stoop to her level of psycho drama.... I don't know what to do. I don't know where the line is.

    I just want it to be over, one way or another. I hate drama, I hate being ordered around, and I hate worrying what will come next. I just want to end it somehow and get the message across that I'll go wherever I fucking please.

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    Default Re: Psycho drama! What would you do?

    Criminal charges, and management should serve no trespassing notices on the friends and fire the crazy girl.
    Last edited by slowpoke; 05-23-2011 at 02:38 PM.

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    Moderator Aurora_Sunset's Avatar
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    Default Re: Psycho drama! What would you do?

    ^^ God, I wish. But the guys don't actually work there. And the girl wasn't present until after it happened and she heard about it. She showed up to apologize to the management and then was standing outside bitching about me to some guy (I heard them as I had to walk right past them on the way to the car since she refused to come inside). I wish she would be fired for even being the instigator of this ridiculous drama, but unless she actually physically harms me or him I don't think they will fire her.

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    Veteran Member DottieMay's Avatar
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    Default Re: Psycho drama! What would you do?

    Yea, but I think if most bar owners (or any business at that) find out that their bartenders are forbidding business to come into their establishment, she would be gone in a heart beat. If it were me, I'd totally come back. I'd be there everyday just to watch her blood boil. But hey, that's just me. I can be nice but I can also play dirty too.
    Whats 6 inches long, 2 inches wide, and drives women wild?...... Money

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    Moderator Aurora_Sunset's Avatar
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    Default Re: Psycho drama! What would you do?

    Quote Originally Posted by DottieMay View Post
    Yea, but I think if most bar owners (or any business at that) find out that their bartenders are forbidding business to come into their establishment, she would be gone in a heart beat. If it were me, I'd totally come back. I'd be there everyday just to watch her blood boil. But hey, that's just me. I can be nice but I can also play dirty too.
    I think they do know exactly what's going on but their solution is to just tell her "you can't do that" and slap her on the wrist... even though she totally will continue to bitch at my bf not to bring me in there.

    And this is exactly what I was thinking of doing! lol I know what nights she works and I was planning to go in on those nights and just sit there and stare at her. Not even say anything if she doesn't say anything to me - just sit there and make it clear that I'll go wherever I damn well please

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    Veteran Member DottieMay's Avatar
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    Default Re: Psycho drama! What would you do?

    Hell yea! Make your stand! Hey, if she keeps pulling all kinds of BS, the management is eventually going to get sick of it and give her the boot. Because after a while people will go elsewhere. I'm sure she values her job too much and probably doesn't have the guts to say or do anything to you in person. That's why she has goons hanging around the bar to do her dirty work. I say go there and let her go home everynight to defeat, lying in a puddle of tears in her pillow. God sorry I just hate people like this.
    Whats 6 inches long, 2 inches wide, and drives women wild?...... Money

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    Moderator Aurora_Sunset's Avatar
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    Default Re: Psycho drama! What would you do?

    bwahaha! Thank you!

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    Featured Member lemiwinks31's Avatar
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    Default Re: Psycho drama! What would you do?

    Quote Originally Posted by Aurora_Sunset View Post
    I think they do know exactly what's going on but their solution is to just tell her "you can't do that" and slap her on the wrist... even though she totally will continue to bitch at my bf not to bring me in there.

    And this is exactly what I was thinking of doing! lol I know what nights she works and I was planning to go in on those nights and just sit there and stare at her. Not even say anything if she doesn't say anything to me - just sit there and make it clear that I'll go wherever I damn well please

    I'm wondering why the fuck your boyfriend would put up with this shit...or why he would want to continue talking to her...(Unless he likes the fact that she was hooked on him, and is causing all this drama over him.)

    I'm sure there are a ton of other bars around.

    If he likes it there(there isnt anything else nearby or comparable) and is still going to go there regularly, I would make sure that I went with him occasionally. Get friendly with the other bartenders.... Get comfortable there.

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    Default Re: Psycho drama! What would you do?

    Quote Originally Posted by lemiwinks31 View Post
    I'm wondering why the fuck your boyfriend would put up with this shit...or why he would want to continue talking to her...(Unless he likes the fact that she was hooked on him, and is causing all this drama over him.)

    I'm sure there are a ton of other bars around.

    If he likes it there(there isnt anything else nearby or comparable) and is still going to go there regularly, I would make sure that I went with him occasionally. Get friendly with the other bartenders.... Get comfortable there.
    He doesn't talk to her anymore, except when she confronts him at the bar or starts texting him about me. There are a lot of other bars around, but he's really good friends with all the owners and workers and it has a really nice atmosphere compared to the other "college-town" bars around here. He started going to that bar 3 years before she ever got a job there so I don't think he should have to change his habits because of her emotional instability. That's what angers me - that I know he wants to go to this bar but he wants to hang out with me so we've been avoiding it most of the time because of her. That's not fair to him or me - I don't want to cause trouble for him and I know he'd rather start going elsewhere than leave me behind, but he shouldn't have to. I will be pushing to go there more often (as long as he's not worried about this happening again ) and I will be going in even without him to make it clear that I can go in whatever bar I want. The owners and other workers are on my bf's, and consequently, my side. They won't have a problem with me. I just don't want any more physical altercations or late-night bitchy texts blowing up his phone.

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    Default Re: Psycho drama! What would you do?

    Quote Originally Posted by Aurora_Sunset View Post
    He doesn't talk to her anymore, except when she confronts him at the bar or starts texting him about me. There are a lot of other bars around, but he's really good friends with all the owners and workers and it has a really nice atmosphere compared to the other "college-town" bars around here. He started going to that bar 3 years before she ever got a job there so I don't think he should have to change his habits because of her emotional instability. That's what angers me - that I know he wants to go to this bar but he wants to hang out with me so we've been avoiding it most of the time because of her. That's not fair to him or me - I don't want to cause trouble for him and I know he'd rather start going elsewhere than leave me behind, but he shouldn't have to. I will be pushing to go there more often (as long as he's not worried about this happening again ) and I will be going in even without him to make it clear that I can go in whatever bar I want. The owners and other workers are on my bf's, and consequently, my side. They won't have a problem with me. I just don't want any more physical altercations or late-night bitchy texts blowing up his phone.

    Yeah.......go anytime you want.....the bullshit should be pretty much over....except for her....

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    God/dess DesuvsDeath's Avatar
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    Default Re: Psycho drama! What would you do?

    Quote Originally Posted by Aurora_Sunset View Post
    She texted him for the next hour "apologizing" by saying she didn't tell them to do that, but still not really apologizing because "she warned him" not to bring me there...........I also got pissed that this bitch kept texting him throughout the next couple hours on the matter.
    The fact that she spent so much time texting him after this happened makes me assume your bf was responding to the texts.
    If he was... that means she got what she wanted. His attention. As long as she keeps getting attention in any form out of him... she'll keep going.
    Quote Originally Posted by camille27 View Post
    i am losing my fucking mind and i really just want this chloroform dream because i think that would just get me right with jesus.

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    Default Re: Psycho drama! What would you do?

    Quote Originally Posted by DesuvsDeath View Post
    The fact that she spent so much time texting him after this happened makes me assume your bf was responding to the texts.
    If he was... that means she got what she wanted. His attention. As long as she keeps getting attention in any form out of him... she'll keep going.
    I think he likes the drama and so do you. It's a lot easier to go elsewhere than to try to force this uncomfortable situation. You all are getting a payoff from going there for the big dramatic standoffs so keep going, get into the inevitable brawl, go to jail, for jumping in to defend your/her man and sue later on Judge Judy. IDK
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    Default Re: Psycho drama! What would you do?

    Quote Originally Posted by Optimist View Post
    I think he likes the drama and so do you. It's a lot easier to go elsewhere than to try to force this uncomfortable situation. You all are getting a payoff from going there for the big dramatic standoffs so keep going, get into the inevitable brawl, go to jail, for jumping in to defend your/her man and sue later on Judge Judy. IDK
    I honestly wish there was no drama. It's not like we went in that night looking for it. We were minding our own business for several hours before this confrontation. I would rather she just stop being psychotic and we ignore each other like normal people who don't like each other. It's a lot easier to go elsewhere sure, but I shouldn't have to run away and he shouldn't have to change where he's been going for years because some bitch wants to be a big baby about not getting the man she wants. There's a difference between doing what you can to avoid drama and being a pushover for some ridiculous request like "don't ever step foot on this piece of public property because I want to come here and don't want to see you simply because I'm jealous."

    If standing up for myself for the ability to go where I want is "liking the drama," then fine, I "like the drama." Whatever

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    Default Re: Psycho drama! What would you do?

    Quote Originally Posted by DesuvsDeath View Post
    The fact that she spent so much time texting him after this happened makes me assume your bf was responding to the texts.
    If he was... that means she got what she wanted. His attention. As long as she keeps getting attention in any form out of him... she'll keep going.

    You're right. I'm pretty sure the texts were just back-and-forths of her being like "well, I told you so" and him telling her to fuck off and leave us alone... but I know that he should've just told her to fuck off once and then stopped responding... like I said, I really never wanted to be one of those girls who gets pissy about another girl texting my bf and get all "gimme that phone - I'm gonna talk to her" or tell him "stop responding to her or there's gonna be trouble!" But I really shouldn't have to put up with it... I just don't know where that line is of being respectful of letting him deal with his own issues with people and being rightfully indignant that he's even bothering to answer her.

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    Default Re: Psycho drama! What would you do?

    Man, you seem to be surrounded by relationship drama right now. You and your boyfriend should take a nice long weekend away somewhere and leave your jealous roommate and your bf's jealous Ex with only themselves to irritate.


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    Default Re: Psycho drama! What would you do?

    Quote Originally Posted by CoolBreeze View Post
    Man, you seem to be surrounded by relationship drama right now. You and your boyfriend should take a nice long weekend away somewhere and leave your jealous roommate and your bf's jealous Ex with only themselves to irritate.

    Hahaha so true! It's funny you noticed both my posts about stupid people being jealous about our relationship lol

    The stupid thing is that the rest of our relationship is completely drama-free. We're like the most boring, lazy couple in the world that just kinda chills out. We were in the middle of another couple's drama one night before we were officially dating and I said "can we never be one of those couples?" We both agreed we didn't want to bring any baggage into the relationship lol

    But I guess everyone has their shit - all girls have ex-douchebags and all guys have ex-psychos. I think that's just the way the world works We're trying to just ignore everyone negative lately. I haven't spoken to my roommate for the past week/week and a half and we haven't spoken of the psycho-bitch incident since the day after. If you ignore crazy immature dolts long enough, do they eventually shut up and go away? haha

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    Default Re: Psycho drama! What would you do?

    Quote Originally Posted by Aurora_Sunset View Post
    ... If you ignore crazy immature dolts long enough, do they eventually shut up and go away? haha
    God I hope so!!

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    Default Re: Psycho drama! What would you do?

    Quote Originally Posted by Aurora_Sunset View Post
    I honestly wish there was no drama. It's not like we went in that night looking for it. We were minding our own business for several hours before this confrontation. I would rather she just stop being psychotic and we ignore each other like normal people who don't like each other. It's a lot easier to go elsewhere sure, but I shouldn't have to run away and he shouldn't have to change where he's been going for years because some bitch wants to be a big baby about not getting the man she wants. There's a difference between doing what you can to avoid drama and being a pushover for some ridiculous request like "don't ever step foot on this piece of public property because I want to come here and don't want to see you simply because I'm jealous."

    If standing up for myself for the ability to go where I want is "liking the drama," then fine, I "like the drama." Whatever
    That's my point. If you don't like the situation avoid it. If you want to live in the land of make believe, keep going back but don't be surprised when these people keep lashing out. Life doesn't really work according what should happen. Her friends violently don't want you there so now that it's been made abundantly clear you'd have to be an idiot to keep going. Unless of course you like the drama and want to keep saying, " I want to put her in her place, either in person or via phone....I just want to end it somehow and get the message across that I'll go wherever I fucking please. " That's what this whole melodramatic nonsense is about really. If you don't go to that bar then you can't have your Romeo and Juliet moment and feel you got such a good catch and that you've bested some other less hot non dancer chick.
    “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.” - ECKHART TOLLE

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    Default Re: Psycho drama! What would you do?

    No, life rarely works according to what should happen, but does that mean I should just put my tail between my legs and yield to the ridiculous whims of the few people who can't just coexist without getting confrontational? I wonder how many people would be confronted by someone basically saying "not that I own this place or anything, and not that I have a real reason to dislike you, but because I've decided I don't like you and I don't want to see you in the places that I want to be, I FORBID you from ever coming here, even when I'm not - this is MY place, so you just fuck off" and would go "oh, well, it's just less stressful if I say ok and follow this backwards-ass request."

    That's what this is. A completely batshit crazy idea that someone thinks they are allowed to ban someone else from the place they hang out at simply because they dislike them for no real reason. When you take out the whole "romeo and juliet moment" thing, that's what I'm getting upset about. I don't care about some stupid "moment of triumph for my relationship" - I would be reacting this way if there wasn't even a guy involved, so this is not some dramatic fairy-tale scenario I want to play out or however you seem to be seeing it as. This is me simply not wanting to take the bullshit of immature people who think they can make absolutely ridiculous requests of the world and people around them. The reason people like this get away with their bullshit is because people think it's just "easier" to walk away than actually say "no, wait, this is nonsense. I'll go through the minute of drama it takes to say no, you don't just get your way because you say so."

    Maybe I don't like drama but I would prefer taking some and knowing that I didn't just say "oh well, the world doesn't work like it should so I'll just run scared" and then forever hate myself for not standing up to bullies. I don't "get off" on the drama like you seem to think but I will say I feel more proud of myself when I stand up for an ideal rather than feeling like shit for running scared.

    I will admit that I was little heated and angry in my original post, but even after some time to cool off, I don't think it's right to just yield to such an absolutely ridiculous idea. Maybe I don't need to take it as far as getting in her face or going there every night to "stake my claim" - that was a little irrational. But I still can't, in good conscience, just run away forever.

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    Default Re: Psycho drama! What would you do?

    You ignore crazy bitches demands, if someone attacks your boyfriend and you then you call the cops. Which you should have done already actually.
    "Well done. Here are the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: 'A horrible person.' We weren't even testing for that."

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    Default Re: Psycho drama! What would you do?

    Quote Originally Posted by Trem View Post
    You ignore crazy bitches demands, if someone attacks your boyfriend and you then you call the cops. Which you should have done already actually.
    Management did a pretty good job of yelling at them and I assume they're regulars to the bar and wouldn't want to royally piss of the managers by doing something like this again. So I didn't want to make things worse by calling the cops and I really don't think it should come to this...

    Overall, I've decided to ignore her "demands" like you said. Not get unnecessarily confrontational about it and go back just because I want to prove I can, but if I want to go, I will go and say fuck her if she and/or her friends have a problem with it. Even if they did, I honestly don't think they'd bring it to this level again after management yelled at them. I feel like at this point, the worst that's going to happen is some glares and nasty whispers - which is what I was expecting in the first place. I think they just needed to step over the boundaries and get yelled at once for it to be over. I seriously doubt they'll be stupid enough to try it again. Seriously, the more I think about it, the more retarded they sound for even caring that much that he brought me in there. I think in my head, I want to believe that they realize that now too... I'm probably wrong But I know that anything that happens, management is on our side and will handle them without it getting to the point of ugliness that actually requires cops.

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    Default Re: Psycho drama! What would you do?

    Quote Originally Posted by Optimist View Post
    I think he likes the drama and so do you. It's a lot easier to go elsewhere than to try to force this uncomfortable situation.
    Aurora, I actually have to agree with this a little bit. In almost every area there are lots of bars to choose from, so I'm not sure what's gained by going to the one joint where his former fuck friend still works. Idk, but I'm struggling to believe that there isn't another bar that he could hang at.

    For that matter, is he still going there alone on nights when she is working?

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    Default Re: Psycho drama! What would you do?

    Options:

    A) Find an equally good place to go for a little while til the dust settles, then possibly return.
    B) Go back and have either a passive aggressive stare down or another potentially violent encounter, during which your boyfriend may or may not get hurt.
    C) Phone her up, which will light a fire under her ass, likely upset your boyfriend, and further escalate the situation.

    I hate doing it too, but sounds like you need to be the mature one in this situation.

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    Default Re: Psycho drama! What would you do?

    Quote Originally Posted by rickdugan View Post
    Aurora, I actually have to agree with this a little bit. In almost every area there are lots of bars to choose from, so I'm not sure what's gained by going to the one joint where his former fuck friend still works. Idk, but I'm struggling to believe that there isn't another bar that he could hang at.

    For that matter, is he still going there alone on nights when she is working?
    I understand the propensity to say "just go elsewhere." It's just a lot easier to say than want to do. We live in a college town where all but maybe 2 bars are loud, crowded, college-scene bars with way overpriced drinks, and we're both just over the college scene. This is one of the only 2 bars that isn't too loud to converse in, always has room to sit, and isn't ridiculously overpriced. The other bar that's halfway nice doesn't have any form of entertainment (pool tables and such). It's also the only bar near my bf's apartment - the rest are 3 times as far and don't have convenient parking. My bf knows basically everyone at this bar as he's been going there for over 3 years. I know it sounds like a bunch of lame excuses, but it really is easier to say "let's go somewhere else" than it is to actually find a place you like as much. We do go to the other bar more often now, but I end up feeling bad that we opt to just sit at home, watching tv, or have to spend a bunch of money going out somewhere else, instead of going to the most convenient entertaining spot, because, no, he does not go there alone on nights she works anymore. He ends up getting a case of beer and I meet him at his place... We still enjoy each other's company but it is a lot more boring since there's not much to do at his place I end up getting upset and feeling bad for him because I know that's where he always used to head to right after work - but he doesn't want to leave me behind.

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    Default Re: Psycho drama! What would you do?

    find a new bar and dont respond to the texts. by continuing to go to this bar and interacting with this girl you are perpetuating the drama lama. finding a new bar might suck, but unless you live in a 1 light town, it should be easy.
    The best thing i have heard in a strip club to date:
    customer: we should get married right now! we should get a shotgun marriage!
    me: uhh... i think you are misunderstanding what a shotgun marriage means. A shotgun marriage means you knock me up and my daddy shows up at your door with a gun and forces you to marry me and raise the baby. You mean elope.
    customer: hmm... nah actually i will take the shotgun marriage. At least then we would be having sex.


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