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Thread: I know this is controversial but ...

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    Veteran Member astarisborn's Avatar
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    Question I know this is controversial but ...

    I've been wondering ... what do you ladies think of doing escort work while in a relationship? Please don't flame me, I've been wanting to get some honest responses on this to help me make up my mind on what to do but am a little nervous I will incite or anger those who don't agree with it. All viewpoints are welcome, however. Thanks so much.

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    Default Re: I know this is controversial but ...

    Have you escorted prior to being in the relationship? I only ask this because if you have not, it is quite possible that additional emotional complications/displacement/resentment may occur on your part (assuming that your partner is fully informed of your activity).

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    Default Re: I know this is controversial but ...

    it depends. If you are open and honest with your SO then I am sure they will be willing to hear you out. For me I am a sex worker and before I get serious in any relationship I let the man know that I will continue to work while we date. If he has a problem with that then I don't pursue the relationship any further. Supporting myself is more important to me then a boyfriend right now. I need to pay my bills.



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    Default Re: I know this is controversial but ...

    I've expressed my thoughts on another thread, but basically I believe if you are sleeping with this person then they have the right to know in order to make an informed decision. If you aren't brave enough to discuss this with your BF/S.O. then you shouldn't be with someone.
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    Default Re: I know this is controversial but ...

    As long as the two of you can discuss it openly and be honest, I don't see a problem with it at all. My husband was emotionally supportive of my choice to do sex work, though I know he would, for him, have rather that I didn't. After a few years I stopped anyway But it can affect the way you feel about men and relationships, so you have to be a bit wary of that.
    Quote Originally Posted by HaydenBlue View Post
    Somebody call the WAHHHHmbulance.

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    Default Re: I know this is controversial but ...

    I think it depends on your own comfort level as well as any guy you get involved with. For sure there should be full disclosure before the relationship enters commitment phase (I wouldnt tell a guy right off the bat, but definitely before we take things to the next level physically and emotionally).

    Personally..I know I cannot be in a relationship right now. Even casual sex is off my radar. I do hope to do this for no more than a year then get out, but who knows what the future will bring... Already in just the past month or so, my feelings about men, sex and relationships is well...not as optimistic as it used to be. Im not girlfriend material right now.

    Someone stronger than me may well be able to handle it no problem, but I know myself...

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    Default Re: I know this is controversial but ...

    Quote Originally Posted by thedunlap View Post
    Have you escorted prior to being in the relationship? I only ask this because if you have not, it is quite possible that additional emotional complications/displacement/resentment may occur on your part (assuming that your partner is fully informed of your activity).
    I think she wanted opinions from women in the sex industry.


    Quote Originally Posted by astarisborn View Post
    I've been wondering ... what do you ladies think of doing escort work while in a relationship? Please don't flame me, I've been wanting to get some honest responses on this to help me make up my mind on what to do but am a little nervous I will incite or anger those who don't agree with it. All viewpoints are welcome, however. Thanks so much.
    Do NOT do it! Do NOT escort while in a relationship. Been there done that and it did NOT end well!
    If you're going to escort, tell him you need to take a break from the relationship for a while. If you decide you want to
    stick with the relationship then be honest! Just be ready to get called all types of names : Slut, whore, bitch, cum dumpster to be exact.
    It takes a VERY secure man to date an escort. Oh and PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE make sure your guy has his own damn job and isn't looking at you as a human ATM! Most men that date escorts only see them as Cash Cows. So if you're dating a broke ass and he's like "Ooh yeah .. do it! Get that the money girl"...you know there's something wrong!

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    Default Re: I know this is controversial but ...

    Quote Originally Posted by TouringGirlfriend View Post
    Oh and PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE make sure your guy has his own damn job and isn't looking at you as a human ATM! Most men that date escorts only see them as Cash Cows. So if you're dating a broke ass and he's like "Ooh yeah .. do it! Get that the money girl"...you know there's something wrong!

    ^This


    honestly though, in my case I was lucky. My hubby accepted it and although he didn't like it much, he respected my decision and didn't bring up his issues with it for conversation. He has never once thrown it in my face or called me names or anything (even after nearly 9 years of being together).

    But, if I hadn't stopped when I did my relationship probably wouldn't have lasted (I escorted for 3-4 years) as my attitudes to men turned to shit. In fact, I don't think they have really recovered! Love him though, obviously
    Quote Originally Posted by HaydenBlue View Post
    Somebody call the WAHHHHmbulance.

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    Default Re: I know this is controversial but ...

    Quote Originally Posted by TouringGirlfriend View Post
    I think she wanted opinions from women in the sex industry.




    Do NOT do it! Do NOT escort while in a relationship. Been there done that and it did NOT end well!
    If you're going to escort, tell him you need to take a break from the relationship for a while. If you decide you want to
    stick with the relationship then be honest! Just be ready to get called all types of names : Slut, whore, bitch, cum dumpster to be exact.
    It takes a VERY secure man to date an escort. Oh and PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE make sure your guy has his own damn job and isn't looking at you as a human ATM! Most men that date escorts only see them as Cash Cows. So if you're dating a broke ass and he's like "Ooh yeah .. do it! Get that the money girl"...you know there's something wrong!
    Thats really how I feel about it... hard for me to say since I know my personal experiences only, but I can see how it would be a very common thing... and for that reason something to avoid altogether.

    Even just with doing cam, I was completely upfront with my ex when I realized how much him and the relationship meant to me, before we got serious. He was totally okay with it and supportive, never had a bad thing to say and even would tell me how proud he was of me...

    ...at the end of our relationship, he said things that really rocked me to my core...something I was so secure about with him, he made me feel completely awful about. Hes since apologized for the things he said...that it was out of anger and his own issues..it just happend to be something he knew he could say that would rock me, and has told me that he still totally supports me...but it still affected me.

    and that was just with cam.... I do not ever, in a million years want someone to be able to do that to me with escorting. Self preservation...I wont let myself be that vunerable to any man. And yeah..my feelings towards relationships right now...my heart just isnt in it *at all*. I could find the perfect man tomorrow..he would have to wait until Im good and ready to quit escorting, cause Im not giving that up, and Im not compromising what I need to do and have total control over, for a relationship that may or may not last, and for a guy who may or may not respect me when all is said and done.

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    Default Re: I know this is controversial but ...

    Like my friend Kylea always says:

    "Your career will never abuse you, threaten you, leave you, or talk down to you... only people will."

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    Default Re: I know this is controversial but ...

    I was towards the end of my relationship when I started this. I did do it once while in the relationship and kept it secret. Honestly, it's easier for me to just be single. If he doesn't figure out you are escorting, he will think you are cheating on him. Because really you will be away from the house more, won't be picking up your phone, what if you do an overnight? It's hard to come up with a bunch of lies and keep them straight. Unless, you plan on being honest with him. Which will either end your relationship right away. Or he will say he's okay with it, but not really be okay with it. Or he could truly be okay with it but that is so far and few between. Then you have to think, if he isn't okay with it, he might go and tell everyone you know. I dunno, i think it's smarter and easier to be single.
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    Default Re: I know this is controversial but ...

    Yes! When it comes to escorting and relationships: HONESTY IS KEY!
    Be honest about EVERYTHING! and if you cannot be honest, you need to leave your guy alone until you're done with this work! With escorting, you (may ) be having sex with other guys, why would you not be honest about sleeping with other men with your SO? Think of the risks associated before you act!

    I tried to escort and LIE to my SO. One lie turned into 10 lies and eventually it got very difficult to keep up with all the LIES! Too much to remember ontop of what I have to remember about my clients: Their names, their birthdays, their favorite movies.. ya know? UGH! Make your life easier and stay single or TELL THE TRUTH!

    Camming? You can lie all you want because you're not exchanging body fluids with strangers but that's not the deal with escorting. You're kissing, you're going out to eat.. omg.. what if he spots you out with a client? DOOM!

    Oh and just fyi: DO not play the sugarmama on the weekend role. You know.. where you try to butter him up with gifts? I bought my ex everything. Omg there was a time where he left the country for two months, I paid his rent, made sure ALL his bills were paid and showered him with gifts when he got back home to ease his pain a little (me being an escort was eating him up). When he found out that I was escorting, He would ask for money in a very sneaky way it was $20 here and there then it turned to "Oh you're going to the mall, pick me up a ralph lauren Tshirt", "Go to Saks and get me some new shoes". I realized that everytime we went out to eat, I was paying. Vacations? I was paying. It's like he became the chick. I didn't flinch I was making thousands a week and it was no problem until I realize what he was doing. Now that I think about it.. I WANT MY MONIES BACK

    AVOID AVOID AVOID THESE MEN LIKE THE PLAGUE! Men like this are like leeches, they'll suck you until they can't suck anymore! You want a man that has his own shit. That's why I sing it like a song on these board about women finding a man that's financially secure and stable. It's not that I hate men. I have been there done that and it's very easy to be stuck in that situation BLINDED by "LOVE".
    Last edited by TouringGirlfriend; 05-24-2011 at 09:36 AM.

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    Default Re: I know this is controversial but ...

    Quote Originally Posted by TouringGirlfriend View Post
    Like my friend Kylea always says:

    "Your career will never abuse you, threaten you, leave you, or talk down to you... only people will."
    oh god, putting this on my wall right now. i was bitching about needing someone to cuddle with recently & how my hitachi wasn't doing it for me anymore and my friend said "hitachi don't cuddle but it won't mess you around."

    truth.

    i do think it's possible to escort in a relationship, and i've done it and everything's been fine (i only date men who are open to poly, though, which i think helps somewhat)...BUT i am super wary and not too gung ho about it because all i need is to end up with a man who's "fine" with sex work until...he isn't, and he starts talking shit to me. i will fuck him up. i try to date men who are positive about the sex industry but some of them say all the right things and then end up to be just as judgmental and assholeish as the rest.

    i should probably clarify by saying i'm 100% up front about everything when i date someone. they know i'm a sex worker, they know i'm poly, they know i'm disabled. i don't have enough energy to keep up with lies & if anything about me turns them off, i don't want to be with them anyway.

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    Default Re: I know this is controversial but ...

    I have in the past and it got very complicated. but the relationship wasn't healthy to begin with. I am planning on returning to escort again I miss so many things about it that out weight the bad things about it and I also have a goal of finding me a new boyfriend and attend more single events.

    Relationships are hard I know there are some escorts who are in relationships some even married I don't understand how they do it becuase of the way I am told what I am doing is wrong and etc etc.

    So now that I have had some time to make my own opinion of what a relationship is, its basically based on both people or many people invovled decided what they want the relationship to be.

    I find letting guys up front of what I do either pushes them away completely or they aren't able to seperate you and you the escort. so you have to make sure you set clear boundaries right in the start of the relationship.
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    Default Re: I know this is controversial but ...

    Thank you for all the responses and a BIG extra thank you for no one going off on me LOL.

    It seems the consensus is, do it IF you're honest about it and he's okay with it or be single in order to do it. While the relationship I'm in is very up and down (and I'm not positive if it's a healthy relationship, but that's a different topic), I will take all of your advice and stay away from it unless I'm single since I am POSITIVE he will not be okay with it.

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    Default Re: I know this is controversial but ...

    This topic is more common then you anticipated

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    Default Re: I know this is controversial but ...

    Quote Originally Posted by minniesoporno View Post
    This topic is more common then you anticipated
    Yup.. Great read. I posted a link to it here a few days ago . Every girl in the industry should read that.

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