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Thread: Feeling like my life will never change

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    Default Feeling like my life will never change

    I just turned 21 a couple weeks ago, and I thought it would be so exciting, but it turned out to be rather disappointing honestly. If it hadn't been for my family, I think I would have had a breakdown because no one else besides them and a few close friends seemed to care enough to bother to celebrate it. This kind of made me think that my life will always be so mediocre and that no matter what steps I take to change it, I will be stuck in the same position.

    With that being said, I have grown to hate being a stripper. I remembered my life before I cared about making money and it wasn't perfect, but I didn't have the same problems. I am coming up on my one year anniversary as a dancer and I can say 100% candidly that there is not one element of my life that has IMPROVED, only gotten worse. Yes, I have thousands of dollars more a month than I used to. But I don't have a nicer car, nicer clothes, a nicer apartment, or anything material. I have made a few very sweet friends from my time at the clubs and I guess gained life experience. But I can't help but feel like I've wasted 11 months of my life shaking my ass for no reason at all. It has made me antisocial, worried, self conscious, wary, and worn out. I feel like I have made the wrong choices.

    The worst thing about this all is that I cannot stop being a stripper now. I have grown accustomed and dependent on the money I make, and now I am saving up for things I actually need, so I have to keep working despite my disgust and distaste. Also, my boyfriend wants me to keep working since he refuses to support me himself, and I do not think I am emotionally ready to leave him. I am a big fucked up MESS. My family doesn't know I dance and if I told them, they'd cut me off brokenheartedly. I wish there was some solution but it seems I've dug my own ditch and now must wallow in it..... Has anyone gone through a similar situation??? I feel worthless.
    Quote Originally Posted by xxxtc View Post
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    Default Re: Feeling like my life will never change

    Nope, nothing will ever change with your crappy attitude. No one is going to do it for you.
    Be brave and do what you need to do to get your life where yo want it, as they say no pain no gain, good things come with hard work etc etc.
    Or you can sit on your lazy arse, huddle fearfully in your hole and whine about your life that has turned out crap because you couldn't pull your finger out of your bum and change it.
    No one has a gun to your head making you do anything. Your life, your choice.

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    Default Re: Feeling like my life will never change

    BunniHops, there is hope, but only if you believe there is. Know that you are not alone.

    I hate dancing just as much as the next girl, but in order for me to press on and continue to be productive I had to find something that I enjoyed about it to keep myself sane.

    You are also not alone with your birthday woes. There has been times when my birthday has come around that I had to remind people of it and pay for them to come out with me to celebrate, wtf.

    Life isn't fair and sometimes you get the short end of the stick, but don't let that define your sense of success. I hope that you get outta the trenches and become empowered and inspired to do better and feel better about what you've done.

    No one can tell you that your life means nothing and that you've wasted 11 months of your life but you. You are your worst enemy. So, stop beating yourself up over a fixable situation.

    It starts with love. You need to love yourself enough to know that it's okay to dance and it's okay if people forget your birthday and it's okay that you are not where you want to be in life right now. Just know that you'll get there through hard work and perseverance.

    After love comes a positive mental attitude, one that will lift you up in times of sorrow and give you strength to fight another day.

    After a positive mental attitude comes focus. You have to stay in the game and play to win. No one said it would be easy, but know you're worth the investment to stick it out to the end. You are not worthless. You're fabulous, no matter what happens. Know that you can make a difference.

    Now I'm sounding preachy and I could go on for days, but you get the idea...I hope...

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    Default Re: Feeling like my life will never change

    #1 - You're just turning 21. Relax. My 21st birthday was depressing too. One of my roommates (my supposedly best friend at the time) flat-out told me he wasn't going to stick around if I threw a party because he would rather go out and be in a big random party full of random people than my mediocre-sized party of our familiar friends to celebrate with me... I felt so bad that I ended up canceling the party, just going out with my family, and trying not to have a breakdown all night because on my 21st birthday, I entered the bar flanked by 7 people over 50... (and my mom and and aunt got hit on more than I did - which is actually kinda funny now lol). Who cares if your 21st wasn't some big, exciting, drunken blowout? Do you really need anyone besides your family and close friends caring about it? Would not-so-good acquaintances drunkenly yelling "take another shot!" really have made you feel better about yourself? Even if you want to be lavished with love, the reality is that most people stop caring about anybody else's birthday once you're old enough to blow out your own candles. It's not that nobody cares, but after years and years of celebrating the day you were born, people figure it's been done... 21st birthdays are overrated. You can legally drink now, but it's not like you're suddenly sooo much older and should have everything figured out. It's not like if your life hasn't changed drastically by 21, that's it - you're screwed. In fact, if you were declaring that you knew exactly everything you wanted out of life and you knew exactly how to get it right now, I'd probably think you were a delusional little kid. Life takes time. Relax.

    #2 - If you truly hate stripping now - quit. Your bf is right to say he won't support the both of you - but there are other options besides stripping to do so yourself. Plenty of people work longer hours at vanilla jobs to take care of themselves and are doing just fine. Or, if you truly think you wouldn't be able to survive and save up at the same time doing that, get a regular job for the bills and just strip a couple nights a week for that extra saving money. But why have you not seen any sort of increase in your wealth since you started? You say you have thousands of dollars more a month than you used to - where is it all going? What were you doing before and why did you go to stripping in the first place? Could you not pay the bills before and now you're barely covering them? Either pinpoint where exactly all this money is going and try to cut back on things you don't need to be spending so much on or work more/maybe find a better club if your club just doesn't earn you a lot. But if you really can't stand doing it anymore, then like I said, quit or cut down to part-time. That way, you will not be dreading going to the club because you may or may not make bill money - that extra money will just be an extra lump into savings.

    But these are your options... strip fulltime, strip part-time and work vanilla job full or part time, or work vanilla job fulltime... everyone has the same options - there is no magic solution to not having to put up with some level of bullshit for money. It just depends on what you would be least stressed with. Don't feel stuck in stripping if you truly hate it. There are plenty of successful/well taken care of women in the world who are not strippers.

    #3 - You are not emotionally ready to leave your bf? Does that mean you want to leave him but can't stand the thought of being on your own? If that's the case, get over it, and do what needs to be done. Being on your own is a lot better than putting up with bullshit/abuse from someone you know you need to leave (if this is what you were getting at with your comment). Your bf is not going to fix your problems in life, and if he's an ass, he's probably just bringing you down even more. No bf should not "let you quit." It's your job and your life. A bf who will not let you quit stripping is basically a pimp. If he just doesn't want you to quit because he knows you won't be able to handle it financially, he should be helping you come up with better solutions than "suck it up and keep hating your job and life." But he's right to say he won't just take care of you. If you really think you need your parent's help for awhile, ask. What do they think you're doing to take care of yourself right now? A regular job? Tell them you got laid off or your hours were cut and you need a little help until you find something else. Most parents will be happy to help for the short-term, but don't just end up relying on them, or your bf, or anyone else.

    This was uber-long but, ultimately, instead of sitting there feeling sorry for yourself, take a look around and realize there are plenty of things you can do to change your situation. You're not going to wake up tomorrow and suddenly have everything you want. If you truly want it, you have to plan for it and work on it. Track all your money; make a budget; start looking for different jobs. Nothing comes easy in your early 20's. The hardest part is getting started on your independence. If you truly can't drag yourself out of bed in the morning to start working on all of this - go see a counselor for depression. Things will change if you work on them and give them time to change.
    Last edited by Aurora_Sunset; 05-26-2011 at 08:02 AM.

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    Default Re: Feeling like my life will never change

    I found the older i got the more disapinting birthdays got, my 21st was spent getting raging drunk mainly with my Grandma, my family and a few close friends, but it was good. Ive only just realised this but only you have the power to make you happy. And you CAN do it! Just because you have become accustomed to the money doesnt mean you cant find something else to do to. SOunds stupid, but go do something you had never thought of, take a college course completely off subject. If you are not emotionally ready to leave your bf but know that you want too, make plans towards doing it, relationships are supposed to be equal, he shoudl want to support you (emotionally, financially etc) so you can work your way towards being happier. You deserve to be happy but only you can do it, only you can change it :-) Easier said than done, but you so CAN!! x x x
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    Default Re: Feeling like my life will never change

    Quote Originally Posted by BunniHops View Post
    I just turned 21 a couple weeks ago, and I thought it would be so exciting, but it turned out to be rather disappointing honestly. If it hadn't been for my family, I think I would have had a breakdown because no one else besides them and a few close friends seemed to care enough to bother to celebrate it. This kind of made me think that my life will always be so mediocre and that no matter what steps I take to change it, I will be stuck in the same position.
    That's better than what many of us had. I spent my 21st birthday in a restaurant with ONLY my boyfriend of multiple years. I knew he was giving me a ring. His family, his friends, co-workers & myself all thought he was going to propose. He was my life, & the only reason I ever took a hiatus from dancing. He was the only person who did or said anything on my 21st birthday. When we first met we were working together, but didn't officially start dating until I left the company. I had moved for college, then came back because of this "ring". The co-workers had even decorated up his office with tons of wedding stuff. Imagine my disappointment when the ring turned out to be a garnet. To think I stuck it out with him a few more years... ugh. He never did propose.


    Quote Originally Posted by BunniHops View Post
    not one element of my life that has IMPROVED, only gotten worse. Yes, I have thousands of dollars more a month than I used to. But I don't have a nicer car, nicer clothes, a nicer apartment, or anything material.
    ....
    Quote Originally Posted by BunniHops View Post
    I have grown accustomed and dependent on the money I make, and now I am saving up for things I actually need
    These two statements seem to contradict each other. What is it you are saving for? Generally when people save for large purchases that requires not spending on smaller purchases.


    Quote Originally Posted by BunniHops View Post
    Also, my boyfriend wants me to keep working since he refuses to support me himself, and I do not think I am emotionally ready to leave him.
    Wow, you do realize this makes you sound like a spoiled brat, right?

    Why should he take care of you? He's not even married to you! Have you carried & given birth to his children? Do you do his laundry, cooking, cleaning, take care of opening mail to pay the bills from his checking etc? Do you tend to him when he is sick? Do you pamper him physically & emotionally?

    It's nice to be taken care of, but a person should never EXPECT it. Generally being financially supported ends up working as an exchange of people being particularly generous & thankful of one another. If you want a man who will act in a more traditional role of financially supporting you then you need to fill the traditional roles of the female part of the relationship. Otherwise its every person for him/her self.


    Quote Originally Posted by BunniHops View Post
    I feel worthless.
    Obviously you aren't worthless if people are paying you to dance, you have a boyfriend, & you have family as well as friends to support you. I think you really need a reality check though! You have far more than what MANY people have... more than what I had at your age emotionally. I really would suggest that you go volunteer at a homeless shelter, food bank, or somewhere else. Not only will it help your self-confidence to not feel "worthless" by helping others... it will show you how much you really do have!

    http://www.volunteermatch.org

    http://www.serve.gov

    http://www.dosomething.org/volunteer
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    Default Re: Feeling like my life will never change

    Sounds like a "quarter-life crisis" - we've all been there. Just wait till the "mid-life crisis" - it gets even better.

    BunniHops, change is possible, but not overnight. Sometimes, you may have to start with "baby steps" and move slowly. The most important thing is to be moving in the right direction, even if the journey is long, slow and lonely.

    You need to do some soul-searching and come up with a long-terms plan for yourself - material, psychological and spiritual long-term objectives. Then, think about how you will get there.

    Your BF is a pathetic and shameless bum and you need to get rid of him. But, I understand you feel overwhelmed right now. Make a plan to get rid of him within six months or a year - plan your path and take the steps necessary to make this change in your life possible.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kylea2 View Post
    Obviously you aren't worthless if people are paying you to dance, you have a boyfriend, & you have family as well as friends to support you. I think you really need a reality check though! You have far more than what MANY people have... more than what I had at your age emotionally. I really would suggest that you go volunteer at a homeless shelter, food bank, or somewhere else. Not only will it help your self-confidence to not feel "worthless" by helping others... it will show you how much you really do have!

    http://www.volunteermatch.org

    http://www.serve.gov

    http://www.dosomething.org/volunteer
    I agree with this 100%. Do something you enjoy - discover an activity that excites your passions. It could be art, writing, culture, sports, travel, leisure - or service/charity.

    I'll add one to Kylea's list of volunteer activities -

    http://www.casaforchildren.org -- being a "voice"/advocate for abused children (training is provided)
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    Default Re: Feeling like my life will never change

    I think its great at age 21 u r starting to save. And u have said that 11 months have been wasted? Well some people waste alot more time then that! Give urself some credit for realizing this now. Hell wish I did at 21...ANd my 21st bd blew..I went to a damn bar by myself lol!! My bf at the time didnt want to go out so i went out anyway...

    Stop feeling shitty about urself. Iknow it isnt always easy but at ur youngg age u can set some financial goals and be out of this business whenever u want. TIME IS ON YOUR SIDE. USE IT WISELY NOW DONT LOOK BACK..

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    Default Re: Feeling like my life will never change

    Quote Originally Posted by Kylea2 View Post
    That's better than what many of us had. I spent my 21st birthday in a restaurant with ONLY my boyfriend of multiple years. I knew he was giving me a ring. His family, his friends, co-workers & myself all thought he was going to propose. He was my life, & the only reason I ever took a hiatus from dancing. He was the only person who did or said anything on my 21st birthday. When we first met we were working together, but didn't officially start dating until I left the company. I had moved for college, then came back because of this "ring". The co-workers had even decorated up his office with tons of wedding stuff. Imagine my disappointment when the ring turned out to be a garnet. To think I stuck it out with him a few more years... ugh. He never did propose.
    Wow,... I hope you kicked him in the balls before you left him.
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    Default Re: Feeling like my life will never change

    Just wondering, if you have all this extra money to the tune of thousands of dollars a month how come you can't afford nicer things?
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    Default Re: Feeling like my life will never change

    Op, listen to what Kylea said because she is completely on the mark. There is no reason a man should be supporting you! I hate women with this attitude and the only time I understand a man supporting a woman (though I don't personally agree) is if she is pregnant or a young mom and they both want her to stay at home. Otherwise than that there is no reason why a woman should expect that. I wouldn't even want that even if I was pregnant because I believe a woman should always be self supporting.

    Also, women should never base their life on a men. I too have done that in the past and was miserable. I once gave up dancing briefly because an ex hated it and I decided to move in with him. Instead I took a waitressing job which I hated and realized then I would never give up dancing again unless it was on my terms.

    OP, you are 21 and things will change when you get older. The person I was at 21and the one at 40 is very different. My 21 year old self was insecure thinking I would give up anything just to have a boyfriend. At 40 I realize how stupid I was then. I thought things would always be like they were then and they always change. I was a very materialistic person at that age who only wanted to make a lot of money. At 40 I realize other things are far more important.

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    Default Re: Feeling like my life will never change

    Quote Originally Posted by jack0177057 View Post
    Wow,... I hope you kicked him in the balls before you left him.
    No, I stayed with him for a few more years. This was the guy that was 30 years older than I. We were together for 5 years. There is some sweet satisfaction though in knowing that he's about 60... & unless he pays some young sugarbaby he'll NEVER have the love, attention, & devotion that I gave him for free from a much younger woman.
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    Default Re: Feeling like my life will never change

    Quote Originally Posted by Kellydancer View Post
    Op, listen to what Kylea said because she is completely on the mark. There is no reason a man should be supporting you! I hate women with this attitude and the only time I understand a man supporting a woman (though I don't personally agree) is if she is pregnant or a young mom and they both want her to stay at home. Otherwise than that there is no reason why a woman should expect that. I wouldn't even want that even if I was pregnant because I believe a woman should always be self supporting.
    I'm a traditional guy - I would support a woman, but there are strings attached. She would have to take care of me (and our kids) in the traditional housewife way - cook, clean, wash, etc. I am not going to support a wife or GF, plus pay a maid to do what my stay-at-home GF or wife could be doing with all her free time.

    If that sounds sexist - then, I'll also take a woman who works and we would share expenses in a fair manner. Splitting everything down the middle is not always fair, though. I understand that women still make less money than men and have more necessary expenses than men (i.e., clothes and beauty products). I don't know what a "fair" formula is, though. If anyone claims to have designed one, I'm interested to know what it is.
    Last edited by jack0177057; 05-27-2011 at 11:13 AM.
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    Default Re: Feeling like my life will never change

    Quote Originally Posted by jack0177057 View Post
    I'm a traditional guy - I would support a woman, but there are strings attached. She would have to take care of me (and our kids) in the traditional housewife way - cook, clean, wash, etc. I am not going to support a wife or GF, plus pay a maid to do what my stay-at-home GF or wife could be doing with all her free time.

    If that sounds sexist - then, I'll also take a woman who works and we would share expenses in a fair manner. Splitting everything down the middle is not always fair, though. I understand that women still make less money than men and have more necessary expenses than men (i.e., clothes and beauty products). I don't know what a "fair" formula is, though. If anyone claims to have designed one, I'm interested to know what it is.
    That doesn't sound sexist at all. If by chance I was to support a man I would expect him to cook, clean and do most of the childcare himself. I do not get these people (seen it with both genders) who support a spouse who does nothing all day. Several are wealthy and have maids and do nothing but shop and workout, and others are just lazy. That I would never accept.

    This is why I expect to pay my fair share. Unfortunately women don't always make what a man does and there are circumstances where the man may pay more. I don't have an answer for this and how to remedy it except perhaps the lower paid spouse does more chores around the house if there is a huge disparity.

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    Default Re: Feeling like my life will never change

    Quote Originally Posted by jack0177057 View Post
    I don't know what a "fair" formula is, though. If anyone claims to have designed one, I'm interested to know what it is.
    I actually make significantly more than my boyfriend, but we both pay our "fair share". If we split bills 50/50, he'd end up with no money left over, and I'd have plenty-not fair at all. So we have designated our "fair shares" according to percentages.

    What we have done is add up our joint living expenses-rent, groceries, insurance, etc. We don't count "extras" like clothing or makeup as a "joint living expense"-we're on our own there.

    Then we add up our joint take-home pay. Then we divide our expenses by our take-home pay to figure out what percentage we both owe. We both contribute that percentage, and the remaining percentage is ours to spend on whatever else we want.

    For example:

    Let's pretend your monthly expenses came to 3,000. You bring home 2500, and your partner makes 1500. Your total income would be 4,000. Then you divide your income by expenses-in this example, 3,000 by 4,000, which equals 75%

    Then multiply your individual pay by 75% to determine how much your fair share is...

    In this example, you'd owe $1875, and your partner owes $1125

    I know this sounds ridiculously complicated, but it actually has worked really well for us. We contribute the same percentage, but still get to have some extra money for just us.

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    Default Re: Feeling like my life will never change

    Quote Originally Posted by kandie_kitten View Post
    I actually make significantly more than my boyfriend, but we both pay our "fair share". If we split bills 50/50, he'd end up with no money left over, and I'd have plenty-not fair at all. So we have designated our "fair shares" according to percentages.

    What we have done is add up our joint living expenses-rent, groceries, insurance, etc. We don't count "extras" like clothing or makeup as a "joint living expense"-we're on our own there.

    Then we add up our joint take-home pay. Then we divide our expenses by our take-home pay to figure out what percentage we both owe. We both contribute that percentage, and the remaining percentage is ours to spend on whatever else we want.

    For example:

    Let's pretend your monthly expenses came to 3,000. You bring home 2500, and your partner makes 1500. Your total income would be 4,000. Then you divide your income by expenses-in this example, 3,000 by 4,000, which equals 75%

    Then multiply your individual pay by 75% to determine how much your fair share is...

    In this example, you'd owe $1875, and your partner owes $1125

    I know this sounds ridiculously complicated, but it actually has worked really well for us. We contribute the same percentage, but still get to have some extra money for just us.
    That sounds perfectly fair and I agree.

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    Default Re: Feeling like my life will never change

    Quote Originally Posted by BunniHops View Post
    I just turned 21 a couple weeks ago, and I thought it would be so exciting, but it turned out to be rather disappointing honestly. If it hadn't been for my family, I think I would have had a breakdown because no one else besides them and a few close friends seemed to care enough to bother to celebrate it. This kind of made me think that my life will always be so mediocre and that no matter what steps I take to change it, I will be stuck in the same position.

    With that being said, I have grown to hate being a stripper. I remembered my life before I cared about making money and it wasn't perfect, but I didn't have the same problems. I am coming up on my one year anniversary as a dancer and I can say 100% candidly that there is not one element of my life that has IMPROVED, only gotten worse. Yes, I have thousands of dollars more a month than I used to. But I don't have a nicer car, nicer clothes, a nicer apartment, or anything material. I have made a few very sweet friends from my time at the clubs and I guess gained life experience...

    I feel like I have made the wrong choices...

    The worst thing about this all is that I cannot stop being a stripper now. I have grown accustomed and dependent on the money I make, and now I am saving up for things I actually need, so I have to keep working despite my disgust and distaste. Also, my boyfriend wants me to keep working since he refuses to support me himself, and I do not think I am emotionally ready to leave him. I am a big fucked up MESS...

    ...I feel worthless.
    IDK, but it feels like you've got a lot of drama in your life and that you really need to simplify. We all make bad choices at one point or another and it's pointless to beat ourselves up over it. All you can do is learn from your mistakes and try to gain some clarity and focus moving forward for yourself and your goals.

    If you don't like how your boyfriend treats you, then shit can him. Done. And if your family doesn't like how you pay your bills then too damned bad. IMHO you need to start seeing value in yourself instead of relying upon others to give you confirmation of your own self worth.

    If you are making good money then you have the power to change your own life right now. IMHO you just need to have the focus and strength to do it.

    Anyway, just my
    Last edited by rickdugan; 05-29-2011 at 10:45 AM.

  23. #18
    Featured Member jasmine22's Avatar
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    Default Re: Feeling like my life will never change

    I feel exactly like u do. Ive also grown to hate dancing. This is the time to change your life. Set a goal for yourself and save all your money. Start looking for another job, if you don't or can't get a reg job, try webcamming. There are so many things you can do in life. Dancing is really not a career, unless your smart with your money. You can try going to school or train to do something. I think even just getting a second job will help u feel better.

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    Default Re: Feeling like my life will never change

    I can tell you what you DO have going for you... you are just now turning 21. You're young, life is no where near being over. You even still have time to fuck around if you want to, but its best to start doing what you need to do to get the life you want. Sometimes achieving our goals means living in the suck for a while. I struggle with that every day, but I remind myself that someday, I'm gonna have my dream job, my car paid off, and my baby girl attending a private school and piano lessons. I look forward to being on top of the mountain of goals I created and flipping off everyone at the bottom who wished me the worst or snickered at my dreams.

    Why have you been dancing almost a year and have nothing to show for it?

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    Default Re: Feeling like my life will never change

    i'm curious to know where all these ''thousands'' are going, if you are claiming to be making such money. Not to be a bitch, but usually when people claim this amount of income they usually have various items to show for it

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    Default Re: Feeling like my life will never change

    Quote Originally Posted by TurboHips View Post
    i'm curious to know where all these ''thousands'' are going, if you are claiming to be making such money. Not to be a bitch, but usually when people claim this amount of income they usually have various items to show for it
    I never claimed to be making "such" money. A couple thousand of dollars a month is not hard to make dancing. I have made anywhere from probably 1000 - 10,000 dollars a month since I began dancing. I've had hard times and good times. This post was not meant to boast... at all.

    But since many of you have asked, mostly I have spent my money taking trips with my boyfriend. I wouldn't see it as a waste, but since I have mostly fueled vacations with my money rather than concrete savings/material things I think most of my money has gone into memories (food, nails, drinks, plane flights, etc). I have bought clothing with this money as well, shoes and the like. But I have felt like none of the money has gone into a rainy day fund. That's mostly my issue. I've spent it on having fun, which I don't necessarily regret, but easy come easy go.

    Also, my goal with my current boyfriend is marriage. I wouldn't ask him to support me while we are still dating, at least not completely. I am graduating college soon and hopefully I can have a good job afterwards, but I worry that even with my college degree I will have to continue dancing. I want he and I to be married in the future and have children. That's the only time I would hope he would support me 100% financially, because he can afford to. He is much older than me, so obviously these goals are on more of a constrained timeline. Now I would like to build a future for myself, but I don't necessarily want to do it by dancing forever. However, we do not live in the same city. He lives in SF, I live in SD. But when I go to his house I do all of his housework, cooking, etc, despite the fact he has a maid. So I am not lazy/opposed to domestic activities.
    Quote Originally Posted by xxxtc View Post
    MEN - poorly designed creatures

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    Default Re: Feeling like my life will never change

    i'm seeing a pattern amongst many women on this board. some of you seem to be purposefully complicating your lives.

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  29. #23
    Veteran Member BunniHops's Avatar
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    Default Re: Feeling like my life will never change

    You're so right Camille! Im intentionally complicating my life! That's my goal - to fuck my own shit up on purpose! *sigh* some people make such worthless statements....
    Quote Originally Posted by xxxtc View Post
    MEN - poorly designed creatures

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    Default Re: Feeling like my life will never change

    Quote Originally Posted by BunniHops View Post
    I never claimed to be making "such" money. A couple thousand of dollars a month is not hard to make dancing. I have made anywhere from probably 1000 - 10,000 dollars a month since I began dancing. I've had hard times and good times. This post was not meant to boast... at all.

    But since many of you have asked, mostly I have spent my money taking trips with my boyfriend. I wouldn't see it as a waste, but since I have mostly fueled vacations with my money rather than concrete savings/material things I think most of my money has gone into memories (food, nails, drinks, plane flights, etc). I have bought clothing with this money as well, shoes and the like. But I have felt like none of the money has gone into a rainy day fund. That's mostly my issue. I've spent it on having fun, which I don't necessarily regret, but easy come easy go.

    Also, my goal with my current boyfriend is marriage. I wouldn't ask him to support me while we are still dating, at least not completely. I am graduating college soon and hopefully I can have a good job afterwards, but I worry that even with my college degree I will have to continue dancing. I want he and I to be married in the future and have children. That's the only time I would hope he would support me 100% financially, because he can afford to. He is much older than me, so obviously these goals are on more of a constrained timeline. Now I would like to build a future for myself, but I don't necessarily want to do it by dancing forever. However, we do not live in the same city. He lives in SF, I live in SD. But when I go to his house I do all of his housework, cooking, etc, despite the fact he has a maid. So I am not lazy/opposed to domestic activities.
    Well, now that you've pinpointed where all the money is going, it should be easy to start saving quickly. Trips are great, but as you've realized they cost a lot with little to show. So the next time you get the urge to travel and spend a lot for a short vacation, put all that money in savings instead and just take a week long drive to see your bf and enjoy each other's company in cheaper ways.

    Congratulations on finishing college! I don't know what your degree is/how in demand it is, but just having a degree will get you a decent vanilla job if you don't want to dance anymore. It may take a few months though... don't be discouraged - it's hard to find a job out there right now. But it's something better to focus on than your hatred of dancing. You will never get out of it if you don't start and keep looking for a new job. And if you and your bf are planning to be together forever, start thinking about/discussing where you will want to end up. Do you want him to move to San Diego? Do you want to move up to San Francisco? When you start looking for jobs, look for ones in his area as well as yours to double your results and possibly bring you closer to him. But, like you said, the only time you would expect him to support you financially is when you're married with kids (and being a stay-at-home-mom, I presume, which is fair), and that is a long ways away and you should start making other plans for right now.

    Like I said, it will take awhile - months - to feel like you're progressing toward your goals. But if you really discipline yourself to save your money and start planning for getting out of dancing, you will eventually get there. And the good news is that, at 21, you have plenty of time and still won't be anywhere near "old" by the time you start settling down and get out of dancing. The sooner you start, the sooner you will be there!

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    Default Re: Feeling like my life will never change

    it's your life. your choices. don't like them? change them. no one here can do it for you.

    you are dating someone much older than you who you don't think supports you the way you deserve. you cook for him and clean his house to show him your domesticity even though he has a housekeeper. complication #1.

    you didn't like your birthday party. being unappreciative for the people in your life is a surefire way to end up alone. complication #2.

    working a job you hate and claim to be reaping no benefit from, financially or otherwise. complication #3.

    you are not emotionally ready to leave your boyfriend. you want to marry your boyfriend complication #4.

    i'm not sure if people just log into this forum and start typing whatever floats into their heads and just don't give a damn if every other sentence is contradictory. you want more friends. you hate your job where you met great friends. your party wasn't fun enough. your boyfriend treats you badly. you dust his house. you think about leaving but you want to marry him. you don't have money. you make $10k a month. you don't have nicer clothes. you've spent your income on clothes instead of saving it......what in the split personality hell?


    Quote Originally Posted by BunniHops View Post
    You're so right Camille! Im intentionally complicating my life! That's my goal - to fuck my own shit up on purpose! *sigh* some people make such worthless statements....

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