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Thread: Falling apart here...

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    God/dess BlkSharpie's Avatar
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    Default Falling apart here...

    My friends and family are pretty much sick of hearing about this...so I really dont have anyone in my personal life to talk to about this, and Im at an alltime low here. Its been an ongoing thing for over two years now, and tonight really hit the point of no return. Ill try and keep this short, please bear with me if it gets a big long, but Ill try...

    I was with my ex for over 2 years...two amazing years. We were planning to move in together, and talking marriage...it was so close that I finally let me guard down and introduced him to my family. We flew to cali where he met my sister and brother in law, who are more like mom and dad to me, and then he came home with me and met the rest of my family on Thanksgiving.

    The very next day he broke up with me in a text message. Three days later, I found he hed been cheating on me with someone else for nearly 6 months and was telling everyone that we'd already broken up months prior...it also came out though that she knew he was still with me, and was telling him to end it with me...hence I guess the sudden breakup after meeting my family.

    Throughout these past two years... I will totally own up to it, my fault that I let myself keep falling for him, believing him, and his intentions. I didnt trust him totally, especially since she kept popping up in and out of his life. He told me that he was not in a relationship with her anymore, and couldn't be with me either cause he could not commit to anything with anyone. His family and friends do not like her, said they could not see it lasting or figure out what they had together since even he complained about her and couldnt stand her.

    Shes 15 years younger than him, still lives at home, has a drug and alcohol problem, in and out of rehab, sleeping with his friends, screaming at him in public, the works, there was always some phycho drama going on with her and him and he even developed an entire facial tick due to stress.

    At the beginning of the year, she got stopped for a dui, landed in jail and lost her license. He said that was the final straw and he was done with her. Of course I never did like or have respect for her to begin with, but this put me over the top....and he knew it. My father was killed by a drunk driver when I was 2..and I grew up with a mother who never wanted me in the first place, and would flat out tell me she hated me and that I reminded her of him, that my father begged her to have a baby with him and that both him and my only purpose in life is gone, and let me know if my own mother doesnt want me, no one else ever would. Yes, Im all shades of screwed up on an emotional level though Ive tried *very* hard to overcome it, and I have zero tolerance for dui.

    Since all that, he swore that they were not talking, and he was done with her. He started dating others, seeing other people...knowing him I figured he didnt stop talking to her altogether but I didnt think much of it that she was any real part of his life. At this point, I still loved and cared him very much, but we were not romantically or sexually involved. He and I became and remained very close friends, talked or texted nearly every day, spent some time together etc.

    Last month, I came into some really hard times and he helped me out...last week I sent him an email, just telling him that I appreciate it and will pay him back, and also spilled my guts on a lot of things I was feeling on an emotional level...a lot of it stress and me just being emotional. A couple days later, he calls to ask me if I posted on facebook that he loaned me money...I didnt tell *anyone* I was in a bind and sure wouldnt put on facebook. I freaked wondering who was writing about my situation on fb and how anyone would find out since he was the only person in my life who knew..he told me not to worry about it and everything was okay.

    I kept pushing and pushing...he swore he never said anything to anyone. I figured it strange that right after I send him my email he asks me that, and drill him about it...hes acting confused and says he hasnt gotten any emails from me in awhile. Finally, he gets back to me saying he got it out of the girl...while they were in LA together, she snuck his phone, read my email, deleted it, and then gave him hell saying she knows he loaned me money. He figured it was off fb, but yeah she read my email. I was horrified and humiliated to say the least..not just about the money, but I said some *very personal things* And this girl has a reputation for being a grade A bitch.

    Then...I get an email from her...telling me how I ruined their trip, and that Ive been a problem for thier relationship since they started dating (mind you, I was still his gf when they started dating, and she knew it!) and shes sick of him sleeping around and seeing other women behind her back and over it...and to have him take me on the trip they have planned for the bahamas because shes done with him. She also said a bunch of other shit...just to get a dig in and piss me off. I was super calm in my reply, letting her know that when she started fucking him behind my back, she knew from day one he was not faithful or honest, and its rediculous of her to now decide its important to her...and to go after a girl who is actually fucking him, Im not one of them.

    He went into turbo mode, trying to make things right with me, telling me this time for real its over, and that he is not talking to her, that she crossed the line going through his things and invading not only his but my privacy...she kept emailing me, and I told him...he told her to stop and she did. He asked me to meet him for dinner, we do , we talk, he tells me that our friendship is solid and theres no way hes letting her or anyone get between that..and to not let her get to me because shes anyway a loser, living off her parents, selling her things, etc etc etc, and that shes mroe like a little sister to him, shes a mess and hes just a friend to her. I dont believe a word of it...well, I know shes messed up, but not that he was "just a friend" He and I are just friends, and we're not exactly taking trips and planning holidays together.

    He tells me its over and done with and he has no respect for her yadda yadda. yesterday, I find out she called up his mom, tell him the details of my email and blowing up my situation telling her that Im depending on him for money. I tell him, and he said dont worry about it, he'll handle it and tell her to knock it off.

    This weekend was the anniversary of my fathers death, always a really rough time for me..he and I even talked about it. His sister called me up to invite me to spend the weekend with her and some friends, and that pretty much saved me from spending the weekend in bed doing what I do every Memorial Day weekend...sleeping the weekend away so that I dont think of my dad and everything since him. My ex texted me asking how I was doing and said hes happy Im having a good time etc. I get home to an email from a friend telling me to check out this girls fb page.

    She posted that shes in the bahamas with my ex, and posted up pictures of them there together. I LOST it. Didnt even matter to me so much that they were together, or there together, but that he lied to me...again...gave me a line of bullshit and I fell for it..again. This girl can talk shit about me, degrade me, do whatever she wants...and he doesnt give a fuck. And I really doubt at this point that he said anytihng to her beside not to email me again...He already fucked up as a boyfriend...and now as a friend...he failed on every single level.

    I sent him an email...pissed off to the core...told him he was a liar, always was...that our relationship and our friendship is nothing but a joke to him. That he will talk about what a loser this girl is, went into detail the things he said about her and why she is nothing to him, how I dont believe him for a second that shes just a little sister to him that he was lying to me that they werent even in a relationship all the timec and that all he is, is her little bitch who lets her control who his friends are, how he spends his money, and what hes allowed to do...

    I also went off on how he decided to reward her for the shit she put me through last week, harrassing me, talking shit about me, and telling everyone my personal business and humiliating me by taking her on vacation on the anniversary of my dads death....at the hands of an irresponsible drunk driving loser just like her.

    I told him I dont want to go to Disney with him...something he offered saying it would be great to go away together and make ammends, I dont want him coming over to make me dinner, I dont want him telling me he loves me or that the moments with me are the moments in life that he lives for...that I appreciated our friendship, but want nothing more to do with him and his lies.

    I said a lot oif stuff...longer than this post here...i said a lot of very mean nasty stuff..about him, abotu her, about what hes said about her, about what shes said and done as well, and exactly what I thought of both of them. And then....I told him Im going to end it with the exact same thing I told my mom the last time I talked to her 2 years ago....that the next time I see him will be at his funeral, and the next time I talk to him will be at his grave..and if I die before him, hes welcome to come and say all the bullshit lies he wants cause then I dont have to hear it...and that until then, I want nothing to do with him.

    Then I emailed it to her as well...telling her since she enjoys reading my emails to him, that, Im just going ot go ahead and send a copy directly to her, and that I hope it closes any doubt in her mind that I have any involvement with him now or ever in the future.

    Its really not like me to be mean...really its not. But I do get a sense of satisfaction to know they are on their first day of their vacation, stuck together in the bahamas for who knows how long after reading the email I sent...where she now will know hes been telling me all along they have no relationship and shes a loser and only a little sister to him that hes worried about, that he was still telling me he loves me and him knowing that everything is completely out in the open now.

    I also blocked her email, on facebook, and Ive blocked his email, texts and calls. I already know how this vacation is going to go...I dont need to hear about it from either of them. And Im serious, I do not want to hear from either of them again.

    It doesnt make me feel better though....my stomach is in knots...I hate that hes a liar, that I fell for it. I hate that once again...I got fucked over and Im the one being treated like Im the one who stole her guy, when in fact....it ws the other way around...and even so...I never fucked with her, I never was a bitch about her, I had my doubts that he closed things off totally with her, but he and I werent involved anyway, so I didnt figure it any of my business who he was dating, fucking, whatever...hes with someone new all the time anwyay...I was simply just a friend, and I really believed that though it didnt work out with us...that we still loved and cared about each other and that I actually mattered.

    And now, Im sitting here feeling like I have so many times before...I hate my dad for begging to have me and leaving me alone with my mom. I hate my mom for putting me through hell reminding me every chance she got that she didnt want me and would have been better off with out me. I hate that every guy Ive trusted and loved has proven her right that no one will ever want or love me. I hate that while i feel strong enough to not do something stupid like I did 10 years ago, that I feel like I only need to hold out long enough for my daughter to be on her own....and in just 4 years, Ill have no real purpose anymore, cause she that she needs me and would have no where to go without me is the only reason I havnt tried some shit like that again.

    I just hate feeling this way....I hate my life right now.

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  3. #2
    God/dess Kisca's Avatar
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    Default Re: Falling apart here...

    Im sorry you are going through this. Seems to me you did the right thing by blocking him and her. Let them two go onto their immature path. Whatever he says to you or tries to contact you, dont fall for his actions again. He is a lair and he doesnt deserve you. People like him piss me off so much, how much they can make another person feel and then just throw it away, its hurtful but you learn from your experiences.

    Move on, its a good sign to move on, forget him and move forward with your life. Look out for the best, and do what makes you happy. Forget him and forget her, they arent worth the trouble, you'll run into bad people, but you will also meet good ones. Dont let yourself down on it.

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    God/dess BlkSharpie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Falling apart here...

    I really appreciate it. I feel better now that Ive gotten some sleep... Still so upset though. More angry with myself than anything...I truly wasted the last 4 years of my life....and definitely these last 2. I should have moved forward as soon as we broke up but it felt like I would be throwing him away, and he wasnt meaningless to me to do that.

    The older I get and the more I deal with, the more I realize I should treat people more like they do me...why should someone who thinks Im not worth it matter to me at all.

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    Default Re: Falling apart here...

    i'm honestly not going to read all that because after he cheated on you, met your family, and dumped you, the story should've stopped there. what could possibly be said after that that could redeem him short of he donated organs to you and so you are considering getting back together...let me know whether or not he did, in fact, donate organs to you and i will readjust my opinion.

    otherwise, it's pretty clear that you gave him the green light to treat you like garbage. he did it once and you (i'm assuming) let him back into your life, gave him power over your emotions.....

    i suppose the question is not "what happened after i stopped reading your tale of self-pity" but rather "why do you think so lowly of yourself that you are giving your power away to everyone else"?

    self-love is an incredible thing. there are lots of books and help available if you want to change. but YOUR life is in YOUR hands.

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    God/dess Kisca's Avatar
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    Default Re: Falling apart here...

    Quote Originally Posted by BlkSharpie View Post
    I really appreciate it. I feel better now that Ive gotten some sleep... Still so upset though. More angry with myself than anything...I truly wasted the last 4 years of my life....and definitely these last 2. I should have moved forward as soon as we broke up but it felt like I would be throwing him away, and he wasnt meaningless to me to do that.

    The older I get and the more I deal with, the more I realize I should treat people more like they do me...why should someone who thinks Im not worth it matter to me at all.

    Dont be angry. We all make mistakes, we all regret something. All of us (males or females) probably think they have wasted their time on at least 1 partner. We learn from experience and grow. I was with my ex for 2 years, but didnt let him go for a year, and it has hurt. I moved on and know I am better off without him. Its better to be alone, than with someone who will drag you down and make you feel worse. Think of it as a life changing experience - a new start, a new you, a new life without the anger, drama, and pity cheating lies of his. It will take time to adapt, but there are many things that can keep you busy and help you move on. Never put your heart out there and if you feel it, think logically - is it worth the emotional stress for you? That usually helps me. This phrase will disappear and you will be glad he is not in your life anymore.

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    God/dess BlkSharpie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Falling apart here...

    Quote Originally Posted by camille27 View Post
    i'm honestly not going to read all that because after he cheated on you, met your family, and dumped you, the story should've stopped there. what could possibly be said after that that could redeem him short of he donated organs to you and so you are considering getting back together...let me know whether or not he did, in fact, donate organs to you and i will readjust my opinion.

    otherwise, it's pretty clear that you gave him the green light to treat you like garbage. he did it once and you (i'm assuming) let him back into your life, gave him power over your emotions.....

    i suppose the question is not "what happened after i stopped reading your tale of self-pity" but rather "why do you think so lowly of yourself that you are giving your power away to everyone else"?

    self-love is an incredible thing. there are lots of books and help available if you want to change. but YOUR life is in YOUR hands.
    Im not considering getting back together with him...
    and yes, I know its self pity, like I wrote about, I know exactly why I have my moments where i feel like shit and second guess my worth.

    I dont whine and moan or complain all the time, ever actually...on here, to friends family nothing. When shit goes down, I just disappear and stick to myself and not bother anyone with my problems. I try my damnest to be postive and move forward, but yes...I do have my moments where shit just fucking hurts. And yes I did decide to stop wallowing in self pity and do everyone a favor and landed myself in the hosital...ten years ago, and I feel like I have done some major things in my life since then in my outlook and and 99% of the time try to fight like hell against what I was taught and told about myself, but a weak moment and Im just self pity and deserve to be treated like garbage.

    Thats why I just dont feel like ever letting my guard down and loving anyone or trusting anyone or giving anyone any amount of power to make me feel like this again. Because if I do, and I get hurt, then its what I deserve anyway for putting myself in that situation to begin with. I really truly honestly do give up.

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    God/dess BlkSharpie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Falling apart here...

    I know my whole tirade in my original message isnt much worth the read...and a lot of it was really just me letting it off my chest... I dont expect anything from anyone here, I really do appreciate your encouragement Kisca.

    I just truly do hate this time of year, the anniversary of my dads death always is rough for me...but add to it this whole thing, yes weak moment and I fell apart. I wish I could feel nothing about anything or anyone and not care. I manage to most of the time, but sometimes, like now, its hard to pretend everything is fine.

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    God/dess laurielegs's Avatar
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    Default Re: Falling apart here...

    It's really easy for anyone to look in from the outside and say what you should have done, but until someone truly evil like this enters your own life, usually in a moment of weakness, it's not something anyone can really understand.

    I had it happen when I was younger and stupidly married the asshole, wasted WAY more years of my life than you did. Pat yourself on the back that you got away without wasting any more time. That's something to celebrate!

    and I fucking LOVE this "the next time I see him will be at his funeral, and the next time I talk to him will be at his grave"
    I hope it burns his evil cold heart to the core.

    You're gorgeous, smart, and now you have your freedom and he's OUT of your life. Now you can concentrate on making money and having fun.

    A month or two down the road and you may be surprised at how much better you feel about everything.

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    Default Re: Falling apart here...

    Honestly I don't feel like any guy could ever play me or string me along. Why? Because I learned after the first few times they did it to me. Cut yourself some slack. We're all human, we all have emotions and as women we are prone to believe what people tell us and take them at their word until they show us differently.

    Honestly it's the jerks and assholes who made me who I am today. They taught me the game and now I can spot it from a mile away. Nobody comes into this world knowing all there is to know about dating and relationships. We learn along the way. Experience truly is the best teacher and now that you know better, allow yourself some time to heal and move on. And yes you are entitled to a pity party (just don't let it last too long). The best thing you can do is never ever talk to or email this guy again. Of course he will be sorry and remorseful. They always are. Let him be sorry with that other chick. And don't be too mad at her either. Chances are he's been lying to her too. Just be glad you dodged that bullet.

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    God/dess BlkSharpie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Falling apart here...

    Thanks so much Laurie..its very true. More than anything, Im angry with myself, that at my age and everything Ive been through in past relationships, I still fell for it.. I feel like i should have known better. I still cannot say anything negative about him or how he treated me while we were together...but since his cheating and our breakup, everything Ive been through, it sould not have gone on this long and like this.

    Yeah, I never thought another man could do this to me again too Kayla...after my last ex, I waited 3 years before dating again. I wanted to pull myself and my life together, and be completely ready to try again. I was in no hurry to jump back into another relationship. It took a very long time to gain both my trust and my daughter, we both had our guard up,, he knew and understood why, and was nothing short of amazing to us. And yeah, it was so hard to let go of...

    I took it so hard, that I know Im going to have to take a long breather from being in a realtionship. It took me over a year to get over our breakup...longer than it did my marriage or my relationship with the guy I lived with...for whatever reason, this one hit me very hard. And now, I feel like its hitting me again...not on a romantic level, but as my friend...its completely over, and the loss hurts. I always lose, but this one..it just really hurt.

    I know how its going to go...cause hes done it to me before, where things would go downhill, he knows all the things to say and do to warm me back up to him again. That is why I have him completely blocked now...he cant affect me if I dont allow him a way to contact and get through to me.

    At this point too...I dont trust my judgement. Three guys now, long term relationships, all ending with them cheating on me, and telling me that Im sweet and wonderful and that I did nothing wrong and them cheating had nothing to do with me. So apparently I just have a knack for dating assholes...it doesnt matter if I wait 3 years or 5 or forever....I just dont know if I can handle this again. And I feel it unfair to try, because more now than before, I dont trust men at all and would not be a good gf if Im always thinking hes going to leave me one day anyway... Im absolutely afraid that Im just always going to be alone and never know what its really like to be loved...and absolutely angry that my mom was right.

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    Default Re: Falling apart here...

    There are people out there who are psychopaths, narcissist, sociopaths etc who hone in on vulnerable women because they are easier to take advantage of.

    You seem very sweet and predisposed to apologizing for your feelings and then you most likely feel guilty for feeling that way. (don't we all)

    Having been in your shoes, I bet this man was amazingly charming at first and too good to be true (how he hooked you) and then all these red lights started to appear and you were completely fucked. In love with a manipulative liar.

    I can tell you this, it is not easy to distinguish the liar from the false self he presented to you and you hang onto his words instead of seeing his actions.

    I can also tell you men like this suffer extreme low self esteem and lack empathy. Imagine if you had his child ? Would u really want someone like that as a father?

    It's ok to be upset, but don't hate your life. If you were anything like me', you revolved your life around him to keep him satisfied yet nothing worked. You need to start living for YOU

    He is like my ex to a tee ! You can PM me' if u ever feel weak. I will remind u to stay the fuck away !!!

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    Default Re: Falling apart here...

    Wow. Well , It sounds like our "ex boyfriends" have a lot in common. I could go on and on but I won't. I hope you find peace within yourself and find a good guy that loves you for you.

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    Featured Member pussyinboots's Avatar
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    Default Re: Falling apart here...

    Quote Originally Posted by BlkSharpie View Post
    I know my whole tirade in my original message isnt much worth the read...and a lot of it was really just me letting it off my chest... I dont expect anything from anyone here, I really do appreciate your encouragement Kisca.

    I just truly do hate this time of year, the anniversary of my dads death always is rough for me...but add to it this whole thing, yes weak moment and I fell apart. I wish I could feel nothing about anything or anyone and not care. I manage to most of the time, but sometimes, like now, its hard to pretend everything is fine.
    Sweetheart - even though your OP was pretty long and drawn out, I appreciate how much it meant to you to post it, and how much it must have hurt to put it all down....again.

    There's no getting away from the fact that you should have said 'hasta la vista' to this slime-ball a long time ago, but that still doesn't change the fact that you're hurting. Also the stuff with your family doesn't help - but that should be seperated from this.

    First off - you've just got to keep telling yourself that you ARE worth it, and that not all guys are assholes. Second....yes you made a mistake - but we can all learn from our mistakes and if you truly do believe in yourself, then you won't let this happen again. I know it's hard to live life these days without the affirmation of a partner's affections - but sometimes it's safer and better for you that way.

    Give it a bit of time. Let the wounds heal without sitting around in self pity all the time. Get out a bit...do things that YOU want to do. Treat yourself a bit more. Decide who and what you want to be in your life - your life as has been said, is in YOUR hands.....no-one else's. Stop thinking that you're not worth it and start BELIEVING that you are...and stay away from him!

    Once you're more settled with who you are and what you want - then you can start to see those qualities in potential partners. Hopefully the next guy will match up to a far higher set of standards.

    Meantime....*hugs*
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    "Good Girls keep diaries....Bad Girls don't have the time..!!"

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  20. #14
    God/dess BlkSharpie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Falling apart here...

    I really appreciate that...I know that as soon as this cloud floats away Ill start thinking more rationally again This feeling of loss is just so overwhelming right now...and it feels so silly, I do have friends and family and people who love me, yet I feel like Im totally alone.

    Im fine with being single, Ive done it for years at a time, its even more comforting in a way cause even though there is no one there to make my day, theres no one there to break my day either. Maybe it just hasnt been my time. Even so, I need the time it takes to get this guy out of my system anyway. I need to concentrate on work anyway...

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    Default Re: Falling apart here...

    Quote Originally Posted by BlkSharpie View Post
    I really appreciate that...I know that as soon as this cloud floats away Ill start thinking more rationally again This feeling of loss is just so overwhelming right now...and it feels so silly, I do have friends and family and people who love me, yet I feel like Im totally alone.

    Im fine with being single, Ive done it for years at a time, its even more comforting in a way cause even though there is no one there to make my day, theres no one there to break my day either. Maybe it just hasnt been my time.
    Even so, I need the time it takes to get this guy out of my system anyway.
    I need to concentrate on work anyway...
    Never a truer word spoken Sweetie. Time is always a good healer...it's just that it does take time...and that's the bummer..! I'm sure you'll be fine...and hey...we're all here and rooting for you..!
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    "Good Girls keep diaries....Bad Girls don't have the time..!!"

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    Default Re: Falling apart here...

    Quote Originally Posted by BlkSharpie View Post
    Thanks so much Laurie..its very true. More than anything, Im angry with myself, that at my age and everything Ive been through in past relationships, I still fell for it.. I feel like i should have known better. I still cannot say anything negative about him or how he treated me while we were together...but since his cheating and our breakup, everything Ive been through, it sould not have gone on this long and like this.

    Yeah, I never thought another man could do this to me again too Kayla...after my last ex, I waited 3 years before dating again. I wanted to pull myself and my life together, and be completely ready to try again. I was in no hurry to jump back into another relationship. It took a very long time to gain both my trust and my daughter, we both had our guard up,, he knew and understood why, and was nothing short of amazing to us. And yeah, it was so hard to let go of...

    I took it so hard, that I know Im going to have to take a long breather from being in a realtionship. It took me over a year to get over our breakup...longer than it did my marriage or my relationship with the guy I lived with...for whatever reason, this one hit me very hard. And now, I feel like its hitting me again...not on a romantic level, but as my friend...its completely over, and the loss hurts. I always lose, but this one..it just really hurt.

    I know how its going to go...cause hes done it to me before, where things would go downhill, he knows all the things to say and do to warm me back up to him again. That is why I have him completely blocked now...he cant affect me if I dont allow him a way to contact and get through to me.

    At this point too...I dont trust my judgement. Three guys now, long term relationships, all ending with them cheating on me, and telling me that Im sweet and wonderful and that I did nothing wrong and them cheating had nothing to do with me. So apparently I just have a knack for dating assholes...it doesnt matter if I wait 3 years or 5 or forever....I just dont know if I can handle this again. And I feel it unfair to try, because more now than before, I dont trust men at all and would not be a good gf if Im always thinking hes going to leave me one day anyway... Im absolutely afraid that Im just always going to be alone and never know what its really like to be loved...and absolutely angry that my mom was right.

    Well just consider the 3 guys your "learning curve". I know it doesn't feel like it now but you'll get through this and you'll be wiser because of it. I was with my ex for 4 years and there were signs after a few months that he was shady as hell. He was a f'in con-artist. And yet I stayed and believed all the bull he fed me. And every year I would say to myself "ok I've given this dude 1 year of my life" then it was 2, then 3, then at the 4th year, finally I'd had enough. And it was so hard. I hated not answering his calls or replying to his texts. And my heart wouldn't let me date anyone else. But I knew I had to cut the ties or this dude would take all my "fly" years lol. But now I look back and I'm like wtf? How did I ever think I deserved what he put me through? And when I look at the quality of men who pursue me now, I don't know why I wasted so much time. But the past is the past. Don't worry about what mistakes you made. Just learn from them and use what you learn to make different choices in the future. Trust me I know how you feel. I know it hurts but I've seen your hustle and your drive in other posts so I know you are strong woman. You're gonna be ok. Just give yourself a little time. Hugs mama

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    Default Re: Falling apart here...

    Sorry to hear about this...

    But Good Riddance...! This guy would have ended up being more trouble in the long run...maybe leading you to financial ruin...or something worse. Who knows what kinda trouble he could have gotten you into. People who are able to lie that well, are usually hiding other things too....Bad Things!

    You'll be alright...just make some better choices. There are plenty of good men out there...You Just Gotta Be Smart about it.

    ...and remember to Love yourself First...if you don't...no one else will!

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    Default Re: Falling apart here...

    Quote Originally Posted by acw View Post

    ...and remember to Love yourself First...if you don't...no one else will!
    Agreed.

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    Default Re: Falling apart here...

    Why don't you check out this site that goes into great detail about mindfuckers like that guy and how emotional abuse in childhood leads to picking men who replicate that familiar (yet unpleasant) feeling. www.baggagereclaim.com There are also excellent sites on healing from emotional abuse. Congrats on having the courage to ask for help. We all need it from time to time.
    “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.” - ECKHART TOLLE

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    Default Re: Falling apart here...

    My cousin put this on her fb page yesterday, and I think it couldnt have come at a better time...Im not a hip-hop or rap fan or anything, but I really think he was onto something here.

    "You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could've, would've happened... or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on." — Tupac Shakur

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  31. #21
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    Default Re: Falling apart here...

    I'm not good at advice but please stick with me. I think you may have some unresolved issues surrounding your emotionally abusive mom. I think she has drilled into your head that you are not "lovable" and your now thinking you find evidence of that "unlovableness" in your broken relationships. It's not proof that what your mom claims is right when this man disappoints you, lies to you or plays you for a fool. Your right in thinking it's you but only to the extent that YOU are picking the wrong person to love you, your picking a person who has no love for himself or anyone else. You need to find a way to love yourself, put these toxic people aside and concentrate on finding out why you picked him in the first place.

    You never did trust him; your intuition was telling you not to for a reason and you were right. Now you know that you can trust your intuition, but what else is special about you? What do others who "count" see in you? Answer these questions and you will see why, you're needed on this earth.

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    Default Re: Falling apart here...

    Youre right about a lot Camateur... and yeah, I know I have a lot of unresolved issues with my mom. I totally recognize where my issues are coming from, and struggle all the time with it because theres a huge part of me that knows shes not right, but for some reason...especially when Im upset or down, its like all I can hear is all the things she told me growing up...

    She had me convinced I was devil spawn and born only as a punishment for all the wrong she had done in her life, and that no one will love me because I didnt deserve it. It wasnt til I was about 14 or 15 that I realized I was an average human being like any other human being and almost another 10 years before I really got it that I had just as much chance and deserved just as much as anyone else. I literally believed everything she told me... Shes just one of the most spiteful, angry, hateful and cruel and violent person I have ever come across in my life.

    I take full responsibility for how I feel now, and the things I do now...I know the only difference between me and anyone else is that I let her get to me and affect the choices I make. For the most part Im fine, but when things go downhill, be damned if I dont see and hear my mom saying I told you so...and I get so angry with myself for still letting her get to me.

    I feel way better now than I did when I first posted... Ive blocked my ex's emails, calls and texts, and Ive blocked his gf on fb and hoping she doesnt have or find another way to contact me. I dont at all trust myself to not find yet another guy just like these last 3 guys I have been in a relationship with.

    When it comes to love, its like I dont know...like what you said, I choose guys who dont know how to love, and it just re-affirms my fear that I never will be. They never treat me badly, not physically or emotionally abusive, always very sweet, always thoughtful, do so much for me..and then one day just decide they dont feel like it anymore and find someone else...all the while telling me how wonderful I am, and I did nothing wrong. Its like I pick guys with issues that confirm my own issues. I recognize it...I just dont know what to do anymore.

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    Default Re: Falling apart here...

    @BlkSharpie
    "He told me that he was not in a relationship with her anymore, and couldn't be with me either cause he could not commit to anything with anyone."
    This should have been your warning sign. Right there.
    I feel for you. Most men are assholes... if you let them...
    If u did not yet, read this book
    "Why Men Love Bitches"

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    Default Re: Falling apart here...

    Quote Originally Posted by Fridays View Post
    @BlkSharpie
    "He told me that he was not in a relationship with her anymore, and couldn't be with me either cause he could not commit to anything with anyone."
    This should have been your warning sign. Right there.
    I feel for you. Most men are assholes... if you let them...
    If u did not yet, read this book
    "Why Men Love Bitches"
    I have that book I actually got it before I even met him and have re-read it a million times in the past 4 years....

    Where I falter is....when I trust in love, I trust completely and totally...to the point of naive and definitely gullible. I cant count the amount of times he said he wants to try again, start over, rebuild our relationship, have back what we did...etc etc etc....

    Now, I dont believe a word out of his mouth...wish I had felt this way 2 years ago. I wanted so much to believe in him, that I didnt face the reality there was no reason to trust him. And now...just trying really hard not to be cynical, bitter and jaded about relationships at all...though its hard not to.

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    Default Re: Falling apart here...

    Quote Originally Posted by BlkSharpie View Post
    ..when I trust in love, I trust completely and totally...to the point of naive and definitely gullible .
    Please, stop doing this...
    Sending u hugs, threw the computer

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