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Thread: Your Money Is Not Your Life

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    Default Your Money Is Not Your Life

    (snip)When it comes to our net worth, most of us feel that we never quite measure up. Thinking about how much we have accumulated as proof of our value is a painful experience. In our culture, our wealth is the ultimate measure of who we are. We have become defined by it. Those who have little net worth feel a corresponding lack of self-worth. But they are not alone. Many of my clients who have a high net worth also experience similar feelings of low self-esteem. The difference is that although they have plenty of money, they often do not feel worthy of it. They appear to have everything, and yet they feel they are nothing.
    I believe this lack of self-esteem is caused by a profound spiritual bankruptcy that is so prevalent in our culture. Having lived a life in pursuit of money and material gain, we have often neglected the self and its inherent longing for spiritual connection. As human beings, we alone have this need. I do not believe this need is simply evolution at work. Rather, it was intended that we value and nurture this dimension of our self above and beyond all else. Without this connection to the self, our true worth is diminished, and life becomes an endless search for substitutes to fill the void.(snip)

    Here's more.(snip)
    Attractive, intelligent, and rich, Ellen easily attracted men. The problem was that over the years Ellen had built a fortress around herself, and no one ever really got in. She was not able to trust anyone enough to be truly intimate. With her therapist's help, she was able to work through her feelings about the abuse she suffered as a child and the pain and anger she felt toward her parents. However, the money issues continued to interfere in her relationships. There was still something she needed to understand that was getting in the way of her happiness.

    As we looked at Ellen's past and tried to pull together the pieces, we found that the only time she could ever remember feeling safe was right after her father brought home a paycheck. Because for a while, when there was money, her family was happy, and the abuse would stop. Although Ellen had forgotten this, the memory embedded in her subconscious was played out in her daily life. Ellen spent most of her time working and knew she was a workaholic, but she always said it was because she liked her work. Her workaholism was one of the major problems in her relationships. The other was that although Ellen had a lot of money, she was frugal beyond belief. She didn't enjoy spending her money, and she wasn't good at sharing it. Ellen was a mixture of the Warrior and Tyrant money types.

    In looking at her relationships, Ellen began to see how she had pushed the men in her life away even though they had truly loved her. Although neither of the men she had married had as much money as she did, they were successful in their own right. That was the other missing link. Since she was more successful than they and money was her safety net, subconsciously she could not stop working so hard because in her mind her husbands weren't financially reliable. They might not bring in that paycheck, and then what would happen? That left everything up to her, and subconsciously she felt betrayed, and so she sabotaged her relationships.(snip)
    Very interesting article about net worth and self worth.
    http://www.grandtimes.com/Redefining.html
    Last edited by Optimist; 06-09-2011 at 11:24 PM.
    “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.” - ECKHART TOLLE

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    Default Re: Your Money Is Not Your Life

    I've gone through this in the last few years. I had a high paying management life where I had money to buy. However, my social life especially dating suffered because all I wanted to do was buy things. I then lost my management job and have found a serious of lower paying jobs. Since then I've realized that if I had concentrated more on my social life instead of working I would be much happier. I am now seeking out lower paying social service agency sort of jobs.

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    God/dess Kisca's Avatar
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    Default Re: Your Money Is Not Your Life

    Money makes me world go around. Its a security blanket and I always need it to fall down upon.

    Without money, Im stressed out, even if its enough to pay for rent and basic needs, I still like my wants filled! So I stress and am unhappy till I make a certain amount. The more of it, the less stress, the less of it the more work and more stress! Parts of life..

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    Default Re: Your Money Is Not Your Life

    Money has NEVER been the 'be all and end all' in my life. My Spiritual well-being has always been far more important....that, and my husband and my family.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
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    Default Re: Your Money Is Not Your Life

    Money is not the goal, money is the means.
    "Well done. Here are the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: 'A horrible person.' We weren't even testing for that."

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    Default Re: Your Money Is Not Your Life

    Quote Originally Posted by Kisca View Post
    Money makes me world go around. Its a security blanket and I always need it to fall down upon.

    Without money, Im stressed out, even if its enough to pay for rent and basic needs, I still like my wants filled! So I stress and am unhappy till I make a certain amount. The more of it, the less stress, the less of it the more work and more stress! Parts of life..
    Exactly! I left a stressful, high-paying job, hoping to find peace. But I'm very stressed now because I'm broke! Scraping to pay daily bills is not my idea of fun.

    That said, I'm quite sure my last job was killing me, slowly. I may be stressed now but I don't feel trapped (by a job I'd come to despise) or hopeless. I feel, umm, inconvenienced by a short term (I hope) cash-flow problem. On balance, I'm happier.

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    Default Re: Your Money Is Not Your Life

    I'm a minimalist, or frugal if you want to call it that, even coming from an upper middle class family. I don't like having a bunch of things and that's probably because I never feel at home wherever I live. Not having a bunch of stuff does make me feel peaceful. The only thing I stock up on is clothes because I love looking good.

    I actually lost a college "friend" because she thought I wasn't on her level financially. During college, I didn't have extra money, couldn't go shopping all the time, and didn't want to go out because I didn't have new outfits. I was never a mooch though, never, she knew that, but I guess she didn't like me anyways. I thought I made a decent friend. It made me feel like I had little worth and it did show. Now, I'm pretty sure I make more money than her, but Que Sera Sera. Sometimes I have the urge to hit her up on FB, invite her to shop, and buy up a storm, just to be a showoff and save face. Oh money, the obsession of which is root of negative form. Money, itself, is never the problem.

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    Default Re: Your Money Is Not Your Life

    I have finally found a balance between family and my obsession with having money. I feel a need to work to make money, but have cut back a bit in working And therefore on buying stuff, in order to spend more tme with my family and friends.
    "You can close your eyes to reality but not to memories -Stainslaw J. Lec

    Confuscius say: "Man who pull bra stap get bust in face"


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    Default Re: Your Money Is Not Your Life

    Money can't buy you love.

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    Default Re: Your Money Is Not Your Life

    Quote Originally Posted by Brigham View Post
    Money can't buy you love.
    Right.

    I've always regarded money as a necessary evil - kind of like one of those tools you need in life to function in society, like electricity, a car, gas and furniture. Outside this, money has no influence on my spiritual health or my personal lifestyle.

    My lifestyle choices would have been the same whatever - and most definitely my choice of husband, and the circumstances under which we met, would have been the same whether I was wealthy or just what is termed 'comfortable'.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
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    Default Re: Your Money Is Not Your Life

    ...yeah but I sure need it to get where I want to get in life...it's a shame.

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    Default Re: Your Money Is Not Your Life

    Everyone in their own way is trying to find their peace or happiness in life. Here is the thing I've noticed. The most un-happy people tend to the ones that are the most materialistic. They equate happiness with what they have, what they can buy, etc. Consumerism is such a drug and society has been brain-washed with it. So of course these people pursue money as a means of achieving this sense of 'happiness'. But if you stop and think about, truly happy people are content with what they already have and don't need to fill that void with things they think they need.

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    Default Re: Your Money Is Not Your Life

    Quote Originally Posted by Amy Lee View Post
    ...yeah but I sure need it to get where I want to get in life...it's a shame.

    Quote Originally Posted by crillin View Post
    Everyone in their own way is trying to find their peace or happiness in life. Here is the thing I've noticed. The most un-happy people tend to the ones that are the most materialistic. They equate happiness with what they have, what they can buy, etc. Consumerism is such a drug and society has been brain-washed with it. So of course these people pursue money as a means of achieving this sense of 'happiness'. But if you stop and think about, truly happy people are content with what they already have and don't need to fill that void with things they think they need.

    ^ Absolutely on the button.

    We all have our aspirations and desires, and we all have our own interpretation of what "where I want to be in life" means to us. As far as I was concerned, from a very early age, my aspirations didn't involve money at all. They were based on personal development, artistic creativity, spiritual fullfilment, my family and my health.

    I have never been overly worried about other people's ideas of what I should be doing - it's nobody else's business. So peer pressure and 'keeping up with the Jones's' simply wasn't - and still isn't - an issue for me. I have never been interested in monetary gain or financial achievement, nor do social status and material wealth mean anything significant to me. There are far more worthwhile things to do in life than running around trying to earn enough money to have more skiing holidays than anyone else, a flashier car than everyone else, or a flashier house, flashier clothes, the latest all singing and all dancing cell-phone or huge multi-function cinema screen TV's.

    My aims in life focussed far more closely on the human things that really matter in the long run - and this is without doubt, largely due to having grown up on a farm and spending a happy childhood surrounded by Mother Nature in all her glory.
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    Default Re: Your Money Is Not Your Life

    Quote Originally Posted by pussyinboots View Post
    ^ Absolutely on the button.

    We all have our aspirations and desires, and we all have our own interpretation of what "where I want to be in life" means to us. As far as I was concerned, from a very early age, my aspirations didn't involve money at all. They were based on personal development, artistic creativity, spiritual fullfilment, my family and my health.

    I have never been overly worried about other people's ideas of what I should be doing - it's nobody else's business. So peer pressure and 'keeping up with the Jones's' simply wasn't - and still isn't - an issue for me. I have never been interested in monetary gain or financial achievement, nor do social status and material wealth mean anything significant to me. There are far more worthwhile things to do in life than running around trying to earn enough money to have more skiing holidays than anyone else, a flashier car than everyone else, or a flashier house, flashier clothes, the latest all singing and all dancing cell-phone or huge multi-function cinema screen TV's.

    My aims in life focussed far more closely on the human things that really matter in the long run - and this is without doubt, largely due to having grown up on a farm and spending a happy childhood surrounded by Mother Nature in all her glory.
    Sounds idyllic! I'm right there with you! I've been softening on my attitude toward moneymaking lately. I used to get such a rush from working that I would sometimes go in on my off days. It was my reason to get out of bed! My self esteem was affected by whether I really pushed hard the night before or just coasted like a slug. I felt worse after a night I felt I'd "wasted" by not going all out. It's too much.

    Lately it's not nearly so exciting and I'm actually more excited to hang out and talk to people around the neighborhood and see the kids play and just be. It's weird but I'm trying to go with it. I'm feeling more fulfilled by tending to my inner life or private life than rushing around the club all night tracking down my VIP.
    “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.” - ECKHART TOLLE

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    Default Re: Your Money Is Not Your Life

    ^I loved what chrilin has said too. As far as materialism goes, I feel social networking sites like Facebook (together with newer and newer technologies) emphasize the need to accumulate more and more. Or with Facebook, people seem to want to compete over whose lives appear better... who has more, doing more, etc.

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    Default Re: Your Money Is Not Your Life

    Quote Originally Posted by pussyinboots View Post
    Right.

    I've always regarded money as a necessary evil - kind of like one of those tools you need in life to function in society, like electricity, a car, gas and furniture. Outside this, money has no influence on my spiritual health or my personal lifestyle.

    My lifestyle choices would have been the same whatever - and most definitely my choice of husband, and the circumstances under which we met, would have been the same whether I was wealthy or just what is termed 'comfortable'.
    You made your points beautifully. This post of yours alone justifies why we should consider something similar to H1-B program for strippers.

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    Default Re: Your Money Is Not Your Life

    The only time I don't like money is when I don't have enough of it.

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    Default Re: Your Money Is Not Your Life

    Quote Originally Posted by PhxRising View Post
    ^I loved what chrilin has said too. As far as materialism goes, I feel social networking sites like Facebook (together with newer and newer technologies) emphasize the need to accumulate more and more. Or with Facebook, people seem to want to compete over whose lives appear better... who has more, doing more, etc.
    So true! I got on there thinking I could re-connect with old friends and it's all about subtle competition. Kinda sucks.
    “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.” - ECKHART TOLLE

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    Default Re: Your Money Is Not Your Life

    Quote Originally Posted by Brigham View Post
    You made your points beautifully. This post of yours alone justifies why we should consider something similar to H1-B program for strippers.
    Thank you SO much. I just looked up H1-B Programme...and realised what you mean. I've gone all pink and fluffy inside now....
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