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Thread: bipolar husband threatens to leave..Constructive ideas?

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    Veteran Member pink_bunny's Avatar
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    Question bipolar husband threatens to leave..Constructive ideas?

    Where is the line between emotional abuse and thoughtless impulsiveness?
    thursday night fight
    me: hey you took my spot on the couch..
    hubby: fine ill find a new place to stay!
    That was last night..
    My husband is unmedicated and threatens to leave when small things don't please him, and the pathetic thing is I'm acually feeling scared.
    In the past we would have periods of calm, everything comfy and predcitable then every 5 months or so out of nowhere he will start getting irate, beliggerent, threaten to leave, etc. Basically like a competely different, cruel person... this is not the considerate, kind, reasonable man I started dating again last September
    So I am aware bp gets worse with age left untreated... and i have no money for counseling that is $$$. I am going to try going to a counselor at YWCA. . I am having a hard time handling this and feel like I am the glue holding the marriage together who suggested "date night," him seeing a therapist in the past who diagnosed him with bp, and picking my battles( not fight about petty shit) but imo, you don't threated to leave your spouse unless you are dead serious so this crosses the line for me.
    Advice/support/suggestions ~~~ pep talk
    feel free to add your own experiences this is mine- its a struggle but maybe a solution is in the future..
    Last edited by pink_bunny; 06-10-2011 at 10:00 AM. Reason: Support group for bipolars/wives/borderlines/wives

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    Default Re: bipolar husband threatens to leave..Constructive ideas?

    Umm- if he's going through a hypomanic, manic, or " mixed state" ( features of both mania and depression), then he might very well have meant it at that very moment- but not the moment before or the moment after.

    If he's unmedicated BP, I'd offer a choice- he can get some lithium or he can move the hell out already. The behaviors associated w/ BPD are effectively abusive to a spouse or close friend, even if he's not really in control- the snipping at you, the weird paranoria, the rushing you when he's hot and then dragging when he's down, but it's all your fault.


    Seriously. The threat to leave didn't mean a god-damned thing to him, but it's clearly fucked you up. He doesn't have a right to do that to you, sick or not.

    If he's willing to work toward heath, support him. If he's not, get yourself clear- It's gonna fall aprt sooner than later anyway, and you might as well not waste the time...

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    Default Re: bipolar husband threatens to leave..Constructive ideas?

    Oh, and if it's BPD- counseling isn't going to do a damned thing until mood stabilizers are introduced. Lithium's cheap- maybe $.25 a day. A lot of the other meds often used are available as cheap generics. Any MD can write the scripts.

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    Default Re: bipolar husband threatens to leave..Constructive ideas?

    You guys def need counseling--both just for him and for both of u as a couple. There are affordable options through places like catholic charities for example and family services through the city. Those sessions can be under 50 per session/depending on ur area-- as some work on a sliding pay scale. BPD is a hard thing to deal w. Stuff from his past has prolly damaged him, and it doesnt have much to do with u although u may be a trigger. Some people w BPD are permanently scarred and if u love him and want to be with him u have to learn the difference between what the disorder causes and what is actually him. There is a difference. It takes alot of patience to be w someone w BPD. If he is willing to work through things as much as possible and try to get in touch w his behavioral traits and try to improve where he can as he can then u ought to give him a chance. Just know some of this isnt his fault. The part that is his fault is the part who refuses to take steps at self improvement. Even a tiny, tiny improvement is a step n the right direction. If the person is dedicated then more tiny steps should follow.

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    Default Re: bipolar husband threatens to leave..Constructive ideas?

    Thank u everyone for your input- sometimes when its like this im in a room full of mirrors and i don't know what side of him to believe. update to come...

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    Default Re: bipolar husband threatens to leave..Constructive ideas?

    man, good luck. like anything else, BPD disorder can vary in certain degrees. an ex-fiance was designated with it and until she got medication, she was kinda out of control. I admit, I didn't think so much so that she needed the meds, but that's another thing..one at least needs counseling when it's discovered to be such a problem in ther life that it's disruptive to a 'normal' life.

    if you can deal with it, I'd say do it an see what you can do, (it takes a certain person with a lot of energy to deal with crap) but I mean if he gets violent with you or anything, you should probably leave and all.
    I wish I knew what I was doing...

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    Veteran Member pink_bunny's Avatar
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    Default Re: bipolar husband threatens to leave..Constructive ideas?

    what does lithium do??

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    Default Re: bipolar husband threatens to leave..Constructive ideas?

    Lithium's a mood stabilizer- essentially cuts out or cuts down the "up" side of the cycle. What goes up must come down, so trimming the high end generally ameliorates the crashes.

    One thing to know about BPD is that the depressions, while uncomfortable, don't tend to be as damaging as the manic phases. You might not get out of bed for a week, but you don't leave your wife on a whim.

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    Default Re: bipolar husband threatens to leave..Constructive ideas?

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lithium_(medication)

    Lotta folks will describe it as "flattening" their mood.

    Usually a good thing.

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    Default Re: bipolar husband threatens to leave..Constructive ideas?

    I feel for your situation. Im bipolar, diagnosed when I was 20. I am now on meds and doing as well as i can. Your husband needs to see a psychiatrist, they are the ones that diagnose and treat mental disorders such as BPD. Yes they can be pricy, I think mine charges $120 a session without insurance, but I think its worth it to find one in your area for your own sanity and your husbands mental health. Others spoke of using Lithium, thats an old stanby, but that has drawbacks, blood levels have to be monitored. I ampersonally on Lamictal as a mood stabalizer and it has done well for me. He probably needs to be on a mood stabalizer and an atypical anitpsycotic to go with it. DO NOT let anyone put him on an antidepresant!!!! Unless he is very very monitored, they can throw a bipolar into a manic episode. Also be aware that in men when they are manic they tend to be more aggressive, its jsut how the bipolar manifests itself in men. So in short he needs help, there has to be some place where you live that has low cost mental health help. I know it can be hard to live with him right now, but just remember the episodes arent your husband they are the bipolar, he cant help it anymore that a person can help being diabetic. IF you need any more info, insight, or just want to talk feel free to message me. Ive been bipolar for 8 years and I am med compliant, I still have episodes from time to time, and that can happen even on meds, but over all my live is vastly imporoved. Hope this helped. Oh and I know you said you cant afford counselling but if you can find somewhere that has a sliding scale or something it may be good for you to go, you need an out let too. Its a lot to deal with a spouce that has a MI, and harder if you hold it all it.
    I don't feel myself today
    Just a figure in a big monopoly game
    Struggle is the price you pay
    You get just enough just to give it away
    I'm sinking but I'm floating away
    Throw me a line so I can anchor my pain
    The fabric is about to fray




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    Default Re: bipolar husband threatens to leave..Constructive ideas?

    I forgot to add about meds. A lot have generics but some dont. A lot of the docs gets free samples and will give them out to patients, thats how I get one of my meds cause its so expensive. There are also patient assistance programs through the drug manufactures to look into.
    I don't feel myself today
    Just a figure in a big monopoly game
    Struggle is the price you pay
    You get just enough just to give it away
    I'm sinking but I'm floating away
    Throw me a line so I can anchor my pain
    The fabric is about to fray




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