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Thread: Should I just tell the truth?

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    Default Should I just tell the truth?

    My dad suspects I'm dancing. I told him I had to work tomorrow, and he asked, "where are you working, what are you doing, honestly?"
    I told him bartending, and he didn't ask anything else, of course silence followed.
    My dad is never home, only comes home from work once or twice a month. The rest of the time its just my step mom. But I think my step mom suspects it as well.
    I strongly believe that all truths come to light, there is a saying in Spanish that translates to: The earth and the heavens promised to never occult anything from each other.
    I really want to tell them the truth, but I feel like it would only make me feel good, not them. I think they might want to carry on pretending to not know.
    I don't know what to do. I'm not ashamed of what I am doing, but they would be ashamed of me, and it would stir up so much crap on both sides of the family...
    Like I said, I think they will find out eventually, and I would rather tell them myself then from them to hear it from someone else. I just don't know how to do it, or if I should do it.

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    Default Re: Should I just tell the truth?

    Tough call...could you warm them up to the idea by saying you tend bar or cocktail waitress at a strip club? Then gauge their reaction to that environment?

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    Veteran Member lfr's Avatar
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    Default Re: Should I just tell the truth?

    Quote Originally Posted by lokikola View Post
    and he asked, "where are you working, what are you doing, honestly?"
    sounds like he's honestly concerned. but maybe he'll have a shit-fit and so will the step-mom. I dunno. this is for you to determine. i mean the girl i'm interested in is going through this too. some family know but some don't and she's had to hide from them. not knowing the fam, I'd say you shoudl know whether it was something to work out with them, or whether it would be one big shit-fest.
    I wish I knew what I was doing...

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    Default Re: Should I just tell the truth?

    I saw before that you worked as a hostess in Japan. Companies that hire hostesses also hire waiters, musicians, etc...
    Many people in this country aren't aware of these kinds of jobs. There are teaching jobs too. It might be a long-shot but you could look into the business part of it. Don't forget your connections.
    Working clubs in the states felt like a major step backwards after working in Osaka. American clubs suck.
    Last edited by bucket; 06-10-2011 at 07:40 PM. Reason: spelling

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    Default Re: Should I just tell the truth?

    Tough one. Why do u think they suspect? Just the hours? If it was me, I wouldnt fess up. All I need would be my gramma and my uncles, on top of my folks freaking out. Talk about a drama bomb!!!

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    Default Re: Should I just tell the truth?

    I don't want to mess with them even more by telling them I'm bartending but not where I said I was... in that case I'm just lying some more. But, I don't think they would be happy about it either.
    I would love to do the hostess thing again! I think it would be like working in an upscale strip club. I think, I don't really know, just assuming. I still would want to strip (I was scared of getting naked in front of strangers but now I kinda like it, its liberating), but I'd really like to have nicer clients and be more social. I love talking to new people and I think I'm good at it...
    I'm not sure how I would go about finding a place like this.
    I work Sat and Sun noon to 8PM, so hours aren't it. I don't know what it is...

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    Default Re: Should I just tell the truth?

    Do you work close to home? - or a bastard ex that would tell them? I agree that you don't want to volunteer info, but it doesn't like you should outright lie. Not everyone understands, use your best judgement to not hurt you or them.

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    Default Re: Should I just tell the truth?

    Quote Originally Posted by lokikola View Post
    I don't want to mess with them even more by telling them I'm bartending but not where I said I was... in that case I'm just lying some more. But, I don't think they would be happy about it either.
    I would love to do the hostess thing again! I think it would be like working in an upscale strip club. I think, I don't really know, just assuming. I still would want to strip (I was scared of getting naked in front of strangers but now I kinda like it, its liberating), but I'd really like to have nicer clients and be more social. I love talking to new people and I think I'm good at it...
    I'm not sure how I would go about finding a place like this.
    I work Sat and Sun noon to 8PM, so hours aren't it. I don't know what it is...
    I don't think there are hostess type jobs in the states. Different culture. In Japan many customers just want to practice their Engilsh with someone so people's behavior is much different overall. It's not about having your mind on the money all the time like it is here. Club owners here could care less about people developing social skills too.
    Right now, dancers/club workers aren't happy and neither are customers.
    Maybe it's all the drugs and excessive drinking. That's what did in live music. Too many people that just want to get-over.
    Anyway, good luck with your job and your dad.

    PS, I found your story interesting because I was the only white boy who worked in my club, or the whole company I think. LOL

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    Default Re: Should I just tell the truth?

    Why are you living at home? Can't you just find a very cheap place, move out and then opt to tell them or not? You're an adult. You can do whatever you want, within your means to make money. Move out and just quit being accountable to them for your time. Problem solved.

    My dad basically guessed I was stripping when I was staying with him (voluntarily, mind you). But I was also paying for his food, utilities and medications and cooking him hot meals before I left for work, every day. You can imagine, under those circumstances, my source of income was a non-issue for him. He just accepted the fact and we didn't need to discuss it. If you have to stay there, what do you contribute to your parents' household that they might consider your source of income more acceptable? If they're so opposed to it and give you grief or guilt, if it worth it to stay and keep contributing if they show you disrespect?
    "SS=stripper shit, in the same spectrum as CS=customer shit, which is within the spectrum of SaS=sales shit, which is all contained in the universe of BS=bullshit." -- Jay Zeno (mod)

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    Default Re: Should I just tell the truth?

    how nosy are your parents? i told my mother i was working as a dental hygienist for a year or so. which is weird because what dentist office closes at last call? perhaps just switch up the conversation whenever work comes up!

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    Default Re: Should I just tell the truth?

    Quote Originally Posted by camille27 View Post
    how nosy are your parents? i told my mother i was working as a dental hygienist for a year or so. which is weird because what dentist office closes at last call? perhaps just switch up the conversation whenever work comes up!
    Lol.
    I never tell the truth about what I do for a living.

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    Default Re: Should I just tell the truth?

    I pay half the utilities here. Only reason I don't pay rent is because there is no mortgage payment and before I moved here there were 5 empty rooms in the house (I took one and the other is my baby's nursery). I also pay for half groceries and stuff like that. I am living here because I am getting divorced and left my ex with nothing but our clothes (my daughter and I). So I'm trying to save money by staying here (no rent), plus my step mom helps me with my daughter. She watches her while I'm at school and at work. She refuses to let me compensate her for taking care of her, so instead I pay for pedicures and other small things where I can.
    I've decided not to say anything. I know that if my dad was that uncomfortable with it he would call me out on it. Nothing good will come of them knowing, just a shit storm with my family in Mexico. They're really nosy so my family in the US likes doing whatever they do and keeping it on this side. So thats what I'm going to do.
    Thank you guys ^_^

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    Default Re: Should I just tell the truth?

    Quote Originally Posted by vivianbear View Post
    Why are you living at home? Can't you just find a very cheap place, move out and then opt to tell them or not? You're an adult. You can do whatever you want, within your means to make money. Move out and just quit being accountable to them for your time. Problem solved.

    My dad basically guessed I was stripping when I was staying with him (voluntarily, mind you). But I was also paying for his food, utilities and medications and cooking him hot meals before I left for work, every day. You can imagine, under those circumstances, my source of income was a non-issue for him. He just accepted the fact and we didn't need to discuss it. If you have to stay there, what do you contribute to your parents' household that they might consider your source of income more acceptable? If they're so opposed to it and give you grief or guilt, if it worth it to stay and keep contributing if they show you disrespect?
    This.

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    Default Re: Should I just tell the truth?

    oh girl, you know better. i'm an immigrant too. lie, lie, lie, lie, lie. when you start to consider telling the truth, lie some more. if your family speaks another language besides english, lie.


    Quote Originally Posted by lokikola View Post
    I pay half the utilities here. Only reason I don't pay rent is because there is no mortgage payment and before I moved here there were 5 empty rooms in the house (I took one and the other is my baby's nursery). I also pay for half groceries and stuff like that. I am living here because I am getting divorced and left my ex with nothing but our clothes (my daughter and I). So I'm trying to save money by staying here (no rent), plus my step mom helps me with my daughter. She watches her while I'm at school and at work. She refuses to let me compensate her for taking care of her, so instead I pay for pedicures and other small things where I can.
    I've decided not to say anything. I know that if my dad was that uncomfortable with it he would call me out on it. Nothing good will come of them knowing, just a shit storm with my family in Mexico. They're really nosy so my family in the US likes doing whatever they do and keeping it on this side. So thats what I'm going to do.
    Thank you guys ^_^

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    Default Re: Should I just tell the truth?

    If you think it would just make you feel better, you're probably right. If they find out eventually and are disappointed in you lying - well, look at it this way. They're going to be upset about the stripping either way. It's not one of those "I"m not upset about the action - I'm upset that you lied about it" scenarios. Telling the truth will end with them upset about the dancing - finding out about it without you telling the truth will end with them upset about the dancing. At least if you don't tell, there's still a chance they won't find out - or if they suspect, at least they can choose to ignore it if they don't want to think about it. Telling them outright refuses them the chance to pretend it isn't what they think, which is probably what they want if they suspect it. If they find out you lied, they could be doubly upset about the dancing and the lying, but tell them "I did it protect you. Would you have really wanted to know? You don't even want to know now. Telling you myself wouldn't have changed the disappointment you feel in me dancing so why would I put you through that without needing to?"

    Quote Originally Posted by lecoeurnoir View Post
    could you warm them up to the idea by saying you tend bar or cocktail waitress at a strip club?
    If you feel you must tell them anything other than what you already told them, or they keep asking, I would go with this. Tell them you do bartend but you do it at a SC and the only reason you didn't tell them was because you thought they'd be uncomfortable with you working at a SC, even as a bartender. This way, you're telling them a new lie but with a story to explain why you didn't just say that in the first place - making it more believable because you sound like you're "coming clean."

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