Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 31

Thread: New GF Advice

  1. #1
    Veteran Member AngelKing's Avatar
    Joined
    Dec 2009
    Posts
    657
    Thanks
    103
    Thanked 396 Times in 227 Posts

    Default New GF Advice

    Hey guys, so I started seeing this wonderful girl. She is young, gorgeous, intelligent, has her life together, and relationship-wise has really awesome old-fashion values wrapped in a great liberal modern package. She's totally into family and monogamy, and takes care of her sick grandfather on her days off. Awesome girl.

    She has been dancing for the last 4 years, and we've gotten to the stage where we are starting to talk about our lives and histories. We are basically on the phone with each other texting or talking from morning until we fall asleep.

    Now, my issue is this. I really like this girl a lot, and don't want to blow it with her, but I need to know how I should approach the fact that I've dated other dancers in the past with her. I don't want her thinking she is another name to add to some non-existent list, nor that I'm one of these guys that goes after dancers. I have literally dated everyone from investment bankers to ballerinas.

    So how can I let her know that I've been with dancers in the past, without her feeling weird about it?

  2. #2
    Veteran Member
    Joined
    Mar 2008
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    464
    Thanks
    229
    Thanked 285 Times in 159 Posts
    My Mood
    Amused

    Default Re: New GF Advice

    Why do you feel there is a need to bring up you dated others that were dancers? If it comes up thru natural conversation what their occupation was.... that is one thing but to make it the point of a discussion is another. Woud you do the same if she was a school teacher and you dated other school teachers?


    I dont think not telling what the occupation of previous ladies you were involved with should be an issue or be something that could be considered hiding your past. You dated others and I am sure she has too. If you were an NFL player and she had dated other NFL players would you think less of her or have concerns?

    One other lady that was a dancer? or numerous? If it was one or even two she shouldn't have an issue but she might wonder if large number of previous ladies were dancers.

    Sounds like you have something good going....if it comes up...then be honest. I don't see a need to just ''out yourself'' in this instance.

  3. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Raider For This Useful Post:


  4. #3
    God/dess rickdugan's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2010
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    4,570
    Thanks
    4,406
    Thanked 7,481 Times in 2,715 Posts
    My Mood
    Amused

    Default Re: New GF Advice

    I'm really not sure why it has to come up at all. I never shared all of the gory details of my past relationships with my current wife and I don't think I want to know all of hers either.

  5. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to rickdugan For This Useful Post:


  6. #4
    Veteran Member AngelKing's Avatar
    Joined
    Dec 2009
    Posts
    657
    Thanks
    103
    Thanked 396 Times in 227 Posts

    Default Re: New GF Advice

    So the general consensus seems to be to not mention the fact until it comes up. Would any of you ladies feel weird if a fact like this came out months or years later? And, like it or not our occupations are a part of our identity and when you have spent time around someone in a specific job details of that will arise sooner or later in normal conversation with others.

  7. #5
    God/dess Vyanka's Avatar
    Joined
    Aug 2004
    Location
    Cash-Stack-istan Island
    Posts
    14,704
    Thanks
    6,564
    Thanked 11,625 Times in 3,697 Posts
    My Mood
    Angelic

    Default Re: New GF Advice

    Not important to know who anyone use to date and what they did for a living. Don't care, don't ask. Focus on now.

  8. The Following User Says Thank You to Vyanka For This Useful Post:


  9. #6
    God/dess Kisca's Avatar
    Joined
    Jun 2010
    Posts
    2,447
    Thanks
    1,403
    Thanked 1,534 Times in 805 Posts

    Default Re: New GF Advice

    It doesn't seem to be that important to say. If she asks, tell her, but I don't see how it should be a problem. It's a job and she can probably tell whether you're jerking her or not. Go with the flow, I don't see how she would care. It's obvious you like her and she should read
    the signs that you aren't just some other guy. Gl

  10. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Kisca For This Useful Post:


  11. #7
    Featured Member
    Joined
    Apr 2010
    Posts
    1,255
    Thanks
    122
    Thanked 467 Times in 250 Posts

    Default Re: New GF Advice

    I prefer not to know about previous gfs. Dancers or not.

  12. The Following User Says Thank You to kitinboots For This Useful Post:


  13. #8
    Senior Member
    Joined
    Mar 2007
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    116
    Thanks
    11
    Thanked 22 Times in 12 Posts

    Default Re: New GF Advice

    Am I the only one that would feel a bit odd about it if I found out a year after dating someone?

    I would feel the same way if they dated someone that has the same career as me (outside of dancing) and didn't mention it.

    Especially if they live in the same city and she might know / heard of the girl, it would make me feel odd finding out about it through someone else.

    That said, it doesn't need to be a big conversation. I would just mention it casually in conversation and then drop it.

  14. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to DEE_K For This Useful Post:


  15. #9
    Veteran Member AngelKing's Avatar
    Joined
    Dec 2009
    Posts
    657
    Thanks
    103
    Thanked 396 Times in 227 Posts

    Default Re: New GF Advice

    Awesome advice guys.

  16. #10
    Moderator Aurora_Sunset's Avatar
    Joined
    Feb 2011
    Posts
    6,430
    Thanks
    19,846
    Thanked 18,507 Times in 4,919 Posts
    My Mood
    Breezy

    Default Re: New GF Advice

    Quote Originally Posted by DEE_K View Post

    That said, it doesn't need to be a big conversation. I would just mention it casually in conversation and then drop it.
    I agree with this. I would feel weird if it was never brought up and then I found out a year later, but the only thing that would make it weirder is if you turned it into a monumental conversation and went all "There's something I need to tell you." Casually bringing it up would work best - if she mentions something about her job that you can contribute to, say "Oh, yeah, I dated this other girl who was a dancer and she said...." in regards to the topic at hand. If you act like it's no big deal, I don't think she'll mind. Not necessary to divulge details about exes, I'm in agreement with that - but specifically keeping quiet during a conversation that you would otherwise add to with your knowledge would be odd.

  17. #11
    Featured Member kandie_kitten's Avatar
    Joined
    May 2005
    Posts
    1,944
    Thanks
    164
    Thanked 498 Times in 218 Posts

    Default Re: New GF Advice

    Why would she need to know? It's not like I tell my boyfriend 'I dated a guy who was a mechanic...and another who was a programmer". No one cares!

  18. The Following User Says Thank You to kandie_kitten For This Useful Post:


  19. #12
    God/dess Athenathefabulous's Avatar
    Joined
    Feb 2009
    Location
    Istanbul, Turkey
    Posts
    3,724
    Thanks
    1,381
    Thanked 2,975 Times in 1,158 Posts

    Default Re: New GF Advice

    keep it casual. this is not like telling a girl you have herpes or that you have crazy baby-mama drama. shouldnt be a big deal.
    The best thing i have heard in a strip club to date:
    customer: we should get married right now! we should get a shotgun marriage!
    me: uhh... i think you are misunderstanding what a shotgun marriage means. A shotgun marriage means you knock me up and my daddy shows up at your door with a gun and forces you to marry me and raise the baby. You mean elope.
    customer: hmm... nah actually i will take the shotgun marriage. At least then we would be having sex.


  20. #13
    God/dess firemaiden04's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2008
    Location
    NY
    Posts
    2,652
    Thanks
    3,054
    Thanked 2,005 Times in 903 Posts

    Default Re: New GF Advice

    Why does it matter? Are they girls that she works with?

    Would you get nervous confessing to a college student you want to date that you've dated other college students in the past?

    Doesn't matter.

  21. #14
    Featured Member kandie_kitten's Avatar
    Joined
    May 2005
    Posts
    1,944
    Thanks
    164
    Thanked 498 Times in 218 Posts

    Default Re: New GF Advice

    ^Seriously. Will you also tell her you dated the ice cream girl in high school too?

  22. #15
    Veteran Member AngelKing's Avatar
    Joined
    Dec 2009
    Posts
    657
    Thanks
    103
    Thanked 396 Times in 227 Posts

    Default Re: New GF Advice

    I guess one thing I forgot to mention is the only reason I'm asking this question at all is that one of the girls I dated previously made a huge deal out of the fact that I had dated other dancers, specifically because I hadn't mentioned it for about half a year, and then when it came out she had serious issues about it. In retrospect, she probably just had serious issues.

  23. #16
    Veteran Member AngelKing's Avatar
    Joined
    Dec 2009
    Posts
    657
    Thanks
    103
    Thanked 396 Times in 227 Posts

    Default Re: New GF Advice

    Quote Originally Posted by kandie_kitten View Post
    ^Seriously. Will you also tell her you dated the ice cream girl in high school too?
    What is an ice cream girl?

  24. #17
    Moderator Aurora_Sunset's Avatar
    Joined
    Feb 2011
    Posts
    6,430
    Thanks
    19,846
    Thanked 18,507 Times in 4,919 Posts
    My Mood
    Breezy

    Default Re: New GF Advice

    Quote Originally Posted by AngelKing View Post
    I guess one thing I forgot to mention is the only reason I'm asking this question at all is that one of the girls I dated previously made a huge deal out of the fact that I had dated other dancers, specifically because I hadn't mentioned it for about half a year, and then when it came out she had serious issues about it. In retrospect, she probably just had serious issues.
    This is why I think it would be good to bring it up eventually. She shouldn't care, and I would wait until it comes up naturally in conversation. I think the only thing that would weird me out is if a guy didn't tell me when he could have mentioned it, and then I found out, I'd think "oh he must have not wanted to tell me for a reason...." I would start thinking that he's a serial dancer-dater or he must have dated other girls in my club and that would weird me out a little. I mean, don't bring it up until it comes up naturally cuz like everyone else is saying, it shouldn't matter what the jobs of previous gfs are, but if it comes up, speak up about it. If you dated a mechanic in the past, you would bring it up if you fixed something with your car and would say "oh yeah, my ex was a mechanic and taught me that." Don't make it a big production, but if it the topic comes up, I would just say it so it doesn't seem like a big secret.

  25. The Following User Says Thank You to Aurora_Sunset For This Useful Post:


  26. #18
    Veteran Member AngelKing's Avatar
    Joined
    Dec 2009
    Posts
    657
    Thanks
    103
    Thanked 396 Times in 227 Posts

    Default Re: New GF Advice

    Quote Originally Posted by Aurora_Sunset View Post
    This is why I think it would be good to bring it up eventually. She shouldn't care, and I would wait until it comes up naturally in conversation. I think the only thing that would weird me out is if a guy didn't tell me when he could have mentioned it, and then I found out, I'd think "oh he must have not wanted to tell me for a reason...." I would start thinking that he's a serial dancer-dater or he must have dated other girls in my club and that would weird me out a little. I mean, don't bring it up until it comes up naturally cuz like everyone else is saying, it shouldn't matter what the jobs of previous gfs are, but if it comes up, speak up about it. If you dated a mechanic in the past, you would bring it up if you fixed something with your car and would say "oh yeah, my ex was a mechanic and taught me that." Don't make it a big production, but if it the topic comes up, I would just say it so it doesn't seem like a big secret.
    Thanks, you pretty much nailed it.

  27. #19
    Featured Member kandie_kitten's Avatar
    Joined
    May 2005
    Posts
    1,944
    Thanks
    164
    Thanked 498 Times in 218 Posts

    Default Re: New GF Advice

    Quote Originally Posted by AngelKing View Post
    What is an ice cream girl?
    The girl who serves ice cream at Kohr Brothers. Or other similar places.

  28. #20
    Member r2468's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2010
    Posts
    51
    Thanks
    73
    Thanked 56 Times in 21 Posts
    My Mood
    Lurking

    Default Re: New GF Advice

    Quote Originally Posted by rickdugan View Post
    I'm really not sure why it has to come up at all. I never shared all of the gory details of my past relationships with my current wife and I don't think I want to know all of hers either.
    This, a detailed history seems to be the pursuit of unhappiness in my mind.

    Unless the ladies are interacting with or know each other.

    So if SO comes home from the hairdressers and says " I met this amazing hairdresser.." new bff and she happens to be an ex then we are having the " Babe there is something I need to tell you..." talk. Just so she isn't walking around like a blundering idiot.
    Last edited by r2468; 06-22-2011 at 08:33 PM. Reason: typo

  29. #21
    Veteran Member AngelKing's Avatar
    Joined
    Dec 2009
    Posts
    657
    Thanks
    103
    Thanked 396 Times in 227 Posts

    Default Re: New GF Advice

    Quote Originally Posted by r2468 View Post
    This, a detailed history seems to be the pursiut of in happiness in my mind.

    Unless the ladies are interacting with or know each other.

    So if SO comes home from the hairdressers and says " I met this amazing hairdresser.." new bff and she happens to be an ex then we are having the " Babe there is something I need to tell you..." talk. Just so she isn't walking around like a blundering idiot.
    I am sorry but I did not understand any of that. Thanks for the effort though.

  30. #22
    Member r2468's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2010
    Posts
    51
    Thanks
    73
    Thanked 56 Times in 21 Posts
    My Mood
    Lurking

    Default Re: New GF Advice

    ^ Tell her if and when she needs to know. Otherwise just be happy to be together.

  31. The Following User Says Thank You to r2468 For This Useful Post:


  32. #23
    God/dess carmen_b's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2007
    Location
    the mountains ....
    Posts
    14,202
    Thanks
    15,165
    Thanked 21,346 Times in 9,308 Posts

    Default Re: New GF Advice

    Agreed with the others ( don't mention it unless she asks and I'm not sure she will anytime soon ). The way it would probably come up IN conversation is that you'll know the run down ( it's just a job / you won't be a weirdo or need soothing ) and it might spark her asking. That's not to say to pretend you don't know the rundown , it's just what I imagine happening.

  33. The Following User Says Thank You to carmen_b For This Useful Post:


  34. #24
    Moderator unbeleavable's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Atl
    Posts
    3,429
    Thanks
    4,881
    Thanked 2,349 Times in 1,220 Posts

    Default Re: New GF Advice

    Congrats on finding someone to share with...that's whats important, the rest will be OK as long as your real.

  35. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to unbeleavable For This Useful Post:


  36. #25
    Featured Member lemiwinks31's Avatar
    Joined
    Jun 2007
    Posts
    1,338
    Thanks
    247
    Thanked 1,580 Times in 667 Posts

    Default Re: New GF Advice

    Quote Originally Posted by AngelKing View Post
    What is an ice cream girl?


Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. New to this forum! Offering advice and seeking advice
    By JusticeSpeaks in forum Hustle Hut
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 07-01-2007, 03:29 AM
  2. Advice
    By Natalie22 in forum Stripping (was Stripping General)
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: 11-06-2006, 04:19 PM
  3. Need some advice...
    By Sinful333 in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: 05-04-2006, 08:40 AM
  4. Need Advice On A Name.......
    By Cali_Tiffany in forum Newbie Board
    Replies: 21
    Last Post: 08-13-2004, 06:18 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •