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Thread: Girls who are ashamed to be strippers

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    Default Girls who are ashamed to be strippers

    Months ago I ran into a girl I used to be friends with dancing(we had a falling out). When I saw her again she tells me how great her life is and how she travels and she's so happy now. I was like ok good for u. She looks at me and says in a condescending tone, " oh so ur still DANCING?? I'm so glad I don't have to do THAT anymore.". Well I was told that she is now dancing again at another club. And the girl who told me said she looked embarrassed when she said hi to her. Now....wtf. Why be so ashamed of dancing?? I knew some male strippers and they were proud and showed off. I don't wanna do this forever but I'm not ashamed and happy I look good enough to do it

  2. #2
    lilykane
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    Default Re: Girls who are ashamed to be strippers

    I don't understand the self-hating strippers. I get not wanting to advertise that you strip for a living, but if you thinks it's bad then why do it?

    I love what I do; I'm not too vocal about it though because society usually has a problem with it which can make things difficult. Eh, screw the haters--they're no fun anyway :p

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    Default Re: Girls who are ashamed to be strippers

    As sad as it is, the majority of strippers I've worked with were there because they felt they had no other choice. No matter how good a job it is otherwise, if you feel you couldn't possibly do anything else, you're going to hate it because you feel trapped. That's probably how she feels, and in her mind, nobody would do it if they didn't have to. So she thought it's ok to talk down to you for "still DANCING," because she had "moved on to bigger better things."

    People seem to develop this attitude about a lot of things in life. I had a friend who I used to be really close with and we were going through hard, "growing up" times together, and she swore she would never judge me... well, a couple months later, she starts dating Mr. Wonderful, moves to the other side of the country and, despite the fact that she had to move into his mom's 1-bedroom apartment and eats ramen because she never even finished high school and works at Target, she thinks it's ok to lecture me on my "immature" lifestyle and choices... ... it's so pathetic when you have to put down other people's lives to make yourself feel like you've come soooo far and are better than them now... especially when, in all reality, you're not...

    Screw her. Let her hate her life and be ashamed. In my world, life's too short for regrets so I'm not gonna voluntarily do anything I'd regret, and I'm not going to regret the things I chose to do. My actions only seem to piss off others lol If other people are truly that happy and successful, they usually don't feel a need to put you down to make themselves SEEM happier and more successful than you.

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    Default Re: Girls who are ashamed to be strippers

    I see absolutely nothing wrong with dancing. I do it for the love of the stage performance, the thrill of the potential earnings and getting to doll myself up, not to mention getting to meet people I wouldn't normally get the chance to meet if I were doing something different. Haters= jealous but don't want to admit it.

    I say: fuck em!

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    Default Re: Girls who are ashamed to be strippers

    It's not something to boast about, and it's not something to be ashamed of. Everyone has different opinions but we have made a choice and there is no turning back on it. People who it out of desperation should be the LEAST ashamed because they are making something out of nothing. It's just a lack of self esteem that causes self doubt in making decisions and trusting them. As my best friend once said "there's nothing noble about poverty." So... get naked or get your lights cut off.... I would always take the first option.
    Quote Originally Posted by xxxtc View Post
    MEN - poorly designed creatures

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    Default Re: Girls who are ashamed to be strippers

    Why be ashamed? If you have what it takes... go make that money to better your future. Its a short career, make the best out of it. People need to relax, and not be so freaking weird! Just because you are a stripper doesn't mean you are a hooker.

    We all need breaks in this field, it's hard and can be really annoying to deal with at times. Just make sure you get something out of this... so you can look back and know that all your hard work dancing paid off.

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    Default Re: Girls who are ashamed to be strippers

    I have worked with girls like this, I dont understand them.
    xoxo

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    Default Re: Girls who are ashamed to be strippers

    Fuck me then. Feel free not to understand me as well. I'm not proud of being a dancer... and, yes, I'd be ashamed if anyone who really knows me found out. I'm doing this for the money.

    Now, do I like it? Yes, I do. However, I like getting fucked in the ass too, but I'm not PROUD of it.

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    Default Re: Girls who are ashamed to be strippers

    self-hate is ambition now?

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    Default Re: Girls who are ashamed to be strippers

    actually, i woud say yes. self hate is some peoples ambition

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    Default Re: Girls who are ashamed to be strippers

    Quote Originally Posted by Addison View Post
    Fuck me then. Feel free not to understand me as well. I'm not proud of being a dancer... and, yes, I'd be ashamed if anyone who really knows me found out. I'm doing this for the money.

    Now, do I like it? Yes, I do. However, I like getting fucked in the ass too, but I'm not PROUD of it.
    I think there's a difference between being "proud" of something and just not being ashamed. You can be not ashamed of your actions without being particularly proud of them. Why would you be ashamed of something you like doing? As long as you brought it up, why would you be ashamed of liking to be fucked in the ass? I can understand not being "proud" of it and shouting it from the rooftops lol But why be ashamed of doing something you like to do for money? I feel like if you didn't like it, sure, I'd understand being ashamed of resorting to it.... but... just... I don't understand the concept of being ashamed of something you like... it's not like what you're doing hurts someone - you don't like raping little kids or anything.... You're right, I don't understand. This sounds like some sort of low-self-esteem induced complex where you've had it programmed into your mind that only certain things are socially acceptable to like and do, so you hate yourself for doing something outside the norm...

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    Default Re: Girls who are ashamed to be strippers

    Quote Originally Posted by Aurora_Sunset View Post
    I think there's a difference between being "proud" of something and just not being ashamed. You can be not ashamed of your actions without being particularly proud of them. Why would you be ashamed of something you like doing? As long as you brought it up, why would you be ashamed of liking to be fucked in the ass? I can understand not being "proud" of it and shouting it from the rooftops lol But why be ashamed of doing something you like to do for money? I feel like if you didn't like it, sure, I'd understand being ashamed of resorting to it.... but... just... I don't understand the concept of being ashamed of something you like... it's not like what you're doing hurts someone - you don't like raping little kids or anything.... You're right, I don't understand. This sounds like some sort of low-self-esteem induced complex where you've had it programmed into your mind that only certain things are socially acceptable to like and do, so you hate yourself for doing something outside the norm...

    Mm-hmm.. you hit the nail on the head. You're absolutely right, that's what I think and feel.

    And it does hurt someone. It hurts my mom and it hurts my family. Therefore, it hurts me.

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    Default Re: Girls who are ashamed to be strippers

    Quote Originally Posted by Addison View Post
    Mm-hmm.. you hit the nail on the head. You're absolutely right, that's what I think and feel.

    And it does hurt someone. It hurts my mom and it hurts my family. Therefore, it hurts me.
    It only hurts them because they are brainwashed in the same way. My parents and family are exactly the same. They would suffer if they knew I danced. I just don't tell them. I'm not ashamed but I know my family would be, so why put them through that? Why be ashamed of something you like doing just because your family doesn't understand? Would your family like to know that you like being fucked in the ass? Probably not. But is it actually hurting them when you get fucked in the ass? Is it actually hurting them when you strip? Doubt it. It doesn't hurt me when my family is disappointed in my actions. It sucks and it makes me angry, but I would not be ashamed of an action that I would otherwise be ok with just because other people don't approve. People need to get over pleasing other people. If you like what you do, embrace it. Don't hate yourself and your life choices just because other people don't agree with you. Trying to please everyone is a sure way to misery.

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    Default Re: Girls who are ashamed to be strippers

    is the issue the condescending tone? i'm not a fan of long-term jobs, i think humans should push their potential, see what they're capable of, try different things...so yeah, if someone told me they were going to do a job with no room for growth or promotion (and this is the reality of house dancing), then...well, actually, i'd have no desire to be around that person because i think stagnancy is an undesirable character trait.

    but if you aren't "ashamed" of what you do, or that you are planning on doing it forever, why do you give a shit what this person who is no longer in your life thinks?

    dancing, for the vast majority of us, is a means to an end. it is a way to get on your feet when you're in an undesirable situation, finance business ideas, network.... someone can say to me, straight-faced, that they have no desire to do anything but dance in a strip club (and we can play the i-love-being-on-stage thing, but that's like....6% of the shift. our job is to work the floor, sell dances and champagne rooms. the stage is hugely irrelevant) and i will think that person is out of their fucking minds.

    if you love to be on stage, love to look pretty, love making money, love meeting new people, there are hundreds of things you could be aspiring to, using dancing as a stepping stone. this is not a long-term career.

    but i'm absolutely not-shocked that practicality is being equated with shame here.

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    Default Re: Girls who are ashamed to be strippers

    Sometimes like kindof like that scene in The Adjustment Bureau :

    Damon: So what do you do?
    Girl: I'm a dancer
    Damon: Oh.. hmm
    Girl:No that that kind of dancer
    Damon: I wasn't..

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    Default Re: Girls who are ashamed to be strippers

    Quote Originally Posted by camille27 View Post
    is the issue the condescending tone? i'm not a fan of long-term jobs, i think humans should push their potential, see what they're capable of, try different things...so yeah, if someone told me they were going to do a job with no room for growth or promotion (and this is the reality of house dancing), then...well, actually, i'd have no desire to be around that person because i think stagnancy is an undesirable character trait.

    but if you aren't "ashamed" of what you do, or that you are planning on doing it forever, why do you give a shit what this person who is no longer in your life thinks?

    dancing, for the vast majority of us, is a means to an end. it is a way to get on your feet when you're in an undesirable situation, finance business ideas, network.... someone can say to me, straight-faced, that they have no desire to do anything but dance in a strip club (and we can play the i-love-being-on-stage thing, but that's like....6% of the shift. our job is to work the floor, sell dances and champagne rooms. the stage is hugely irrelevant) and i will think that person is out of their fucking minds.

    if you love to be on stage, love to look pretty, love making money, love meeting new people, there are hundreds of things you could be aspiring to, using dancing as a stepping stone. this is not a long-term career.

    but i'm absolutely not-shocked that practicality is being equated with shame here.
    I am also not a fan of long-term jobs. I think the longest job I held was 2 years. And that was with plenty of breaks. I'm always getting burned out on everything I try and aspiring to something I think is better. I don't think most girls are "so totally proud to be strippers" and want to advertise it or anything, but why be ashamed of yourself? You're putting food on the table; taking care of yourself; possibly having fun while doing it. Every other job is as demeaning, IMO, it's just more socially acceptable than dancing. Sitting in an office all day? I would be ashamed to say I did that for a living... I know I can make better money on a better schedule than that... There are some girls that can make an AWESOME life for themselves stripping as a career - if you can, go for it! But if you grow to be displeased with it, move on. But don't talk down to the other dancers around you. This girl doesn't know her situation and she doesn't know what she is aspiring to. She has no right to talk about what's acceptable to be doing or not.

    If I'm not being attacked, I think to myself "who cares if my friend is working at Target because she never got a high school diploma?" She's taking care of herself. That's all that matters. But the second she or someone else tries to put me down in comparison to her, I'm like "bitch, I have a college degree, paying my own rent, and making sooo much more money than you do with my inappropriate lifestyle. You think you have room to diss me?" As long as someone is doing something that takes care of themselves and they personally don't hate doing it, I don't see the point in being ashamed of themselves or other people dissing them. I would only be ashamed if I was "settling' while knowing that I actually wanted much more that I wasn't pursuing.

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    Default Re: Girls who are ashamed to be strippers

    Fuck em

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    Default Re: Girls who are ashamed to be strippers

    im not ashamed that i dance/d but i dont feel the need to tell every farmers wife at the playgroup about my 'big city' lifestyle.
    however im very proud that we bought a house and new car outright, and can afford to both stay home for the first few years of our childrens life.
    its a job i was GOOD AT, I miss it!
    Theres no sense crying over every mistake,
    you just keep on trying till you run out of cake

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    Lightbulb Re: Girls who are ashamed to be strippers

    Quote Originally Posted by Aurora_Sunset View Post
    As sad as it is, the majority of strippers I've worked with were there because they felt they had no other choice. No matter how good a job it is otherwise, if you feel you couldn't possibly do anything else, you're going to hate it because you feel trapped.
    THIS.

    also there's the chance that while dancing is good to some of u, some girls just can't hack it as dancers. E.g., the girls who can't hustle, make <$100 a shift. They do it becuz they can't do anything better (either they lack skills, education, or sadly sometimes they have these things and STILL are unable to get hired at a decent strait job that actually pays a living wage, something better then mcd's or being a grocery bagged). these girls, they KNOW they're the stripclub bottom feeders but sadly the $100/shift they make is the best they can do for themselves. Come on we all know it's pretty easy to get hired @ most clubs esp with the way managers at most have lowered standards in recent yrs just to have more girls paying house fees. So they feel ashamed and embarrassed esp since this "best job they can get" doesn't pay much AND it has a societal stigma attached to it.

    Told ya a few times bout a former friend who didn't make much as a stripper, talked lotsa big bravado talk bout how she was gonna be a model. She's written about in the "scandocous" thred tho someone rightfully called me out that she's not really scandocous, just really sad. Well she was this way. She would go thru stints where she moped around home insteada going to work at the club becuz she was sick of her $30 nights and/or management had temp fired her (often ultimately related to her not bringing in enuff $$). She would say things like "fuck dancing, I ain't shaking my ass for money. I ain't shaking my ass for a dollar" then go saying things like how technically being dancers makes them "sex workers" like trying to parallel it to prostitution in a way or something. But alas she'd ALWAYS return becuz she couldn't do better.

    Truthfully I lost respect for her always returning, simply becuz 1 it showed lack of achievement in trying to find something that paid better than she was making and/or was something she felt better about. And 2 becuz when some1 talks so much bout being "done" with something forever then returns to it again and again and AGAIN u just can't take them seriously. Oh yea then again this is also the same girl who kept retalking bout wanting that boob job she never could get, and crawled back to the bf that she was so devastated when he got another girl pregnant (got back with him while the pregnancy was still in effect!!), then when that guy dumped her FOR GOOD she told him she wanted a guy "without baggage" (ie, no kids) then next guy she dated had a kid from an ex

    had to move into his mom's 1-bedroom apartment and eats ramen because she never even finished high school and works at Target,
    As I already mentioned before, I know people who've had to work these jobs DESPITE fink shiny high school, even college, and despite being good hard workers. They just couldnt cut anything close to resembling a lucky break. These people were usually as ashamed of these types of dead end "high school jobs" as the girl u write about who was ashamed to still be dancing. A friend of mine war in that boat for YEARS after college before he could even get an entry level desk job and he used to comment to me and only his closest friends that he yearned for a job he could "actually admit to".

    I think another reason people might feel inclined to lie about and/or feel ashamed about there job is becuz not only do they realize the "best they can do" isn't all that good, but to add to it they've had people mock or judge them for it. Mebbe the girl who mocked "still dancing" had family get furious at her when they found out she danced..so now she too has a bad opinion of it AND hides her still dancing from them in attempt to get back into their good graces. But like dancing, this can and HAS happened with target-ish min wage jobs too..people judging u badly for it. Seems the better educated u are, the more u get belittled or smirked at when the best u can do is retail. When I went thru a stint after college having trouble getting hired at a collegiate job a guy friend mocked me, "[store name]! can't u do better?! Isn't this only like, a $10/hr job?" (actually $8/hr thankyouverymuch, thanks for making me feel even more like shit about it). Got to the point that 1yr later when he visited hometown for holidays again and I encountered him, and he asked if I was still at that store, I belittled the job and said in the same condescending voice he used, "no I have a REAL job now" then bragged about the brand new car I'd bought only a month prior. Granted this was a dude who worked for a Big 4 accounting firm, NEVER had to work a retail job since junior yr of high school. I woulda never given that attitude to some1 still working at the store job becuz that would bE plain mean

    So it doesn't just happen with dancing.

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    Default Re: Girls who are ashamed to be strippers

    Quote Originally Posted by BunniHops View Post
    It's not something to boast about, and it's not something to be ashamed of ... People who it out of desperation should be the LEAST ashamed because they are making something out of nothing.
    true points, tho actually I used to know a hard-on-her-luck girl who DID go brag about dancing...kinda the drastic extreme of the girl the op described

    This girl was having so many financial difficultys, trouble getting a "real" job after college, and lack of family support, that she was stuck at the lowest of dead end min wage jobs and was a member of the 'working homeless'. People in her fairly well to do town mocked her for it, treated her like a 3rd class citizen, we're talking even 45-yr-old men would refer to her as "homeless girl" and ignore her when she tried to simply talk to them! Being homeless for long enough caused her to finally grow enough balls to audition at enough stripclubs that she got hired at 1. Dancing money literally saved her from the streets. She waited some time til she'd accomplished alot from dancing (nice apartment, a car, improved her looks, etc) then went BACK to her hometown and marched into the (nondancing)bar she'd been treated the shittiest at, just to flaunt how she was a high roller now that she got into dancing. And speaking of her old under-min wage dishwashing job and especially homelessness in the most condescending voice possible. If anything I'm glad she made something of herself and showed her bullies that success is indeed the best revenge, but yea being a dancer isn't the worst but it's not the best either

    So for her, she was actually MORE ashamed of the strait min wage job than she was of dancing (since the dead end job ='d homelessness, which carries a big enough stigma I need not explain). She was proud of stripping becuz it finally allowed her to get on her feet + afford a few high ticket items.

    But as with most people, some time later she seemed progression or essentially a "promotion". Now that she'd long Overcome the hurdles of homeless and/or min wage job discrimination, she seeked to shed herself from stripper stigma as well. So as soon as she quit stripping to look harder (and ultimately get) a strait collegiate job, she started looking down her nose at stripping...ok mebbe mostly just with those of us that never stripped before, like her guy friends, but still... Go figure lol

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    Default Re: Girls who are ashamed to be strippers

    Quote Originally Posted by kthnx View Post



    As I already mentioned before, I know people who've had to work these jobs DESPITE fink shiny high school, even college, and despite being good hard workers. They just couldnt cut anything close to resembling a lucky break. These people were usually as ashamed of these types of dead end "high school jobs" as the girl u write about who was ashamed to still be dancing. A friend of mine war in that boat for YEARS after college before he could even get an entry level desk job and he used to comment to me and only his closest friends that he yearned for a job he could "actually admit to".



    So it doesn't just happen with dancing.
    I wasn't necessarily making fun of her for working at Target. I was just pointing out that we used to be in exactly the same kind of lifestyle and then branched off - she didn't exactly go onto anything glamorous, having to live with her bf's mom and eat poorly because she will pretty much only ever be able to work retail jobs unless she goes into business for herself. So her trying to talk down to me while I was out there supporting myself and trying to better myself was a little ridiculous. I don't discredit her with doing what she needs to do to get by, but if she couldn't afford moving to the other side of the country, why do it? If she hates that she can't get a better job and have more money, (something she often complained about) why didn't she finish/go back to school? She has talked endlessly about starting her own business but she never goes through with finishing any plans for it and just gives up... I guess you have to know my friend to know that she's one of those people who does not think through her decisions and is incredibly lazy in her pursuits and then blames the rest of the world for her problems... that's why I used her as an example.

    Anyway, that was a bit of threadjack - sorry. Just wanted to point out that I wasn't trying to diss anybody's job, I was just dissing that specific girl for being the kind of person who tries to put down people who used to be exactly like her. I added the stuff about her not exactly being a successful millionaire to make the point that she can't really claim to be higher in social status than me, and therefore, I have no idea where her sense of superiority comes from. It's just her trying to make herself feel better by putting me down - like the girl who used to strip and now disses the OP.

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    Default Re: Girls who are ashamed to be strippers

    I am neither ashamed nor proud to have been a dancer, it's something I did to make a living. I think women who brag about it likely do have mental issues, but just mentioning one did it to me is different. However, some of the clubs I danced at I was ashamed I worked at because I saw the lwest dregs in society and hated that I resorted to those clubs (and no, I don't mean I did extras).

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    Default Re: Girls who are ashamed to be strippers

    Quote Originally Posted by Kellydancer View Post
    I am neither ashamed nor proud to have been a dancer, it's something I did to make a living. I think women who brag about it likely do have mental issues, but just mentioning one did it to me is different. However, some of the clubs I danced at I was ashamed I worked at because I saw the lwest dregs in society and hated that I resorted to those clubs (and no, I don't mean I did extras).
    I don't really get why people get so caught up in judging others. I can understand if you don't feel tat way about the job but I don't see how anyone else liking and bragging about it would have to have mental issues. This job can pay $100,000 a year and provide an enviable level of freedom. I'm not seeing much that's not brag worthy. I guess it depends on whether you are happy with what you do at the club or not.
    “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.” - ECKHART TOLLE

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    Default Re: Girls who are ashamed to be strippers

    Quote Originally Posted by Aurora_Sunset View Post
    I wasn't necessarily making fun of her for working at Target...
    Anyway, that was a bit of threadjack - sorry. Just wanted to point out that I wasn't trying to diss anybody's job, I was just dissing that specific girl for being the kind of person who tries to put down people who used to be exactly like her. I added the stuff about her not exactly being a successful millionaire to make the point that she can't really claim to be higher in social status than me, and therefore, I have no idea where her sense of superiority comes from. It's just her trying to make herself feel better by putting me down - like the girl who used to strip and now disses the OP.
    I understood and agreed with u the 1st time I read ur post, don't worry. Actually, ur mention of target is what reminded me of the similarities b/t someone feeling ashamed and/or stigmatized by being "stuck" at a retail job as well as one might possibly feel bout a dancing job. As much as ur friend prolly doesn't want to admit it, I bet deep down she's embarrassed she can't do better money at her job...hence her always complaining about it.

    Another thing I just remembered. That girl I told u bout b4 who went from homeless to proud stripper to former stripper who sneered at stripping. Small world, turns out she got her taxes done each yr at a place where my good friend worked. I actually encountered her there one of those yrs so she knew I knew sone of the folks there. Well a yr or so after she quit dancing my friend who was doing her taxes asked her if she was still dancing, since she'd filed her taxes as a dancer the 2yrs prior which requires special tax stuff since dancers = self employed. She sniffed and said "thank GOD I don't have to do THAT anymore!" with a gayish wave of her hand then asked my friend in a quiet, rushed voice if she could not mention it ever again. Prolly acted that way partly becuz she knew the accountant never had to dance for a roof over her head, and becuz she knew the accountant knew ME who had cocktailed at the bar she danced at. Like she had something to prove to my friend and indirectly me too. This girl also had a weird habit of trashtalking homeless bums alot, calling them "retards" and "disgusting", and I never knew why til another dancer spilled to me, after the girl quit, the story of how she'd been homeless b4 dancing saved her butt. so now she was trying to stay more separated from her homess past than ever, and thought she could avoid any possibility of some1 suspecting she was or had been homeless if she constantly mocked the bums to those she felt inferior next to.

    Bottom line, If people have to brag or publically shun one way or another, it's prolly due to insecurity
    Last edited by kthnx; 06-26-2011 at 03:02 PM.

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    Default Re: Girls who are ashamed to be strippers

    Another thing, this for the op:

    Was ur friend ever actually happy or atleast having fun when she was a dancer? Also did she make good money?...or was she one of the "bottom feeders" who made <100 a shift but did it becuz it was low but the best she could do for herself at the time? I ask this becuz if she never really felt like she fit in (with the other dancers, or hustling, or the club atmosfere) then I could see why she'd be so happy to finally be able to move on from it (although that doesn't mean she should take it out in mean ways on u). Or mebbe she made less money than u when she danced, and therefore felt inferior to u the whole time u both worked together, so now feels like giving u outspend to finally make herself feel better or superior (still not right tho). But if she obviously had fun and made lotsa money when she danced, and is now denying any fun she had with it, then she's just rather hypocritical.

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